Chapter Thirty-Six
Following Paul’s directions, Hal headed down the second drive he discovered he was heading back down to the sea. According to Paul, Lady Patricia didn’t live at Kensey itself, but had chosen to stay in one of the estate’s smaller properties. As the car cleared the rhododendron bushes, he saw a whitewashed house sitting above a small cove and Paddy’s car sitting behind it. Parking alongside, he opened his door. Classical music was pouring out of the house; Wagner was currently stirring the warm summer air. Heading towards the door he doubted anyone would hear him but he was transfixed by the beautiful cove. It was cut off from Tregiskey Beach by a large protuberance of rocks and gave the occupants of this house total privacy. Looking out to sea Hal was again reminded of how beautiful Cornwall was. The hot August sun shone down and the sea sparkled. Why would anyone want to live anywhere else?
The low walls and porch of the cottage were lined in cockleshells and Hal spotted a bucket of small shells beside the door. Clearly someone was collecting material for repairs. His mind started to drift, wondering about what sort of plaster he would use, to fix them to the walls and shook his head. He wasn’t here to play arts and crafts. He walked out onto the terrace overlooking the sea. For a second he thought he had spotted a seal and then he saw it was a swimmer coming into the cove from the right-hand side. As they got closer, Hal saw it was Paddy and then noticed that there was a towelling robe folded over one of the wooden chairs by the lower terrace. There was a small ladder on the edge leading down into the water and she seemed to be making her way towards that. Hal waved and held up her dressing gown. Siegfried sang out and the gulls replied until Paddy was at the base of the ladder looking up at Hal. She pushed her long hair back off her face and he watched the sea water forming little beads on the tips of her eyelashes. Her freckles were still visible despite her lightly tanned skinned and he couldn’t remember her looking more beautiful.
‘Hello.’ She appeared to have lost her earlier fury. Maybe she liked to swim it out? Leaning over he asked if she needed a hand. He could sense a hesitancy and chided himself. She might be self-conscious, he was after all, fully clothed.
‘I’m sorry. Shall I wait by the house?’
‘No, but you are in the way and I’m not as graceful getting up these steps as I was.’
Hal stepped back but couldn’t resist staying close in case she slipped. As she pulled herself out of the water Hal could clearly see her pregnant frame for the first time. She had obviously decided a bikini was easier to swim in than a costume but he wondered if she wasn’t cold? Maybe the baby was cold. The mother of his child, and his child might be cold whilst he stood just gazing at her. The thoughts rushed through his head and he stepped forward to quickly wrap the gown around her.
‘Am I that awful to look at?’ Her tone was light but her voice trembled. Hal decided she must be cold. It couldn’t be doubt; she looked like a goddess rising out of the sea.
‘You look amazing. I just thought you might be a bit chilly. Don’t you wear a wetsuit?’
‘Pregnancy wetsuits? They barely make women’s wetsuits, let alone for women that decide to go super lumpy. Anyway, neoprene is not the easiest thing to get in and out of at the best of times.’ She grinned. ‘Once I had to do a photoshoot wearing a neoprene bodysuit for Tim Walker. It took as long to get in and out of it as it did to actually shoot the damn thing. Me and the other girls were practically fainting by the end of it, and covered in axle grease. Glamorous life hey?’
A breeze picked up and now she did give a little shiver. ‘Come on, let’s go and tell Siegfried to pipe down.’
‘Yes, I was going to ask. What’s with the music?’
Paddy laughed and explained it was just a little treat to herself. ‘The cove amplifies the music and I love being serenaded by a full opera as I swim out to sea. Plus the seals seem to like it.’
Hal raised his eyebrow.
‘There’s often some seals along the next cove so I tend to sing to them. Don’t ask me why. Probably because it doesn’t seem to cause them pain and I like an audience. Even if I am rubbish.’
Opening the patio door she invited Hal to come in, and flicking on the kettle she excused herself to go and change.
Hal could smell bleach and vomit and felt a wave of regret stab at him. Was she still throwing up. And had to clean it up on her own? This wasn’t the life he wanted for her and yet it was him that was causing this. Hal could see some instant hot chocolate by the kettle; this was clearly a bit of a routine for her. Opening the fridge he found some milk and decided to make her a proper hot chocolate and began to heat it up on the pan. There was also a bar of chocolate in the fridge so he broke off a cube and placed it in the bottom of the mug.
