18. Jess
Jess
Isat in the food court, wearing a paint-splattered hoodie paired with a pair of gray sweatpants.
They weren’t even my sweatpants. I grabbed them off the floor not realizing they were Danny’s, and they hung too loose on me.
I had no shoes, no socks, and no bra. My mascara, smeared from crying and a lack of makeup removal the night before, left me resembling an extra rejected from a death metal music video.
In my haste to leave that morning, I forgot my key. By the time I realized it, I was locked out. I had also left behind my ID and wallet, leaving me with only my phone and a twenty-dollar bill tucked into the pocket of my hoodie.
The hotel staff wouldn’t let me back into the room. Paige had booked it under a pseudonym I couldn’t remember to save my life, and without ID they refused to let anyone into a celebrity’s room. To make matters worse, I had already thrown my phone away like a crazy person and shattered the screen.
Thankfully, no one recognized me in my current state.
My personal highlight of the morning was when one con attendee asked if I was cosplaying as a dead person from The Walking Zombies show.
Considering I spent most of my time stumbling around the convention emotionally gutted, I might not have been undead, but I could relate to the feeling.
Waves of sadness would hit me at random, leaving me physically wrecked.
In one low moment, I hid in a broom closet to bawl my eyes out for over an hour.
Everything had turned to shit. All we did to get Danny his role, backfired on us. His family was heading to Toronto, and Danny would lose his job at the end of the season. Additionally, my online persona and my place in the Tyrant fandom had been ruined.
To top it all off: my favorite stories, which I had kept to myself for years, were going to be stolen and used for shitty bookstore special editions and MaxFlick bullshit.
I stared down at the Gamble of Crowns Chimera Burger I had purchased, trying to find the appetite to eat it.
It seemed like a solid move at the time.
I hadn’t eaten all day, and I thought some food might help me.
However, I took one bite, and it tasted like ash in my mouth.
The defeated tone in my father’s voice kept playing on repeat in my head.
They didn’t want to give up Nana’s stories any more than I did, but we couldn’t afford the lawyers needed to fight this lawsuit.
I pushed my plate away and leaned on the table, rubbing my eyes in a vain attempt to ease the stress headache building behind them. When I lowered my hands, I spotted Danny.
He still wore the clothes he had pulled on when he left this morning, and his hair looked like a train wreck. His movements were frantic, twisting around and looking in every direction. He kept running his hands through his hair and tugging at it, which wasn’t doing it any favors.
I assumed he was searching for me. I desperately wanted to call out to him, but my fears drowned that urge out.
I slumped down and pulled my hood over my head, then waited for him to leave.
Every muscle in my body ached to go back to the start of the day, when we were still in bed and the biggest problem was deciding where to go for breakfast. From underneath my hoodie, I watched his shoulders drop as he walked away dejected.
I sighed in relief. Abandoning my chimera burger, I headed in the opposite direction.
I pulled my hood down further, which turned out to be a mistake. My vision being somewhat obscured, I ended up walking into a stand of LARP equipment. Armor and shields went crashing to the ground, announcing my presence with a loud clang of metal against metal.
“JESS!”
I turned and locked eyes with Danny. Relief washed over his expression as he walked toward me. I ached to reach out to him, but I knew everything would turn to garbage if I did. I backed away from him, every limb trembling.
“Jess! Wait!”
I took off running. There was a metallic crash behind me and then the sound of rapid footsteps. He was coming after me.
I turned the corner and ran through Author’s Row.
I dodged the long line of book lovers, clutching their precious books and sprayed edges, hoping for an autograph.
I dipped through a stall and came out in the aisle where all the celebrities were taking pictures with attendees.
I ruined a shot with a fan and the actor who played the title character in Heracles in the 90s.
I didn’t feel too bad. That actor turned out to be an a-hole on social media. I ducked right and kept running, hoping that I had lost Danny somewhere in Author’s Row.
“Please! Stop!”
Yeah, no such luck. I risked looking over my shoulder to see Danny still behind me and gaining ground.
I pushed forward and hung a left into the Merchandise Row again.
If I could get past the merchandise, I had two options: the elevators or the broom closet where I’d sobbed my eyes out earlier.
The sound of Danny’s footfalls thundered behind me. They were getting closer.
