Countermeasure (Shadow Team #7)

Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

J ess slept afterward, exhausted. She awoke two hours later to Logan watching her. Giving him a sleepy smile, she whispered, “I must have died…”

“Bad pun,” he murmured, brushing her cheek with his fingers, holding her green-and-gold gaze, her lashes barely open. “Let’s just say it was the best sex ever?”

She melted beneath his lazy smile, seeing how satisfied he was. “It was…,” she sighed. “Didn’t you sleep?”

Logan shook his head. “With you in my arms? No way. There won’t be all that many times like this ahead of us, for now. I want to remember this day,” and Logan sifted the sleek black strands of her hair through his fingers, hearing her make a happy sound in her throat. Her cheeks were still flushed and there was new life in her eyes. Logan knew Jess well enough by now to see that she was not only utterly satisfied, but happy. And that meant more to him than anything. Jess had amazing resilience and maybe that was due to her growing up all around the world with her Seabee parents. He took a deep breath, fear moving through him. Not much scared him anymore, but what he was about to say, did. Logan was worried about Jess’s reaction. Maybe, this wasn’t the time to say it? He was unsure but took the plunge regardless.

“Look,” he began, his voice low with feeling, “I like what we have, Jess. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, to tell you the truth.” His mouth quirked as he watched her gaze grow thoughtful. “But… I think about you all the time. The things you’ve shared with me. And I want to know everything about you.” He moved his thumb across her smooth brow, watching her eyes change, grow warm at his touch. “I know we’re in one helluva situation in that valley. And I’m going to be there for as long as you and your team are. I guess, I’m wanting to know if you feel similarly or not? About us? Maybe it’s one sided?” He hoped not. No woman had ever gotten under his skin like she had. Not ever. But under it, Jess was. He couldn’t think two thoughts without including her in them. Or wondering what she thought about something. She had an earthy, common-sensed intelligence that called to him. Searching her eyes, watching her brows move down, he felt the fear arc stronger through his heart. Had he read her wrong? Logan prided himself on reading people right the first time, but ever since he and Jess’s fateful meeting, he felt his whole world had turned inside out. Was he losing perspective?

Jess slowly moved and, with Logan’s help, sat up. Her hair fell around her shoulders. She brought her left arm in its sling against her torso. It caused her less pain in that position. There was such seriousness in Logan’s voice and face. She realized this was an important talk. Logan sat back against the headboard and guided her up beside him. She came carefully, hating the arm wound, but not able to ignore it, either. Resting her head on his shoulder, she fitted herself against Logan. His arm came gently across her left shoulder, carefully avoiding that upper arm. “I guess we’re sort of like two tops spinning around,” she murmured sleepily, raising her chin to look up into his dark blue eyes. She saw such desire in them for her. The only times she hadn’t seen that look in Logan’s eyes was when he was on duty, or in combat mode. “I sure wasn’t looking to a relationship, either,” she admitted wryly.

“I sort of figured that out.”

Nodding, Jess nestled her head more solidly against his shoulder, her brow resting against his jaw. “Logan, I like you a lot. And it scares the hell out of me. I wasn’t looking for a man to complete my life. My life was just fine the way it was.”

“So was mine.”

“But there you were,” and Jess smiled fondly, remembering that afternoon not so long ago. “You were filthy, covered with blood, dirt in your hair, on your face, mud on your boots. You looked rough, like such a fierce warrior to me. But I saw your eyes. I know we barely looked at one another when you came into the surgery lounge, but I saw YOU.”

He grazed her hair, looking down at her. “What do you mean?” There was such openness and honesty in her expression.

“Your eyes were alive with grief and anxiety. You looked tough on the outside. Really hard. Invincible. But your eyes spoke of your humanity. Your heart.” She saw the understanding in his gaze as he listened closely to her words.

“When I walked in there, I was an emotional mess inside, Jess. And then, I saw you.” Logan shook his head, one corner of his mouth pulled upward. His hand stilled over Jess’s hair, and he held her gaze. “Two impressions hit me about you in that split second when we barely glanced up at one another. One was I thought you were beautiful. Oh, I know you were dirty, like me. Your hair had dust in it. I saw the blood on your cammies and I knew you’d been in one helluva firefight.” Logan stopped, working to put the words together. This was important. “I saw your beauty, but when I looked back and really absorbed what I had seen, I realized how vulnerable looking you were. You had something terrible happen to you, but you were open. You hadn’t closed up like most people do, Jess.”

