Chapter 13
T he scalding water cascaded over my body, but I felt nothing. I had no clue how long I had been in here. The first action as I climbed into the shower in my bathroom at the Courts was to scrub my skin clean, like the frantic act would cleanse away the filth and what it stood for.
But now I stood motionless under the spray, my mind adrift in a haze of disconnection. Steam billowed around me, swirling like the fractured thoughts in my head. I tried to focus on the sensation of heat against my skin, desperate for any anchor to reality, but even that felt distant. It was as if the weight of my body and mind were sinking beneath an unseen tide, leaving me floating somewhere far away.
Fragmented memories flashed through my mind, not quite solid enough to be called recollections, but rather muddled visions with edges blurred by trauma. I saw Cole's arms around me as he carried me through the woods. His grip had been firm, but I had felt nothing in return, no warmth, no safety, only a heavy emptiness. Leaves had brushed against my skin, but even that seemed detached now, as though it had happened to someone else entirely. The dull roar of voices, the other Regents, the gathered crowd, echoed in my mind like a muffled background song. Logan's voice rose above the rest, commanding and authoritative as he spoke with Headmaster Angus Williams.
I remembered the weight of importance in Logan's words, but their content and meaning were lost to me, filtered out by the fog of shock that had enveloped me. Faces floated through my memory, vague and indistinct. Ryder hovered in the background, flanking Logan with an air of smug satisfaction. Julia's high, biting voice buzzed nearby, dripping with complaint. Something about worthiness. Something about " how dare they break tradition ." But now, that buzzing blended with the sound of the shower, indistinguishable from the white noise filling my head.
Logan had turned to me in the clearing, his gaze ice-cold and appraising. With one look, one nod, a silent command had passed between the Regents. That simple gesture had felt so final, making something clench deep in my chest, as if my fate had been sealed then and there.
I pressed my forehead against the cold tile of the shower wall, desperate to drown out the whirlpool of memories pulling at me. Another memory surfaced; Ryder squeezing my hand briefly. Was it meant to reassure, or to claim ownership? Before I could process it, Cole had pulled me closer again, his arms like steel bands around me.
The car ride back was a blur. I remembered sitting on Cole's lap, his arms keeping me upright, though my body wanted nothing more than to collapse. The hum of the engine vibrated through me, but I couldn't recall hearing a single word exchanged. Every noise, every feeling, it all seemed surreal and hazy, as if I were watching it happen to someone else. I was almost shocked when we had stepped out of the car and returned to the Courts House, the shadows of the towering building swallowing me whole. Melody appeared, standing by the entrance with an unnervingly bright smile.
"Welcome back," she had said softly, her voice barely more than a breath. Her touch on my arm had been gentle when she tried to speak, nodding as though everything was entirely natural, and yet her words had scattered before reaching my ears.
Something inside my chest knotted tight, making every breath feel heavier than the last. The worst part wasn't just the memory of the claiming, of what they did, no, it was the thing beneath it all that I couldn't quite name. Something that ate away at my resolve; Excitement. How could I feel that, even in the darkest corners of my mind? Yet here I was, horrified and disgusted by the ritual, tormented by that darker part of myself that pulsed with a shadowed, slithering interest. My heart clenched, and I couldn't stand the thought of looking at my own reflection. I was afraid of what, or who, I might see staring back at me.
The water began to run cooler, but I remained frozen in place. My skin had long since pruned, my fingers wrinkled and pale. I tried to summon the strength to move, to wash away the physical remnants of the claiming even though it was all gone already, disappearing so easily down the drain that I wished my memories could follow.
The mere thought of touching my own skin made me recoil. I couldn't bear to feel the places they had touched, had marked, had claimed. Instead, I let the water continue to pour over me, hoping it might wash away more than just the physical evidence of what had happened.
I wanted it to cleanse my mind, to erase the memories that clung to me like a second skin. But no matter how long I stood there, no matter how hot the water, I couldn't scrub away the feeling of their hands on me, their voices in my ear, their stuff on my face. My stomach churned at the memory, and I fought back the urge to retch. The taste of them lingered in my mouth, a constant reminder of my submission. I swallowed their offering, accepted their claim. The thought made me want to claw at my own throat, to somehow purge myself of the taint they had left behind.
