Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
T he next morning, Logan brought up coffee and rolls to the conjugal unit at Bagram from below, along with the orders Jess had been anxiously waiting for. He had climbed into his cammies and work shirt, and pulled on his combat boots, before going downstairs. Jess was dressed in a white terrycloth robe, sitting on the bed she’d made in his brief absence. She was still drowsy looking, and Logan felt his heart expand with love for her. He suddenly and powerfully wanted her, but he stilled his own needs, seeing the clear anxiety in Jess’s green eyes. Right now, her life was up in the air. She didn’t know where she was going to land.
“Figured some coffee might help,” he offered, placing the tray down on the bed. He pulled the orders out of his pocket and handed them to Jess.
“Thanks,” she whispered, taking them. “And thanks for the coffee and rolls.” His thoughtfulness touched her deeply. Logan nodded and sat down on the edge of the mattress, picking up his paper cup filled with steaming coffee. Her heart was beating hard in her chest. And it didn’t help that her fingers trembled as she opened the envelope.
Logan watched Jess’s face carefully as he sipped his coffee while she read her orders. He watched her fine black brows knit. “CONUS?” he asked. That meant orders back to the United States.
“Yes,” and she shrugged, handing them to him. “They’re reassigning me as an instructor at the school. Port Hueneme, Oxnard, California.”
Rapidly scanning the papers, Logan felt immense relief. He glanced up at her. “Unhappy about it?”
“Only because I can’t say goodbye to my crew I’ve known for five years. We’ve dug a lot of wells together.” Her voice softened. “We’ve helped a lot of people.”
Logan sat the orders down on the bed and handed Jess her coffee. “Come on, drink up.”
Rallying, Jess nodded, their fingertips touching. She felt warmth flood her hand and she drowned in his alert gaze. “How do you feel about it then?” What Logan thought was important to her. She saw him hitch a shoulder.
“You’re safe, Jess. That’s all I care about.” He saw her stare down at her coffee cup. Logan knew it was a bitter pill for her to swallow. He tried putting himself in her place. What if he’d been ripped unceremoniously out of his platoon, never to return to the same brothers he’d fought with for so many years? It would be gut wrenching, tearing him out of the fabric of a life he’d known for nearly a decade. Reaching out, he trailed his fingers down her lower arm. “One good thing about it?”
Jess swallowed. She heard the grit in Logan’s voice and looked up into his caring blue eyes. “What?”
“When I get back to Coronado, it’s only a three-hour drive between us. You’re stationed above Los Angeles and I’m in San Diego. That’s close.” He saw her regroup a bit.
“I hadn’t thought about that,” Jess admitted. “But that’s nice to know.” For many reasons.
She looked so damned sad. Logan took the coffee cup from her hand and got off the bed. He picked up the tray and set it on the dresser. The suffering in Jess’s eyes tore at him. It was going to take weeks, maybe months, for her to work through everything that had happened to her. Climbing back on the bed, he punched up some pillows and placed them up against the headboard, settling his back against them.
Holding out his hand, he said, “Come here?”
Jess pulled up the ends of her robe and moved up beside Logan. The moment his arm went around her, hauling her against him, she nestled her head against his neck and jaw. Pulling up her knees, the robe slipped off, revealing her bruised thigh. Logan gently brought the robe across it once more. Right now, Jess just wanted to be held. Closing her eyes, she sighed and slid an arm around his waist.
“You’ve been through a lot,” Logan told her quietly, caressing her hair. “And it’s going to take a while for you to sort it all out, Jess.”
“I feel like I’m in freefall.”
“Yes,” Logan murmured, hearing the strain in her husky voice. “You are. It’s not a pleasant place to be.”
Jess slid her hand across his work shirt, feeling his muscles respond to her grazing touch. “I need to quit sulking and get on with it.”
Laughing quietly, Logan gazed down at her, amusement in his voice. “I’ve never seen you sulk, Jess. You aren’t the type, Babe. Sorry, but you’re just not a prima donna or a high-maintenance kind of woman.” She was a woman of the earth; sensual, real and hot-blooded.
She felt bathed in the sunlight in Logan’s voice and smile, seeing merriment dancing in his eyes. “Instead of bitching about it, I should be grateful I survived the kidnapping. I really need to get my priorities straight. We could have died out there.”