“What did that say to you?” she wondered. There was a need for her to know how she impacted Logan. It was a key to him.

“My marriage,” he said abruptly. “My wife was closed up. She never really trusted me… entrusted herself to me. I never knew, from one minute to the other, how she was really feeling. What she was thinking.” He pulled a few black strands of her hair through his fingers, holding her upturned gaze. “With you, it’s the exact opposite. I saw your grief, your hope, and your anxiety. And you didn’t try to hide any of it when I walked in. I was a complete stranger to you, but you had the strength, the confidence, just to be yourself.”

“And that’s important to you?” Jess wanted so much to reach out with her left hand and caress his cheek, but that wasn’t going to happen with her wounded arm.

Nodding, Logan said, “It was. I mean, when I got married, I was really too young. I was pretty damned immature. Maryann was beautiful, accomplished… the whole package.”

“Except she wasn’t open or available to you?”

“Not like I needed,” Logan admitted. “I came out of a set of parents who talked to one another honestly, all the time. I was there when they had arguments, but they never screamed or got angry with one another. They always talked it out. It was a lifelong lesson, a blessing is the way I feel about it, in how to handle serious talk between two adults.”

“So, there was trust between your parents? It does sound like they have that rare kind of relationship where both people are completely open and honest with one another, Logan.”

Nodding, he placed a kiss on her brow, inhaling her fragrance. “We men aren’t real good about putting what we feel into words,” he admitted, giving her a sour smile.

“You’re different from other men I meet. You sell yourself short.”

“Oh?”

Jess gave him an affectionate look. “One of the many things that drew me to you Logan, was your openness. Not many men express themselves as well as you do. I think your parents rubbed off on you in the best of ways. I like the fact you’re honest with me. I can see what you’re feeling because you don’t try and hide it from me. I really appreciate that about you.”

Logan raised his eyebrows. “That’s good, then.”

“Very good,” Jess agreed, watching some of the tension leave his face. “What was the other thing you saw in me when you walked into that surgery lounge?”

“Well, that came later,” he admitted. “After the surgeon came and told you that your chief hadn’t made it through surgery, I felt horrible for you. I wanted to go over and just hold you because it was written all over your face.” His mouth thinned. “But I didn’t, Jess. I was so full of pain, exhausted, that I had nothing left to give to you even though I wanted to.”

“But you wanted to?”

“Yes.”

“What touched you about me, Logan?” and Jess searched his eyes, feeling some unknown worry in him that he wasn’t telling her about.

“Actually, it was when you came over, after being told your friend didn’t make it, and you had enough strength, maybe care or humanity is what I mean, enough compassion left in you to worry about someone other than yourself. You walked over and touched my shoulder and told me you hoped that my friend would make it out of surgery.” Logan shook his head. “You have NO idea what that did for me, Jess. I felt the heat where you touched me on my shoulder. I felt my heart opening up, and I wanted to cry. You touched me so deeply with your care and kindness…” He studied her, grazing her temple and cheek, inches from her soft lips that were still slightly swollen from their hungry lovemaking earlier. “I just don’t have the right words for what you did, Babe. You reached out beyond your own grief, pain and suffering and you extended yourself to me in those moments. I found that incredible. It was then that I knew I wanted to know you. I wanted to know who this woman was that wore her heart on her sleeve and, despite her own grieving, had compassion enough left over to try and make another terribly suffering human being feel better.”

Sighing, Jess closed her eyes as he slid his fingers around her ear and then slowly down the length of her neck. “How could I not, Logan?”

Cupping her jaw, Logan angled her just enough to kiss her tenderly. “You are one extraordinary woman, Jess Courtland,” and he moved his mouth tenderly across hers, feeling her warm response, unable to get enough of her. Not wanting to ever get enough. He heard that soft sound of satisfaction of hers in her throat, a sound he lived to hear. It was like music to him, uplifting him, giving him hope he’d never dared consider before. Sliding his hand across the back of her neck, he deepened their kiss. They were naked against one another and her breasts were pressed against his chest. Her nipples grew hard and he could feel them against his own tightening skin. Her breath was growing shallow and rapid as she eagerly matched his need for her.

