Chapter 18 Morning Delight
EIGHTEEN
MORNING DELIGHT
Krellix
I watch the first traces of dawn lift the shadows over her slumbering form, returning the color to her warm brown skin and black, tangled hair.
Sleeping on her front, her body draped over my tail, I comb her hair back where it rests on my lap, right above my half-engorged stem.
Leaning against a tree, I enjoy this quiet moment with her.
The flowers that had once bloomed throughout the grass patch around us have all been crushed from last night’s activities.
Little white petals stick to my scales and her skin.
It took half the night before pressure eased in my knot.
She took it all, even after I was able to safely slide it out of her, and when I did, despite the ache I am sure she felt, made me believe she was okay.
I soothed her back to sleep, not entirely believing her, and like last time, she dropped off in minutes.
She needs her rest. I can only imagine how hard it is being a human without the endurance or stamina of a naga. And after all that’s happened in the last few days, I know there has not been much time for proper sleep. I have also heard her stomach growling all morning.
Humans need six to eight hours a night. I do not think she has had more than half of that at any given time since our journey began.
Petting her hair softly, I want her to rest—need her to rest. The forest is a dangerous place and I need her at her best to remain vigilant.
Just because we have been lucky so far does not mean we will remain so.
It is not easy trekking across the land with humans, especially with multiple in tow, and with the younger female so hurt, the amount of attention I need to give my surroundings has been compromised.
I sigh. Now that the night is almost over, rational thought has returned. And I try not to let it get to me.
Brushing back Julia’s hair, combing parts of it with my fingers, I watch the light chase the remaining shadows off her face. She has not moved once since falling asleep and I have done what I can to ensure she slumbers on.
Morning will come soon enough… we will have to wake the others, feed them, and leave.
Until then, every moment is precious.
Seeing her like this, lying on and within the coils of my tail like she belongs there, how easy she is to hold and embrace, to lean down and nuzzle, I realize how much time I have wasted when I could have had this sooner.
I push those thoughts out. It is not feasible to consider it. I knew then as I know now that I cannot keep her.
I trace the outline of her full pinkish-brown lips, wishing I was at an angle to kiss them, half-obsessed with the way they felt gliding across my skin.
Her hand swats mine away and I smile. “Krellix, you’re tickling me.”
When she resettles with a hmph, I caress her lips again.
Her hand swats mine once more, and as my smile widens, she groans, rubs the back of her hand across her mouth and stretches over me.
One knee bends while the other leg stretches outward.
Her other arm is pulled between me and where her chest rests on me, pushing against my tail.
She lifts her head as she moves her hand from her lips to rub her eyes.
Upon seeing me smiling down at her, she stiffens.
The lines between her eyes furrow as she squints and she inhales long and hard, straightening out her features. Pushing higher up, the arm between us drops to her breasts.
She winces upon straddling me and lets out a small groan. “Ouch, I ache.”
I frown. “Are you okay?” I checked earlier if she had been wounded and had not seen or felt anything.
“I’ll live,” she groans again, already climbing off of me and looking around for her clothes. “We should get back to the others.”
Coiling my lower tail up her leg, I snare her before she is able to dress. “They are sleeping.”
She pauses and peers back at me. “You already checked?”
“I can hear them shift in their sleep. They have not roused. We are not as far away as you think we are.”
“Ugh. I hope we were quiet enough then.” When she’s unable to pull her leg free, she pushes at my tail with her hands. “Can you let me go now so I can get dressed?”
“No.” I ring the rest of my tail around her middle and pull her into my arms. “We are not yet done. It is barely dawn. The sun hassss not crested.”
She grabs onto me to keep her balance but remains stiff in my embrace.
Without meeting my eyes, she pointedly looks everywhere except at me, half-pushing away.
“Yeah but the night is over and we’ve already been here too long.
.. We need to get moving as soon as we can, and I need to check to see how Olivia is doing. ”
“Look at me,” I order, pushing back her hair and cupping her face.
Her eyes drift to mine and I can read the unease and stress within them.
I give her another smile, doing my best to ease some of her worries.
She sighs, tensing even further. “Do not catch feelings, Krellix. It will make my leaving harder for you.”
“I am not catching feelings. I do not know how that is even possible.”
She watches me suspiciously. “Then why are you smiling at me like that?”
“I am amused. You amuse me.”
A burst of laughter escapes from her mouth, drawing my gaze back to her soft lips. “Is that so? I amuse you now?” Her lips twitch upward between words. “I suppose that’s better than hatred or indifference.”
My smile drops. “I have never hated you.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She moves to climb off me again.
Clasping my hand around the back of her neck, I deny her escape.
“Not once have I felt hatred towards you. Anger, yessss, at some of the risks you take, but hatred?” I search her face, intent on making myself clear.
“Hatred is for those who have taken from me, dear female, those who think they are entitled to what does not belong to them. I could never hate you.”
“By them you mean the people—the soldiers—who’ve taken your home and family. But I was a soldier and might be so again. Last night does not change that.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “There is honor fighting for the lives of others.”
“Julia,” I warn, some of the teasing vanishing from my voice. I know where she is going with this.
Today could be our last day together… As the thought hits, the rest of my mirth goes with it.
“I’m not going to change for you, Krellix.
” Her face softens with a gentle laugh, taking me by surprise.
“Nothing is going to change if it’s not fought for.
Pretending otherwise… Look, maybe you don’t hate me.
Gemma, Daisy, and Shelby were among those who took your home and I know you do not blame them and while they have renounced their former occupations, I just can’t, not yet…
not right now, at least. If The Dreadnaut is really gone, people are going to need assistance.
I’ve been here for some time, I’ve learned things that could help others. ”
“Why?” I hiss, trying hard to keep my frustration at bay. “Why do you want to rejoin them when, for the past year, they have been our enemy? You can help them without becoming one of them again.”
“I’m not necessarily going to become one of them again,” she snaps, pulling my hands off her.
“Damn it, Krellix—” she lowers her face into her palms and rubs it “—I can’t survive out here alone.
So where else am I going to go? Try to understand, I don’t know anything else. If I’m not a soldier, then what am I?”
I do try and understand, biting back my irritation as I take in the sudden droop of her shoulders or the haunted look in her eyes when she removes her hands. Wherever this is coming from, I can only guess.
“I’m not here to be your enemy. I’m here because of bad fucking luck. Or good luck, depending on the way you look at it… But it’s not that simple.”
“It is simple enough for me. Choose a different path.” She has more options than she realizes. She was good with Daisy’s young, and that is just the beginning of her skills.
Her face falls, her eyes drop, going distant as they become unfocused. Her lips part but she does not respond, instead falling silent.
Seeing her this way does something to me, filling my chest with uncomfortable pressure. It is one thing to fight with Julia, it is something else entirely when that fight makes her sad.
Until now, I have never seen such hurt encompassing her eyes, or the quiet, unnerving melancholy in the way her glazed, unfocused gaze stares through my chest like she is stressed by the decisions ahead.
I do not like it. I do not know how to handle it. I do not know if I can save her from them without putting her in further danger.
“Let us go back to the others,” I say, lowering my voice. “If that is what you want to do.”
She closes her eyes and shakes her head. When her eyes reopen the majority of the sadness is gone from them. She opens her mouth as if to speak but the words never leave her. Instead, as she peers up at me, her lips flatten and her steely countenance returns with a single nod.
And in the quiet first minutes of dawn, I watch as she redresses, dons her mask, ties back her hair, and checks her weapons. When she is done and re-faces me, I point in the direction the others are in.
We stare at each other for a long moment, neither one of us willing to speak, fearing it.
Then she turns and walks away.