Chapter 2
‘I think he was sick of me always talking about work and staying in with my piles of marking,’ I say, trying not to sound so hurt. ‘But he obviously thinks I’m not sexy enough or glam—’
My sister’s cheeks go pink with outrage.
‘Nope. Do not start self-doubting and putting the blame on yourself.’ She flicks her glorious long brown curls over her shoulder, her big brown eyes wide with compassion.
‘We are eleven-out-of-ten stunners. He’s the fool that can’t see it.
He’s the dickhead with the problem. Not you. ’
I love her sense of self-worth and confidence. It oozes from her.
‘He’s moving on very fast considering we were together for nearly four months,’ I say, a batch of fresh tears pooling in my eyes.
‘You have to move on too,’ Lois says gently. ‘Forget him. Don’t dwell on the past.’
Is barely one hour ago considered ‘the past’? Is it?
I ignore her and carry on. ‘Do you think it’s a cry for help?’ I sound very desperate. Very needy. This is not my finest hour.
‘Even if it was, would you really take him back after the way he is carrying on?’
I shake my head, barely able to look her in the eye.
‘Libby, he is not right for you,’ Lois sighs. ‘If you want to get back at him, then make him jealous by moving on and never looking back. Your pride has been dented but come on, you were never in love with him, were you?’
What a question to ask at a time like this. All I can do is shrug. Everything around me is imploding at the same time, my relationship, my career, my confidence. Everyone around me is moving forward while I seem to be going backwards at full steam.
‘Listen, I’ve got some news that will take your mind off him,’ she says, her eyes shining. ‘You’ll never guess what. You know how I’ve always wanted to go on Love on the Island?’
‘Yes, of course. You’re obsessed.’
It’s that programme on TV where extroverts go to live semi-naked in a luxury villa, surrounded by potential lovers. Lois has been infatuated with the show since it began.
‘I’m not watching the new series with you if that’s what you’re asking. It’s Tyrone’s turn this year.’ I hate it. She knows this.
‘I finally got accepted.’ Lois laughs.
I have misheard her.
‘Sorry, what?’
She sucks in her lips and raises her eyebrows. ‘I’ve been picked as a contestant!’
I continue to stare at her. It’s like looking in a mirror, except her features are expertly highlighted and contoured. She looks sophisticated while, with my drab work clothes and tangled hair, I look like a woman who gave up long, long ago.
‘What do you mean? When did you apply? What about Tyrone?’
‘I applied to go on the show last year before I met Ty. Then I fell head over heels and forgot all about it.’ Lois practically has sparkles coming out of her eyes every time she mentions Tyrone’s name.
I’ve never seen a couple more in love. ‘They emailed me out of the blue to see if I was still available, saying I’d signed some contract.
You know I always click the terms and conditions without reading. Who has time to read the small print?’
‘Hmmm.’ I do. I always read the small print. But now is not the time to remind her. ‘So, have you replied? What did they say?’
‘Not yet. I’ll do it tomorrow when…’
At that moment, the door opens, and Tyrone fills the frame. He may as well live with us the amount of time he spends here.
‘Have you told her the good news?’ he says chirpily.
‘You know about Love on the Island?’ I say, surprised.
‘Love on the Island? No. I mean me moving in. Yikes. All three of us cramped into this poky flat.’ He laughs. ‘Living the dream, eh?’
I look at his bags. He has two massive holdalls. ‘You’re moving in… today?’ I glance over at Lois.
‘Sorry, I meant to tell you but with everything going on…’
Tyrone drops the bags at the door, takes two giant steps towards us and swoops my sister up into a loving embrace. He is huge compared to her petite frame. He collapses onto the sofa, pulling her down to sit on his knee before giving her an adoring look.
‘So, what’s this about Love on the Island?’ he asks.
Lois is lit up like a Christmas tree in his arms. ‘Just that the producers of Love on the Island reached out to me today. They want me on the show. Because I’m crazy hot and gorgeous.’
Tyrone is visibly distraught. ‘Babe, no way. I don’t want to see you kiss some random muscle-mountain. They’ll be all over you. I couldn’t take it.’