But even as revulsion roiled through me, that traitorous part of my mind whispered of the power I had felt in that moment. The way their eyes had locked onto me, filled with hunger and need. The way their bodies had responded to my presence, to my submission. It was a heady feeling, one that both thrilled and terrified me.
Even as the thought crossed my mind, the memory of Ryder's hand sliding along my thigh, his fingers dancing across my skin. His touch had been electric, sending sparks of unwanted pleasure through my body. A part of me had wanted him to find out what his touch was doing to me, to feel his fingers push aside my panties and discover the wetness there. I shook my head violently, sending droplets of water flying.
No. I couldn't allow myself to think that way. I couldn't give in to that darkness within me. It was that very part of myself that they sought to exploit, to nurture and grow until it consumed me entirely. Yet even as I tried to push those thoughts away, I couldn't help but wonder; had they seen that darkness in me from the beginning? Was that why they had chosen me? Had they sensed my secret desires, the ones I barely admitted to myself?
The thought sent a shiver down my spine, equal parts dread and forbidden excitement. I hated how my body had responded, how it still tingled at the memory of their touch and their words. It felt like a betrayal of everything I believed in, everything I wanted to be. But I couldn't deny the dark thrill that coursed through me, the part of me that craved more even as I fought against it.
The sound of knocking startled me out of my spiralling thoughts. "Cade?" Melody's voice called through the door. "Are you alright in there?" The sudden intrusion of Melody's voice jerked me back to reality. I realised with a start that the water had run cold, my skin prickling with goosebumps. How long had I been lost in my thoughts?
"I'm... I'm fine," I called back, my voice sounding hollow and foreign to my own ears. "I'll be out in a minute."
With trembling hands, I reached for the shower knobs, twisting them until the water ceased. The sudden silence was deafening, broken only by the steady drip of water from my hair and the shallow sound of my breathing. I stood there for a moment, water pooling at my feet, feeling more exposed than ever despite being alone. Stepping out of the shower, I reached for a towel, wrapping it tightly around my body as if it could shield me from the world, from what had happened, from what was still to come. The soft fabric felt abrasive against my oversensitive skin.
I avoided looking in the mirror, afraid of what I might see reflected back at me. Would I even recognise myself anymore? The girl who had arrived at Regents with such hope and determination seemed like a stranger now, a naive fool who had no idea of the darkness that lurked beneath the surface of this prestigious institution.
My eyes fell on a neatly folded pile of clothes sitting on the counter. I hadn't noticed them when I'd first entered the bathroom, too focused on scrubbing myself clean. A pair of deep burgundy joggers and a loose-fitting hoodie lay there, looking deceptively innocent. They weren't mine. The colour was the one of the Covenant house. Even this small act of providing me with clothes was a reminder of my new status, my lack of control over even the simplest aspects of my life. With a resigned sigh, I began to dress. The clothes were comfortable, almost mockingly so. How could anything feel comfortable after what I'd been through? As I pulled the oversized hoodie over my head, I caught a whiff of an unfamiliar scent, something masculine and expensive. My stomach churned as I realised it probably belonged to one of them. Logan? Ryder? Cole? I couldn't tell, and the thought that I might soon be able to distinguish between their scents made me feel sick.
Fully dressed, I stood there, unsure of what to do next. Part of me wanted to barricade myself in this bathroom forever, to hide away from the reality that waited for me on the other side of that door. But I knew that wasn't an option. With a deep breath, I gathered what little courage I had left and reached for the door handle. It felt cold and unyielding beneath my fingers, much like the fate that awaited me. I closed my eyes for a moment, steeling myself for whatever came next.
As I opened the door, the cooler air of the bedroom hit me, raising goosebumps on my skin once more. Melody was there, sitting on the edge of the bed, her ever-present smile in place. But now, knowing what I knew, I could see the strain behind it, the carefully constructed facade that hid her own pain and resignation.
"Feel better?" she asked, her voice gentle but carrying an undercurrent of understanding that made my chest ache. I couldn't bring myself to answer. How could I possibly feel better? Instead, I asked the question that had been burning inside me since I'd returned from the woods.
