Chapter 49
Chapter forty-nine
ILIANA
Iliana woke sluggishly, her senses gradually returning. Her body felt weighed down. She fought to remain asleep, wanting to stay exactly where she was.
Then her bladder made the decision for her.
She groaned, reluctant to leave the cocoon of Anubis’ warmth. His steady breathing in her ear soothed her, tempting her back to sleep. She nudged against his chest.
“What is it, little one?” Anubis asked sleepily. The gravel in his voice traveled from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. He squeezed her to him, as if he didn’t want to ever let her go.
“I’ve got to use the restroom,” she groaned out.
Stupid bladder.
It seemed Anubis thought the same, because he grumbled before loosening his hold and helping her to maneuver out of his embrace.
After using the restroom, she headed to the kitchen for a drink of water. As much as she loved sleeping in a divine puppy pile, their bodies made her overly warm.
She cracked open the bedroom door and paused, glancing back. The small amount of light showed Anubis’ bright eyes following her movement. “I’m going to get some water.”
He nodded, his eyes drifting shut again.
She padded down the hall, the hardwood cool under her bare feet. In the kitchen, she grabbed chilled water from the fridge and downed half, leaving the door ajar.
A crawling sensation made her freeze. She saw a shadow move out of the corner of her eye. Terror overcame her as she turned to see the shadow on the couch. It was barely visible in the low light cast from the kitchen.
Her knees almost buckled, and her muscles tensed, her lungs filling to scream—
The sound never came.
A hand lifted as though taking responsibility for her muted state. “Sorry,” the figure drawled, smooth as silk. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Relief nearly made her collapse, but she straightened and glared at Hermes. Her lips formed curse words that never came, calling him every imaginative name she could think of.
He gave a careless wave of his fingers, and she felt her vocal cords loosen.
Shutting the fridge door with force, she stalked toward him. “You silenced me?” she asked quietly.
He turned on a lamp, then reclined on the couch as if he owned it. “Well, yeah. If you’d screamed, I would’ve had all three gods charging in like pissed-off guard dogs. I wanted to talk to you. Not them.”
Iliana crossed her arms, still rattled. Hermes didn’t just drop in without a reason. “What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”
“Do I need a reason?” Before she could answer, he disappeared and reappeared in front of her.
She jumped, the water bottle slipping out of her hand. As it fell, Hermes smoothly caught it. She snatched it back, narrowing her eyes. “Why?”
“I wanted to make sure you were safe. That you got here okay.”
Iliana’s heartbeat stuttered.
“You seemed…off. After the Fates,” he explained softly. He moved his hand to her cheek, caressing her with startling gentleness. “Are you okay? How have the gods been taking care of you?”
The tender touch clashed with the warning in his words. If they weren’t, she didn’t doubt he’d do something about it. But what?
“They’ve been perfect.”
His eyes searched hers, then a moment later, he said, “Good.”
She didn’t want to admit how much that possessiveness—dangerous and tempting—excited her. Her body leaned in before her mind caught up, longing flaring through her. It took every ounce of stubbornness not to close the distance and kiss him.
Hermes’ lips hovered close to her, so close his breath fanned her skin.
She smelled his citrus-and-cedar scent, which never failed to excite her.
It reminded her she was alive. “When you look at me like that, I think you want me.” His nose brushed her cheek, the touch of skin intimate.
The lips she’d been staring at ghosted along her jaw.
“I’m attracted to you,” she answered honestly. There was no point lying when her body was already betraying her—nipples hardening, skin flushing.
His hand slid from her cheek to the base of her throat, his fingers gently circling the column, his thumb resting against her racing pulse. She stilled, but not because she was scared. It was more primal. Her thighs clenched, and she bit her lip.
He wasn’t threatening her. It was a question. A promise.
“All you have to do is say yes,” he said, his lips brushing her jaw, “and I’ll take you. Right here. Right now.”
Gods, part of her wanted to. She could picture it vividly.
Giving in to him. Letting him take her right there on the couch, easing the fire he’d stoked with every breath and touch against her overheated skin.
A night with Hermes would be reckless. Wild.
Pleasure without fear. Freedom without strings.
Just sensation and release. She wanted that.
She wanted him. The temptation to give in was strong.
Her hands itched to touch him, to drag him close and say yes to everything he was offering.
Then, other images crashed through her desire. Thanatos, launching them into the sky just to see her laugh. Anubis, with his golden eyes, calling her Neferet. And Hypnos, challenging her at every turn, refusing to let her hide from hard truths.