By the time she returned he was pouring her a rich warm cup of hot chocolate. She was wrapped up in a huge dressing gown, with her hair wrapped up in a white towel. She was watching him carefully and Hal was uncertain to proceed. He knew pregnancy caused horrible mood swings but he was anxious not to return to her screaming at him again. No matter how much he deserved it.
‘I couldn’t find any squirty cream.’
‘That’s because I would eat an entire cannister in one sitting, so no squirty cream for me! It’s bad enough that I have chocolate in the house but I am currently craving Virgin Marys, chocolate, Yorkshire puddings, and chips dipped in strawberry yogurt. By the end of this I will have to change my CV to plus-size model.’
She gently settled herself into a big armchair, and sipped on her drink as Hal passed it to her.
‘Oh that’s good,’ she sighed. ‘Sorry, every day seems to be a new adjustment to my shape. Just when I think I’ve got the measure of my new body, it changes again.’
Hal was desperately trying to respect her wishes in doing this alone but he was so curious and wanted so much to be involved. ‘Does it hurt?’
Paddy took another sip and considered his question.
‘Yes and no. I’m tired a lot. Like, fall over sleepy. And heels have become difficult to walk in, my back twinges all the time. And I’m not even big yet! God knows what that will be like. In fact the only time I feel good is when I’m swimming. I’m sorry,’ she paused. ‘I’m babbling on and I haven’t even asked why you’re here. I suppose it’s because I started screaming at you earlier. Sorry about that, my mood swings are also off the chart at the moment. Plus, I really mishandled the meeting at the pub and I was looking to blame someone else.’
As she talked, Hal watched her curl up in the sofa; her feet were tucked up under her and a strand of red hair had escaped from the confines of her towel wrap. A wide smile played across her freckled face as she explained her newfound tribulations. He wanted to go and run her a bath, read to her, ask her her opinions on the crossword puzzle, discuss plans for the weekend, decide which school to send their child to, pick a holiday, take their grandchildren to the zoos. Mostly though, right now, he wanted to hear her sing. He couldn’t imagine her doing anything badly.
‘Penny for them?’
‘I was wondering how bad you sound when you sing?’
She laughed and Hal’s heart surged. He couldn’t imagine a greater past-time than making Paddy happy.
‘Woeful. I couldn’t even carry a tune if you gave me a bucket to put it in. At school I was always in charge of handing out the leaflets and putting the chairs away.’
‘I find that very hard to believe.’
‘Well, I’m not about to sing for you. If you want to hear how badly I sing you’ll have to swim to the seals with me.’ The thought gave Paddy a tremendous warmth and then she remembered she was flirting with a married man. Technically her husband. But still. She scowled, hurt afresh. Her eyes flicked guiltily to the envelope on the mantelpiece that silently mocked her. She refused to open it. If it were divorce papers, she would sign them when she felt up to it. If it was anything else she didn’t want to know.
‘So, why are you here?’
For a minute, Hal had been prepared to swim right then and there, but her face clouded over and the warmth of the room evaporated.
‘You said earlier you hated it here and wanted to go home.’
Her mood changed again, this time from angry to sad. Nice going, thought Hal. Now who was upsetting pregnant women?
‘Yes. I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a businesswoman. I hate conflict. I know I overreacted earlier. But I honestly hadn’t anticipated that people wouldn’t like my idea. I didn’t have any answers to any of their concerns and I just didn’t know how to speak to them to reassure them. I ruined everything. I think I’m going to have to tell Ari I failed.’
Hal recoiled. He knew she must be lonely here, on her own, without her sisters, but he couldn’t imagine her moving back to Norfolk. Each time she had said she wouldn’t stay he felt panicky.
‘Don’t do that. You’re just tired. Look it’s a great idea and any trouble you had with the village was completely my fault, not yours. And, hopefully I fixed that.’ And he went on to tell her about his meeting.
By the time he had finished explaining Paddy felt a whole lot better and thanking him she saw him to the door. Spending any length of time in his company hurt and left her feeling conflicted. She felt rude as she made her excuses but she was tired. At the porch he bent down and lifted up a shell.
‘New project?’
‘Yes! Although I can never find enough.’ Paddy was tempted to tell him about the Shell Grotto but then he’d want to see it and it was too small and intimate a space for her to share with him.
‘You should collect mussel shells as well. That way you can write this year’s date. Their long dark shells will stand out beautifully against the white cockle shells.’
