Chapter 6 #2
He looks away. 'It isn't meant to be one, and yet with Voss, it's usually what it is. I was hoping for one of the other enforcers who aren't so?—'
'Cunty,' Jak mutters from behind me.
'Cunty,' Dane echoes and then his eyes find mine again. 'I'm sorry.'
I give him a puzzled look.
'Why?' I ask. 'What could you have done?'
His mouth opens and he hesitates.
'These days? Nothing,' he spits.
I tilt my head at him.
'I know,' I reply. 'If there's anything I tend to understand quickly in new places, it's who’s really in charge, and it's not them.'
I gesture widely at Locke, Morgan, and Jak and then raise a brow at Dane. 'It's not you, either.'
His jaw tightens, but he doesn't gainsay me.
'It wasn't always so,' he murmurs. 'Not before this place was almost destroyed, and fear took the reins in the Underhill.
If the fire hadn't happened, if we hadn't needed the Underhill so badly that winter, if they hadn't taken two seats of Halsford's council, things would have gone differently today.
I want you to know that, Bryn. If it had been my decision, I would have let you stay here without ties or payment. '
I ignore his sentiments. None of that matters. We are where we are.
'So,' I say, 'I have a place here, but I have to lay with them, and I have to report to Voss for training, and I have to help with this Fiana who's stealing humans from the Light. Is that everything?'
Dane nods.
'And what is this training that Calder requires me to endure?' I ask, not relishing the idea of any prolonged time alone with the fae enforcer who beat me in the other room and then was able to hide it from everyone, even the two powerful mages before me.
Dane leans back on the table and half-sits on its surface.
'It will be here near the village, and you'll be joined by the fae he's training in the Underhill as we speak.
That much I know, but the specifics will be up to Voss.
As of a few months ago, Calder put him solely in charge of instructing the Underhill's recruits for the Dark Realm network. '
'And if I don't do it, the Underhill will take me and put me in a cell until I can be useful,' I say quietly. 'And, after they're finished with me, I won't be allowed back here.'
He nods, gaze not meeting mine. 'I'm sorry, Bryn.
I know it's not fair, but it's not up to me.
If you can help us get Fiana, prove to the Council Five that such a large threat to the Underhill is gone.
If you can be instrumental in helping, I and some of the others might be able to claw the governing of this place back for the humans who live here.
And you'll always have a place in the Light. '
'Thank you,' I say wryly, turning back to face Locke, Jak, and Morgan.
Locke appears calm, no longer ill at the prospect of bedding me. Jak looks resigned, and Morgan's face is blank.
Would they have brought me here if they'd known I'd be tied to them?
Doubtful.
I try not to let that realization send me into a desolate emotional maelstrom. They don't truly care about me, but I don't care about anything except being here!
'Go, now,' Dane commands. 'Rest. You have some time before you're summoned.'
I follow Locke, Morgan, and Jak out of the Hall in silence, weighing my options, of which there seem to be few.
I watch how all the humans get out of our way as we walk back to the cottage.
More than one of the villagers mutters something as we pass them.
I don't hear their words. Morgan ignores them.
Jak snaps at one older man to fuck off, and he backs away in fear, turning on his heel and walking quickly away.
We arrive at the familiar door and I heave a sigh. So, this will be my home. With the three fae. Forever. Unless I fail to help take down the Underhill's enemies, or don't do as I'm told by Voss.
But at least I got here.
I straighten. I'm in the Light Realm. This was what I dreamed of. None of the rest matters. This will be my home. The first one I've ever had, I promise myself. I will make my life a good one as one of the freefolk and I'll do what needs to be done to ensure I get to keep it.
I enter the cottage after Morgan, but before I've gone two steps, he whirls around and picks me up, enveloping me in a tight hug that makes me grit my teeth in pain as I try to breathe through it without arousing suspicion.
I freeze in his arms as he loosens his grip, caught somewhere between dread and happiness, before I find myself melting into him, letting him make me feel better, lowering the brittle defenses that feel as if they've been up since he left me in the Dark before the pits.
Just for a moment…
I'm not proud of my weakness, but neither can I stop myself from burrowing into his chest and basking in the scent of him, pine smoke and… I take a long, subtle sniff …chamomile. It calms me to the core, though I wish it didn't.
