Chapter 12
Cahir
As Cahir and Seda headed out of the apartment to look for Benny and Sara, he continued to scold himself.
He knew Seda struggled with painful memories.
She didn’t tell him the specifics, but he wished he knew who the fuckers were who did it so he could rip their faces apart, literally, and feast upon their agony.
But all he had were vague descriptions of them.
He always respected her boundaries, only coming close when the situation was right, and never in that way.
He believed she was beautiful both inside and out, and he could see the real her beneath her veil of shadows.
She was like the first glimpse of sunlight after a dark storm.
Her kindness brought out the best in him, helping him become a better man.
He fought with himself countless times to keep his reactions in check. But that didn’t stop him from catching himself watching her from behind and admiring her rounded hips, her thick thighs, or the way her loose tops would shape against her when the wind picked up just right.
He would spend the rest of his long life like this, only as close as she wanted and needed, being her friend forever.
He was thankful for the ability to take cold showers most days.
Lately, it had been getting harder for him to keep his emotions in check. Maybe it was due to those damn letters from the Wisps, constantly reminding him of the time he had left.
Uncertainty consumed him, and he just wanted to take Seda and head back to his home, fuck the consequences, and leave this awful place behind.
Seda had no idea who or what he really was.
He was under a strict agreement not to reveal anything.
The bargain he’d made with the Wisps made it binding; his desire to come to her was their payment.
Cahir was also not allowed to lie to Seda.
Navigating his backstory to her was a never-ending challenge.
She knew that he was an orphan and that he had no family within the dome, all true, but all falsified truths as well.
He dreaded the day she found out the truth about him, knowing it would crush the trust he’d worked so hard to build with her. Now that he had it, it felt like he was grasping at water and watching it slip away drop by drop.
They walked past a shouting crowd and paused, watching as the crowd grew larger with more people joining the chaos. Seda and Cahir pushed through to the center and saw a Rozzer beaten by a group of men.
“Let’s get out of here.” He quickly grabbed her hand, guiding them back through the crowd and as far away as possible.
Sirens blared in the area, and Rozzers flooded in, striking people with batons and dragging bodies away.
The crowd began fighting back fiercely.
“I-I don’t like this, Cahir. Citizens of Joro don’t act like this.” She nervously bit her nails. They continued their walk to Benny and Sara’s house. Cahir looked at her concerned expression, and worry swept through his heart.
We need to get out of here. What if I just stole her away and explained later? Would she forgive me?
They walked a few more blocks to another apartment complex and went in through the front door. They found apartment nine, knocked on the door, and waited for them to answer. Light footsteps approached, and the door cracked open. Sara peeked out from the crack.
“Oh, Seda and Cahir! You’re back!” she exclaimed, pushing the door open wider. “Come in. Come in.”
As they walked through, Seda paused at the entrance and said her prayer.
Cahir refused to fake-pray to that hideous man any longer. He walked past her into the living room. He was over this entire charade. He didn’t have much time left, and his fake show of loyalty was wearing thin.
“I’m so happy to see you back, Cahir. We were so worried about you. Were you able to find out about Jason?” Sara asked as she anxiously fiddled with her shirt sleeve.
For the second time, Cahir went over the story he was allowed to share, this time with Sara.
Sara wiped her eyes with the ends of her shirt. “I was worried he would already be there,” she responded.
“Where is Benny?” Seda asked.
“He went out earlier to grab some food,” Sara said, trying to compose herself and wipe away her tears again as she straightened.
“We saw a mob on our way here fighting with Rozzers. I really hope Benny didn’t get caught up in that,” Seda said.
“A mob?” Sara paused and shook her head. “No… no… your brother knows better than to get involved with things like that.”
The door opened and Benny walked in, carrying a small paper bag.
“Cahir! You’re back! Have you heard about Dad?” he exclaimed as he walked to a table and set the bag down, turning to him and giving him a big bear hug.
Cahir explained the events another time, allowing the information to flow through him and the others to absorb. All listened with rapt attention, even if this was the third time Seda heard it. He made sure to recite the same story each time to avoid causing any confusion.
He did not want Seda to pick up on any inaccuracies and question further, and she would, too. The little butterfly was too bright for her own good.
“There really is not much we can do at this point,” Sara said. “I don’t know who we can talk to, or where to go to find answers.”
