17. Alex
17
Alex
“ W here’s the son of a bitch?” I growl as I walk up to Gabby, who’s nervously pacing outside the restaurant. I take a moment to reel in my anger. I’m not mad at her. I’m mad at Dr. Hemorrhoid Helper for putting her in an uncomfortable situation. The moment I saw her picture flash on my phone’s screen, I knew something was wrong. I’m glad she called me, though. Even though she gutted me tonight, I’ll always come to her rescue.
“He’s still passed out at the table. One of the waiters offered to help get him to the car, but what would I do with him after that?”
“Why don’t you just leave him at the table? Let the restaurant call the cops on him or something.”
“I thought about that, but we work in the same building. I don’t want to be the girl who left Dr. Payne unconscious at a restaurant. Although from what he was saying, he might not be a doctor much longer,” she mumbles.
“He deserves whatever he has coming. ”
“Maybe he does, but who knows? I really don’t know him well and it’s possible I misunderstood him since he was slurring. He might’ve had a hard day and needed to blow off some steam and went a little too far.”
I can’t believe she’s willing to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. I, for one, have already judged him for the asshole that he is.
“Do you know where he lives?”
She shakes her head.
“Great.” I blow out a breath, trying to come up with a plan. “Well, we’re going to need his wallet and keys. We’ll find his address and take him home. I’ll stick Dr. Payne in the Ass in my car. I don’t want him trying anything with you if he wakes up. Do you think you can drive his car? We’ll drop him off at his house and then swing back around here for Stinky. Does that sound like a plan?”
“I guess so. But how are we going to get him out here and to your car?”
“We have that covered,” a male voice says from behind me. I turn around to see a stout man in a three-piece-suit standing next to a humongous teenage boy who has a lanky man wrapped around the back of his neck like he’s wearing a human boa.
“Hi, I’m Jared,” the guy in the suit says. “I’m the general manager and this here is Nickolas, one of our busboys. Your date started to disrupt other customers with his snoring, so we figured we’d save everyone a headache and bring him out here. Thankfully, Nick is a star athlete. We call him Nick the Brick.”
“Thank you,” Gabby says sheepishly and digs in her purse.
“No need, ma’am.” Jared holds his palm up and shakes his head. “Your date already settled his tab at the bar, and dinner is on us.”
“No.” Gabby gasps. “I can’t let you do that. ”
“I insist. You’ve already had a horrendous date. You don’t need to get stuck with a bill on top of it.”
“I-I don’t know what else to say.” Gabby shakes Jared’s hand. “Thank you for your compassion.”
“As much as I appreciate this moment,” I interrupt, “we need to get this guy out of here.” I look over at Nick the Brick, who still has Dr. Ass Analyzer in a firm grip. “Can you hold on to him while I bring my car around?”
“No problem at all, sir.” The Brick puffs out his chest. “I can bench up to 225 pounds and I would say this guy is about”—he jiggles the drunk doctor a bit—“one hundred seventyish.”
“Good to know.” I roll my eyes, although I’m impressed with Nick’s stats.
I jog to my car while Gabby thanks Jared and Nick over and over again. In less than a minute, I pull up to the curb. Jared opens the passenger side door and Nick dumps Dr. Colon Cleaner into the seat. Once their work is done, they head back into the restaurant.
“What do we do now?” Gabby asks as I click her deadbeat date’s seat belt into place. I might hate the guy, but I don’t need him getting hurt on my watch.
“We need his keys and wallet to find his address.” I turn my attention back toward her.
“Okay, umm…I guess they’re in the pocket of his pants.” She bends down next to where Josh is seated.
“Hold it!” I place my hand on her upper arm and gently pull her back. “The last thing I need tonight is to watch you digging around in some other man’s pants.”
I reach around Dr. Posterior Prober’s waist, wishing I had thought to get his belongings while Nick the Brick was still holding on to him. It’s a lot harder to access his pockets now that he’s sitting down .
I successfully pull out his belongings and read the address on his license. “Okay, Dr. Douchebag lives on Riverside Drive and…” I hit a button on the key fob. A black Mercedes lights up. “His car is right over there.”
