26. Vanessa
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
VANESSA
I’m fairly certain Cupid gave me his property patch to distract me from whatever the hell he’s doing right now.
Club business, he calls it. I call it unlawful shit.
I shouldn’t care that the man who stalked me, broke into my apartment, fucked me raw within hours of knowing me, heckled Boden, did lord knows what to the men who tried to abduct me, moved me into his apartment while I was unconscious, and now has claimed me as his ole lady without discussing it with me first. If anything, I should hope he gets caught by the authorities, allowing me to return to the boring life I had before meeting him, the one where all I had to worry about was fulfilling my academic requirements.
But here I am worried sick about a dangerous man doing dangerous things that could get him hurt or into serious legal trouble.
The longer time marches on, the more old insecurities creep in. What if “club business” is bro-code for meeting other women?
Bikers have a bit of a negative reputation, especially the nefarious ones. If they’re okay with doing bad things, it’s not a farfetched assumption to assume they might be fine doing immoral things, too. And in my experience, guys are unfaithful.
Is it fair for me to make such an egregious assumption?
Probably. I mean, yes, I know it’s wrong of me.
I need to stop going down this thought path. Cupid has done nothing for me to believe he would be unfaithful. I can’t punish him for the crimes of my past partners.
He said the club business he was handling with Oaks was unpleasant. I need to trust him on this.
Nervous, I gnaw away the skin around my fingernails, glancing at the clock on the wall every few minutes while Marlene kicks her feet with giddiness at whatever romantic reality drama she put on my laptop.
With Cupid not owning a television, we had to make do with pulling up a video streaming service on my computer and placing it on the coffee table between us.
The show is more for Marlene’s benefit since I’m supposed to reduce screen time while I recover from my concussion.
Still, I could listen to the drama if I wasn’t preoccupied with thoughts of Cupid.
“Can you believe the nerve of that guy,” Marlene says, waving her hand at the show. “Says he doesn’t like tattoos on women, and yet he’s covered in them. Hypocritical much?”
“Yeah,” I mumble, not bothering to look at the screen as my knee bounces erratically. “Totally hypocritical.”
Marlene sighs, leaning over to pause the show. She sits back against the cushions, sympathy in her eyes as she looks at me. “He’s okay, you know? The crew is always in control when handling club matters.”
“Sure,” I mutter, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs. As much as I want to be as confident as Marlene, I worry.
She lays a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. “You don’t need to worry about your ole man.”
“I’m not worried about Cupid,” I lie, unable to meet her eyes.
“At least you can admit he’s your ole man,” she says with a chuckle.
Scoffing, I say, “I never said he was.”
“You said his name when I mentioned your ole man,” she says pointedly.
Annoyed, I throw my hands in the air. “I said his name because you meant Cupid.”
“Pretty sure you scholars call it a Freudian slip, psych gurl.”
“Whatever,” I grumble. “It doesn’t matter what I think. Nobody asks or cares for my opinion on anything that’s happened in the last few days, anyway.”
Marlene rolls her eyes. “Oh, please. Stop acting like you don’t get a say in any of this.”
Offended, I go on the defensive. “Acting? I’ve not been in control of anything that’s happened to me since meeting Cupid.”
She raises an eyebrow. “You’re telling me you haven’t been given an out at any point?”
“Nope,” I answer, folding my arms across my chest and shaking my head.
She gives me an Oh, come on look. “Think harder. I’ve known Cupid a long time. He’s not the kind of man who doesn’t give a woman a choice.”
Sighing, I replay the last few days in my mind: our first encounter at the garage, the race, finding him in my apartment, him talking about crossroads…
“You’re at a crossroads, Vanessa. One way this plays out is you telling me to fuck off, and I’ll honor your wish. The other way is you finally give in to me, and we both get what we want. Either path has no return, so choose wisely.”
Oh. My. God.
He’d given me an out, and I was too focused on him getting me off to pay his words any mind.
I close my eyes, groaning at my stupidity.
“Told you,” Marlene says, sounding smug.
“He rode into my life, causing a shit-ton of chaos and calling all the shots. I’m just along for the ride as a wary passenger,” I argue weakly, looking at her and hoping to find some trace of empathy with my situation.
“But the ride is worth it,” Marlene says, smirking before her face turns stoic. “Listen, I get things feel…messy right now. Give the relationship time to settle down before making any rash decisions.”
“Not like I have a choice. I have no place to go,” I mumble, motioning to my items blended in with everything of Cupid’s. “He made quick work of it, too.”
