Chapter 36 Ian
At this point, I couldn’t hide behind my wall anymore. I had to tell her who I was to Andrew.
No matter what she may or may not think of me, she deserved an answer to the questions that she had asked.
I walked back into the room and the door slammed against the wall more violently than I intended.
“Andrew was my best friend, and I got him killed.”
Her gasp let me know that I’d done the right thing in telling her. I moved next to her and gently started releasing her from the restraints.
“Both of his parents died, and without any other living relatives, they sent him into foster care. I was his best friend growing up. We’d lost touch until just a year ago when Andrew showed up asking for my help.”
I brushed back a lock of her hair before I removed another set of cuffs.
“His girlfriend was pregnant, but her ultra prejudiced and controlling father was furious that she’d met a man who was unworthy of her. He took her back to Ireland, where he assumed that Andrew wouldn’t follow.”
“When Andrew hadn’t heard from her after multiple attempts to reach her, that’s when he came to me for help. He didn’t want his kid to grow up without him. He loved her and the situation wasn’t such that they could be out in the open because her father would have found her sooner.”
I sighed, stepping back a pace. Colette naked was a gorgeous sight, even if we needed to try to fix matters between us. “Her father was always going to be able to find her, no matter where they went to hide.”
“I promised him that I’d use my contacts to try and find her location through back channels. Then I’d send him to Ireland with a guard and enough money to get his kid and run away. There had been a plan in place to help them escape. There was supposed to be a check-in call after he got there. Only there wasn’t one.”
“That was when I sent Rossi over there after twenty-four hours of not hearing from him and found out Andrew was dead. Both he and the guard I’d had accompanying him were dead.”
I paused. I hoped she hadn’t seen the crime scene photos. Neither Andy or his guard had died quickly or easily.
“Her father is a mob boss. He’s gone underground, taking his daughter and the baby with him. I’ve been looking for them ever since it happened last year.”
Collette stared at me with wide eyes. Her breathing was haggard She reached over and grabbed her shirt, pulling it on. Her eyes pooled with tears, but not a single one fell.
“Well, that explains a lot.”
Collette pulled her skirt on. “Your need for an assistant to get all that energy and frustration out on must have been urgent. You didn’t have any other outlets to work out all of your anger on.”
Surprise flooded me. After all the games, that was the first thing that came out. It was about me and my needs.
“However,”
she continued, “we need to set some boundaries. And I’m honestly not sure if I’m going to say. But if you’re willing to pursue Andy’s killer, I’ll join you.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, especially when I was still raw from her lack of trust and loyalty. Still, I chose my words with care.
“You’re not wrong about my state of mind. I needed to have someone to take the edge off and dominate them. For me to be able to control a situation is the only way I can cope with events beyond my personal control. That can normally be achieved only when I have a contract with an assistant who allows me to dominate her. Then you walked into my elevator and asked for a job, but wouldn’t submit.”
All those emotions that I’d been holding in for so long came bubbling out, and I could feel myself shake as I fought the whirlwind of emotions inside me. Tears wanted loose, and I would not let them fall. When I’d let down the walls enough to talk about my grief from Andrew’s death, everything else came bubbling up. I’d been carrying some of these things for years and could only barely contain them.
Surprise made me pause when I felt her fingertips on my cheek.
“Andy meant something to both of us, and we need a chance to grieve. We’re going after the people that did this to him, which will help too.”
Her voice sounded much stronger than anything I could have mustered right then.
Unsure of what to do, I covered har hand with my own in a rare moment of vulnerability. “Can you ever forgive me for how I’ve treated you?”
“Forgive, I don’t know. Forget? Probably not right away, maybe not ever.”
She pulled back and looked me square in the eye. “You’ve done a lot that is hard to swallow. After we talk about boundaries and real safe words, we might be able to start over. I honestly don’t know. I think that should wait until after we find Andy’s killers, honestly, so if we come together, it’s for ourselves.”
I looked at her. “We also need to talk about loyalty and deception.”
“Yes, we do.”
She smiled, but it was sad. “Let’s put together a plan for how to avenge Andy’s death and rescue his girlfriend, Heather, and the baby. I want my nephew to be safe. I won’t stop.”
“You did read the file.”
I raised an eyebrow at her.
“Well, not all of it. I scanned it, but I didn’t get to the end.”
Colette stepped back. I missed the warmth of her hand.
“Hm.”
I spoke carefully again. “I need to know more about your story. I’m guessing that my suspicion about you being here for industrial espionage are off base.”
