Chapter 19 #2
‘At least I match the garden signs,’ I say, pointing to a huge neon sign above the weights bench that says, Pump it, pump it real good. I shake my head. Who thinks these things up? It’s one innuendo after another.
‘That’s my favourite,’ says Giovanni, pointing to a sign by the side of the pool.
It really is a wonderland of fake flowers and twinkling fairy lights.
‘Love is Reel.’ He waggles his eyebrows at me. ‘Geddit? Reel as in social media? But it works on another level too, as in real love.’ He shakes his head in disbelief. ‘They’re so clever these Love on the Island dudes. They think of everything.’
I smile blankly. His parents must be so proud.
‘So, Libby. I wanted to pull you for a chat.’
I pump my arms, keeping my focus on the weights in my hands.
‘Because I, erm… I have a request to make. It’s, er, it’s about the bed situation.’
Why? I’ve not shown him the slightest bit of interest since I got here.
‘Uh-huh?’
‘I’d like you to come back to the main villa and share a bed with me.’
‘Why?’
This has thrown him because he drops the heavy medicine ball he is squatting with and looks at me, frowning. His mouth falls open, but words elude him.
I carry on pumping my arms to give him time to think.
He drops down onto the mat, into a perfect press-up position. Finally, after a succession of one-armed press-ups, he hits on something to say. ‘Why don’t we get to know each other a bit?’
I inwardly sigh. My heart is taken. This is futile but we are on camera, and while I know Cam is watching, I’d hate for people across America to think I’m not giving Giovanni a fair chance.
‘Sure. Great. Lovely.’ I slap on a smile. ‘So, Giovanni, tell me, what’s your plan after this show?’
He stops mid-press-up to answer. ‘Oh, I have such a cool plan. I want to be rich and successful. And settled with the woman of my dreams. I’m so ready for marriage and kids.’
‘Good for you. Raising a family is expensive. Rich and successful in what?’
‘Who knows? I’m just going to go where the wind takes me, I guess, and see where I end up.’
‘That’s not really a plan.’
He resumes his workout. ‘Well, I’ll just go with the flow.’
‘No, still not a plan.’
‘Well, I’ll just see what unfolds, you know?’
‘Nope, not a plan either.’
What is he not getting?
He continues his press-ups. The heat is building as the sun beats down on us. Sweat is pouring off him as though I’m hosing him down like a beached whale.
‘I’ll just, like, drift on the wind, bro. See where I land.’
That is basically a repeat of his first sentence. We are simply going round in endless circles.
I could be trapped in this godawful cycle for hours. I plonk the weights down with an audible groan.
‘Okay. Giovanni, I think you might have an underactive amygdala. It’s stopping you from worrying about things. Anyway, good chat. See you later.’
‘So, is that a yes to sleeping in my bed? Porscha kinda said I had to persuade you.’
I glare at him.
‘Oh, did she?’ I swivel round to stare straight into a camera hide. It’s under the Pump it real good sign. I noticed the sunlight reflecting off the lens as soon as I looked at it. I put my hands on my hips and go full teacher mode. ‘Well, perhaps she’d like to come and explain herself then.’
* * *
Porscha responds to my battle cry by announcing that we will all be taking part in a game. I know she is trying to have a go at me because it is called High School Drop Out.
‘You’ll be great at this, Libby,’ Amber shrieks excitedly as we climb into a collection of obscene sexy schoolgirl outfits. When we are all ready, we take a group selfie.
I know for a fact that the giant mirror taking up the whole wall in the hallway is two-way.
I stare directly into it as we pose. Mimi is doing vertical splits while hanging on to my shoulder and Amber is doing a doggy-style hump sort of thing to Binky on my other side.
Her blue hair looks great against the big pink bubble-gum bubble she is blowing.
Kassy is doing lying-down splits with me standing, arms crossed and unimpressed, in the middle.
‘This is a bit seventies, isn’t it?’ I say to the mirror.
‘A bit sexist? A bit on the cusp as far as grooming goes?’ I point to our obscenely short pleated skirts, swinging up our backsides.
We are wearing stockings and suspenders, skimpy shirts that only reach the bottom of our boobs and miniature ties.
We all have our hair in pigtails. We look sexy as hell, but that is beside the point.
‘As a teacher, I have to say, I object.’
My objection is met with uncertainty as though I’ve announced we should all be speaking in iambic pentameter from now on.
‘I’ve got a good vibe with Marco but I’m going to cover my options until I’ve got all the feels,’ announces Kassy, seeming keen to move the conversation on while she adjusts her skirt to make it even shorter.
‘Good cos I’m doing Carlton but only to make Giovanni jealous. Does everyone get that?’ says Mimi.
