HOLDEN
“Do you want to hang out?” I ask my sister as soon as she answers the phone.
“Uh, sure? Wait, what do you mean by hang out? You aren’t, like, dragging me to paintball or something, are you?”
I bite back a laugh. Hattie would honestly kick ass at paintball if she tried. “I don’t know. Anything. I just want out of the house.”
My head is going to explode if I keep staring at the damn candle Korie and I made. I need air.
“Well, I need to run some errands. Do you want to tag along? We can go to dinner after.”
“Sure. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Note to self: when your sister says she wants to “run errands,” make sure it doesn’t include a stop at the mall, because that’s where we end up.
By the third store, I’m dragging my feet and regretting my life decisions. I’m getting hungry, but I refuse to try the hot dog vendor again. I learned that lesson the hard way a few years ago.
“So what’s really going on with you?” Hattie asks, flipping through a clearance rack.
“Nothing.”
She lifts her gaze, giving me an expression that could rival Mom’s.
“Seriously. I just… needed out.”
“We’ve been here for two hours, Holden, and you haven’t complained once. That’s like, an epic level of patience for you, which means something is seriously going on.”
“It’s nothing.”
Hattie sighs, holding a shirt up to me. “You should wear red more. It looks good on you.”
She drapes it over her arm as we continue on.
I tug at my shirt, feeling strangely exposed with the way my twin keeps eyeing me. Maybe I should’ve gone through my list of contacts before leaving the house. Cole might’ve been safer company.
“Mom said Reece got a good report from her oncologist this year.”
“Yeah, that’s good.” I nod along, only half-listening. I don’t want to talk about our aunt. Or anything, really. I’m a mess, vibrating with energy with no outlet. Maybe I need to go to the gym again.
You could always talk to Korie…
I stamp that thought down quickly. That’s not happening. I saw the hesitation in their eyes last night when I reached for their hand.
“Caleb said he spoke to his manager, and they’re going to try a different shift.” Hattie turns to me. “He said that was your idea.”
I shrug. “It sounded like he needed a change if he wanted to stay in L.A.”
She says nothing.
We exit that store, and Hattie immediately tugs me into another one. “Come on. I just need to grab my online order.”
I grunt. “You said that three stores ago.”
“This time I mean it.”
“Uh-huh.”
I follow her anyway, shoving my hands into my pockets as we step inside. The bright lights disorient me for half a second, but then my tennis shoes squeak against the tile floor as I come to an abrupt stop.
“Oh, for fuck’s… You dragged me into the lingerie section? Seriously?”
“Hush, it’s not like you haven’t seen any of this shit before.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder and stalks to the check-out area. “I’ll just be a minute.”
I linger awkwardly near the edge of the section, staring at literally anything that isn’t… all of this. Racks of delicate fabric I very much do not need to be thinking about.
I’m halfway through pulling my phone out when a familiar head of bleached hair captures my attention. My heart soars.
Korie.
They’re a little ways away, flipping through a rack, completely unaware of me. I start toward them, then stop when I remember where I am.
Korie holds something up—a small piece of red fabric that is way too appealing—and my brain short-circuits for a second.
I mean, I know Korie wears feminine underwear. It’s not new information. It’s not even something I’ve ever thought twice about. But now…
Like everything else recently, something shifts in my head and suddenly, it’s like I’m seeing a whole new layer of someone I’ve known my whole life, and it’s sucking the air from my lungs.
Fuck me.
I should go. I should turn and walk away to respect their privacy. Korie will be none the wiser.
But I can’t. I can’t make myself move. I’m too drawn to them. Too curious for my own damn good.
When they turn in my direction, I immediately look down at my phone, pretending I don’t see them.
But curiosity twists low in my gut—sharp, immediate, and dangerously tempting.
I sense them drifting between racks, and watch them from the corner of my eye like a total creeper.
What colors and textures are they drawn to?
When they lift up a pair of electric blue lace panties, my whole body threatens to combust. Heat rushes through me so fast I could melt a hole right through the tile.
“Korie! Oh my god, hey!”
I startle when my sister’s voice carries through the whole fucking store.
Dammit Hattie.
Korie startles too, looking around, and their entire face goes bright red as soon as they see us. Or rather, me. Their hazel eyes are locked on me like they’re trying to cast me into another dimension.
Yeah, that makes two of us. My heart is hammering, and my mind is going somewhere it definitely should not be going.
I mean, Korie in lace? I’m not strong enough to resist that.