"Did you know?" The words came out harsher than I intended, laced with accusation and betrayal. Melody's smile faltered for a moment, a flicker of something, guilt? regret? Passing over her features before she composed herself once more.
"We all go through it the same way," she said quietly, her eyes never leaving mine. "It's... it's part of being chosen." Chosen. The word felt like a slap in the face. As if this was some great honour, something to be proud of. I felt the anger that had been simmering beneath the surface of my shock and despair finally bubble over.
"I can't do this," I gritted out, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. "I won't." Melody's eyes softened, filled with a hard-won empathy that only made me feel worse.
"You can," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "You're stronger than you think." She paused, her gaze intense as she studied me.
"Cade, I know this isn't what you planned. It's not what any of us planned. But in the short time I've known you, I've seen something in you. A resilience, a fire that burns brighter than most." She stood up and took a step towards me, her hand reaching out as if to touch my arm but stopping short. "I truly believe you're the best woman for this role. The Consort... it's not just about submission. It's about strength, about holding your own in a world that wants to break you." Melody's voice grew softer, almost reverent.
"I'll be here to guide you every step of the way. You're not alone in this, Cade. I know it feels impossible now, but you have a power within you that even the Regents don't fully understand." Her words, delivered with such conviction, stirred something inside me. A part of me wanted to believe her, to grasp onto this lifeline she was offering. But the larger part, the part still reeling from the trauma of the claiming, couldn't accept it.
"How can you say that?" I whispered, my voice cracking. "How can any of this be right?" Melody's smile turned sad, her eyes reflecting a pain I was only beginning to understand.
"It's not about right or wrong anymore. It's about survival, and about finding strength in places you never thought to look." She took a deep breath. "I'll be here with you, every step of the way. I promise." I wanted to believe her, wanted to hold onto the idea that she would have my back. But she was still a Courts girl and former Consort, I would be stupid to think her alliance was with anything other than the Regents. But I had the feeling that she, in part, wanted her own reassurance, so I nodded.
Melody squeezed my hand, stood up and looked around the room.
"Your things have already been packed and will be moved to Covenant House in the morning," Melody continued, her tone matter-of-fact despite the weight of her words. I looked around, I hadn't even noticed that my things were missing. "Everything's been arranged for you." Of course it had. Why would they leave anything to chance? My entire life had been rearranged without my knowledge or consent, piece by piece, until I found myself standing here, a stranger in my own skin.
"They're waiting for you downstairs," Melody added. "It's time to go." I felt the blood drain from my face at her words. They were here. Logan, Ryder, Cole, my captors, my owners. The thought of facing them again so soon made my knees weak, but I knew I had no choice. This was my reality now, whether I liked it or not. As I followed Melody out of the room that had briefly been mine, I cast one last glance back. The space seemed emptier now, devoid of the few personal touches I'd added during my short stay. It struck me then that this room, this brief period of relative freedom, had been nothing more than an illusion. I had never truly belonged here, just as I would never truly belong in Covenant House. I was adrift, anchor-less, at the mercy of forces I couldn't begin to understand or resist. With each step down the staircase, my heart felt heavier, my breath coming in short, shallow gasps. I could hear voices now, low murmurs that sent shivers of dread down my spine. As we reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw them.
Logan, Ryder, and Cole stood in a loose semicircle, their presence dominating the space. They turned as one to look at me, their gazes raking over my body in a way that made me want to shrink into myself, to disappear entirely. But I forced myself to stand straight, to meet their eyes even as fear threatened to overwhelm me. Logan's lips curved into a smirk, his eyes glittering with satisfaction. Ryder's gaze was hungry, almost predatory, while Cole... there was something in Cole's eyes that I couldn't quite decipher. Regret? Conflict? Whatever it was, it didn't change the fact that he was just as complicit in this as the others.
"There's our girl," Ryder said, his voice smooth as silk, but with an edge of eagerness that made my skin crawl. "Ready to go home?" Home. The word felt like a mockery. Home was supposed to be a place of safety, of comfort. Not this. Never this. But I knew I had no choice. With a barely perceptible nod, I stepped forward, towards the men who now controlled every aspect of my existence. As we left the Courts House, the soft click of the door closing behind us felt like the final nail in the coffin of my freedom.