25. Paranoia
TWENTY-FIVE
PARANOIA
Vivian
Something strange happens.
No one comes to take Syasku away.
Days go by, or what seems like days, and the only visitors we have are Muffin and the guard who watches him as he resupplies us. I don’t want to leave Syasku, even for a shower, and if it weren’t for Muffin’s occasional visits I wouldn’t know how much time is passing. Everything blurs together, and the more I sleep, the harder it is to keep track of it.
Except Ursula never shows, and after a while, Syasku and I stop thinking about her altogether.
We eat, sleep, and have sex.
Syasku’s spreading my legs and pushing his cock inside me more often than not, acting like his sanity depends on it, like if he’s not inside me and wrapped around me, I’ll vanish. I understand his paranoia, feeling it mirrored by my own obsession. Lost in a haze of my own lust, I’ve stopped wearing pants, instead using a blanket to keep me covered. It’s easier.
I’m open.
Even our conversations have faded.
He rarely eats or drinks, saying he prefers to eat me, lashing his tongue over my clit and driving it into me. He’s hard, his knot is swollen. His instincts are telling him to breed.
I’ll sit on top of him and try to relax as he relentlessly thrusts up into me in sharp strokes, filling me to the brink with his hot seed. When I can’t endure anymore, he spreads me across his tail and tucks a blanket over me, only to take my feet in his hands and massage them.
The first time he slid his tongue between my toes, I fell off him with a shriek. Since then, he has played with them every chance he gets, saying he likes the way I squirm. I don’t know what he means by that… I’ve decided not to question it.
He leaves me breathless.
There only seems to be one thing on his mind, and that’s me.
He pins me down, traps me with his tail, spreads my legs, and pushes inside me, murmuring words about nesting into my ear.
His words make me shiver. They make me excited.
When I do sleep, it’s tucked in his arms. In his warmth, I dream of a private place where the lights aren’t excruciatingly bright, where there are no cameras, and we aren’t specimens in someone’s project—someplace I can be naked and not worry about being covered or being seen by anyone other than him. I dream of having something soft to lie on other than blankets spread over a hard metal floor.
I dream about sharing my life with Syasku, seeing his home, and lying down in his nest for the first time.
All the while, the lights continue to flicker.
Some days are worse than others. It’s the only thing that takes Syasku’s attention away from me as he tries to rip off his collar or the band at his tail. It’s those moments I remember there’s unrest on the ship, that the lockdown must still be in effect . That the people want as much access to Earth as The Dreadnaut’s military does.
When the light flickers, it’s a warning that nothing has changed. Nothing outside has been resolved. But by the time they return to normal, those thoughts drift away as I’m drawn back into Syasku’s arms and he lulls me with a soft hiss and a hard kiss.
The flickering worsens as more time goes by. The lights are off for longer periods and the frequency at which it happens increases. It’s impossible to ignore it. It’s growing difficult to quell my curiosity and my paranoia. Syasku tells me no one has come to the view pane since his last interrogation and that we’re free to do as we please. He’ll keep me covered, keep me protected.
He doesn’t understand.
Where is everyone? Even amid orgasms, I can’t help wondering if we’re being watched at all.
When Muffin visits, I interrogate him with questions.
He says the lower castes are growing braver in their demands, especially now that they have some higher caste citizens on their side. People are losing money, couriers have been driven into debt, and businesses are failing, unable to ship or receive supplies. Father has not lifted the travel ban despite the compounding complaints of his citizens.
If what Muffin says is true, I think my father’s afraid of losing control.
Right after Muffin leaves, the overhead lights darken as they do to signify when the day shift ends and the night begins.
They don’t return to normal, remaining dim, and because of it the flickering stops entirely—for a time. It’s a small reprieve from the headaches they were giving me, but the questions continue in my head.
The longer no one comes for either of us, the more I imagine they’re all dead. Father, Ursula, Pierce…
Staring at the high ceiling, curled within the embrace of Syasku’s tail and arms, his lulling hiss stops working and sleep escapes me. He massages my neck, shoulders, and feet as he tries to pull my attention away from the lights. When that doesn’t work, he buries his face between my legs and forces my attention away, probing me and tasting me until my hips buckle and I come. I’ve gripped his hair so hard that I’ve pulled it out. His distractions work until we’re both too exhausted to continue.
It’s during one of these quiet moments, after shuffling through our duffle, that dread sinks into the pit of my stomach like a rock. We’re almost out of water and it’s been days, maybe longer, since Muffin’s last visit. Since anyone has visited.
“We need to get out of here,” I announce, looking over my shoulder at Syasku. He’s so attractive, his muscles rippling every time he moves, that I have to swallow the saliva in my mouth before I continue. “Before it’s too late.”
He stirs and leans forward, swiping my hair behind my ear with his fingers. “Yessss, we do,” he agrees, his gaze lazily shifting over me.
