19. SurviveDie
NINETEEN
SURVIVE OR DIE
Vivian
Muffin awkwardly rubs my back and holds my hair as I heave the contents of my stomach all over the floor. “Put your head between your legs. It will help with the nausea.”
Sweat drips from my brow and into my eyes as I gag relentlessly, watching the cleaning bot roam around my feet to remove my vomit.
“Good. Take a seat when you’re done.”
When my stomach stops churning, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and drop to my ass on the floor, too exhausted to argue.
He hands me water. “Drink this and uncover your arm.”
I sweep back my hair and take the water from him, taking a moment to study his face. “Why?”
He crouches beside me and opens a small medical bag. “I’m going to administer some drugs that will help you feel better and hopefully return some of your strength.”
I eye him and his bag suspiciously. “Do I have a choice?”
“You… do.” Muffin pauses, pushing up his glasses and looking me over. His brow wrinkles slightly. “But you would be stupid not to.” He takes out several kits with needles and prepares the first one.
“What drugs are you giving me?”
“I have a booster laced with vitamin D, a fever reducer with painkiller, and… fertility control. I can give you benzodiazepine too if you would like.”
I stare at him lamely, swallowing the rank taste in my mouth. “I’m on fertility control.”
He can’t seem to look at me when he speaks next. “I checked your charts, and it’s been six weeks since your last shot. You should take more just in case.”
“I don’t think I need help in that department. I’m not having sex.” Now it’s me who blushes and averts my gaze, hoping he lets the subject drop.
Muffin coughs again, setting his needles in a line on a plastic pad between us. “Yes, well. You might change your mind.”
We fall into silence as he prepares the final needle. I can’t believe my life has come to this. Several weeks ago, I never would have thought I’d have this conversation with Muffin, let alone any conversation beyond work-related stuff. Noticing the smear of dried seed on my wrist, I cover it with my other hand.
Nowadays everyone has an interest in my sex life. Most of all, me.
“You don’t have to accept the shots, but I would at least recommend the booster.”
“I’m not ill.”
“It’s a precaution. Remember the soldiers that were hurt that first day? They were ill for a day or so after the attack, but all made a recovery. As far as I’m aware, if you get sick, you’re sick with the same thing. You’ve been exposed enough. Do you want the shots?”
I’d forgotten about those soldiers.
“I hope so.” Closing my eyes and reopening them, weary and tired, I look at the needles and see my entire life reduced to drugs. “I’ll take everything except the fertility control.”
He shuffles to my side as I drop the blanket from my shoulders. I barely register the pokes, and he’s already placing a small bandage over the tiny wounds by the time I realize he’s done.
“Have you gotten your cycle yet?”
“Not yet.” I close my eyes in bliss when the painkiller hits. “If this is about fertility control, I don’t need it. The likelihood of getting pregnant is… astronomically low. Well, it’s impossible. Our prezygotic and postzygotic barriers are there to keep species isolated.” As my body goes numb and my head lightens, it also clears, helping my thoughts stabilize. For the first time since I was put in here, they’re not clouded by lust.
“That’s not what I mean.” He shakes his head. “If you haven’t, you’re due soon if the stress of your situation hasn’t affected it. I’ll bring you supplies next time in case.”
“I… Thank you.”
“Syasku is his name, right? The naga?”
My brows wrinkle. “Yes.”
“He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. If Ursula gives you a way to get out, I would take it. There are plenty of desperate women on this ship who’d take your place.”
My heart drops. “Why do you say that?”
“He’s an alien, Vivian. He’s not human.”
“I don’t trust her,” I whisper. “I trust Syasku more than I trust Ursula.”
“You shouldn’t trust anyone, even me. We know very little about Syasku’s species, culture, society, and origins. And what is known, or what we think we know, is impossible to verify without further resources. At least with Ursula, you know what you’re in for.”
“Resources?”
“More nagas.”
I open my mouth to say something more, but he stands and offers me his hand. “Come with me. You need a shower. You look terrible.”
“You’re letting me out of here?” I ask, surprised, eyeing his hand suspiciously.
“Just to the bathroom, unless you would rather stay here. I have fresh clothes already waiting for you.”
I clasp his hand. “No, please, I’d love nothing more than to peel this outfit off and burn it.”
His lips twitch into a smile.
Later, when I’m locked back in the room, bathed and dressed in the new clothes he brought, Muffin’s words ring through my head.
Unfolding one of the new blankets, I wrap it tightly around me and wonder if he’s lying. I don’t believe Syasku would hurt me. And if I choose to stop trusting him now, what am I left with? Less than what I had before, and there was nothing before.
As I settle in to wait, the lights above me flicker.
It happens so fast I second guess it.
The ship’s lights have never flickered before.
Frowning, I stare at them and wait for it to happen again, but when they don’t… I start to second guess everything.