Ever so slowly, Logan broke their kiss, tasting Jess, moving his tongue across her lower lip. She was to be slowly savored. Her eyes were closed, those thick black lashes stark against her flushed cheeks. He waited for her to open them as he slid his hand across her jaw. When she did, his heart contracted fiercely with love for her. Logan was such a goner. His mouth hovered near hers, their eyes locked. “Jess, I want to know if I have a real, long-term chance with you. I don’t want to lose you going forward.” Logan held his breath. He was laying all his cards on the table here. Searching her glimmering green eyes, seeing the natural ardor and care that was always in them, made him want her even more.

“It’s going to be complicated, Logan,” she whispered, regret clear in her voice, her brow wrinkling.

“I don’t care, Jess. So that’s a yes?” and he held his elation in check because he could see the concern in her gaze, could feel her thinking through so many things about and between them.

Jess dragged in a ragged breath, seeing the glint in his stormy eyes. She felt the fine tension running through him. His intensity tugged at her heart. “Logan… I don’t know how… you’re a SEAL. I’m a Seabee. We not only live in different worlds, but we would never even be at the same base together, either.”

“SEALs are the best at workarounds, Jess.” Logan patiently maintained his heading. “Just tell me if I have that chance with you? I’m serious about you. This isn’t a casual fling. You have to know that by now, Jess. I want a chance to get to know you better, spend time with you, talk… Laugh. Make love. Go for a hike in the mountains of Wyoming. Fish in an ice-cold glacier stream in the Tetons.” Logan had seen that Jess loved the outdoors, the very earth beneath her feet, just as much as he did and, from the wistful look in her eyes right now, he knew his instincts had been on target. Please he begged her silently, just say yes….

“It’s my nature to look at reality,” Jess told him gently.

“And that’s fine. Like I told you before: Where you see obstacles, I see solutions, Jess.”

The corners of her mouth curved softly upward. “The idealist and romantic in me tells me to say yes. And to have faith that, over time, it will work out. That we’ll get to see one another, even after this assignment is done.”

Logan waited. He couldn’t force Jess into anything, nor did he want too. And he knew that getting shot was altering her view of the world already in large and small ways he might have no awareness of. At least, not yet. “I like both sides of you, Jess. Maybe that’s what appeals to me so strongly about you. I like your common sense. But here, when we’re together, that dissolves, and this incredible woman who enjoys sex with me so much is another part of our equation. We’re good together, Jess.”

“We are,” she admitted. “But I see it as more than just sex, Logan. I know it’s a guy thing,” and she managed a sour smile. “See, when I’m with you, when I kiss you, for me, it’s making love WITH you. It’s more than about sex for me. My heart, all my emotions, are in the mix, as well,” and she stared up at him, watching understanding coming to his eyes. “Maybe it’s just my romantic side coming out again, Logan, but I see all this as so much more than just being in bed with you. I love that bit, don’t get me wrong. But you touch my heart… my soul…”

Groaning, Logan kissed her, feeling her mouth move beneath his, felt her warm breath against his cheek. Sliding his fingers through her hair, feeling Jess melt trustingly against him was the greatest gift he could ever have. Slowly, he released her wet, smiling mouth, drowning in her eyes that were alive with love. Yes, love . Neither of them had gone there. He was dancing around that word as much as she was. And Logan couldn’t blame Jess or himself. They hadn’t known one another that long. They had to allow time for whatever it was they shared to gel. And the biggest step of all was here and now and was to be taken in his arms: Trying to coax Jess into committing to him whether she saw a solid way forward with him or not. Logan had never wanted anything more. He could taste it. In his heart, in his mind, he knew without a doubt that he was already in love with this woman of the earth. But did Jess love him? Logan honestly didn’t know. Wouldn’t go there. He had to get her to agree to a relationship, first.

