Chapter 49
Tristan, glowering in the passenger seat beside her, turned and looked her in the eye. ‘Are you sure about this? You don’t have to do it, you know.’
Thea smiled at her brother. ‘You and I both know that’s not true. It’s better all round if the kids get to know each other and the adults behave in a civilised way.’
‘You don’t owe him civilised ,’ Tristan muttered. ‘You don’t owe him anything.’
Thea was grateful for his protective streak, but she also knew she was right. ‘I’m glad you’re here to keep an eye on things,’ she said. She reached out and touched his arm. ‘I’m sure Ed won’t want any trouble, either. It’s been a long time.’
‘I’ll be at the bar if you need me,’ Tristan said. ‘All you have to do is say the word, and I’ll be right there next to you.’
‘I know. And I appreciate it.’ Thea and Tristan headed into the bar of the Star and Telescope, which was reassuringly busy on this ‘Betwixtmas’ day.
Lots of locals, it seemed, had taken the time off between Christmas and New Year, and while Thea felt nervous about being spotted conversing with Ed, she was grateful for the public place.
Taking a deep breath, she headed through to the lounge area of the pub, keeping her eyes peeled for him.
If this meeting went well, then she’d consider allowing the children to come along next time.
Over in the far corner, near the large fireplace that dominated the space, a man was sitting alone at a table.
He was looking down at his phone, and so as she paused at the entrance to the lounge, Thea had the advantage.
She noticed that his hair was grey, and that he was heavier set than he had been when they’d been together.
He was dressed tidily in a polo shirt and dark jeans, with a jacket slung over the back of the chair.
She couldn’t help wondering if he was playing the online slot machines while he waited.
Heading across the lounge towards him, he looked up as she approached the table.
‘Hi,’ he said, and she could tell from his tone how nervous he was. ‘Thank you for coming.’
Thea nodded. ‘Hello, Ed.’ She took a seat as he gestured to the one across from him. The silence felt loaded, uncomfortable. Thea waited while he closed an app on his phone and put it flat down on the table.
‘I was just texting Ciara, my wife, to let her know I’d got here OK. She was, er, a little worried about all this, as you can imagine.’
‘You got married?’ Thea could hear the incredulity in her own voice. ‘When?’
Ed looked sheepish. ‘Shortly after Ben was born. Ciara comes from quite a religious family. They, er, weren’t too happy about our situation, so it seemed the right thing to do.’
‘Ah yes, Ben. The reason we’re having to do this.’ Thea’s tone was sharper than she’d intended, and Ed’s shock registered on his face. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘This has all come as a bit of a shock. I’ve not really had time to process it all since Cora told me she’d been in touch with your son.’
Ed laughed nervously. ‘Well, it’s not exactly been a walk in the park for me, either.’
‘Which part? Leaving me and the children homeless, getting married and having kids again or not bothering to let me know any of this before your son got in touch with our daughter?’
‘Thea…’ Ed began. ‘This isn’t really the time or the place for a wider discussion, is it?’
Thea’s irritation began to rise. ‘Oh, isn’t it?
Well, all right then, what would you like to discuss?
The last contact I had with you, a month after you left, you were broke and sofa surfing, and then, nothing.
Not a phone call, not a birthday card to your children…
and now this? What am I supposed to think? ’
‘There’s a lot of ground to cover, I get that,’ Ed replied.
‘And we’ll get there, I promise. But there are some things you need to know.
And the most important thing is that I’m sorry.
I know now that I was in the grip of something bigger than me, and that you and the kids became collateral damage.
It took me a long time to come to terms with that, and even longer to get the help I needed.
But I’ve done the work, Thea, and if Ben hadn’t jumped the gun and contacted Cora, I was going to reach out myself soon.
Ciara gave me an ultimatum when Ben was a toddler: go into rehab or she wouldn’t let me be a part of her and Ben’s life.
I didn’t want to make the same mistake with them as I did with you, so I did it.
And I’ve been in recovery for eight years now.
I haven’t placed a bet in all of that time, and I never want to. ’
All this talk of reaching out and doing the work made Thea want to vomit with rage, but she swallowed hard and tried to force her emotions back down to a manageable level.