“Well,” Logan hedged, “in all fairness to you, Jess, you got hit with a lot, one major event right after the other. You’re reeling emotionally, and that’s normal. I’m just glad we can talk about it and that I can hold you.”
Closing her eyes, Jess wondered how many men would be this sensitive to her predicament, much less understand the pressures upon her. Her ex-husband certainly would not have. She could feel the slow, heavy beat of Logan’s heart beneath her palm. “I don’t want to lose you, Logan. I just found you. I know we’re both probably feeling extruded through a straw right now.” Jess heard and felt him chuckle.
“That’s putting it mildly, but I’m not fazed, Jess. And I promise, I’ll be very careful the two months remaining on my deployment. I want to be three short hours away from you,” and he kissed her hairline.
“Will we be able to stay in touch?” and she pulled back enough to look up into his eyes. “You’re black ops. Do you disappear?” His boyish smile made her feel better.
“I’ll give you my platoon email address. Sometimes, when I’m lucky, I can get on Zoom. But that won’t be often. Emails are probably going to be it mostly.”
“When do you have to leave, Logan?” Jess pulled out of his arms, sitting up, crossing her legs and pulling the robe over them.
“I have a flight to catch at 1300, onep.m.” He saw sadness come to her eyes. He felt equally glum. Reaching out, he took her hand. “I wish we had more time, but the military isn’t interested in our personal lives, or even approving of them. Except for in the Master Chief’s universe. He understands human nature and that we are in a serious relationship with one another.”
“He’s been very kind toward us,” she agreed quietly. “You SEALs really do have your own universe, and it doesn’t necessarily jibe with the one I have to live in.”
He nodded and frowned. “When do you have to depart Bagram?”
“I have orders to leave at 1400 today. We’ll be going different ways.” She had to catch a C-5 flight from Bagram to Rota, Spain. Then roughly forty-eight hours of flying on different military transports to finally land at Point Magu, the Naval Air Station attached to Port Hueneme on the Southern California West Coast.
“Do you think you can get some leave when I get back to Coronado?” Logan knew SEALs were the only ones to get sixty days after deployment to be with their families. They were gone so much that this chunk of time was the important glue that held families together. The military usually only gave out thirty-day leaves. He searched her eyes.
“Yes, I’ll make it happen.”
“You can spend your thirty days with me at my condo.”
That sounded wonderful. “And if I did that, you could meet my parents.”
“They have to be special people to have you as a daughter,” he said, meaning it. Logan saw a faint blush come to her cheeks. He liked that Jess was easily readable. She never tried to hide who she was or how she felt.
“Once I get back to my battalion,” she said, “I’ll put in for leave for that timeframe, first thing.”
“Good, because I intend to spend a lot of time alone with you. And not just in bed.”
She felt him teasing her, trying to make her feel better. “Bed sounds awfully good, too. But I’ll be happy no matter where we are, Logan. I just want the time to be around you, kick back, relax, go do silly things together.”
“Would you like to learn how to scuba dive?” he hinted broadly, moving his fingers down her arm.
She felt the darkness leaving, felt a shift that she couldn’t explain, but it moved her out of her depression. “I’d like that. I’ve always loved the water. My folks are the same. That’s why they wanted to settle in San Diego. To be near the ocean.”
“How about… roasting hot dogs and marshmallows out on the beach?”
“Mmmm, now I can really sink my teeth into that one.”
He chuckled. “Take you to The Prado Restaurant over in Balboa Park some evening? They have great food and even better wine.”
“I love Balboa Park,” she sighed.
“Then, we’ll pack a picnic basket, a blanket, and go over to the park, sit under one of those big, white-barked Eucalyptus trees, and eat.”
Jess gazed up at him, feeling a strong flow of happiness chasing away her glum outlook. “I think thirty days is a gift we’ve earned with one another, no matter what we do or don’t do.”
Logan smiled into her green eyes, seeing the flecks of gold in their depths shining with especially intense love and life right now. Her hair was soft and shining, blue highlights layered. “Tell you what. You put together your wish list of San Diego things you like to do and email it to me. We’ll build an itinerary from it, with a decent amount of do-nothing-much time built in?”
Jess felt endlessly grateful for his support and insight. She knew what Logan was trying to do. Trying to lift her spirits, get her to have something to look forward to. With him. She squeezed him and murmured, “I’d love to do that….”