“Cupid is one of the best men I know. He may not give off cinnamon roll vibes like my Oaks, but he cares about this crew—his family—deeply. For him to want to make you a part of his life is massive for him. He doesn’t just let anybody into his orbit, and definitely not this fast.”
I believe her, especially after recalling Cupid telling me he hasn’t been with another woman in a couple of years. He keeps his circle tight and his choice in a partner even tighter.
“You’ll never have to worry about his loyalty or chasing fender bunnies for funziez. If he’s picking you, it’s because he’s chosen you as his person and no one else. Cupid is not a man who has had relationships in the past or fucks whoever walks into his view.”
“Why hasn’t he been in any committed relationships before? Does he have something against relationships?”
“Not at all. He’s always been the matchmaker of the crew, long before he was assigned this chapter. He has a real knack for setting couples together who withstand the test of time and often gives great relationship advice,” Marlene says. “It’s why the club named him Cupid.”
My brows pull together, having a hard time picturing Cupid as a dating coach. “Really?”
“Really. Hell, if he hadn’t convinced Oaks to go for me, I’m not sure if Oaks would’ve had the balls to do it himself, and I might not be talking to you today.”
“Is his reason for not being with someone more of a those who can’t, teach scenario?”
“Naw. He’s very selective to where the crew was certain he’d never find his person without lowering his standards.
He told Oaks once that if his chest didn’t flutter like a butterfly the moment he laid eyes on a woman, she wasn’t the one for him.
You must make his chest flutter, or you wouldn’t be here. ”
Absorbing her words, I can’t help but look over my shoulder at the butterfly canvas on the wall. Could I really be the one for him?
Marlene is cracking through my thick barriers, getting to the heart of the concerns I could not address with Cupid.
My record of keeping a steady relationship with a partner who has not cheated on me is in the toilet.
I’ve kept the bar in hell for so long that raising the bar to the high level Cupid has put it at seems short-lived given my relationship history.
I pick at my nails nervously, asking, “Don’t you think we’re moving too fast?”
“No, but I’m biased. Full disclosure: Oaks and I were married within months of meeting each other. So, yeah, I may not be the person to ask.”
At least she’s honest.
“I’m scared,” I admit, my hands dropping into my lap. “He seems too good to be true, minus his full-throttle approach to our relationship.”
“I get it,” Marlene says, seeming to understand my worries. “There were times I was scared too with Oaks.”
“How did you get over it?”
Marlene touches her lips with her finger, pondering my question.
“In the beginning, being together felt right, pushing all my doubts out of my mind often enough that one day those fears never returned. You’ll get there, too.
Have faith in him. Let his actions speak for him, and you won’t regret staying. ”
“You make it sound easy.”
“Who said it was easy? It takes effort and putting yourself into uncomfortable situations every day until you reach that level of trust. It will get easier with time, but it’s a bitch when you start.”
“You can say that again, especially after being betrayed by previous partners.”
“He’ll be worth it. I promise you.”
I want to believe her, truly. And I’m seeing the only one holding me back from making my relationship work is me.
“Now,” Marlene says, changing the subject. “Let’s do our face masks before watching the rest of the show. I need to know if the girl is going to tell the tattooed asshole to pound sand.”
“Sure. Why not?” I could use the distraction.
After letting Marlene put a weird and slightly slimy face mask on me and scrubbing my face clean, I kick back on the couch, trying my best to relax and enjoy some girl time.
I can only make it a few more hours, unable to pull an all-nighter like Marlene intends to do.
Between being bored out of my mind listening to reality TV drama for hours and watching the clock ticking away on the wall, I’m ready to call it a day.
Yawning, I rise from the couch with a stretch. “My eyes can barely stay open. Hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to turn in.”
“No problem,” she says, waving me off to bed. “You go get some shuteye.”
A quick glance at the clock on the wall shows it’s nearly two in the morning. “Will the guys be home soon?”
“Not until business is taken care of.”
Saddened I’ll be sleeping alone, my shoulders sag.
Wanting to be a decent host, I ask, “Is there anything you need to get comfortable?”
But Marlene is already pulling my blanket off the back of the couch and wrapping it around her before I finish speaking. “I’m good, Psyche.”
Hearing her use the club name Cupid gave me, I pause. “Do you know why Cupid calls me Psyche?”
“No clue,” she admits. “A club name is usually something symbolic or personal to the person it’s given to. The name clearly means something to Cupid.”
Hmm. I’ll need to ask him the importance of it.
Crawling into bed, I drift to sleep with the image of a black butterfly fluttering in my mind.