Chapter 3 #2
“I’m sorry, Seda. I have more to say, but I want to be sure you hear that first, in the middle of this, and for the rest of your life.
I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you.
Ever. I’ve broken your trust, and I’ll do everything to gain it back, if you’ll allow me,” Cahir said as he stared at her.
The single tear that slipped free felt like molten glass sliding down her cheek and onto her clothing.
She stared at his stupid palms on the table next to his stupid-looking crown.
She took a deep breath and choked out, “I trusted you with everything I had, and the entire time you were lying to me. You played me like a fucking fool.” She laughed and aggressively wiped the remnants of the tear from her cheek.
“It feels like you ripped my heart out and stomped on it when all I had for you was love and trust. Why? What was it for?”
She looked away from him, unable to meet his dishonest face, expecting more lies in return.
He replied softly, “To save Umbrea.”
She ground her teeth together, feeling a twitch in her jaw.
“How did being friends with me save your kingdom?” she seethed.
She stared at a small mark on the wall, keeping her focus there instead of on him.
He sighed. “It hasn’t.”
She looked back at him and sneered, “What do you mean, ‘it hasn’t’? Are you saying that all those years of your fake friendship were for nothing?”
“It was never fake, Seda. I’ve always been your friend. From the moment I met you at the Gardvord.”
She let out an angry sob, pressing her clenched fist over her mouth as she remembered the day he had entered and announced he was the new member of her division.
Seda had been alone in that department before, and she felt anxious about having someone else with her.
Being alone with a man in the same room had caused her to break down and collapse.
Cahir had run up to her, catching her just as she was about to hit the ground.
When her vision had cleared, she panicked and scratched him for touching her.
He apologized repeatedly, moved his desk to the opposite side of the room, and didn’t speak to her for a week.
One day, he came in with a honey cake and a cup of coffee, placed them on her desk as he walked by, and said nothing.
She had hesitated too long before poking the cake and taking that first sip, but eventually she gave in.
The next day, he brought her another cup of coffee and another honey cake.
“No, we were not friends on that first day,” she corrected him, looking back at her favorite spot on the wall.
Cahir smirked, and she quickly looked back at him, scoffing in return. The familiar dimples she remembered so well showed, and her heart lurched.
“From the first day. I could see how you needed someone in your life who just flowed through your waves the way you needed,” he said.
She watched him, tears blurring her vision. “Tell me everything, Cahir. I want the truth.”
He didn’t correct her on his name.
She could see him nod through her impaired vision and hear him take a deep breath before he said, “It started thirty years ago. Tahti, the Oracle witch, called for me, saying a ‘key’ was born. A key that would save Umbrea, a key that would save all of Xyberus. I was foolish back then and thought she was insane. How could a ‘key’ be born? I didn’t care what happened in the lower half of Xyberus as long as Umbrea was safe, and it was until a few years ago.
A Jotnar found its way past our borders and tore through a small village.
The Fae brought it down and disposed of the body, but another came.
We worked alongside the Lycanthropes to secure our borders and formed a fragile alliance with them, but that’s a story for another time. ”
He paused and watched her. She listened while she glared at his open palms on the table.
“After that, I went to Tahti again and asked her to recount what she had told me. She said that I needed to travel to Joro to find you and the Dark Stone, but first I had to visit the Wisps. So I did.” He took a deep breath, ran his hands down his face, and placed them back on the table.
“The Wisps, as you may or may not know, require a payment to grant a wish. I wished to find you. They transformed me into a human, told me I wasn’t allowed to tell you anything about this world outside of Joro, about who I really was, about any of it.
They also said I wasn’t allowed to lie to you, Seda.
Throughout that entire time, I never lied directly.
And it was hard, so fucking hard navigating around that.
If I broke my deal with them, I could’ve been banished back here.
” He placed his hand over his chest. “I’m truly sorry that I had to tell you partial truths to hide the full truth.
I tried so hard, so many times, to confess.
Especially towards the end, when your safety was at risk and my time as a human was running out. ”
Seda braved stepping away from the wall and walked up to the table. She pulled out a chair a few spaces down from him and sat down. She stared at him, at the honest look on his face, at the way his palms remained upright on the table. “Was any of it true?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“It… you told me you loved me. You told me we would be together, always. We were trying to have a baby, Cahir.”
He looked away from her and clenched his fists.
“I would never force you to have a child, Seda. Not when you didn’t know the truth about who I was or why I was there.
That part wasn’t true. Joro was forcing you to conceive, and it didn’t feel right.
” He ran his hands through his hair, messing up the perfectly laid waves.
“You were never provided with my… semen.” He looked away from her, his cheeks reddening, and lowered his head.
Seda’s jaw dropped, and her voice pitched. “What?”
“I never placed my semen in the cup, Seda. I wasn’t comfortable putting you in that position.” His words came out whisper-soft.
Her temples pounded as rage surged through her once more. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” She looked away from him again, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks and a faint tingling of electricity dance across her forehead.