She nodded. “Correct.”
“Dang it. I was so certain.”
I gestured toward the glass. “The way you resisted manipulation was impressive.”
“That comes from childhood trauma. Andy actually helped me heal from some of that, but old habits tend to kick in immediately.”
Collette moved away over the chair and desk. “Survival.”
“Surviving, not thriving?”
“Thriving would be nice, but mostly I want to live. It may not be the best life or the life that everyone else dreams about, but it will be my best life. It’s mine. The only one I’ll ever have.”
A glint of the stony determination I’d seen while we were together gleamed in her eyes.
“I’m not saying you’re lying, but I don’t remember Andrew having a sister.”
She sighed and pulled her legs up with an arm wrapped around them in a protective pose. A sad smile played over her lips.
“He was my brother in every sense that I could imagine. Foster care makes strange pairings of siblings. When I found him at the Baker’s house, he was a breath of fresh air. No one else had been trustworthy until that point.”
She smiled at the memory. “That first night, he promised to stay with me and keep me safe. He sat right outside my door all night so that no one would come in.”
“That is some connection that the two of you had.”
I couldn’t believe Andy never told me about the sister he gained. I would’ve welcomed her just like I did with him when I found him again.
“We went through a lot together. During those years in junior high and high school, Andy was my protector. He was also my best friend.”
She blinked hard. “He never mentioned you to me either. When the special agent spoke to me after she saw the video, she was certain that you were responsible for other acts just as reprehensible. She said you’d been suspected of contacts within various criminal organizations.
“Did you say special agent?”
I shot her a look of disbelief. “Is her name Ingrid Bench?”
I couldn’t believe that the same mousy woman that I’d talked to about his death had managed to get Collette undercover and into my organization so easily.
“Yes, Special Agent Bench. Why?”
Collette cast a suspicious look in my direction. “What’s she got to do with it? I came here on my own. She had no idea that I would be hired or what I was going to do. Gaining entrance into your company was entirely my idea and I should take all blame. You don’t have a leak, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Collette sighed, and wrapped her arms around her torso tighter. A vulnerable position that I didn’t see her do too often.
“When I saw the video, I took off coming inside to confront you and heard that you were looking for an assistant. That was when I swallowed my anger and took the job. I thought it would give me the edge into your organization and I’d be able to get the evidence to convict you. It wasn’t really my plan to spy or gain information on your business, but I needed to know if you’d killed my brother. I was desperate for anything. Then after we’d…connected, I needed to know even more.”
Even after everything, she still cared for me. Her loyalty to me in the face of possibly murdering her brother was absolutely amazing. No matter what happened in the future, good faith and loyalty of this magnitude were hard to come by. I needed to stop taking it for granted and reward her efforts instead.
“Thank you for protecting me in that way. I’ll still have Rossi make sure that we’re secure, but it does ease my mind some. You were a risk because there wasn’t much information available on you due to your younger years. I was drawn to you and wanted to make that sassy attitude submit to me.”
I met her eyes, my tone utterly sincere. “I still do.”
Her face lightened. “You need to find a completely different method for that if I stay. Growing up, food being withdrawn and being tossed into the dark for hours or days without a way to get out was normal with the bad families. Feeling like a prisoner of war was just a normal day in the life in those places.”
“Sure, there were homes that were normal, and the kids went to school without these kinds of punishments. But sometimes foster kids are at the bottom of the barrel and the chances of getting put into a good home that has food, love, and care, is less than the social workers say it is. Some of us that come out of the system do our best to look normal. Really, though, what do the two of us know about normal?”
I leaned back and sighed. What did anybody know about being normal? Normal was an illusion that society tried to cast out amongst the masses.
If I wanted her to submit, I should try gifts, lots of food, and freedom of sorts. Not throwing her into the dark and tormenting her. Even if it was hot. After we found Andrew’s killers, I’d give it a try.
Though I wanted her loyalty to be all to me. It was foolish to be jealous of her devotion to her brother, but a small part of me was.
Andrew’s death emphasized that life was fleeting. I’d take what time I could get.
“Be my partner. Help me avenge your brother and my friend. If you can’t forgive me forever, at least let us be allies until we’ve finished taking down the men responsible for his death.”
She crossed her arms and gave me an appraising look. “Truce. For the moment. I’m ready for a shower and a night in a bed alone. I’m sore. Tomorrow we can make a plan to go to Ireland and catch us a killer.”