If she said yes to Hermes now…
Desire raged inside her, but it didn’t make everything else disappear. She pulled back, hating how much it hurt to resist him.
Hermes withdrew his hand slowly. The flash of disappointment in his eyes almost made her feel guilty until he masked it with his usual grin. “What is it?”
Still reeling, she took a moment to reclaim her sanity. Only when she was sure she wouldn’t blurt out Yes! Take me now! did she manage, “I can’t.”
Amusement shone in his eyes. “Why can’t you? I can see you want me.” His gaze dragged down her body, taking in the hard points of her nipples, the flush climbing up her chest, the rapid rise and fall of her breathing.
She needed to talk to the others first. “Than—”
His finger pressed to her lips, silencing the name. “Say yes, and I’ll make you forget about anyone else. Just you and me.”
Just because Hermes hadn’t let her say their names didn’t mean she could forget. She couldn’t forget them or shove them aside because he made her insides go all soft and gooey.
But he understood something the others didn’t. That restless ache she’d carried her whole life, needing to keep experiencing, and never settling for what others expected. Because that would feel like giving up.
He’d taken her to Paris not because she needed protection but because she needed joy. She’d needed to remember what living felt like instead of just surviving.
She saw herself in him. The part that jumped from job to job, relationship to relationship, always leaving before it got too real. The part that wanted freedom more than safety. Adventure more than comfort. The part she’d been fighting so hard against since before the gods came into her life.
Thanatos had given her peace. The way he’d looked at her after they’d made love, as if she were something precious he’d never expected to find.
I want to keep you.
Anubis gave her strength, teaching her to fight because he refused to see her as helpless or let her see herself that way. The careful way he touched her, as if she were worth protecting.
And Hypnos—damn him—gave her protection. The light pressure of his hand on her arm as she slept, keeping her safe in the one place she couldn’t protect herself. He cared for her, even if his stubbornness matched her own.
But Hermes was offering her wings. Freedom.
He’d reminded her that she wasn’t just cursed, fighting against inevitable death. She was someone who wanted to live. Her heart twisted painfully because she wanted him too. Just not at the cost of everything else. “For how long?”
Hermes looked confused. “What?”
“If I say yes…” She swallowed. “How long would it be just us?”
“I don’t know.”
That was the truth. She could hear it, and somehow that hurt more than any rejection.
If he’d lied, promising her forever or even just tonight, she could’ve written him off as the smooth-talking trickster everyone said he was.
But this honesty made it too real, stripping away the easy answers and making the choice even harder.
“Thank you for your honesty.”
It was her turn to be introspective and to see whether she wanted something more meaningful from any relationship with him. With them. All of them. She shook her head at the realization, at the impossibility of what she wanted.
She stood slowly, her nerves causing her to wobble. “I want more than something fleeting.”
The smile he usually wore as a shield faded, and the mischief dimmed in his eyes. “Why deny what you feel for me?”
She pursed her lips to stop them from trembling. “I’m not.”
He leaned back in, his lips touching the shell of her ear. “Then choose me.”
Stumbling slightly, she took a step back, shaking her head, putting some distance between them before she did something stupid. “I’m not denying what I feel for you, but you aren’t the only one I have feelings for.”
The thought of choosing between them caused a phantom pain, like the memory of Anubis’ dagger all over again. She exhaled shakily.
Hermes’ expression shuttered, the mask slamming back into place.
Gods, she wanted to give in, even if only so she could see his emotions once more. To see his normally clear eyes turn stormy. She wanted to see the real him.
Before she could let him tempt her when she was on the verge of breaking down, she turned away from him. She walked to the bedroom door on unsteady legs, pausing just before going inside.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t choose.”
She closed the door gently, trying to ignore the pain radiating out from deep inside her, making her want to curl into a ball and cry until she couldn’t anymore.
She looked at the three gods in her bed, barely visible in the darkness. One a lover, one a possible lover, and another she wasn’t sure was even a friend. She took a steadying breath before confidently moving forward.
Iliana slid into bed and snuggled into Anubis’ warmth as he wrapped his arms around her. Thanatos shifted closer behind her back. She felt Hypnos’ hand rest on her arm, the careful touch saying more than his words ever would.
Her complicated, infuriating, impossible gods.
They’d each given her something she needed. They showed her she could be wanted without being a burden. Strong without being alone. Vulnerable without being weak.
And Hermes? He reminded her that she was allowed to want more than survival.
She couldn’t choose between them. She wouldn’t. Each of them had given her pieces of herself she thought she’d lost. Maybe it was selfish, but it was also honest.
As she drifted off, she smiled, knowing she’d made the right choice.