So many emotions welled up through Jess as she kissed Logan goodbye. They did so in the privacy of their room, away from the prying eyes of the military. Jess felt complete trust, an almost sacred sense of refuge. As never before, she knew what Logan did as a SEAL. She’d been a part of his world. His ingenuity, alertness and intelligence, as well as his vast experience in hostile territories, had gotten them safely through. As they ended their kiss, Logan studied her in the silence.
“You’re not going to worry, are you?” he teased, caressing her cheek, seeing the anxiety in her green eyes.
“No, I won’t.” It was an outright lie. “I want you focused on your work, not worrying about me worrying about you.” Jess saw a wry grin tugging at his mouth. A mouth she’d never get tired of kissing.
“Sure?”
“Hundred percent sure.”
“And I’m not going to have to worry about you, Babe. You’ll be safe and sound in Oxnard.”
Nodding, Jess put on her game face and voice. As a leader and manager of people, she knew how to do it. “I will be boringly safe.”
“Not looking forward to being an instructor?” Logan knew by now that Jess liked getting her hands into the soil, being outdoors, and savoring every minute of it. She’d never be an indoor, or office pogue, kind of person. Of course, he was built the same way. Logan could never see himself in a button-down, nine-to-five job, either. He smoothed her hair, watching her eyes change, knowing she was absorbing every touch he gave her.
“Not really.” Jess frowned and said, “I’ve got a lot of decisions to make, Logan. More than anything, I want us together as much as we can manage it.”
His grin increased. “Send me your end of the to-do list? I’ll put mine together, too. They’re going to be a lot of adventure, maybe laughter, and comparing.” It would give him more information about Jess and that was important to Logan. He saw her eyes dance with happiness.
“I promise, I will. It’s something to look forward to.” She saw his grin dissolve and sensed a serious change in him.
“Look,” Logan said, his voice thick with emotion, “there’s one more thing we need to discuss, Jess.” He drew his thumb against her flushed cheek, skin like satin. “And I need to tell you about this. I’m going to change the status in my personnel jacket to being engaged to you. I want to put your name down as the first person to be contacted in case I’m injured or dead.”
Her heart plummeted over the word ‘dead’. Jess knew, all too well now, how dangerous a life Logan led. She saw him struggling with a lot of unspoken feelings as he gently smoothed his hands across her shoulders.
“All right,” she whispered, understanding as never before how deeply he loved her. So much had happened in such a compressed time, but their hearts knew their connection to one another was solid.
“I don’t think anything is going to happen to me,” he added quickly. “I just don’t want you outside the loop, is all. As it stands, my parents in Wyoming would be contacted, but I want you on that priority list, too.” Logan searched her eyes, seeing the fear deep in them. Seeing Jess wrestling with it. “It’s my commitment to you,” he said. “We might not have a lot of time on our side knowing one another yet, Jess, but I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” He saw tears form and then she swallowed a couple of times. “I never expected to fall in love,” Logan admitted. “You just slammed into my life in the most unexpected and wonderful of ways, Jess.”
“I wasn’t looking for anyone either,” she admitted. Reaching up, she drew a few short, stray strands of his dark hair off his brow. Logan looked so damned confident and sure of himself. Little rocked his world, but Jess realized that she had , and it made her heart expand with even more love for him. He had the courage to tell her and that meant everything to her. “I guess I was always pulling my punch with you, Logan. I felt like we collided into one another and something… magic maybe… just took ahold of both of us. Being with you in Landstuhl was… well… wonderful. I’ve never felt more alive. Happier. Despite the reason I was there… losing Dan.” She searched his expression, seeing how much her emotional words were impacting Logan. The corners of his mouth were drawn in, his hands a little firmer around her shoulders, as if he didn’t want to let her go. Jess didn’t want to let him go, either.
“Same here.” Logan held her luminous gaze, wanting to always remember her unique fragrance as a woman. Wanting to feel her special strength, that husky voice of hers, that laughter, and the look of love resting in her eyes right now, for him. “I need to go, Babe…”
It tore at Jess’s heart as he released her and went over to pick up his gear and rifle. Already, she could begin to see Logan’s game face coming back into place. “Stay safe,” she choked, trying to look strong for him.
Logan smiled down at Jess, swept her into his arm, crushing her against him. He tasted the sweetness and softness of her mouth beneath his, inhaled her scent, absorbed her passionate response. Reluctantly, Logan broke their kiss, staring hard into her eyes. “I love you, Jess. I’ll see you in two months, Babe…”