He’s right. He is insanely in love with my sister. It would crucify him to see her flirting up a storm with other guys.
‘Oh, God, no, honey. I wouldn’t dream of going on the show.
I did the video entry before we even met.
I wanted the hundred-thousand-dollar prize money for a deposit on a house instead of paying extortionate rent all the time.
’ She smiles lovingly at him. ‘You’re the only muscle-mountain for me. I don’t have eyes for anyone but you.’
They exchange the same dreamy expression. It causes me to look away as a brief pang of longing jabs at me. I’ve never had that with any of my previous boyfriends. Never.
‘Just because I signed a contract doesn’t mean I have to go on the show,’ Lois tells him.
‘You’ve signed a contract?’ he says in a worried voice, because he is an up-and-coming lawyer. ‘Seriously? You haven’t signed an agreement, have you? Those things with TV companies can be watertight.’
She nods meekly and hugs him tight. ‘But I don’t want to go on the show. They can’t force me.’
‘What if you’re contractually obliged?’ I ask. This would be awful for them.
‘I’ll withdraw. If the worst comes to the worst, they can sue me.’ Lois gazes up at Ty. ‘There’s no way I’m leaving you for the whole summer. I couldn’t bear it.’
He lifts her chin towards him and places a gentle, reassuring kiss on her lips.
They could really do with me out of their way so they can live as a proper couple. Stroking each other’s cheeks, foot massaging and having sex on the kitchen table whenever the mood strikes, without me always there as a third wheel.
I pinch the bridge of my nose to stop feeling faint. I knew this day would come. Trust it to be this day.
My mind flashes back to the horrors of earlier.
After a long day of doing mock-Ofsted curriculum deep dives (not as interesting as it sounds) and ploughing through children’s texts describing why resilience and challenging yourself is the key to success in life, the last thing I had expected was the head teacher to pop his head around my classroom door to casually inform me that I’ll not be needed the following term.
I was so gutted. And to make matters worse, I rang Josh for a shoulder to cry on but, instead of answering, he sent me the ‘put a pin in it’ text back.
And now, Tyrone has officially moved in, meaning I should really start searching for a new job and somewhere new to live.
But I have no money saved to move out. I’d have to pay a deposit on a place upfront.
It’s all a bit overwhelming. I can feel my soul disintegrating.
I belong nowhere. I have no one. Perhaps Lois is right.
I’d love to escape for the summer, have fun, be carefree and do something spontaneous for once but instead I’ll be trawling the internet and selling my soul to the first employer that will hire me.
‘Don’t worry, babe. There’s got to be a way to get you out of it without them taking legal action,’ says Tyrone to Lois, snapping me out of my misery. He has hold of Lois’s phone and is checking the small print on the contract.
Lois is stroking his face and looking at him with a doe-eyed expression, as though it will help him find the get-out clause that he’s after.
Suddenly an idea comes to me.
A solution to everything. For both me and for Lois.
I slap on a bright smile to hide how I’m feeling. ‘I’ll do it!’ I hear my voice catch. ‘I’ll go on the show instead of you.’
Lois’s head whips round. ‘Wait. What? No way! You hate that show.’
‘I could really use that prize money. It beats teaching summer camps and being surrounded by nothing but wine and piles of exam marking. And it might be nice for the two of you to spend some quality time together… without me always hanging around.’
Lois gasps. ‘No, Libs,’ she says, leaping up. ‘Don’t make this about me and Tyrone needing our own space. We’d never do that to you. We love having you around. Don’t we?’ She is so astute. ‘And if you need money, we’ll help you out.’
Tyrone is nodding emphatically. He is very emotionally literate for a man. He is also very good at doing what he is told.
‘It’s not about that,’ I lie.
‘Well then, if it’s about winning Arrogant Josh back, that’s not a good reason to go on the show either. He doesn’t deserve you after the way he dumped you like that.’
‘He dumped you? When?’ Tyrone asks softly.
‘Today. By text,’ Lois explains before turning to take my hands in hers. ‘I want to see you being happy, but if you’re trying to win him back, you’d be doing the show for the wrong reasons.’