Her mind was torn with mixed feelings. She felt relief that she had never gotten pregnant, because it meant she would have missed discovering this other world and would have stayed within Joro. She also might never have unlocked her power.
The other part of her was filled with anger—angry at herself and at him—and she concentrated on that, taking deep breaths.
“I was selected for the Camp because I never had a child, Cahir. It was my choice to do that, not yours! You should have told me you weren’t comfortable, and I would’ve found someone else,” she seethed.
Her heart raced, and she saw him look at her throat, watching as her pulse beat rapidly.
He looked away. “You deserve better, Seda. You deserve better than me.”
She jumped from her chair and pointed a sparking finger at him.
“You’re damn fucking right I do! I saw and went through horrible things in that place, Cahir.
I was almost raped again! I was attacked by a fucking Jotnar!
I witnessed a friend of mine give birth, alone, and heard her cries for her baby.
I had to listen to them beat her and watch as they dragged her and her lifeless baby away.
” Her voice cracked as her tears welled again, electric shocks emitting from their silken drops.
Cahir was silent for a long time before he said, “I’m sorry, Seda. But I’ll never force you to have my child. The rest of what you asked was true.”
“The rest of what?” she snapped, throwing her hands in the air and shooting a spark at the ceiling.
Cahir looked up at the spot, the ceiling now blackened. “That I’ll always be by your side, if you want me to be. And that I love you. I was always telling the truth about that. You are and have been my best friend in this entire fucked up world. You mean everything to me.”
His friend. Was that not what she had told him countless times? Why did it sting now when he said it? She winced.
“Will you tell me what the Wisps told you?” he asked, seemingly trying to change the subject.
She wiped the tears from her cheeks and chin with the back of her hand. She sat back down and waited for several heartbeats, watching that same stupid spot on the wall, unsure how to start.
She took a deep breath and wiped her nose again, her gaze shifting back to his. “They told me I needed your help to find all four stones and achieve harmony with them. That’s why I’m here, the only reason.” She watched with satisfaction as he forced himself to swallow.
A knock interrupted their conversation, and they both looked toward the door. An older man with a long gray beard and the woman who had exposed her breasts when she arrived, casually walked in.
Seda tensed. Flashes of her nude form in front of Cahir swirled through her mind, and a wave of nausea curdled within her stomach.
Seeing her felt like someone was stabbing her in the chest with a dull knife, the soft blade bruising her heart.
She suppressed the feeling and narrowed her eyes, refocusing on her anger instead.
They both bowed, and when they rose, the old man asked, “King Ael, I wanted to check on you. Is everything okay?”
“Why is she here?” Cahir asked the older man sharply.
The older man hesitated, looking between Cahir and the woman. “I came to see Seda with my own eyes, Sire, because I want to get to know her better… so I can research her powers more effectively. And since Neoma is also new to the castle, she wanted to meet Seda too, to make her acquaintance.”
Cahir glared at Neoma before looking back at the older man. “We’re having a private conversation, Meir.”
Meir bristled, quickly masking a face of anger.
He apologized, and they turned to leave the room when Cahir said, “If Seda wishes to make friends, she can choose who she wants to see, not have them forced on her. You and I need to talk, Meir. I was told some interesting information earlier, which explains a lot of the recent behaviors I’ve been noticing lately. ”
Meir played with his fingers. “Yes, Sire. I—”
“I’ll spend time with her,” Seda interrupted.
She could make her own decisions, and if Cahir was going to spend his time with this woman, as his ‘friend’, she should get to know her better.
She unfortunately needed something from Cahir now.
Playing nice was in her best interest, even if it wasn’t sincere.
She told herself she didn’t care whether Cahir or this woman were truly her friends.
The older man offered Seda a gentle smile.
She looked at Cahir, who had wide eyes and furrowed brows. “Umm.. as you wish, Seda,” Cahir said.
Someone knocked on the door again, causing another scowl from Cahir. Luelle entered with a stout woman wearing a blue dress and an apron. “Your Highness, we’ve found suitable accommodations for Seda and her Lionne. May we please lead them to their rooms?” Luelle asked sweetly.
Cahir stood and turned to Seda, looking at her with a gentle expression. “May we continue this conversation tomorrow over breakfast? I need to return to the ball to ensure everything is settled with the crowd… and Seda.” He paused. “I truly am sorry. It will never happen again.”
She wanted to believe him, but she didn’t trust the words coming from his mouth and desperately needed some time alone to reflect.
She didn’t respond as she followed Luelle and the woman out of the room, meeting Elco again. A small Fae girl sat beside him, braiding a small section of his mane. “Everyone loves to play with that luscious hair of yours,” she said with a smile.
Elco muttered and stood on all fours. The girl hugged him and then left, casually skipping down the hallway.
They followed the women through the castle to their rooms. The music from the party grew quieter the farther they went, and Seda wondered if Cahir was sitting back on the throne with Neoma again.