Ed had always been able to push her buttons, and, much as she hated to admit it, he was right, there were more important things at stake now than what their own past relationship had been.
‘So what now?’ she asked. ‘Have you given any thought to that?’
Ed nodded. ‘Well, since Cora and Ben have made contact, I think it would be a reasonable next step to allow them to meet, if you think that’s a sensible idea.
Ciara wants to be present, too, if you’re happy to have her there.
She feels… insecure about the, uh, unresolved nature of our relationship. ’
‘It’s unresolved because you cut off contact with your own kids!’ Thea snapped. ‘You haven’t been there for them at all since you walked out. And now you want to come back into their lives? Give me one good reason why I should agree to any of this?’
Ed looked pained. ‘Because, you know as well as I do that it’s better we manage this as adults. If we don’t let the kids get to know each other now, while we still have some control over it, they’ll do it anyway when they’re older. At least this way we’ve both got some say in the matter.’
It wasn’t lost on Thea that this was exactly the line of argument that Lorelai had pursued when she’d talked this through with her grandmother before Christmas.
She just hated that Ed was right, as Lorelai had been.
She let out a long sigh. ‘All right,’ she said.
‘But we do this slowly. And I’m warning you, Ed, if you’re just going to disappear again, then we can forget this right now.
It took me a long time to get back on my feet when you left, and the kids can’t cope with you swanning back into their lives if you’re just going to leave again. ’
For the first time, Ed looked genuinely remorseful.
‘I can’t forgive myself for what I did to you and the kids, Thea,’ he began, ‘but I can tell you now that I was in the grip of an addiction so strong that it overwhelmed everything else. I couldn’t help myself back then, and I was no use to you, or Cora and Dylan.
If I hadn’t got away, when I hit rock bottom I’d have dragged you down with me, and I’d never have forgiven myself for that.
’ He looked down at his hands. ‘I know it was the coward’s way out, just to run, but believe me when I say I’ve pulled myself up through hell, and it’s only now that I feel as though I won’t just be a burden of shame around your neck.
I treated you appallingly, and I will always carry that with me.
But I want to be a part of my children’s lives, and if Ben hadn’t reached out to Cora when he did, I’d have done the same thing anyway. ’
It wasn’t often that Thea was stunned into silence, but it seemed that, if nothing else, Ed could still have that effect on her.
She swallowed hard. ‘I appreciate what you’ve said,’ she began.
‘I suppose having a shared history counts for something.’ The irony wasn’t lost on her that she’d been saying much the same to Nick, in a different context.
‘In a way, it’s good to see the shorthand between us still works. ’
Ed looked relieved. ‘I’m not expecting miracles, but I am serious. I think we can make this work. I have a lot to make up for, and I really want to prove that to you.’ He reached out and touched one of her hands where it rested on the table.
Thea pulled away. ‘Don’t. I’m prepared for the kids to meet, and I’m even prepared to be polite to you in their company, but don’t push your luck, Ed.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said humbly. His gaze was distracted by something over Thea’s left shoulder. ‘Tristan’s still not my biggest fan, I see.’
Thea glanced behind her and saw her brother nursing a pint at the bar and staring daggers in Ed’s direction. ‘He doesn’t think I should have come,’ she said. ‘He had to pick up the pieces, along with Gran, when you left.’
‘Can’t say I blame him, then.’ Ed gave a rueful smile. He paused, and then added, ‘Let me know when it’s convenient for the kids to meet. I’m based in Wiltshire, just outside Salisbury, these days, so it won’t take long for me to get over to you. That’s where I met Ciara, in fact.’
‘Things must have happened pretty quickly between you two, if Ben’s ten years old,’ Thea observed. ‘You gave it a whole three months before finding someone else?’
‘It wasn’t my intention,’ Ed replied. ‘I was lucky that she stood by me, but there was never any question she wouldn’t have the baby. It was the wake up call I needed.’ He looked genuinely remorseful. ‘I’m so sorry, Thea. This must be a lot to take on board all at once.’
It was. Not least that Ed could be living relatively close by and still not have made contact, but she swallowed the emotion. There would be plenty of time later to mull it all over. For now, it was essential that the lines were kept clear: it was the best thing for all of the children involved.