Paddy smiled up at him. ‘That’s a brilliant idea. I’ve been imagining repairing the wall with Baby, now I can also add the year of their birth.’
‘Well, if you guys ever want a hand with that…’ Hal paused and looked out over the beach. How wonderful it would be to be digging in the sand with his child, Paddy beside them looking for shells. He remembered days at the beach with his mother, picking mussels and digging for clams and razorbills, then cooking them on the campfire. Sometimes they would even camp on the beach, waking first thing and running down to the sea shrieking as the cold water woke them up. His father was rarely with them, roughing it wasn’t something he enjoyed but his mother had loved it. ‘The sand between your toes and the wind in your hair, this is what makes you a Cornish boy, that and the vitamin sea.’ He would laugh as they rolled down sand dunes and explored rockpools. It was his mother who had taught him to swim and to make a campfire, sometimes after school she would pick him up and they would head to the beach for a barbecue and a swim. Only returning home as the dark fell.
‘…I said that would be lovely?’
Hal looked at Paddy in surprise. ‘Sorry, I was away with the fairies.’ He hoped Paddy hadn’t seen the longing in his face and he beat a quick retreat. She had made her feelings clear, he didn’t want to burden her with his desires.
After he had left, the sun had come out again and Paddy decided to sunbathe for a bit. The breeze had dropped and the air was warm and soft. Lying on the sunbed she looked out across the patio and to the sea below. The tide was falling and soon it would be a straight drop onto the rocks. She would have to install some sort of barrier along the patio wall. Glass panels would be perfect and would stop any determined toddler falling off; but would the glass survive a big storm? She began to think of various solutions and then paused. So, she was staying, was she? She had meant it earlier when she told Hal she would leave Cornwall and not return, but something, somewhere along the way had changed. She couldn’t pinpoint when it was but she realised that every image she had of her with Baby, they were somewhere in Cornwall.
She had adored seeing the change in Leo and William; they were so unfettered it was wonderful and they had clearly taken to country life with ease. In the city, they were constantly being shushed, not to shout, told to walk, told to always be less. The freedom and space to be little boys was bringing out the very best in them and she wanted the same for her little one. And yet every time she pictured it, she and Baby were here in Cornwall not Norfolk, and certainly not in London.
If she was honest, she knew the reason was Hal. Whenever he wasn’t around, she would kid herself that it was important that a child should have close access to their father. But as soon as she saw him again, she knew that that was only a tiny reason why she wanted to stay here. It was she who needed to be near Hal. Not just Baby. She knew that that was stupid and she was going to have to work on it; lusting after another woman’s husband was repugnant and she felt confident that eventually the attraction would fade; that her heart would stop beating so fast every time she saw him. That she would stop dreaming about him. But for now she would have to endure this bittersweet agony.
***
The next day Paddy got on the phone and began to swing a few things into action. Following some tips from Ari she began to put some ideas in motion to help the villagers. She then got in the car and headed down to the pub. As she drove down, she gave herself a pep talk. As Neil Gaiman said, he liked princesses who rescued themselves. Not that she had objected. In fact she rather loved having a prince to sweep in and save her, but she really did need to fix things herself if she was going to stay here.
Entering the bar she took a deep breath and saw two of the locals sitting at the bar talking to Paul. Calling out to them she went to pull a bar stool over, but Bill had already jumped up and got one for her.
It wasn’t the easiest manoeuvre and she was grateful for the fact that she wasn’t yet huge. There’d be no bar stool for her then. Ordering a glass of water she began to chat to the three men about the things she had been putting in place.
‘Now look, I know you have local councillors and people who do stuff to make sure all the services run properly, but I wonder if I can’t help with some things. I was chatting to Beryl last week who was complaining about the poor Wi-Fi signal down here. I agree, it’s horribly slow, so I’ve been calling around to see if we can’t get involved in the Cornwall Superfast Broadband roll out. We are exactly the sort of place that needs better communications. But I wondered what else I can help with. I’ve written a list but I bet there’s stuff I haven’t even thought of and I’d be grateful if you could get the word out around the village that I’d like to help.’
Bill picked up the list and was surprised to see a suggestion for a bus stop, and a feasibility study for an improved road scheme and new public loos. Practical ideas, not fancy London hare-brained schemes. He was about to speak and then thought better of it; he had won no favours with her the other day and his idea would do better coming from someone else. Like as not, she’d dismiss it out of hand if it came from him.
‘Yes?’ Paddy smiled at him. ‘Go on, what have I missed?’
