Chapter 40 #2
My gaze drifted back to the window, to the three men who had claimed me, broken me, and somehow, impossibly, put me back together again.
Logan, with his fierce protectiveness and hidden vulnerability.
Ryder, with his manic energy and desperate need for connection.
Cole, with his quiet strength and unexpected tenderness.
They had lied to me from the beginning. They had orchestrated my downfall over something as petty as spilled coffee.
They had subjected me to the humiliation of the Hunt, to the agony of two punishment rituals, to the public branding that would mark me as theirs forever. They had taken everything from me.
But they had also held me through the nightmares after my captivity.
They had dyed my hair purple when I couldn't recognise myself anymore.
They held me while I screamed from the horrific nightmares and panic attacks.
Even if it was all part of their game, even if none of it was real for them, could I walk away from them?
The realisation hit me with the force of a physical blow: despite everything, despite the betrayal, despite the lies, I still loved them.
All three of them, in different ways, for different reasons, but with a depth that terrified me.
And giving up being their Consort meant giving them up completely.
"I..." My voice faltered, caught on the tangle of emotions in my throat. "I need to think about it." Killingham, my father, nodded, his expression unreadable.
"Of course. Take all the time you need." He rose to his feet, straightening his suit jacket with a practiced motion.
"You're free to go now. The charges have been dropped, and you're no longer in custody." I stood as well, my legs unsteady beneath me.
"What happens now?"
"That depends on you," he said simply. "If you wish to break the contract, I can arrange it immediately. If not..." He trailed off, his gaze drifting once more to the Regents visible through the window. "If not, we will need to discuss your future with the Trivium in more detail."
He moved toward the door, pausing with his hand on the handle.
"For what it's worth, Cadence, I am sorry.
For not being there, for not knowing about you sooner.
I would have done things differently if I had known.
" The sincerity in his voice took me by surprise, and I found myself nodding, unable to form words around the lump in my throat.
He offered me a small, tight smile, the first I'd ever seen from him, and then he was gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the weight of the decision before me.
I moved to the window, drawn by an impulse I couldn't name.
The Regents were all on their feet now, their attention fixed on Killingham as he spoke to them, his back to me.
I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I could see the impact of his words on their faces.
Logan's expression hardened, his jaw clenched, his hands balled into fists at his sides.
Ryder's reaction was more visceral; he staggered back as if physically struck, his face draining of colour, his eyes wide with what looked like panic.
Cole remained outwardly calm, but I knew him well enough now to recognise the tension in his shoulders, the subtle tells that betrayed his distress.
He was telling them what he had offered me.
They were afraid. Afraid of losing me. The realisation should have given me satisfaction.
After everything they'd done, everything they'd put me through, they deserved to suffer, to feel even a fraction of the pain they'd inflicted on me.
But all I felt was a hollow ache in my chest, a sense of loss that seemed to echo through my entire being.
Killingham finished speaking and walked away, leaving the Regents standing in stunned silence. As if sensing my gaze, Logan turned toward the window, his eyes finding mine through the glass. The raw emotion on his face, grief, remorse, and desperation, made my breath catch in my throat.
"Princess," he mouthed, the familiar nickname both a caress and a knife to my heart.
I pressed my palm against the glass, a gesture I hadn't planned, hadn't consciously decided to make.
Logan's eyes widened, and he took a step toward the window before stopping himself, uncertainty written across his features.
Ryder and Cole had noticed now, too, both turning to look at me with expressions that mirrored Logan's, hope warring with despair, longing edged with fear.
Ryder's lips formed my name, a silent plea that I could almost hear in his voice.
Cole simply watched, his eyes filled with a quiet acceptance that somehow hurt more than the others' naked emotion.
I stood frozen, torn between the freedom Killingham offered and the complicated, messy, painful love I felt for these three men.
They had broken me, yes. But they had also been broken themselves, shaped by trauma and manipulation into the men they had become.
Could I forgive them for what they had done?
Could I trust them again, knowing how easily they had deceived me before?
More importantly, could I leave them behind?
Could I walk away from the strange, dysfunctional family we had formed, from the sense of belonging I had found in their arms?
Could I give up the electric thrill of Ryder's touch, the steady comfort of Cole's presence, the fierce protection of Logan's embrace?
The answer should have been simple. They had manipulated me, lied to me, hurt me in ways that would leave permanent scars, both physical and emotional.
They deserved nothing from me, certainly not my forgiveness, not my love, not my presence in their lives.
But then I thought of Ryder's face when he'd seen me in the hospital after my captivity, the raw relief and grief in his eyes.
I thought of Cole's gentle hands as he washed my hair, his patience as he taught me math, his quiet understanding when the nightmares came.
I thought of Logan's desperate determination to find me when I was taken, the way he'd held me as the first one to find me, as if I might disappear if he let go.
Had it all been an act? A continuation of their manipulation?
Or had something real grown between us, despite the lies, despite the cruelty of how it began?
I didn't know. And that was the crux of my dilemma, the heart of the decision that lay before me.
Stay with them, bound by a contract forged in deception, hoping that the connection I felt was real.
Or leave, claim the freedom Killingham offered, and try to rebuild my life without them.
As I stood at the window, caught in the crossfire of my own conflicting desires, I realised that whatever choice I made would irrevocably change the course of my life.
There was no middle ground, no compromise to be found.
I would either be theirs or be free. The thought should have terrified me.
Instead, I felt a strange calm settle over me, a clarity that had been missing in the chaos of the past days.
I knew what I wanted. I knew what I needed.
The question was whether I had the courage to reach for it, knowing the cost.
Logan, Ryder, and Cole watched me through the glass, their expressions a study in barely contained desperation.
They were waiting for a sign, for some indication of what I would do, of whether I would stay or go.
I met each of their gazes in turn, letting them see the struggle in my eyes, the decision I had yet to make.
Then I stepped back from the window, letting the curtain of my purple hair fall forward to shield my face.
I needed time to think, to weigh the freedom Killingham offered against the complicated, messy love I felt for the Regents.
I needed to decide if I was brave enough to trust again, to risk my heart with men who had already broken it once.
And as I stood alone in that sterile white room, caught between two futures that seemed equally impossible, I realised that whatever choice I made, there would be no going back.
The girl who had arrived at Regents University with dreams of finding her mother and becoming a writer was gone, replaced by a woman who had survived captivity, torture, betrayal, and heartbreak.
The question was: what would that woman choose?
Freedom, and the chance to build a life on my own terms?
Or love, with all its complexities and risks?
I took a deep breath, turned back toward the window, and made my decision.