Jess grimaced and forced her left arm to move slowly. Less pain that way, and it got her hand where she wanted it: right over Logan’s heart. His chest was dusted with dark hair, giving him a powerful masculine quality. The look in his eyes was a mix of love for her, coupled with anxiety. “I don’t know where we’re going with one another, Logan,” she began quietly, holding his stare. “I’m not a risk taker like you SEALs are. I guess… I guess I like things uncomplicated, straightforward.”

“Life isn’t like that,” Logan told her, unable to not touch her and feel the warmth of her skin beneath his trailing fingers. He smiled a little. “I know drilling a well is like that, but human beings, Babe, are complicated animals at best. Nothing is easy when you meet someone that you are immediately drawn to.”

Jess studied him from beneath her lashes, tangling her fingers through the soft silk of the hair across his chest. “When I wake up in the morning,” she began softly, “I always wish I could turn over and you’d be there, Logan.” Shrugging, she held his glimmering eyes, felt the invisible protection he afforded her. “I find myself during the day wishing you were beside me. Something I wanted to ask you. Something I wanted to share with you…” Her voice grew low with undisguised feeling. “Honestly? I’ve been so scared of what’s happened between us. And it’s not you. It’s me. I just can’t see it working, but here we are. I don’t want to lose you, Logan. But I can’t see how what we have is ever going to work,” and Jess swallowed, searching his darkening gaze. Logan brushed her cheek, and she felt a quiver go through her. His touch always made her super sensitive to him, wanting him in every way.

“Then,” he told her, his voice thick, “why don’t we agree that we have something special and not put a label or expectation on it? Something good, Jess? You let me figure out how we’ll make it work? Like I said, SEALs are famous for workarounds and you’re just going to have to trust me on that.” Looking deeply into her eyes, Logan saw such yearning in them for him. His heart burst wide open in return with such powerful feelings for Jess that he almost blurted them out. But… he didn’t dare use the word love. Not yet. Not until he could prove, over time, that they could make it work. He saw her lush mouth grow soft. Her eyes became luminous.

“Okay, Logan, I’ll take this step with you. It’s just… our schedules. The different branches we work in in the military… It’s not you. I LIKE having you around. It’s wonderful.”

Hearing the quaver in her husky voice, he smiled a little. “Let me worry about logistics. All I need to hear from you is that you want the same thing I want, that’s all.”

Nodding, Jess licked her lower lip. “Logan, you were never the question in my life. I WANT you in it. And I know you keep reassuring me, but I still just can’t see how we can make it work.” She saw amusement come to his eyes. That chiseled mouth of his grew into a cocky, confident grin. Without words, that grin said: Logan would find a way. He’d already found one by showing up in her life again after Ramstein, after their parting at Bagram that followed that glorious first encounter. So why was she so hesitant? And then it hit Jess. Hard. Gently, she shifted her hand, moving it over his powerful, slow-beating heart, over that life-affirming pulse she could feel beneath her palm. “One more admittance, Logan.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t give my heart easily. When my marriage collapsed, when I realized I hadn’t seen Mark for who he really was, it devastated me. I’ve gone around, since then, blaming myself for my bad judgment about men.” She frowned. “This is my issue, Logan, not yours.”

“But it’s still playing out between us, Jess. Maybe part of your hesitancy is that we haven’t had enough time together yet for you to see how I impact you… how I might impact on your life?”

“Yes,” she admitted, being brutally honest about it. “I fell for Mark. It was a whirlwind romance. Looking back on it, I should have taken a lot more time. I’m convinced now that, if I had, I’d have seen some of those other, negative sides to him. It would have red-flagged me and I wouldn’t have married him.”

“And you’re worried about the same thing here?” This was something Logan could deal with. He saw the hurt and the worry in Jess’s expression. Her experience wasn’t something to whitewash. It was something to be understood and, hopefully, be used to help both of them get their burgeoning relationship on a more solid footing.

“Yes. I know it’s not fair on you, Logan. I get that. It’s just that… I’m afraid. I just need time, and that’s the other wall I’m up against. I don’t see HOW we’ll ever get that kind of time together.”

He smiled a little and guided her lifted head back down onto his shoulder. “I’ll give you all the time you want, Jess. You’re important to me. I’m not walking away from you. I’ll hang in there with you for as long as you’re willing to put up with me.”