We all nod obediently.
‘Who is Marco? Have I missed someone new coming in?’ I ask.
‘She means Marcel,’ Amber corrects.
‘I’m stuck with the tall one,’ says Binky. She’s barely said a word since we’ve been here. ‘I have no idea what he’s called.’
‘It’s Brad, hun. Brad,’ Amber says. ‘And I suppose I’ll get to know On-ree.’
‘Who?’ they all ask together.
Amber sighs. ‘Aren’t any of you paying any attention? My one is the French guy. On-ree, spelled H-e-n-r-i. He’s quite cute really. Although I’m definitely open if anyone asks because he seems to be hanging out with Marcel more than me. I think he might be gay.’
‘Who?’ I join in with them. I know full well who everyone is. I studied hard before I came to the villa, thanks to Cam, but it’s essential that I don’t give the game away.
* * *
Soon, we are all standing on a padded bouncy plastic platform, girls versus boys for the High School Drop Out Challenge.
There’s a huge scoreboard off to the side.
A seat is hanging over a large dunking pool full of water.
There is a board with school subjects written on it.
They range from psychology to English to domestic science.
I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. I might just be not so rubbish at this after all.
I will stay quiet though because, really, all of this is way out of my comfort zone.
The heat is sweltering and I’m already feeling queasy from the lack of sleep and all the stress of sneaking around to see Cam.
‘Libby, you have to be our team captain,’ says Kassy, looking at the girls who are all nodding.
‘Thank you,’ I say, genuinely quite moved at their vote of confidence. ‘But honestly, I’m happy to stay quietly in the background feeding you answers. Helping with spellings. Keeping up team morale, more of a facilitator, that kind of thing. One of you should be captain.’
It’s as though I didn’t say anything. They all start squealing and jumping up and down, their tiny skirts flapping up to expose their tiny thong underwear. Their shirts lift up to reveal more than just a peek of underboob. The men’s eyes are like dinner plates.
‘Libby is team captain, and she is going to kick your asses!’ Amber yells over to the men excitedly.
‘Hell yeah,’ joins in Mimi. ‘She’s a goddam motherfuckin’ teacher, that’s right!’
I feel my eyes almost popping out of their sockets.
Please someone make them stop.
‘She’ll take you all to church, cocksuckers!’ Binky, who has been as quiet as a mouse this whole time, has suddenly chosen now to become a loud, foul-mouthed quiz monster.
‘Question one for the team captains. That’s Libby and Giovanni,’ shouts out Carlton as he removes the card from the first subject on the board. As the alpha ‘male’ he is designated quizmaster.
I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for Giovanni and his knowledge-repellent brain.
‘Sex education,’ Carlton bellows. ‘How many sex positions can you get your team to demonstrate? You have thirty seconds.’
Fudging hell.
‘Thirty seconds isn’t very long…’ I say, stalling for time. The girls quickly start wrestling each other to the ground.
‘Libby! Yell the position, and we’ll do it!’
‘Erm, missionary,’ I say. I’m deeply uncomfortable with being put on the spot.
The girls fling each other into position.
The boys seem to be hurling each other around like rag dolls.
I can barely make out what Henri is saying in his thick French accent.
‘Erm, cowgirl.’ I have no idea what that means but I’ve heard of it.
They wait for my next instruction.
‘Erm, the one where… you’re upside down?’
‘No, name the sex position. Hurry!’
‘Back to front? Would that be the mirror image?’ I say, grasping at straws.
The buzzer sounds and the girls are not happy.
‘How can you not know more than two sex positions?’ Mimi yells loudly just as the buzzer stops.
I am mortified.
‘The boys have fourteen and the girls have two! The boys are the winners!’ shouts Carlton. While the boys are leaping up and down, the girls swoop towards me for answers.
‘Well, I, erm… I haven’t, erm… It’s not something that’s really come up…’ My cheeks are on fire. My sex life with Arrogant Josh was fairly non-existent on account of me wanting to get to know him more before I committed.
‘Oh. My. God,’ says Kassy. ‘You’ve never…?’
‘But you’re old,’ says Binky. ‘How old are you?’
‘I’m twenty-six. And I’ve been busy, okay? There’s no shame in not being sexually adventurous.’
‘There is, hun. There totally is.’
‘Leave her alone. We’ll do better in the next round. Come on. We’re a team, remember?’ shouts Amber, looking like a fierce warrior. ‘Come on, girls!’
Thank God, she’s rescued the team morale. I go over to get dunked in the tank while Mimi peels the ‘English’ label off the board and reads out the question underneath. ‘Rhyme as many words as you can with sock.’
Oh my word. I hope no one in the UK’s Department of Education is watching this.