“I refuse to believe that,” Benny said. “Father was important here in Joro. He made the most significant advancements in our city’s food supply. His absence will make this whole situation even worse.”
Cahir looked over at Benny, noticing for the first time that he had a marking on his wrist, inked in black, which had the tail of something.
Benny noticed Cahir looking and pulled his sleeve down and shook his head, pleading with him not to mention it.
Cahir didn’t care if Benny went to the Barrio black markets and got a tattoo. Cahir had plenty of them marking his Fae form.
Why would he be ashamed?
Cahir and Seda left their apartment and headed to the Medical Wing for her insemination. As they waited in the lobby, Cahir saw Seda biting her nails again, clearly worried about her father and anxious about the failed conceptions.
He knew that she longed so deeply to get pregnant and feel secure.
I wish I could help.
“Things are going to work out, Sed. I know a lot has happened over the last few days, but I will do everything I can to stay by your side, no matter the consequences,” he said to her. “Maybe after we leave here, we could go to Cascade and find some honey cakes? I have some money saved up.”
Seda perked up. Honey cakes were her favorite. They were the one thing that bridged the gap between her reluctance to befriend him. He had woken up extra early each day when they first met to go to Cascade and find them for her.
She pulled her fingers out of her mouth and smiled, causing his heart to skip a beat. His gaze settled on her full lips, and he glanced away quickly, feeling his desire surge.
“Cahir Cutlass,” a short, burly woman called for him from the front desk. “Your room is ready for you.”
He stood and followed the woman into a small, overly lit, sterile room, where he sat in a chair. He looked to his side and saw the picture books available for the process.
Being in this room made him feel a sense of disgust. He hated this place with its sterile smell, the used images on the table for the men, and the bright, fluorescent lights.
The woman swiped her card on the computer and entered his name into the system. “Your container.” She handed him a sealed tube and then left the room, the door clicking shut behind her.
He got up and locked the door, resting his hand on the lock and his forehead against the cool metal of the door.
He really shouldn’t do this. He shouldn’t trap Seda into pregnancy when he’s bound to secrecy and she’s living in this hellhole.
He weighed the pros and cons of each, the same ones he’d always grappled with whenever he stepped into this miserable place.
Pros: Seda would be safe from the next Wyrd.
Cons: Seda would never speak to him again once she had a baby and discovered who he truly was.
She would be tied to Joro even more than she already is.
The baby could come out with Fae qualities.
And most importantly, she deserved to have a baby on her own terms, with honesty and love, and a home where safety isn’t a concern.
Unease wrapped around him. If he didn’t do it and Seda found out he was doing this each time he went, she would be furious, but all this worry and stress over these fucking Wyrds could be avoided.
His mind wandered back to them lying in bed together and how her soft body felt pressed against him, how he desperately needed to release the built-up tension from earlier, and all the times before.
That was the closest they had ever been, and he couldn’t suppress his desire for her.
He thought about how he longed to touch her in ways she deserved to be touched, to make her feel relaxed and loved, to show her how much she meant to him.
His mind drifted to how her body fit perfectly against his, the soft curve of her hips in his palm, and her lilac scent as her hair pressed against his nose this morning.
Visions of her only wearing that towel when Roya shattered their window flashed through his mind. He thought about her beautiful, amethyst eyes and how they enchanted him every time they met his gaze, as if he were under a magical spell only she could cast.
He adjusted himself as the tension in his body built in his pants.
As he reached down and pulled his hard length out, he stared down at the silky skin that no one had touched in years. A shudder ran through his body, and it thickened in his palm.
What if he did it just this once?
He firmly squeezed his cock. A deep, rumbling groan escaped his lips as his knees buckled from weakness, and a steady pulse beat in his palm, begging for more.
A wave of excitement rushed through his chest as his heart pounded.
He grabbed the worn book and looked at the images within. Nude photos of women lined each page.
A disgusted sneer flew from his lips as he hurled the book across the room, and was replaced with a slight smile of satisfaction as it crumpled on the floor.
He tucked his straining cock back into his pants.
He was a fraud, a liar, and she would never forgive him if she got pregnant and found out the truth.
He didn’t deserve relief. He didn’t deserve her.
He let out a deep sigh, opened the container, and spat into the cup.