‘Do you, er, have any more children?’ she asked as silence fell between them again.
‘A little girl – Maisie,’ Ed replied. His face softened as he mentioned the name.
‘She’s the spitting image of Cora at that age.
She’s another reason why it felt important to make contact with you and the kids.
’ He paused, and then added. ‘My plan had been to write a letter and send it to your gran’s place. ’
‘What makes you think she’d have passed it on to me?’ Thea asked. ‘She’s not exactly fond of you, either.’
‘I can understand that.’ Ed shook his head. ‘It was a gamble…’ He gave a nervous laugh. ‘Sorry, poor choice of words. I’m glad, in a way, that Ben took the initiative. It’s made things a bit easier.’
‘You think this is easy?’ Thea shook her head.
‘Not exactly, but it’s done now.’ Ed gave her a small smile. ‘I’d like to make the best of it, if you’re willing to do the same.’
Despite the emotional rollercoaster of the past few days, Thea could feel her anger starting to abate.
Ed had obviously picked up the pieces of his life, and despite the lack of actual contact over the years, he seemed sincere now.
It still felt unreal; when he’d left, penniless and in the grip of a gambling addiction that had bankrupted them, she had never wanted to see him again.
But time was a reasonable healer, and now, it seemed, it was time to face the next phase of their relationship.
‘Let’s get through to the new year first,’ Thea said, surprising herself with how calm she now felt.
‘I’m sure we can work something out and get us all to meet.
Cora’s great with young children, and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to meet Maisie.
’ She gave a brief smile. ‘And if Ben’s into football, he and Dylan will be fine. ’
‘He’s a Bristol Rovers supporter, so I’m not sure if that counts!’ Ed quipped. ‘But hopefully they can bond over a couple of goalposts.’
Thea stood up again, once they’d swapped mobile numbers. ‘I’ll be in touch.’
Ed rose, too, and, taking another look in Tristan’s direction, he said, ‘I hoped your family would look after you after what I put you through. And I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you and the kids.
’ He paused and looked suddenly nervous.
‘I’d like to make it up to you all. The business I started a few years ago has been very successful.
It’s about time I accounted for everything, financially as well as emotionally. ’
Thea put up a hand. ‘We’ve done fine without you,’ she said firmly. ‘We don’t need your money now.’ Even if she’d been destitute again, she wasn’t ready to take Ed’s money. Not after all this time. The financial worries still ate away at her, but she’d find her own solution.
‘I understand.’ Ed met her unflinching gaze. ‘But there may come a time when that changes. I’d like to talk about how I can help, eventually. Please, Thea, promise me you’ll think about it.’
Thea nodded. ‘If you want to help, then give the money to the kids you walked out on. Open a savings account for each of them. I’m sure they’d appreciate that, when the time comes that they need the money.’
‘Sensible as ever.’ Ed smiled at her. ‘Some things never change.’
Thea tried not to smile back at him. She needed some time alone now to mull things over.
‘Speak soon,’ Ed said as he headed back towards the door. Thea watched as he nodded at Tristan, who gave a curt incline of his head back. Then, she let out a long, shaky breath.
Tristan was by her side in a trice. ‘Are you all right?’
Thea slid an arm around her brother’s waist and leaned against him. ‘I’m fine. I think it’s going to be OK.’
‘I meant what I said, Thea; if he dicks you around, he’ll have me to answer to.’
Thea gave a laugh at the protective vehemence of her twin brother’s tone. ‘I think he’s on the level. He seems to want what’s best for the kids – all of them.’
‘I hope you’re right,’ Tristan said, as they broke their hug. ‘For your sake, as well as theirs.’
As Tristan drove Thea back to her house, she felt grateful, not for the first time, that Tristan had her back.
Her brother had always been there for her, and she felt stronger for it.
She smiled as her phone vibrated with a WhatsApp, and her smile turned to a grin when she realised it was from Nick.
Her head was still spinning from the maelstrom of the past few days, but Nick felt like another anchor in the storm.
She was looking forward to seeing him, to update him on recent events.