Turning toward him, I look around the room one more time. I still haven’t found the cameras, but with everything, I doubt anyone has the time to watch the feed. Determined, I face him and narrow my gaze. “It’s time we try to escape.”
“What brought this on?” he asks, his tongue tasting the air as he searches my face curiously. “This sudden urgency?”
Holding the blanket over my bare chest, I lean to the side and reach for my clothes. “The lights aren’t returning to normal, and no one has come for days. What if they’re all dead?” I can’t keep the twinge of fear out of my voice. “The Dreadnaut’s hallways span hundreds of miles. There are anywhere between three to four million residents on board, give or take how many are living around the core. If there’s a revolt and the bridge is commandeered, whoever takes over could lock down the ship and bar every door, stop every elevator from working, and trap whoever is left inside in a compartmentalized jail until starvation takes us all. I don’t want to be here if that happens.”
“Muffin would have told you if something like that were happening.”
“You trust him now?” I quip, slipping on my shirt.
“Trust? No,” he muses, crossing his arms over his chest. “But you do. That is enough for me right now. You are enough for me, little human.”
Buttoning my pants, I reach for the duffle bag and pour out the last of the water and rations onto the floor. “Anything could be happening to Muffin. Someone could be bribing him, threatening him in some way to lie to us. That someone being Ursula,” I mutter dryly. “I trust him enough to keep us alive for now. I’ve worked with him for six years, and we were practically strangers for that entire time. But the things we saw together…” I swallow. “He may pity us right now, but I do not for a second believe he’ll sacrifice his life, let alone his job , for either of us. People don’t sacrifice for others based on pity alone.” I unwrap several rations, handing them to Syasku. “Eat these. All of them.”
He flinches away from the food and hisses. “They are disgusting. You are better off eating them. I will survive far longer without them.”
I sigh. “No. You need them more. We’ll need your strength now more than ever.” I place the bar in his hand. “I can’t do the things you do. I can’t bend metal or kill a man with my teeth. The most I’ll be able to help with is our route through the ship, and I don’t need a lot of strength for that.”
His lips twist as he scowls down at his hand, but his fingers wrap around the bar. “I am fine. Your worry for me is misplaced.”
I snort in disbelief. “No, you’re not. You’ve been chained to this wall for months. You barely ingest anything except water. The long hours of sex are beginning to exhaust you, and I can barely smell your pheromones now—you’re not producing any more seed. I know you’ve noticed. If we’re going to make an escape attempt, we need to prepare as best we can. Which means we need you strong.”
He leans forward and rises over me, cocking a brow. “Your care for me is endearing, little human. Nesting is supposed to be physically exhausting. If we were not tired, we would still be fucking.”
Hearing him use a human curse word, especially one like that to describe what we’ve been doing nonstop for weeks, sends a blush scorching to my cheeks. I avert my eyes before I get trapped in his increasingly intense gaze. “Syasku, listen to me.” I point to the lights that are now so low they encapsulate him in shadows. “You see how dim they are? I can barely make out the color of your eyes now,” I whisper. “The power supplying The Dreadnaut has been halved, if not more. Do you understand what that means?”
He’s silent.
“If the ship’s power supply goes entirely, this room will become our tomb. Now eat!” Pivoting away, I start to pace.
He hisses, frustration bleeding into the sound. “For you, female, I will stomach anything.” Only his tone is filled with annoyance.
Scowling at me, he brings the ration to his mouth and in two bites swallows it whole. He picks up another, the disgust on his face growing.
When there is only one left, he hands it to me. “Now you.”
I can barely stomach the rations myself, and the thought of taking a single bite makes my own stomach revolt, but I take it from him anyway and tear off a small bite.
“What do you suggest we do?” he asks, sliding his tail around me while I eat.
“We wait for Muffin’s return. We’ll only have one shot at this.” Excitement rushes through me, realizing there is no going back after this. I lower my voice. “When he comes in, I’ll push him toward you. Grab him and use him as a shield when the guard comes in. Try not to hurt him, please . The guard will be entirely focused on you, and when he’s in the room, I’ll run out, close the door, and search for the control panel, or anything we can use to release you from the chains.” I take a deep breath, amazed I’m daring to say this aloud as desperation fuels another plan. “If not that, I’ll leave with Muffin to shower and?—”
“No. You will not put yourself in danger. I will continue to work on the bands—” he grasps for his collar “—or I will tear this to sssshreds. We leave together or not at all.”
I shake my head. “You’ll cripple yourself doing that. We both saw what happened when you tried to tear off the band on your lower tail. You’ll bleed out, leaving a trail for anyone to follow. If we’re lucky, security will be at a minimum with what is happening elsewhere…”
“I would rather be crippled than have you leave and risk being harmed. I do not want you out of my reach outside this room. We will come up with another way, one where you remain with me. I will not allow you to wander off searching for something you have no idea where it is. Not without me protecting you.”