She’s 100 per cent right but the more I think about Josh dumping me by text, the school dumping me right before the holidays, and the fact that I haven’t done anything remotely interesting in years, the more my misery is growing. I think maybe this opportunity is fate.
‘No, really,’ I tell her. ‘I wouldn’t want to win him back… but what if I went on the show, was a huge success and actually won it? Wouldn’t it feel great to make him regret dumping me? Besides, what have I got to lose? I’m at a loose end for the summer and completely broke.’
‘You said every episode is like one long, tedious never-ending TikTok make-up tutorial.’
‘Did I?’
I totally did.
‘And when was the last time you got dolled up to go anywhere, Libs?’ Lois says, defending her favourite programme.
‘You are not cut out to appear on such a bloodthirsty, over-the-top reality TV show. Imagine all the drama and back-stabbing. You said the temper tantrums and hissy fits were worse than your school nursery.’
I did.
‘And you might struggle to get employed by a primary school afterwards.’
That’s a good point but I’m past caring. I’d simply be leaping with both feet from one pile of shite into another.
‘Look, I’m sorry I forgot to mention Tyrone was moving in, but I think you’re just overwhelmed by everything that has happened today, and you’re making panic-fuelled decisions.’
She’s totally right.
It’s true that I’ve developed a deep-rooted fear of body oil, protruding six-packs and Turkey teeth that are blindingly white to a seizure-inducing degree but, to be fair, she did make me binge-watch the entire series with her.
‘Listen,’ I say, trying to sound convincing. ‘You said yourself I should do something spontaneous. This way I get a glamorous makeover. A chance to win enough money for both of us to put down deposits on houses, and you never know, I might just meet a man that isn’t a lying cheat.’
‘Great idea, Libs. Even if you didn’t win, it would put you firmly in the shop window.
The US show would cast a wider net for you.
’ Tyrone is clearly Team Libby while he searches the contract for a way to keep Lois from having to go on the show.
‘It will give you a more global reach. Cover all bases. Target an expansive range of territories.’
He’s making my potential search for a new mate sound like a difficult product launch. I can feel a panic setting in.
‘Thanks, Tyrone. I’m sure someone on the island will find me attractive.
’ My voice is rising a full octave with each sentence, as all my insecurities about life, where I’m going and what I’m doing bubble to the surface.
I have as much sex appeal as a rotting banana.
Maybe Josh was right. I haven’t got what it takes to be sexy and adventurous.
I’m a joyless husk. They’ll see right through me.
‘No, I just meant… in case you don’t… These women have a certain style that…
’ Tyrone looks like a man at a tribunal hearing who is about to choose his words very carefully.
He looks from my sister to me and back again.
My sister and I are practically identical.
He has to be complimentary without being too complimentary.
He will be forever caught between a rock and a hard place.
He can’t find us both sexy. Nor can he say that we’re not. It’s almost painful to watch.
All of a sudden, the exhaustion of losing my job and my boyfriend in the same day sweeps through me. ‘No worries. Forget it. It was just a stupid thought. They won’t force you to go on the show, sis. They’d have to prise you from my dead arms. I’m off to bed. See you in the morning.’
Lois jumps up to hug me. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sure once you sleep on it, you’ll realise it’s not a good idea.’ She holds me at arm’s length. ‘Someone deserving will come along when you least expect it and sweep you right off your feet.’
Her phone suddenly bursts to life, startling us all. A face is video-calling her. A man’s face. Lois takes a look, her eyes wide. ‘Oh my God. It’s them! It’s Love on the Island. What will I do?’
‘Simple. You accept the call and explain that you aren’t going to do the show,’ says Tyrone, firmly handing her the phone as it continues to trill.
We’re all looking at each other as though we’re playing tennis with our eyeballs while we wait for Lois to move.
It looks as though her body has frozen in time.
Her eyes flick to mine. And before I quite know what I’m doing, I grab the phone from her and, in one swift movement, I release my hair from its bun and glide over to the fireplace so he can’t see Lois or Tyrone in the background, and press accept.
‘Hello. Thanks for calling,’ I say with a smile, as I make what could be the worst decision of my life.