I give myself just a little while, and then I scramble away from him. I stare at the wall and, in front of all three of them, I decide I should get it over with. I swallow hard and untie the knot of the lace keeping my dress together.
'What are you doing?' Jak sounds alarmed.
I don't look at any of them.
'We should…get it done,' I say, willing my voice to sound strong, though I'm not sure it does.
'Bryn—' Morgan begins and I wince.
'I know you don't want to,’ I say. ‘I don't either. But…'
A hand cups my face, and I instinctively shrink away from it after everything. I let out a low curse and force myself back, enduring it. I open my eyes. Jak is in front of me, his expression impenetrable.
'We don't have to do it now,' he says, his hand lowering to his side.
'Then when?’ I ask them in a low voice. 'When is the deadline?'
His hand rises again, and I stiffen a little. I know they all see it. I've been with him and Morgan in a normal state of mind only once and that was before.
The other times, it was like it was in the cave, when my body needed something that I couldn't name. I remember it afterwards, but it's not really me. I'll have to be with all three of them as me, including Locke.
My hands feel clammy. 'I'd rather not have it looming...'
'No,' Locke says with a finality that both relieves and distresses me in equal measure.
'Agreed,' Morgan says in response before I can say a word. 'Not yet. It needs to be done soon, but we have a little time. We should…use it.'
I'm not sure what he means by that ominous statement, but I don't have chance to ask. As if deciding by some silent exchange between the three of them, Locke stomps across the floor and goes upstairs without another word, leaving me with Jak and Morgan.
Morgan comes closer, and his hand slowly envelopes mine.
I let him touch me, trying to prove to him or myself perhaps, that I can if I wanted to.
He urges me with him as he sits down in the chair by the warm hearth, his eyes holding mine in challenge.
Jak is hovering close by, seeming to be uncertain of what to do now.
Morgan turns his head a little toward him but doesn't really look at him. His eyes stay on me.
'Go.'
I see in my periphery that Jak opens his mouth to argue but then thinks the better of it. He grits his teeth, but he turns, and he ascends the stairs as well.
Morgan lets out a long breath, waiting for my decision.
Slowly, I sink down to his lap, my eyes not leaving his, and his arms encircle me loosely in case I change my mind and want to get away from him.
I should.
'Oh, Bryn,' he breathes out, stroking the back of my head. 'We shouldn't have brought you here.'
I pull back a little to look into his eyes, but I don't get up, not ready to give in to his silent challenge, nor leave the warmth and pretend safety of him just yet if I'm completely truthful with myself.
'Where else could I have gone and been safe?' I ask quietly.
He lets out a snarl. 'You're not safe here.'
'But I could be,' I argue.
'It shouldn't have been like this,' he mutters, half to himself.
'But it is,' I say, nothing if not pragmatic. 'Nothing is ever perfect, and everything has its price. I'll happily pay it to stay here.'
I realize, even as I say the words, that it's true. I will even lie with all three of these males though I don't trust them. I don't particularly want to after what's happened, but will it be a true hardship?
I shiver a little as I remember the pleasure they've given me freely. No, it won't be a hardship, not for my body anyway. Just for my mind.
'But you shouldn't have to pay it,' he says angrily.
He leans back in the chair and closes his eyes, tipping back his head.
'You shouldn't have to pay it,' he states again, this time in a whisper. 'If we'd truly understood how it was here now, we'd never have brought you.'
'Where would you have taken me, then?' I ask, indulging him. 'To your home Circle?'
He cracks an eye and looks down at me.
'Not likely,' he says.
'What Circle are you from anyway?' I ask.
'The Fifth,' he says, without preamble.
'And are your kin still?—'
'No,' he says harshly. 'I have no kin in the Dark Realms. My fae mother is dead. My orc father was a member of the Horde before it was disbanded. As far as I know. I never knew him.'
'And your mother?' I ask.
'She never told me how she knew him. I was likely the product of force. By the time I was old enough to understand why she could barely look at me when I was small, she was already dead. Some chest malady took her when I was but six or seven winters.'
'And then you lived on the streets,' I guess quietly, remembering what Jak told me in Dead City.
'Not at first. My mother's mother took me in for a bit. I liked her. She was kind, though I mostly took care of her, not the other way around. Death took her one night in the summer. There was no one left after that. The streets became my home.'
'In the Fifth Circle?' I ask, wondering how he found himself in the Light.