“Syasku—”
“No!” he snaps, his eyes narrowing on me. “If I have to chain you to me, I will, Vivian. We will wait until Urssssula comes for me next. I have grown… a tolerance to tranquilizers. I have been feigning their effect for some time now.”
“And the electrical prods?” I argue, my voice rising. “Do you feign your reactions to them?”
“I will bear them. Pain is pain, and I have experienced enough of it to pretend that it is worse than it issss. You said I have weakened, and I agree with you, I have. But not as much as you think. They believe I am easier to corral, and that is something we need them to believe.”
“You are, though,” I whisper. “It’s not a matter of belief when it’s true.”
His hands ball into fists, and I look away. As I do, he closes the distance between us, towering back over me, anger encompassing his actions. “We wait for Urssssula to release me, and when she does, we make our move. Then and only then.”
“One of the soldiers will sound the alarm immediately, and if someone happens to be watching us on a camera, they could sound the alarm too. Even so, it could be weeks before Ursula comes for you. The ship’s security is dismantled now, but it might not be that way later. Can we afford to wait? Muffin visits far more often.”
“We are waiting already, remember?”
Turning away before he snatches me against him, I take another bite of the ration and wince, chewing through the sticky texture and old meaty flavor of it. My stomach bends when I swallow. As I force it down, Syasku pushes his fingers under his collar and tugs at it. He hisses when the collar shocks him. Even at half voltage, it’s too much.
“Why now? You have been plain about our chances of escape from the beginning, believing the notion impossible. Why now?” He yanks his arm forward, pulling more of his chain out of the wall.
“I’m scared,” I tell him the truth, working through another awful bite. “I don’t know what to expect anymore and…” All the strength in my voice flees. “That frightens me.”
I have always known what is expected of me—what my future holds. Not knowing has every muscle in my body clenched tight in a way even endless orgasms can’t fix.
He holds out his hand and beckons me to take it. “Come here.” His voice is free of frustration as he says it. Huffing, I walk into his arms and rest my head against his chest, foregoing his hand entirely.
“We will figure out a way to be free of this place.” His hands settle on my back while he wraps his tail around me. “We need to wait for the right moment.”
I rub my face against him, seeking comfort in his velvety scales slipping over my cheeks. “What if that moment comes and we miss it?”
“I will make certain that does not happen.”
I frown, wishing and wanting to believe him so badly it hurts. If we were on Earth, I’d believe him wholly, but here, on The Dreadnaut … “Tell me something nice, something to take my mind off of all of this. I need a distraction.”
He lowers us to the floor and as I straddle him, he wraps his tail behind my back, tucking me into him. “My nest is surrounded by clear water and high grasses.” He begins petting my arms. “In every direction, it is all you can see. When the grass sways in a breeze, the ripples they create along the water’s surface are mesmerizing. The water sparkles in the sunlight, reflecting the blue skies and golden light from above. The beauty of it can be stunning, making dawn and twilight dangerous if caught unaware. There are no rations there. Instead, there are fish to keep our bellies full.”
My brows furrow. “Fish?”
“Delicious creatures that live within the water?—”
“Water creatures?” My belly churns. “How do they survive without air?”
“They do not need to breathe.” He runs his hands over me as he releases a sweetly soothing hiss that vibrates my skin. Comforted, I rest against him until my belly churns again.
Suddenly nauseated, my flesh prickles, and my throat clamps. I push off him and bend over the side of his tail, puking up the ration. His arms wrap around me as I gag, gasping for air, briefly losing the ability to breathe. My stomach twists further.
“Are you okay?” He tries to make me face him, but I pull away and climb off his tail, coughing until my eyes water and snot drips from my nose. “Vivian?” I hear the fear in his voice as he reaches for me again.
Wiping the back of my hand across my nose, I blink away the tears only to gag when I catch sight of the discarded ration wrappers. “I’m going—” I gasp, bending over once more. I grip my knees and hold my breath. When the nausea subsides, I hug my middle as my whole body trembles, the prickles returning to my skin. Lowering to the floor, I curl into a fetal position. Hovering beside me, Syasku shields me with his body, placing a blanket over me. He uses another to clean up my vomit. “Tell me what you need. Do you need water?”
I shake my head. “The ration made me sick, that’s all.” I groan. “Maybe it was expired. I’ll be fine soon.”
He pets my hair back. “Resssst then.”
“We need to come up with a plan,” I whisper.
“Soon,” he hums, pulling me back against him. “For now, you must recover.”
Petting my hair back once more, he purrs as I stare at the door, more afraid than ever. I’ve never felt ill after a ration before. I’ve eaten many of them in my lifetime. Why would one make me sick now?
Nausea is a sign of pregnancy.
I squeeze my eyes closed when my belly rolls again, terrified by the thought.