Chapter Nine #2
“No doubt there are countless young women who hold versions of this same story. The difference between is the outcomes.” Hers just hadn’t been impressive or positive.
“Every person on the Earth, except for children, have a past, Rose. That is what makes us interesting.” As he spoke, the captain laid a hand over one of her and gave her fingers a squeeze. “The telling of your tale will be difficult, but I think we both know it’s been put off too long.”
“I suppose it has.” And she might feel better after she told him her dismal secret.
“Nothing is ever as bad as we make it in our heads.” When their gazes connected, nothing but compassion reflected in the dark depths. “You are safe with me.”
A ball of unshed tears lodged in her throat. “Thank you.” As she pressed her lips together, she contemplated her hands in her lap. “I never meant for any of it to happen.”
“No one ever does, I suspect.”
She nodded. “I’d told you that I was considered a Diamond of the First Water during my early Seasons…”
“Yes, of course. I’m not sure what that means, but I’ll assume it was a good thing based on your looks and coloring.”
“It was.” How refreshing was it that the captain wasn’t beholden to the ton and society’s rules? “Being married wasn’t something I wanted immediately after finishing school, and to be honest, I was a bit choosy when it came to men.”
“That’s understandable. Marriage is difficult enough without committing to someone you don’t truly love and respect.”
“Yes.” Rose sighed. “In my fifth Season, I thought I’d met that man.
He was an earl, and he turned my head with compliments, gifts, and paying numerous calls.
Since he was only a handful of years older than me, I erroneously thought that by him paying me all that attention, he wished to ask for my hand. ”
“Any woman would, of course.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. No doubt some women are more cautious or intelligent than I was. So when the earl whisked me off to an unused room at a ball three years ago, I went willingly. I thought he wished for privacy so he could give me a big, romantic speech and get down on one knee.”
“Of course he didn’t.” A low growl flirted with the words, and when she peered into his face, anger roiled in his dark eyes.
That was a bit lovely, for everyone always assumed she’d instigated the coupling.
“No, he did not. Instead, before I knew what was happening, he seduced me. That isn’t to say that I hadn’t been enthusiastic about sharing the coupling with him.
I was curious about relations between men and women, and I thought I was in love, besides.
” Spoken out loud, it sounded silly and painted her as an innocent widgeon.
“The earl was handsome and charming, and his form was quite easy on the eyes. There was a certain pleasure to be found in that act, but it was fleeting.”
“I’m sorry, Rose. You are worth more than that.” Once more, he sought out her hand.
“What’s done is done. After the euphoria passed, I waited for the inevitable question, the joyous rush that would undoubtably follow a proposal from him. I looked forward to telling my parents that I would soon be a countess, for I’d brought an earl up to scratch.”
“You thought they would be pleased that you’d found such a match for yourself.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.” She tightened her fingers on his; it was much a lifeline in a confusing sea.
“The proposal I expected never came. Instead, the earl thanked me for giving up my innocence to him. When I questioned him about an engagement, he laughed at me, said he wasn’t marriage minded, and even if he was, he’d been engaged since he was a boy to a woman his parents had chosen.
They were due to be married later in that year. ”
“Good God what a bounder!”
A faint smile curled her lips from the outburst. “While I agree, the story gets worse. He added insult to injury by saying that he and I could be occasional bedmates.”
“So he basically consigned you to his whore, not even good enough for a mistress. Not that such a position was any better in the circumstances.” Anger flashed in his eyes. “Give me his name. I’ll land him a facer or two for what he did to you.”
The defense of her was quite lovely, but she shook her head.
“He is not worth the effort.” In the silence that followed, Rose marshalled her thoughts, for this next bit would prove difficult.
“After he left me alone, I was angry and embarrassed. He used me for his own purposes then dropped me like refuse. Thankfully, I thought that was the end of that chapter in my life.”
He threaded their fingers together. “It wasn’t.”
“No.” Tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t wish to relive the tale, but there was no choice. “A few months later, after what I thought was a stubborn stomach ailment, it was discovered that I was increasing, made pregnant from that night at the ball.”
“Oh, Rose…”
“Stop.” She put up her free hand to stop whatever he would have done.
“I need to finish this.” When he nodded, she blew out a breath.
“My parents were livid at the news. Unmarried at twenty-three was an embarrassment on many levels for them. To say nothing of the scandal that would attach to our family name. When they asked who had put me in that situation, I refused to name the earl.”
“Why?” Shock stamped over Laurence’s face. “He was a bounder of the first order.”
“Oh, I agree with you, but I didn’t want a forced marriage between us; he didn’t want me for anything except sex.
There was every possibility he wouldn’t be true to me if we did marry.
And honestly, I was so sick during those first few months of pregnancy that I didn’t care about life--or anything—during that time.
I had no strength to argue with my parents. ”
“I don’t blame you, but still, you shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”
“My parents are quite traditional and conversative. When they banished me from London to Landry Hall, I merely accepted it as my punishment. As the months passed and I felt better, I used the time to marvel over the pregnancy and to get ready to welcome my baby. I figured if I couldn’t have romantic love or familial love, at least I’d have a child who would love me unconditionally.
” A tear slipped to her cheek and she left it there.
“You needn’t continue if you don’t wish to relive these painful memories.”