Closing her eyes, she felt a huge load lift off her shoulder. “I needed to know that, Logan. I know it’s so not fair of me to paint you with the same brush as Mark. That’s my issue. I just need some time…”

Logan pressed a kiss to her hair. “Take all the time you want, Babe. Like I promised, I’m not going anywhere. And if you don’t know anything about SEALs, know this: when we have an objective, we get to it, no matter how much is standing in the way.” He felt her relax, felt her release a deep breath. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you’re not getting rid of me, Jess.”

Nuzzling against his shoulder, Jess grinned at his light-hearted turn of phrase, but inside, felt her world seriously shift and change. It was subtle, but it was there. The man holding her in his arms was warm, protective of her, cared about her as a person, and wanted a long-term relationship with her. All this, everything most people dream of, had come out of the blue. What were the chances? Jess had no experience with this kind of powerful draw to a man. It scared the hell out of her, but at the same time, she had never felt so right about anything. And Logan was confident about them. She was not. And it was all her garbage, her experience with Mark, standing in the way. More than anything, Jess wanted to clear that barrier, see Logan only, not kneejerk from past experience. He didn’t deserve that. He’d been honest and up front with her from the beginning. If he only knew how much she was falling in love with him. Time. They had to have time. Would they get it? Jess didn’t know. What she did know was that, right now, being beside Logan, his fingers moving slowly through her hair, as if to sooth and calm her worries, made her feel incredibly cherished and loved.

***

Brad Parker met them after the Chinook landed at nightfall. The pallet with the supplies was quickly offloaded by the two crew chiefs and Jess’s well-drilling team. It wasn’t wise to do things like this in the daylight. But, even under cover of darkness, they always worked quickly. Jess had them take the supplies to a mud hut next to where Brad had his office. After the Chinook took off, she walked with Brad down the street. Her arm was still in its sling, and Brad took care not to walk too closely to that side of her. Logan was on her other side, his M4 in his hands. He wasn’t going to allow her to go anywhere without an escort from now on, if he could help it. Once he dropped her off safely at Brad’s office, he was going to speak with LT Anderson.

Since their serious talk, Jess seemed more settled. Happy even? Logan thought she was. She was more like her civil-engineer mother mind-wise than she realized, he thought. Engineers saw the world in terms of problems to be solved. Black and white. Maps, drawings and firm reality.

Logan lightly touched her shoulder to let her know he was leaving as Brad opened his office door. She turned her head, nodding silently. One thing had not changed: neither of them wanted anyone to know about their relationship. At least, not yet.

Logan continued down the bare village road, then stopped and knocked on the door of Lieutenant Sean Anderson’s mud-and-stone hut, quietly speaking to let him know who it was. There was no window built into the rough-hewn wood door. Anderson opened it.

“Come in,” he invited Logan. “How was Bagram?”

“Busy as always,” Logan said, safing his M4 and hanging it on its harness. Inside, there were a couple of candles shedding light on Anderson’s desk where he had a topo map laid out. “What have you come up with on this latest attack? Anything?” Logan saw the lieutenant move his fingers in a distracted motion through his short blond hair as the man sat down on a stool at the table.

“Not much,” Anderson muttered. “Have a seat,” and he gestured to the other stool on the opposite side of the briefing table. “No drone yet. That sucks.”

Logan scowled. “You couldn’t convince your people at Bagram?” A drone was considered a top-tier strategic asset, and Logan knew the CIA didn’t easily relinquish their turf to military requests. There were two drone-holding entities. One was the DOD, the Department of Defense, run by the military. The other belonged to the CIA boys, who had their turf rigidly staked out and rarely wanted to work with the military. Each group had their given reasons to be stingy with their resources. None of them good, in Logan’s opinion. They desperately needed a drone over this area.

“I convinced my colonel that this is serious,” Anderson said, “but the drones available to them are all being used on what they consider more important areas of concentration.”

“What about the spooks?”

Anderson grimaced. “I called them. They weren’t interested. There was nothing in it for them.” He glanced up. “You know how they are.”

Cursing softly, Logan nodded. “Did you turn up anything else?”

