Chapter 15 Collette
I’d gotten in the shower, trying to cool off from the excessive heat. If hot air could melt skin, he’d set it to accomplish that very thing.
When I came out, all the heat had vanished from the room. Unsure what game he was playing now. I fumbled for one of the large towels that had been on the rack and instead could only find a few small hand towels not much larger than a rag to dry off with.
“What have you done, now? You bastard.”
I had no qualms cursing at him, but I refrained from shaking my fist at him. He was listening and watching everything I said and did anyway. So he might as well know exactly how I felt about the newest conditions.
Darkness, I’d adjusted to. Heat, I’d dealt with. Freezing cold and being wet to boot weren’t what I’d signed up for. In fact, I didn’t think the contract covered this kind of torture.
The air conditioner appeared to be on full blast as I made my way over to the bed, knowing in my gut that the blankets would be gone.
That momentary spot of hope lingered until I felt the bed and realized not only had he taken the blankets from it, he’d stripped the sheets.
The very sheets I’d used to cover my naked body during dinner.
I should have seen this coming. He’d been pissed.
Just when he thought he’d had the upper hand, I bested him at his own game.
He hadn’t liked it that I had bested him, and now he was punishing me for challenging him. He wanted to be in control, and I’d taken that from him for a single moment.
Every hair on my body stood up as goosebumps flooded every pore of my body. My teeth started to chatter. In my head, I knew that he wouldn’t allow me to freeze to death, but it felt like he was trying to bring me to the brink of dying.
Once again, there wasn’t anything to do, so I curled up into the corner to simply wait for him to bring lunch. Food would help to warm me up and give me something to think about instead of how cold I was.
He was very good about bringing the food like clockwork, and we’d just finished breakfast. The possibility of only being cold for a few hours ran through my brain.
No, he would make this take longer. I had dared to find a solution that went against his plans. There was no telling what he could do when he was motivated enough for payback.
What could I do to earn back the privilege of blankets? I tapped my fingers on my knees as I thought everything through. I needed warmth. I’d done something to take it away. What would he consider to be reward worthy behavior?
Here I was ready to give in and do whatever he wanted to get warm. The slightest discomfort, and I’d be his willing slave. Evidently, I was going to learn all sorts of things about myself during this time as his assistant.
I would never have made it as a prisoner of war. Soldiers were held and tortured, but the ones holding them weren’t looking out for their wellbeing. They just wanted to torture for pleasure. Not unlike what he was doing to me.
Just as the thought crossed my mind. Mr. Holdt’s voice came over the intercom.
“Oh, my dear Collette, you are more than welcome to snuggle up to me for warmth. In fact, I rather recommend it. I’ll have a very warm body, and I would love to be the one to help you forget about the cold.”
“You thought that you were winning at that moment, but there are chilling consequences for such a small moment of triumph. I can’t and won’t let you get away with that kind of challenge to my authority… Just remember, you chose this.”
You chose this. I remarked along with him inside my head.
I’d grown accustomed to his taunting remarks. It was time to take back a little of my own power. I stuck out my tongue, knowing he’d be able to see it in the darkness.
Men like him never appreciated a strong spirited person. Anyone that went against their will would make them mad. I doubted that he’d been challenged by anyone once he started making money.
“That’ll be the day when hell freezes over,”
I muttered aloud then began to laugh at the thought that if hell froze over, it might feel something similar to this.
My body was not happy having gone from the extreme heat to the extreme cold. The drastic change in temperature wasn’t something that I could just tell my body to deal with.
Maybe I should take him up on his offer for warmth when he brought food next time. It beat the alternative of letting my teeth clatter against each other.
No, I wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t give in to his desires. That was exactly what he wanted me to do and I refused.
I shook my head as I waged a war with myself for even considering the idea of snuggling up in his warm arms. To have his body heat fuse into my cold skin.
They looked strong and would be a good place to feel safe for a short amount of time. To be held. I’d never been held before.
Right? I could snuggle up into the arms of a killer for safety and comfort, my brain screamed. It was like there were two sides of me inside.
One side wanted me to give in and just take something that I wanted. The other side didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Either way I would appear like I belonged in a Lifetime movie special.
Would it be so wrong to have just a little bit of human comfort in this darkness?
The fact that I would be able to be warm was just a side note. His conditions were outrageous. Nobody could live up to what he wanted.
Could there have been more between him and Andy than I’d thought? What if Mr. Holdt had tried to make him his assistant in the same manner?
Andy was straight as far as I knew, but if he’d been given enough money, he might have been willing to try anything.
With that thought, I jumped up and began to pace the length of the room. My attempts to get the blood pumping in my system would help me stay warm. I did a few jumping jacks. Let him get his kicks at my jiggly bits. Warmth was more important. I dropped and did a few push ups. Then walk around the room.
Every time I stopped, I realized he was conditioning me to want him. He was trying to make me give in to his need for power and control.
I’d already debased myself once for food. It hadn’t been that terrible after the fact, but I’d felt that I was giving up control. At this point, how much control did I really have about anything?
In the darkness there wasn’t much to see, but I looked around the room as if I was taking it in.
Rubbing my arms to help ward off the cold, I thought about my options.
