Chapter 6
Harper
“We have to get back to the academy,” Prince Gareth demands, looking so grumpy that it’s almost cute.
“Why?” I ask, still sucking on honeysuckle.
“Why?” Prince Alaric repeats, sounding exasperated. “Because we have responsibilities!”
“Not until the ball tonight, which means we have all day.”
“We could practice more.”
“We practiced late last night. Wasn’t that enough?”
“No, I mean, there’s more we can do.”
“Yeah, but don’t you ever… just relax?”
They exchange another look, like I’m speaking a different language and none of them have a clue what I’m saying, which actually makes me feel sad for them.
What have their lives been like that the idea of just taking some time off is so foreign to them?
Everyone should know what it feels like just to spend a day lying in the woods, staring up at the sky.
Or to camp out under the stars and watch the night pass by.
Life can be so short. It shouldn’t just be filled with obligations and misery.
“We don’t really do… relaxing,” Prince Alaric explains slowly.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because we’re Dravari princes,” Prince Lucien answers, looking irritated.
“So that means you’re obligated to never have fun?”
He shakes his head, those brilliant green eyes of his watching me. “We have fun. We get drinks after training. Fuck pretty women. And laugh with the boys.”
“But do you ever really relax? Do you ever lay back and watch the clouds or listen to the wind sweeping through the trees?”
Prince Gareth gives an unhappy laugh. “That’s a waste of time.”
I cock my head. “It’s really not.”
“Let’s just head back before the Hollowborn find us out here so exposed,” Prince Lucien says, irritated.
“You three are afraid to relax!” I accuse. Then I see it in their faces: I’m absolutely right.
“We are not,” Prince Lucien argues angrily.
“Prove it,” I say.
“How are we supposed to prove it?” Prince Alaric asks, looking confused.
I pat the grass beside me. “Lay down with me.”
Prince Lucien crosses his arms in front of his chest. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re out here, completely exposed. We could be attacked at any moment. We need to be on-guard. We need to be prepared for danger.”
My heart stills. “Is that really how you see the world?”
“It’s how the world is.”
I look at Prince Lucien’s brothers. “Do you see the world like that too?”
After a moment’s hesitation, they nod.
Prince Alaric crouches down, so we’re almost face-to-face.
Those deep brown eyes of his are saying things that I’m sure he could never speak aloud.
“Harper, we’re soldiers. When we’re not in battle at Gore Rock, we’re home preparing ourselves to be better warriors. If we don’t, we could die out there.”
For some reason, I want to touch his face.
I want to do something to ease the suffering I can see just below his surface.
“I understand that. I mean, as much as someone who has never been to war can. Being a healer, we go to war too, just in a different way. Every injury, every disease, is a battlefield. Our victories aren’t measured in dead enemies, but in breaths, in pulses, in lives pulled back from the edge of death.
We just fight for life instead of against it, but you can’t live your whole life constantly fighting.
Sometimes you have to stop and enjoy the fruits of your labor, because it’s not safe to be in fight mode all the time. It isn't healthy mind body or soul.”
He shakes his head, his short brown hair dancing in the wind as he does so. “We don’t… just enjoy things. I wouldn’t even know how to begin.”
I smile. “Begin by laying next to me.”
I would’ve never thought something so simple would create a war within this man, but it does.
I see it, and my whole chest aches at the sight of it.
This man who claims not to be afraid of anything is afraid of this.
Of just trying to be something other than a soldier for a moment.
Of trying to be just a man, rather than a warrior.
“Okay,” he finally says, “only for a moment though.”
His brothers don’t look happy as Prince Alaric climbs onto the ground and lays down beside me, but I finally understand something about these three men. There’s nothing they fear more than vulnerability, and, for some reason, I make them feel vulnerable.
Prince Alaric’s hands bounce on his chest, clenching and unclenching, fidgeting. There’s tension in his body, and I realize that there might always be tension in his body. I just didn’t realize it until now.
Rolling onto my side, I pluck a honeysuckle flower growing between us, pluck off the green end, and offer him the nectar on the end of the stamen.
Prince Alaric watches me carefully as I slowly lean over and offer it to his lips.