Rubbing his bearded jaw, Anderson said, “Bits and pieces. I talked with Colonel Markham about our situation. Two attacks within two weeks of one another. Both times, involving Jess.” He frowned. “You aren’t going to like this, but Colonel Markham feels that Khogani is targeting Jess specifically.”

Logan’s gut clenched. He kept his face neutral. “Reasons?”

Shrugging, Anderson muttered, “They want to kidnap an American military woman. The Taliban could upload a video somewhere, make an example of her. Rape her? Beheading? The usual things. It’s an open secret they want to get a woman. They’ve already, over the years, kidnapped twelve American military men. But their sought-after prize is to get a military woman.” His voice went dark. “And, if that happens, you know the hell it’s going to cause at every level of the military, not to mention how civilians are going to react to the shitstorm when the major internet and mainstream news media in the USA get ahold of the whole thing…”

Grimly, Logan nodded. “What’s your plan to protect Jess, then?”

“Hell, I’d like to get her transferred out of here,” Anderson growled. “But, see, I was on the horn to Commander Johnson, her C.O. I explained the situation. And he’s looking at potentially removing Jess from this valley. I’m not sure he believes me that she’s a specific target of the Taliban. He’s buying it, up to a point. The problem is, if she fights the order, that causes a lot of shit for him to deal with, too… shit that he doesn’t want on his plate right now.”

“I don’t think Jess would fight it,” Logan said. If he could get her out of here, that would be the best-case scenario. Though, he sensed Jess would be pretty damned ambivalent about it. She wasn’t a person who ran from a fight. But, at the same time, she’d been wounded and maybe that would make her think twice. Maybe it would be enough to make her relent, let this assignment go, move on to another, far safer, Third World country.

“You think so?” Anderson gave him a hard look.

“Yeah. She just got wounded. You know how a bullet can change your life.”

Anderson nodded. “Got two to prove it.”

“Me too.”

The officer studied him in the building silence. “Do you think I could go to her, reasonably present what we’ve found, what we think’s really going on? And she’d be open to it? Quietly let herself get reassigned somewhere else that’s safer?”

Shrugging, Logan said, “I’d give it a try, Sean. You have nothing to lose.”

“Yeah, but there’s a connection between the two of you. If she bucks my reasons to get her reassigned, maybe you could make the difference?”

Logan gave the officer a steady look. He wondered if Anderson suspected their relationship. Of course, the officer was in black ops, so not much escaped him. He shouldn’t be surprised. Most of all, Logan wanted to protect Jess’s reputation and her career. There was nothing wrong in having a relationship with her. They were both enlisted and that much was allowed. What wasn’t allowed was that kind of fraternization between military branches. He had to be careful with the LT. “Our connection is that we unexpectedly met at Ramstein. She was there for her chief, as you know. I was there for a buddy of mine who got wounded in a firefight.” He saw the lieutenant nod, not giving anything away.

Anderson replied, “Look, I like Jess. I’m protective of her because she is a woman. I guess she wouldn’t want to hear that, but right now, I can use all the help I can get. I don’t think Jess will leave without a couple of us, who she trusts, giving her good reasons to do so, is all.”

Logan nodded. “Well, keep me informed. You’ve worked with her longer than I have. And you seem persuasive. One thing I am going to do is: Chris and I are going to closely shadow her movements. I have to talk to her about this and get her cooperation. Whichever of us who isn’t on overwatch on her drilling crew, will be boots on the ground wherever she’s at and wherever she goes. I’m not about to let her drive out to that damned field alone again to troubleshoot some issue. She needs a 24-7 guard from this point on.”

“Agreed,” Anderson said. “I’m fine with that as long as you two are.”

“I’ve got to talk to Chris. He’s next on my to-do list,” and Logan grinned a little. Although Anderson might suspect a deeper tie with Jess, he wasn’t going there. That was a relief. Some officers could be a pain in the ass if there was fraternization going on. Others, if it was handled quietly and behind-the-scenes, ignored it. Logan had some fine lines to walk with keeping his and Jess’s secret, but stealth was a SEAL’s middle name. He would doggedly protect Jess, and never give Anderson a reason to intervene or cause further havoc in her life. She had enough of that, as is.