61. Jillian
SIXTY-ONE
Jillian
I wake with a startle. What was that? “Jamie?”
Jamie is at my bed. He’s shaking me and pulling at my arm. My head hurts and I feel dizzy. What’s all that noise?
I blink, trying to focus, look at the alarm clock on the night table: 2:24 a.m. I try to sit up and stumble back onto the bed. Everything spins. I’m so tired. My eyes close again. It’s so hard to keep them open.
“Mommy!”
Jamie’s voice reaches me as if from miles away. Like in a dream. Along with other sounds. A sharp and insistent shrill. And screeches.
“Mommy! Mommy!” Jamie tries to shake me.
I open my eyes with extreme effort, not sure if I’m awake or dreaming. “Jamie? What’s happening?”
More screeches. Daisy? Daisy is screaming.
“Is it Daisy?”
Jamie tugs at my arm. “Fire.”
The single word breaks through the fog, and everything comes rushing in. The heat, the burning smell, the smoke curling up along the walls and filling the room. The building is on fire.
I push off the blankets, and my feet hit the floor. The room spins as I bolt upright, disoriented, my heart clawing at my chest.
The sounds. It’s not just Daisy. The shrill of the smoke alarm slices through the rest of the fog in my mind.
I cough, trying to stand up. My knees hit the floor hard, palms scraping against the carpet as I fight to stand. I pull myself up, holding to the wall for support as Jamie tugs at my free hand. Adrenaline kicks in.
“Jamie!” Fear is a living thing, wild and frantic, thrashing inside my chest. I stumble through the haze, take hold of his hand, half-crawling, half-running down the hall. “We have to go, now!”
The smoke is getting thicker, and I’m overcome with a coughing fit. I have to get Daisy. As we pass the door to his room, Jamie stops and pulls away, running back inside.
“No, Jamie. No.”
I run after him—my feet slower than before.
Jamie comes back, something clutched to his chest, his little body hacking with a cough. I take his hand and we make our way to the living room where Daisy’s screeches are slowing down.
I try to grab her cage, but it’s too big to maneuver one-handed.
“Jamie, hold on to me.” I place his hand on my T-shirt.
I open the cage door and try to coax Daisy out. “Come, girl, let’s go.”
She screeches, fighting me, and then takes a step and grabs my wrist. I move her to my shoulder. Take Jamie’s hand. “To the stairs. Stay low.” My voice is nothing more than a raspy whisper.
The floor is hot—heat and smoke come from below. The flower shop is on fire. Desperation fuels my strides, every step a prayer whispered for time. Daisy’s claws dig into my skin.
Smoke billows around us, a living thing that wraps its fingers around my throat and squeezes. The air is thick with it, each breath a battle that burns my lungs and blurs my vision. We have to get out.
We stumble forward. My foot catches on something and we lurch to the ground. Pain shoots up my knee, sharp and bright, but it’s nothing compared to the terror that grips me. We can’t afford to fall, not when every second is a thief stealing our chances of escape.
Jamie coughs—his eyes are wide, reflecting the orange glow of flames somewhere behind the smoke. They meet mine, brimming with fear. And trust. Trust that I’ll be his shield, his guiding star out of this nightmare.
“Up, baby, we have to get up.” Adrenaline surges through my veins, lending me strength as I haul us back to our feet, my arms shaking but unyielding. The sharp pain of Daisy’s claws cutting into my flesh tells me she’s still holding on.
The heat builds around us in a suffocating blanket that threatens to smother our escape. But I don’t allow myself to feel it, focusing only on the grip I have on Jamie’s hand, on the knowledge that we are together, that as long as I draw breath, I will fight for us. We take the steps, fast but careful. The last thing I need is for us to tumble down the stairs and break a limb. The light from the streetlamps outside throws shapes onto the walls, guiding us to the door .
“Almost there, Jamie.”
The steps loom ahead and seem to extend forever like a nightmarish, endless escalator going backward. We’re rushing and moving in slow motion.
It gets hotter with each step we take down. Sweat coats my face and clings to my skin. Our breaths come in short, desperate gasps, fighting through the smothering heat that seems intent on claiming us. The roar of things breaking and crashing comes from the other side of the wall. My grip on Jamie tightens, a silent vow that I won’t let go, that nothing will tear him from me.
We hit the landing and I fight with the latches at the door, thankful they don’t require a key to be opened from the inside. My hand is sleek with sweat and slips. I refuse to let go of Jamie. Wipe my hand on my pajama pants and try again. “Come on!”
One latch open.
Then two.
And three. The click of the last latch is the most beautiful sound.
I step back and yank the door open. We burst outside, fresh, cooler air sending shivers over my clammy skin.