Goddamn Jorge and his fucking cardio routines were going to ruin this for me.
As I approached the elevators, I made a sharp right turn, sending me on a collision course with a female anime cosplayer dancing in front of her camera.
I tried to stop but ended up tripping over my own feet, sending me flying.
I closed my eyes and braced for impact only to be caught before I hit the ground.
I didn’t have to open my eyes to know who’d caught me. In fact, I kept my eyes closed tight in the vain hope that if I didn’t see him, I wouldn’t have to talk to him. I knew this wasn’t logical, but with everything falling apart, a girl could cling to an irrational thought.
“Jess. Why are you running?”
He pulled me up and placed me on my feet, holding onto my arms to keep me steady.
I finally opened my eyes and looked at him.
We were both huffing and puffing, out of breath.
The running did nothing for his hair and clothes.
He must have hit something in the food court, as his shirt was covered in ketchup and mustard.
I hung my head, unable to look him in the eye. “Let me go, Danny, you know this is a disaster.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” he pleaded and released me.
I tried to bolt, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
“Stop running away!”
I yanked my arm away from him, wiping back tears. “Danny! Don’t you see? We’re a car wreck waiting to happen!”
“I don’t care!” he shouted back.
Something inside me broke, a flood of mixed emotions raced through me. I couldn’t tell what I was feeling as it hit me all at once. Part of me wanted to bury myself into his arms while the flight instinct kept surfacing. I held myself back. “We’re just going to end up hurting each other!”
He shook his head vehemently. “You don’t know that! It could be Bray and Bennet’s first date, but for us it’s just a week!”
The determination on his beautiful face made me burst into tears.
“I’m sorry, Danny. Every time we try to share a moment, every time we do something, it blows up in our face.
You get a role, and I get the world to hate you.
We have a one-night stand, and the next day I almost destroy your career.
You put out a fantastic performance, and the studio undermines you.
I gave a book to your niece, and now MaxFlick is after my family.
I can’t be in your life if I know that somehow, some way, it’s going to ruin you. ”
“You have never ruined me. And you never will.” He stepped closer, his voice firm.
“This is everyday life, Jess. You win a role; you lose a role. All I know is that even with the highs and lows, I know I’m a better person for having gone through them with you.
I don’t want to have it all and not have you in my life.
I don’t want Tyrst’an. I don’t want the show.
I don’t want any of it if I don’t have you. ”
The ache in my chest turned to warmth. I realized that even though everything went to hell, the small and big moments we’d shared outweighed everything else.
“I just want you, Jess,” he pleaded. His voice broke and the sound of it went straight to my head making me feel tipsy.
I smiled at him despite the tears, and he smiled back, his body slumping in relief.
“I want to do everything with you. Good days. Bad days. All of it,” he added, and then he started to spiral, his hands rubbing his face and head. “Oh God, and carbs. If I can’t be Tyrst’an, I want to be with you and eat carbs.”
I laughed, tears still running down my cheeks. “Carbs? Have you eaten today?”
“What? No. I haven’t. It doesn’t matter. Oh, God. I want pasta. Potatoes. Those deep-fried dumplings with God-knows-what inside them from Kao’s. All I want is to sit on a couch while you read your books, and I eat gallons of ice cream.”
I pulled him close, my hands cupping his face. “I’m going to start kissing you, so you’ll shut up and not ruin this.”
He let out an exhausted laugh. “I’m okay with that.”
I pulled him down and his arms wrapped around me as our lips met. Everything, all the chaos, tension, and heartbreak slipped away.
We broke our kiss and smiled at each other.
“I love you,” he said, breathing like he ran a race.
My knees almost buckled as my heart melted. “That’s the lack of carbs talking,” I argued.
He kept shaking his head. “No, I’d still say that if I ate a pound of pasta carbonara.” His eyes glazed over. “Oh, God, that sounds good.”
“You’re losing me,” I teased, my emotions fighting their way out of me.
“Still in love with you,” he promised.
I teared up again as my hands and body trembled. “I love you too, Danny.”
He leaned in to kiss me, and I wanted nothing more than to melt into him. We were interrupted by applause as our declarations of love drew the attention of nearby convention attendees. Phones were out and recording us and cheering began.