“What are you doing here?” Hattie asks.
Korie can’t seem to find their voice, mouth opening and closing without saying a word. They look between us, then at the exit like they’re thinking of bolting.
I adjust my pants as discreetly as I can, and quickly back away, desperate to give us an out. “You know what, I’m gonna go grab us some pretzel bites.”
Hattie gives me a look. “Holden—”
“It’s the lingerie department, Hattie,” I hiss under my breath. “I’m leaving.”
She rolls her eyes like I’m being dramatic, but she doesn’t stop me, instead turning her attention back to Korie.
Without looking back, I tuck tail and run.
My skin is still hot by the time I reach the food court, and I drag a hand through my hair, trying to get a grip on myself. All I can think about is that flash of bright blue.
I will my body to relax as I wait in line, then order a stupidly large basket of pretzel bites just to have something to focus on. When I return to the store, I plant my ass on the bench outside, not trusting myself to go in.
Breathe, Holden.
Seriously. Calm the fuck down.
Don’t think about Korie.
Don’t think about the underwear.
Definitely don’t think about Korie wearing the—fuck.
I snag a few of the salty bites and play on my phone. Things are already a little twisted between us. I don’t want to make it worse. But Korie’s probably going to bail as soon as they have a chance, anyway. It’s what I would do in their shoes.
A few minutes later, Hattie walks out alone, and I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed.
She stalks over to me, her heels clacking against the tile. Saying nothing, she sits down and narrows her eyes.
I squirm, feeling like a kid about to get scolded.
“What was that about?” she finally asks, snagging a few pretzel bites from the basket.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She tsks.
I glare at her. “Now you sound like Mom.”
Gasping, she shoves me hard. “Take it back!”
I steal another bite, chewing carefully.
“Seriously, though. What was that?”
“It was the fucking lingerie department. That’s what. Korie was probably just… embarrassed or something.”
Hattie considers that. “No. No, that’s not it. They were fine as soon as you left.” She scoots closer. “What did you do?”
I glare at her. “What makes you think I did anything?”
“Because you’re you.”
I huff, annoyed. When I realize she’s still staring at me, I groan and lean forward, rubbing my hands on my jeans. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? We’re just… off right now is all.”
“You and Korie are never off.”
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
Hattie leans forward suddenly. “Wait. You and Korie are never off,” she repeats. “So something big must’ve happened. Like really big.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Holden—”
“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.” My tone leaves no room for argument.
Hattie hesitates. “Well, whatever it is, you better fix it. They’re your person.”
It takes everything in me not to react to that statement. Truer words have never been spoken.
“Can we go now? I’m sick of this place.”
She snags another pretzel bite. “Fine. But you know you can talk to me, right?”
If Korie weren’t my person, Hattie would be. That whole twin bond thing is freaky weird. “I’ve never been good with talking.”
She snorts once, which rolls into a full laugh. “Oh, Holden. My sweet, sweet Holden. I know this.” She puts a hand on my shoulder, getting my attention. “But you’ve always been good at showing it. So whatever it is, put it into action. And trust yourself. You have good instincts.”
Her honesty calms me, but I still refuse to talk about this.
Instead, I dig a thumb into my palm, remembering how close Korie came to reaching for me yesterday. I’d felt it. Their yearning. Their confusion.
And that’s when it hits me.
My heart sinks as dread fills me. Oh, no.
Oh, fuck no.
Korie told me people leave them whenever they see their true identity, never giving Korie a real chance. And what did I do? I’d bolted like the fucking coward that I am the second I see them with women’s underwear.
Fuck.
“Can we go? Please? I need to get out of here.”
A million questions flicker in my sister’s eyes, but her phone rings saving me from the conversation. After a minute, she hangs up. “That was Camila. She wants to get together.”
“Great. I’ll drop you off.”
Hattie touches my arm before I can get up, like she’s thinking of saying something.
“Please, Hattie. I just… can’t right now.”
“Fine. Take me to Camila’s then.”
My hand shakes when I knock on Korie’s door forty minutes later. There’s a pause on the other side, then the door opens.
Korie blinks at me, surprise flashing across their face before it settles into something more guarded.
“Hey,” I say lamely.
“Hey.” They hesitate, like they’re deciding something, then step back. “Come in.”
I shove my hands into my pockets because I don’t trust myself not to fidget.
Korie closes the door behind me, but they don’t move any closer, like they’re not sure how long I’m sticking around. “What’s up?”