He was flummoxed by her attention but decided he may as well spit it out and then be proved right. She wasn’t going to take on board anything he said.
‘Well, it’s just the other day, we were talking about a village defibrillator.’ Behind the bar, Paul nodded. ‘Pricey though.’
Paddy sipped her water. She didn’t like this man and she was just waiting for him to trip her up, but she was trying to do better at talking to challenging people. ‘So what’s a defibrillator? Why do we need it and how much is it?’
As the men started to explain how it worked, Paddy could see it was invaluable. In summer this road was a nightmare to get down and she could envisage an ambulance getting stuck. A portable community defibrillator could be an actual life saver to the villagers or the visitors.
Paddy said she would go home and investigate and then come back and consult with them. She also said she would have a look at the costs involved in adopting the public loos. They had been closed two seasons ago and Paul said it was hampering trade. Bill began to murmur there were enough people in the village as it was. Paul retorted that ‘we weren’t all retired’, some of them needed to make a living.
Spotting this was a sore point and one that would be revisited time and time again, she decided to head home and start putting some of these ideas into action. Besides which it turned out that whilst she could still get up on a bar stool, sitting on one for more than half an hour was torture. As she stepped down, she arched her body and placed her hands on the back of her hips. ‘My god, you men don’t know how lucky you are.’
Laughing she headed back into the sunlight. That had gone well. She reached for her phone to share the good news with Hal but stopped. As much as she wanted to share her good news with him, she needed to create as much distance as she could. He may be her child’s father but he was married to another woman and she needed to remember that. Sighing she focussed on the meeting instead and began to think of other things she could do to make everyone’s lives better.
***
Seeing Beryl sitting out on her bench she waved and headed over to pay her respects. By the time she got to the top she was grateful for the metal handrail. ‘Do you know, I thought I was fit but this is ridiculous, even this hill is killing me. Are Cornish mothers made of sterner stuff? How do you all manage the hills?’
‘Some of us were smart enough not to get pregnant, miss.’
‘Ah well, you have the truth of it there. I was not smart.’
Huffing, she plonked herself inelegantly down next to Beryl without waiting to be invited.
Beryl nodded and handed her an apple. ‘Can I get you some water?’ Nodding, Paddy closed her eyes and leant her head against the whitewashed wall. The sun warmed her eyelids and she listened to the laughing murmur of children on the beach and a radio gently playing Delibes from within the cottage.
‘Here you go then, although it seems a shame to disturb you. Your man was in the pub yesterday. Gave some a right dressing-down.’
Paddy breathed out deeply; she loved the idea. ‘He’s not my man,’ she said sadly.
‘Hmm. Don’t know as he knows that.’ Beryl didn’t know what was wrong with young people. Life was over so quickly, why did they waste time pussyfooting around?
‘Well, he isn’t.’ Paddy changed the conversation; she didn’t want to discuss her private life with anyone. Especially not someone she admired. ‘Anyway, I wanted to let you know I’m trying to get a better Wi-Fi signal in the village. I’m also going to turn the other three cottages here into holiday apartments and I want you to be involved in everything. Now, I know you’ve said you don’t have any objections but I want to know the minute you have any concerns. Plus, whatever refurbishments you want in your cottage you can have. New kitchen, new bathroom. Whatever. And if you see the builders doing something in the gardens and you think well, that’s nice, let me know and I’ll do the same for you. There.’
She had discussed her plans with Ari and Nick and both agreed it was an intelligent investment. These holiday cottages, done to the highest spec, would bring in solid income all year round. When she had mentioned Beryl, she was unsurprised that both sisters had agreed that the old lady should have anything she wanted.
Sighing she bit into her apple and looked out across the water. In the distance the sailing yachts were now sprinting back to shore. The women sat companionably until Paddy made to leave.
‘I could do with a new boiler. The old one had to be repaired three times last winter. It would be nice to have hot water as well as heating this year.’
Paddy looked appalled and promised she would get on it. If she achieved nothing else, she could get a boiler fixed. Maybe Hal knew a plumber?
‘Ugh.’ In annoyance she threw her apple core over the wall and out to sea.
‘Are you okay,’ asked Beryl in concern.
‘I’m fine. Just struggling to keep my thoughts under control. Ignore me. I shall arrange for the estate’s plumber to come and sort the boiler.’
With that established, Paddy said goodbye and walked back to the house. Cursing herself as a fool the entire way home.