Like the good boy he is, he opens for me, and I place the flower inside.
He shuts his lips, looks surprised, and starts to suck on the petals.
But his hands keep fidgeting. I lay back down and reach across the space between us.
I take his hand in mine, entwining our fingers, which finally seems to calm him.
“This is ridiculous!” Prince Lucien says, his eyes narrowed.
“Afraid to try?” I challenge him.
Surprise flashes across his face, and he uncrosses his arms. He seems to debate for half a second before he goes to my other side and lays down.
He snatches a flower from beside him and stuffs it into his mouth, sucking angrily, like doing so will prove to me that he can relax better than the rest of us.
I glance up at Prince Gareth and lift a brow.
“But–” he begins, then paces around. “This is just–” He continues to pace some more.
I can stand guard with the females while you and your men relax. All of you will be safe. Dragons know both how to enjoy life and how to be on guard.
Thank you!
“Ebron says that he and your dragons will watch over us, so there’s really no excuse not to relax.”
Finally, almost comically, he squares his shoulders, marches over, and flops himself down next to Prince Alaric.
Grabbing a honeysuckle flower, I lean over Prince Alaric and offer it to Prince Gareth.
To my surprise, his mouth opens, and I slip the flower in as our eyes hold.
A shiver rolls down my spine, and I realize that this offering of honeysuckle feels oddly intimate.
I’m about to pull back when Prince Alaric slips a hand around my waist. I look down at him in surprise, but he looks just as caught off-guard as I do.
It’s like he didn’t realize he was going to touch me like this until he did it.
I’m practically half-way on top of him, so I slowly pull back, and his hand drops away.
Laying back in my spot, I see Prince Lucien watching us, and I look away. I don’t know what it is about these men. It’s like when we get close, something tangible pulls between us.
It must be our connection to our dragons.
“What now?” Prince Gareth asks.
I laugh. “Now, we lay here.”
“And do what?”
I can’t help but grin. “Watch the clouds. Feel the grass under you. Listen to the wind racing through the trees, or the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks below the cliffs.”
“I guess I could go over battle strategies,” he offers, sounding a little helpless.
Leaning up over Prince Alaric, I stare at the man, my heart softening even further. “What makes you happy?”
His gaze moves to me and lingers for a very long time.
My cheeks heat for reasons I don’t understand. “Just think of something that makes you happy and relax.”
Settling back down, we all lay together for a very long time.
Our dragons, not far from us, lay together too, basking in the sun.
I can sense how content Ebron is, and it makes me happy and frightened all at the same time.
It seems the more time he spends with their dragons, the less likely any chance at escaping a marriage with them will be.
Hell, he made it clear there was no escape.
That this was going to happen. It’s just still so hard to accept.
My thoughts drift over just how big of assholes these three have been to me, and I try to think of anything that could erase the hurt between us and fail. A relationship needs trust. Ours has none. I wonder if there could ever be a day where that changes.
Probably not.
I’m surprised by how long we lay there together, sucking on honeysuckle, and breathing in all the good that the world brings to our doorstep.
I realize that I’ve had some tension inside of me too, ever since they got here, but it slowly starts to ease.
It doesn’t disappear—I’m not sure if it could ever disappear with them—but it’s not a sharp thing inside of me any longer.
“Why do we even need to learn to relax?” Prince Lucien asks, breaking the silence.
I take a second to form my thoughts. “When you get married, you’ll be a husband.
When you have children, you’ll be a father.
Do you really want to always be incapable of being the man your loved ones need because all you know how to be is a soldier?
Won’t your children deserve more than that from you? ”
None of them answer, so I press on. “What was your father like growing up?”
I think that no one will answer, but Prince Alaric finally does.
“I think he was a different father to all three of us, because he had a different relationship with our mothers. But, mostly, he was either gone, riding his dragon– you haven’t met Cindral yet, but she comes to the academy when she gets bored– or he was running our country.
He set out expectations for us, and we were expected to meet them. ”
“Was there no love? No tenderness?”
Prince Gareth laughs dryly. “Those are not words we associate with our father.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
Prince Lucien shrugs beside me and tosses a flower. “That’s how fathers are.”