33. Chapter 32 Soren
I’m miserable. Everything I loved in life is gone. I thought when I moved back home that I would be content looking after my mother, but I can’t stop thinking about Soren. He made me enjoy life in a way I wasn’t previously.
I feel ashamed to admit that I still harbor a lot of anger toward my brother. I wish he would have come to me for help with his addiction. I wish I wasn’t mad at him for getting himself killed.
“Go talk to Soren.” My mother’s soft voice comes from behind me and she places her hand on my shoulder.
I sigh, looking back at her and forcing a smile. “Are you hungry?”
She shakes her head, disappointment evident on her face. “You need to stop, Ginevra.”
“Stop what?” I ask, confused at her scolding tone.
“Hiding in this house and using me as your excuse.”
My mouth opens. “That is not what I am doing!”
My mother’s brow rises and her head tilts. “Yes, it is. I love you, darling, and I want to see you happy. I’m just worried about you. The only time I’ve ever seen you actually living your life and happy is when you’re with Soren.”
“He’s not the man you think he is, Mother.”
“He’s not kind, generous and incredibly sweet on you?” Her tone softens and she places a hand on my arm.
“That’s not what I mean.” I groan.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but whenever someone gets close to you, you sabotage your relationship.”
“I do no such thing,” I say, insulted.
“No? Why have you had five paralegal jobs?”
“I was striving for the one I had.”
“It’s not because people started to get close to you, you started to make friends, and then suddenly needed something bigger and better? What’s the reason you’re giving yourself for staying away from Soren?”
I’m so fed up with my mother never taking my side. “If you must know, Soren killed Jude because he was going to pull him down with his drug addict ways. That’s the man I married. Are you happy?” I choke back a sob, trying to keep my tears at bay.
My mother wraps her arms around me in a hug. I don’t remember the last time she held me. “Did you ask him about it?”
“He’s the reason we buried Jude.”
My mother puts her hand on mine and I can’t help but notice she’s starting to get some color back into her skin, and she’s been moving around the house more. “Darling. Jude has been a troubled soul for most of his life. Soren was the one keeping him on the right path until he couldn’t anymore. He did as much as he could for his best friend.”
I sniffle, pushing back the tears that threaten to fall. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” I sob and my mother embraces me.
She rubs my back in slow circles. “Let it all out. It’s not good to bottle everything up.”
I cry harder. “Soren must hate me right now. All I have done is push him away.”
“Darling, that man is so head-over-heels in love with you. I don’t think that’s possible.”