I get as far away from the building as my legs allow. We make it to the curb before I fall to my knees and clutch Jamie to my chest. We’re both overcome with coughs as we breathe in clean air in what seems like days and months, but in reality was a few minutes. Daisy flaps her wings and does a short flight to the ground. Her small form sags as she touches her beak to the pavement and sighs. Her eyes closed.
I pull away from Jamie and search for injuries, touching his face, hair, arms. “Are you okay? ”
He nods between coughs. It is then that I see what he’s clutching to his chest. What he ran back into his bedroom to get. CJ’s book.
My hands clench around Jamie’s shoulders, pulling him close against the tremors that quake through my body, every muscle tensing and twitching from fear and relief that we made it out. We’re safe. And then I burst into tears. Uncontrollable sobs hack my body as I hold Jamie to me, and he holds me back and his sobs join mine.
“Shh, baby, we’re safe now. You saved us, Jamie. You got us out.” But my words feel hollow as I watch our home and livelihood go up in flames. People are coming around now. Sirens ring in the distance. Voices, footsteps running, cars stopping and beeping.
Someone comes to us. Puts their arms around Jamie and me. “Let’s move you. You’re too close to the fire.”
I point at Daisy.
“I got the bird,” someone else says.
And then we’re moving. Me holding Jamie and someone half-carrying me.
Everything after that is a blur. We’re in the back of an ambulance. Oxygen masks on our faces as paramedics check on us and ask questions. I answer the best I can.
“No, no one else was in the building. Only me, my son, and Daisy.”
“Who’s Daisy?”
“Our parrot. Where is she? She came down with us.”
“Right here, ma’am. Your bird is fine, getting a little fresh air.”
I turn to see who’s speaking and find a woman holding Daisy with one hand and an oxygen mask with the other, with Daisy’s head resting inside it. The little yellow feathers on her head flutter.
“Th-thank you.” My voice is hoarse and my throat hurts.
“Anyone we can call for you, ma’am?”
I fight to focus on what he’s saying. Not my parents. Not yet. Nothing they can do from six hundred miles away. Elliott? The memory of what I overheard Elliott’s father telling him rushes to the surface. It chills me to my core. Sheila. My best friend. My rock. “Yes, please. My friend, Sheila. I don’t have my phone.”
“Do you know her number?”
“Yes.” I give him Sheila’s number. He steps away to make the call.
I close my eyes, willing the tears to stay away.
The paramedic returns. “She wants to talk to you.”
I take the phone. “Hey.”
“Are you okay? Jamie? Daisy?”
“Yes. We’re fine. Scared, a little banged up, but fine.”
“Oh my God, Jillian. I’m so sorry.”
I look up past the paramedics, past the milling curious people, and at the building that was our home. Gray smoke billows through broken windows. Firefighters hose down the walls and neighboring buildings. Everything I built and worked for turned into black slush and soot running down the sidewalk. “Can you do me a favor and call Angela? Tell her what happened. Ask her to access the store order system in the cloud and make arrangements for other stores to cover us. And let the other employees know.”
“Jesus, of course I can. But this is not the time to worry about flower deliveries. ”
“But it is. I can’t let them down.” My voice is robotic. I can hardly recognize myself.
“Where are they taking you? I’ll come to the hospital.”
For a moment longer, I remain still, watching my entire life go up in smoke and flames. Another horrifying memory brands itself deep within me. “It’s fine. You don’t have?—”
“So help me God, Jillian. Tell me where they’re taking you and Jamie, or I swear?—”
“Okay, okay. I don’t know where they’re taking us. You can ask the paramedic.”
“I will. And I’ll call Elliott.”
I try to speak, and it sends me into another coughing fit. The paramedic makes a sign for me to put my mask back on. I take a few deep inhales. I don’t want her to call him, but then I’ll have to explain why, and this is not the time. “Thank you. I have to go.”
“Okay. I’ll see you soon. Love you both.”
“Love you too.” I give the phone back to the paramedic. “Can you tell her where you’re taking us, please?”
The ER doctor finishes examining both of us and takes notes in her tablet, her gaze straying to Daisy sitting quietly in a box on Jamie’s lap. “You two are very lucky. The damage from smoke inhalation is minimal, but I want to keep you both here for observation overnight. I’ve asked for a room to be prepared for you. And for some clean scrubs to be brought to the room as well. I’m sure you want to shower and get cleaned up.”
Jamie signs, and the doctor looks at me for a translation.
“He’s asking if Daisy can stay with us, too. ”
“I’m afraid that pets are not allowed to stay in the hospital.”
Jamie’s lip trembles.
“That’s okay, honey. Sheila will take Daisy home with her. It will be like a little vacation for Daisy.”
The doctor smiles. “A nurse will be here in a few minutes to take you to your room.”
“Mommy?” The sound of Jamie’s voice surprises me. It’s raspy with disuse and smoke.
I blink away tears. Still not used to his sporadic choice to speak. “Yes, baby?”
He signs. What will happen now?