Even though I’d grown used to asking him to feed me each meal, that was just for survival. Or so I told myself.
How was this any different? I was going to need to be warm.
Pissed off because I knew I’d have to give in to his demands eventually.
There was always a nice hot shower.
No, I’d leave that for when I was super desperate. Why waste it now? As soon as he realized what I was doing he probably would have the hot water shut off. I’ll need to wait for when my lips turned blue.
Ha, like I wasn’t already to that point. At least I had some form of plan.
What could he possibly gain from this type of torture?
It had to have been at least a couple of weeks since he’d brought me down here. He was still hanging around and in my thoughts constantly.
Once I was done with my mission, I was going to miss him. I was going to crave his care. He was able to bleed into my subconscious and make me crave him on a deeper level. Was this what it felt like for Stockholm syndrome or being brainwashed?
This wasn’t what I’d signed up for. I’d only meant to use him until I could get some evidence on my brother’s murder. Now, he was using me to gain my trust, confidence, and become completely his.
“No wonder you had to have new people come and go every year. No one woman would have been able to endure this kind of torture for longer than a year. Her body would have given out long after her heart had become broken,”
I muttered aloud. I seemed to no longer care if he heard me. I had to speak aloud to keep my hold on my sanity. My own thoughts were starting to torture me.
Could this be part of the research for his lab?
Maybe he was doing trials for the military to see how much the body could endure under these types of conditions.
I stood in the middle of the room and rotated my neck around and took deep breaths. Letting out long exhales. I practiced centerting myself, and calmed my mind. I had to stay strong so I could find out what happened to my brother.
All the thoughts of my brother were coming less and less as the days and hours went on. I worried that he would slip away from me. What I had left were my memories and my demand for justice.
My need for survival had begun to take first place in my mind again. It slowly stripped Andy from me. I couldn’t allow that to happen.
Focus on my mission needed to remain the main goal. I couldn’t let him push the need for justice away. It was too important that someone of his status be held accountable for his actions.
I wasn’t certain what he was capable of, but I was becoming more convinced that Ian Holdt was a multi-faceted man.
The elevator door opened, and I moved to the couch, gritting my teeth to keep them from chattering as I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, trying to keep warm.
Heat from his body brushed against me as I felt his gaze fasten on me.
The faint electrical hum from his night vision glasses made me blush because I knew that he’d noticed my almost naked attire.
My nipples were taunt little nubs sticking out of my bra. Such a guy move to get a live show without much effort. That might have been his complete reason for having the heater turned off.
Then again, he was pretty upfront about things of this nature. It didn’t feel that he would use these types of tactics just to see me cold.
He was very careful not to touch me as he took a seat next to me. The heat from his body practically danced across my skin, and I felt myself scooting toward him.
“No,”
I uttered aloud without meaning to. “Fuck.”
“Something wrong, Collette?”
“Not at all,”
I lied. “Just forgot something that I needed to make sure to remember.”
“Hmm, is there something I could do to help?”
His deep voice made me shiver, only this time it wasn’t from the cold.
“I’ve got it covered.”
“Really?”
His head tilted as if he were doubting the sincerity of my words. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes, I am. Would you please feed me?”
The words left a sour taste in my mouth.
My teeth ground together. I needed food to survive. I had to survive for Andy.
Unclenching my jaw as the first bite found its way unerringly to my mouth.
“When you’re ready for sex, I’ll start by taking a finger and running it down your skin until you’re begging for more. Your body will shiver under my touch. With that finger, I’ll shove it in your very wet, willing pussy. Using only one, I’ll begin to slowly fuck you in and out with it.”
My entire body went still. The need for heat gone as I focused on his words.
“Each stroke of my finger will bring you that much closer to the edge. I’ll curl it up just enough so that it reaches those sensitive points on the inside as you dig your nails into the bed, hoping for control.”
He leaned closer and the heat from his breath warmed the skin on my neck.
“But you’ll never gain it. I’ll always cause you to lose control.”
The words made my breath come in short gasps as I imagined him doing exactly that to me right there on the couch.
Heat filled my body in a new way: from the inside.
He was slowly roasting me alive. Stoking the fires of my inner core, as I hoped that he would just touch me. Make it all feel better, real.
Abruptly, he stopped describing the situation and stood.
“Remember, you chose this.”
His words mocked me as he walked away.
The light from the elevator hit my eyes, and I curled deeper into the couch. As the doors shut, I realized I was alone, once again.
Sometimes the light was there and other times it was gone. It depended on how much he felt the need for stealth.
I could always tell when the doors opened from the sound. It was how my clothes, towels, and sheets had all disappeared. He wasn’t alone when he came down.
Rossi must have been a stealth ninja because the only scent I ever noticed was Mr. Holdt’s.
Hours passed. or maybe it was only minutes, when the intercom crackled to life.
“As a reward for your good behavior during the meal, I’ll be turning on the heat for when you sleep. If you continue to please me, there will be opportunities to be rewarded in other ways.”
I wanted to scream, yell, and curse at him. Instead, I simply curled my hands into fist, knowing that the nails were biting into my skin almost to the point of drawing blood.
He’d just told me I’ve been good enough to deserve a reward. I needed the heat so I couldn’t risk angering him. I had to think about survival instead of giving in to my desires.