I give Gabby strict instructions to follow directly behind. About ten minutes later, we pull up to a small bungalow-looking house that’s seen better days. The dilapidated porch is covered with chipped paint, and the screen door is barely hanging on to one hinge.
“Huh.” I step out of my SUV. “I guess he put all his money into his car rather than his home,” I say to myself.
“How was he on the drive?” Gabby asks while walking up to me.
“Inebriated,” I deadpan, though I’m happy he did nothing but sleep. “Give me his keys. I’ll open the door and drag his ass inside. Did he mention if he had any pets, like a guard dog or anything?”
“No, he never mentioned any pets.” She chews on her bottom lip. She always does that when she’s nervous. “I really don’t know much about him.”
“No kidding.”
I walk up the two steps to Dr. Cheek Checker’s front door and listen for any clue that something or someone might be inside. Everything seems quiet, so I unlock it and feel the wall for a light switch. Finding what I’m looking for, I flip on a light to the sight of one shithole of a house. The place looks like a 1970s bachelor pad complete with dirty shag carpet, wood paneling on the walls, and a dark green sofa and recliner set. Perfect. I’ll drag Dr. Tush Tester to the recliner, where he can sleep his drunk ass off.
“You so dodged a bullet on this one.” I smirk and walk past Gabby to get the drunkard.
“What do you mean? ”
“Go inside and have a look for yourself.” I nod my chin toward the front of the house. She gives me a hesitant look but walks toward the house.
I open my passenger side door, unclick the drunk doctor’s seat belt, and lift him over my shoulder. The dude is deadweight, but Nick the Brick was right on the money. I’d say he weighs just about one hundred seventy pounds if not slightly lighter.
“I’m getting too old for this shit,” I mumble, schlepping Dr. Deadweight from the side of the road and into his shack of a house. He’s not the first passed-out guy I’ve carried before, although it’s usually out of a building and not into it. I dump his butt in the recliner, then turn to Gabby, who’s still taking in the scenery with a horrified look on her face.
“Is it okay to just leave him here like this?” She fidgets with her hands, still trying to take in the retro scene surrounding us.
“He should be fine.” I shrug and start to explore the rest of the place out of sheer curiosity.
“I’m just going to leave him a note so he doesn’t wonder how he got back here.” Gabby starts looking around for something to write on.
“Maybe he has something in here.” I open a door and… “No…freaking…way!”
I figured the rest of the house would look similar to the living room, but this is more than I ever could’ve imagined.
“What’s going on?” Gabby walks up beside me and peers into the funhouse-looking room. I’m all too familiar with the sight. It looks just like the mirrored room I helped demolish in Jax and Aly’s future home. Jax and Travis had dubbed it the “Hotel California Room” because it was hard to find your way out once the door was shut. We had endless ideas about who the previous tenant was. Now I think I have the answer.
She gasps as I take out my phone and snap a few pictures .
“You said this guy used to live here, moved away, and came back, right?”
“That’s what he told me,” she confirms. “Why do you ask?”
“I think I just found out who used to live at Jax and Aly’s new place.” I snap a few more photos. The only difference between this room and the previous one is that this one has a bed smack dab in the middle.
“I can’t believe this.” She shakes her head.
“I can. He’s probably a narcissist who gets off on looking at himself from all angles. I can’t imagine that with this house and his stellar personality, he brings many women back here. Like I said before, you dodged a bullet.”
“I never planned to go home with him,” she replies defensively.
“What were your plans exactly?” A muscle in my jaw twitches.
“I don’t know!” She takes a step back. “I told you. He seemed nice enough and I didn’t think going out to dinner would do any harm.”
“Well, it might’ve done a lot of harm. Who knows what this guy had planned for you.” I stare her down, so agitated by her recent actions. She’s better than this.
“Let’s just get out of here.” She crosses her arms over her chest and pivots towards the living room.
With one last check that Josh is fine and propped in an upright position, I place his keys on the side table, turn the bottom lock, and close the door. He’s in for a hell of a hangover, but that’s not my problem.
Walking back to my SUV, I notice that Gabby has already settled into the passenger side, undoubtedly waiting for me to drive her back to the restaurant to retrieve her car. Too bad I have other plans. This whole cat-and-mouse chase she’s put me through needs to stop and I’m declaring it ends tonight.