33. Chapter 32
Chapter 32
Griffin
The police and EMS kept us at the scene for what felt like an eternity. I watched out of the corner of my eye at the medical staff attending to Kaitlyn while my statements were being taken. She was a quiet mix of stoic and catatonic. Either side was another knife twisting in my heart.
She denied further medical treatment and wanted to go home. The only way they’d allow it is if I was watching her the entire time. That wasn’t going to be hard. There was no way I was going to sleep tonight. Tobias came to collect us off the side of the road and, much to his credit, didn’t ask a single question. There’s something to be said for a friendship as long as ours that a solitary look can speak volumes. He knew time and place. This was neither.
I peeled Kaitlyn from her clothing and settled her in a warm bath. I spread the bubbles over her body from head to toe. In the beginning, it was what I could think of to take care of her. In the end, it was a way to quietly memorize every inch of her body. I need to remember it all.
I wrapped her in my thick robe and carried her into my bed, laying her carefully on top of the sheets. She didn’t want to let me go. I felt the same. I sat with my back against the pillows while Kaitlyn curled against my chest, trying in vain to climb inside my skin. It felt like she couldn’t get close enough. I understand. I do.
Her breathing was soft and steady through the entirety of the darkness. Only around dawn did she feel a bit restless. I was restless too. The mental battle I’d been waging all night had a clear victor. I slowly slide out from underneath her precious body to close myself behind my office doors. Arrangements need to be made.
“I woke up and you were gone.” Her soft voice echoes from just inside the doorway.
I must have dozed off with my head on my folded hands atop my desk. I lift my head, taking a deep breath. “I had a few things I needed to do. The jet will be ready in an hour. Is that enough time for you to collect your things?”
“We’re leaving? Where are we going?”
“Virginia. The flight is to the States.”
“What?” She drops her hands to her side. “What are you talking about?”
“Exactly what I said, Kaitlyn. There’s a flight taking off in one hour and you need to be on it.” I stand and round the desk, going toward her.
Instead of coming into my arms, she steps back. “You’re sending me away?”
“I’m keeping you safe. Look at all of this. Look at what happened last night. You could have been seriously injured or worse.”
“But I wasn’t. Look at me. I’m fine.” She holds her arms out to the side, obviously trying to hide a slight wince.
“You’re not fine!” I raise my voice and hate myself instantly. “Look at what’s happened to you because of me.” I place my hand on my chest. “I just need you out of London, Kaitlyn. Please, go collect your things. We have to go soon.”
I need her to walk away. If she doesn’t, I’ll crack and this will all be for nothing. If I crack, I won’t let her leave.
“Are you coming with me?” Her voice is so sad.
“Not today. I have to stay here in case the police need me for next steps.” I’m such a fucking liar.
Her demeanor changes. I watch as her face shifts from confusion and sadness to anger. “So that’s what this is? You’re just sending me on my way? Three thousand miles away from you, at that, with no clear indication of where we stand?”
“No indication…? Kaitlyn, please. We need to see how all of this is going to play out. It isn’t safe for you here.”
I keep saying the same things over and over, only slightly different. I don’t want to say too much because the dam will break. I don’t want to say too little or we will be frozen here fighting. I can’t take that and she shouldn’t have to.
I take a step toward her. This time, she doesn’t retreat. My hands wrap around her shoulders while my lips press against her forehead. “Do you want me to help you?” I whisper.
“No,” she whispers back. “I’ve got it.”
Her body slowly rolls out of my fingers and out of my line of sight. I feel like there are two of me inhabiting my body right now. There’s the one who feels this is the only way and the other who is slowly dying with each minute that passes.
The car ride to the airport isn’t any easier. She’s anxious to be in a car again so soon and it’s about the destination. Kaitlyn has resumed her efforts to try and climb inside my skin. I let her, even though I know I shouldn’t. Her petite fingers lace and unlace with mine. The top of her head is nested perfectly under my chin as the pad of my index finger becomes my pencil, drawing over every line of her palm.
As we reach the hangar, I know I’m going to have to let go soon. I nearly feel physically ill. The instant chill will be more than I can handle, but this isn’t about me, it’s about Kaitlyn. If I fall apart, she’ll never do what I’m asking. I can’t let her know I’m already dying inside.
We’re standing on the concrete runway, facing each other at the bottom of the open staircase to the jet. I have a million words I want to use, but none will capture this moment. “Fly safely, baby. If you know nothing else, know I love you.”
“Griffin, I love you too. I fought for you. Why aren’t you fighting for me?” she asks.
“If that means you get hurt, or worse, I won’t fight. I can’t.”
“Can’t you see I’m hurting anyway?”
I force the lump in my throat back down to the depths of my core. “Go home. I’ll meet you there later.”
“Okay. When’s later? In a few days? Weeks? Months? Never?”
The silence between us isn’t because of the roar of the engines. The silence stems from I have an answer that can’t be spoken. Kaitlyn understands the silence more than any words I could have.
She takes one step up so we’re eye to eye. Kaitlyn takes my face in her soft hands, staring into my eyes. I have to close them so she can’t see my soul. I feel a kiss on one eyelid, and then the other, before she places her soft full lips on mine. That connection is what makes me open my eyes once more.
Kaitlyn whispers, “Never once did I think you were a coward, Griffin. Until now.” She turns her back to me before walking up the rest of the stairs and into the cabin of the plane. I expect to see her face in her favorite seat. She’s not there. Her choice was to sit on the opposite side of the plane so I can no longer see her.
I’ve made my choice, now I have to live with hers.
Tobias is waiting for me when I get back to the apartment. He let himself in and has made himself at home on my sofa.
“Sure, Tobias, you can come in,” I say, waving my hand across the room.
“Shut the fuck up, mate. I used my key, as I’ve earned with my best friend privileges.” He stands up and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “Where’s Kaitlyn?”
“About forty-thousand feet in the air, heading west.”
“What? She decided to go home? Honestly, I’m shocked you didn’t go with her.”
“No, I chose to stay here. She needed to go. She needed to be away from me and away from all of this.”
I see his shoulders fall. “Fuck, mate, what have you done?”
“Something that is killing me, but it’s necessary. I can’t let my life and all of the bullshit that comes with it suck the life out of her. I refuse.” I scrub my hand over my face. “I need you to do a few things for me.”
“Anything, you know that.”
“My mother is working toward the big shift at Orion. We’ll need to be ready to put things in place at the drop of a hat.”
“Consider it done.”
“That’s not all. In a few days, I need you to go back over to the States to help Kaitlyn transition into working under your leadership and supervision.”
He tilts his head in confusion. “I can do that via Skype or Zoom, I—”
“No. I want you to go check on her and make sure she’s all right. I’d do it myself but… I can’t.”
“Are you fucking leaving her? After all this you’re walking away? You know you’re a right daft prick, you know that?”
“That and a coward. Just go. I don’t have the energy to take the piss out of you right now. Just go.”
For the first time in our existence as friends, Tobias gives me a look for the ages then does what I asked him to do. I’m finally alone…and I hate it.