Chapter 14
Sadie
Coming to my senses, I abruptly fall silent mid-sentence.
Why am I telling Lucan about my family? It’s none of his business. The coziness of the hidden reading room lulled me into a false sense of security.
He wouldn’t understand anyway, because our worlds are light-years apart. He lives in this palace. He doesn’t know how it feels to be trapped by circumstances.
I toss my long braid over my shoulder. “Anyway. You don’t want to hear about that.”
The razor-focused look on Lucan’s face tells me he does, but I say nothing more.
“Fine,” he says. “We can talk about it another day.”
“How kind of you.”
“Speaking of my kindness, I have something of yours.” He reaches into his pocket. “Something I need to return to you.”
My stomach tenses. What would he have of mine? The only time we’ve been alone was last night at Altar.
Then I realize, and I look away in shame.
My goddamn underwear. He has them, and now he wants to embarrass me by giving them back while I’m trapped in a small room with him.
“I don’t want them,” I say.
I should’ve known he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to toy with me. It’s what he does.
It’s all he does.
Offering his armory was probably an excuse to get me here and humiliate me again.
From the corner of my eye, I see him hold out his hand. Curiosity gets the better of me and I take a peek.
My chest contracts in surprise and grief.
“The photo from my locket,” I say. “You kept it?”
“It was too important to send in a package,” he says thoughtfully, like he weighed the decision with care. “I wanted to make sure you got it.”
In the photo, my mother’s cheek presses against mine. Our smiling faces are faded around the edges, weathered but intact. I was twelve years old at the time.
“Mom let me ditch school so we could visit the zoo together.” I take the tiny oval-shaped photo from Lucan with reverence. “The giraffe had a baby. I was dying to see it.”
Cupping the photo in my hand, I smile at the memory.
“And did you?” asks Lucan. “See the baby giraffe?”
For some reason, hearing him ask about a cute baby animal makes me laugh. He seems too scary and dangerous for that.
“Yeah, I saw it.” My vision blurs with tears. “It was really sweet.”
He nods in apparent satisfaction. “Good.”
“Thank you.” I pause. “That was considerate. For a stalker.”
“Sure, no problem.” His black eyebrow quirks. “What did you think I was returning to you?”
I blink the tears from my eyes. “My underwear.”
He flashes a devastating smile. “I would never return those. They’re mine now.”
Lucan’s definitely an ass, but maybe he’s human.
Maybe.
Jury’s still out.
“How about your family?” I ask. “What are they like?”
A muscle in his jaw ticks, but he doesn’t drop my gaze. He never seems to.
“My family.” He cracks a knuckle. “Let’s see.
My father lives between New York and this estate, but he travels constantly for work.
My mother moved to Switzerland five years ago.
I’m their only child and sole heir. I have extended family here and in England, with a few branches in Australia, Hong Kong, and Brazil.
We have offices in eleven countries and our lineage traces back to William the Conqueror. ”
I’m quiet for several seconds, processing the onslaught of information. Though he said a lot, all of it could probably be found online with a quick search. He said little that was actually personal or revealing.
Maybe that’s how billionaires have conditioned themselves to speak, because saying too much could put them at risk.
How funny that I can relate to that. Secrecy feels safe to me too.
“Wow, I’m jealous you can trace your family that far,” I say. “I don’t know mine beyond a couple of generations on either side.”
“That means you’re free to be whoever you want,” says Lucan.
“Honestly, it doesn’t feel that way.” I look at the setting sun through the window. “It feels like I come from nowhere and have no roots. No one behind me.”
I regret my vulnerable statement because Lucan says nothing in return. He just stares at me in his icy, perceptive way that makes me feel like I’m under X-ray. Like my spoken words aren’t enough for him, so he’s trying to read my thoughts too.
“Do you see your mother often?” I ask, to put the subject back on him.
Instinctively, I know it’s a loaded question. Something about the slight inflection when he spoke about her.
Sure enough, Lucan’s voice turns cold and low. “Why ask me that?”
Although his switch in tone is disconcerting, I experience the tiniest flicker of power too. For the first time, I’ve managed to catch him off guard.
I don’t push him though. His gaze is too ferocious, his potent energy making the room suddenly feel oppressive instead of cozy. I pull my bag higher in my lap, as if shielding against his unwavering attention.
He frowns out the window at the flawless emerald grounds. “You want to go.”
I guess my discomfort is obvious. “I didn’t say that.”
He moves to the door, like he’s already decided we’re done. “I’ll take you back to campus.”
Though I’m relieved to leave Lucan’s place, a hint of disappointment burns in me too. Maybe I’m nosy, but I want to hear about his mother.
I stand. “Cormac said he would drive me.”
His frown deepens. “Who the fuck is Cormac?”
“Uh, your driver?”
He exhales heavily. “O’Connor. That’s what I call him.”
“You don’t know his first name?” I ask incredulously.
“I do.” Lucan shakes his head and briefly closes his eyes, as if cursing himself inwardly. “For a second, I thought you were letting someone I don’t know pick you up. I’d need to run a background check first, that’s all.”
“That’s all? Are you for real?”
“Yes. Let’s go.”
“But Cormac—”
“He’s on a job,” says Lucan. “I’ll take you.”
“Okay,” I say in defeat, following him through marble halls.
At least this will be over soon. I’ll be back in my dorm room, free of him. When I’m close to Lucan, I’m hyperaware of every nerve in my body, and I never know what he’ll say or do.
As he walks, he taps something into his phone I can’t see.
I dislike the idea of being in a car with him, but I can’t catch a bus from here. A ride-share would cost more than I currently have in my bank account.
He brings me to a garage that looks more like an airplane hangar. Though he leaves the overhead lights switched off, I see the outline of dozens of gleaming vehicles, including several motorbikes.
The car he selects looks like black liquid. Expensive, futuristic black liquid.
He opens the passenger door for me, and the car is low enough that entering feels more like dropping in than stepping.
The smell is new and leathery, with a hint of something dangerously familiar.
Him. His wintry, expensive scent.
Lucan gets behind the wheel. The engine growls to life, sending a low, steady vibration through the seat, up my spine.
“Seatbelt on,” is all he says as he directs the car from the garage.
Knowing his focus will be on driving, I glance at him as he pulls out onto the driveway.
He has one hand on the wheel, with the other resting loosely against his muscular thigh. The plain black T-shirt clings to his shoulders and broad chest.
He’s not a fidgeter. I notice this, because I’m one.
Everything he does is calm and controlled, like he expects the world to bend to his will.
On the open road, Lucan presses his foot down. The car surges forward so smoothly and quickly my stomach takes a second to catch up.
Trees blur through the tinted windows, the road stretching out ahead of us like an invitation.
“Feels like I’m in a spaceship,” I murmur to myself.
He angles his face at me. “What did you say?”
“This car is like a spaceship.”
My comment seems to amuse him. He looks down at the glowing dash as if seeing it with new eyes.
“If you want to ride in a spaceship, I can make it happen,” he says, like it’s the most normal thing ever.
I can’t tell if he’s serious.
He probably is.
Nighttime turns everything to black velvet, the moon shining like an eye.
Lucan drives as though he has nine lives. It’s dark enough that I can pretend he doesn’t see me, even though I feel his gaze on me periodically.
“Does it bother you what people think about you?” I ask. “There are all kinds of rumors.”
“It doesn’t bother me what people think about anything,” he replies.
“Even if they believe you do evil things for fun?”
“Evil things,” he says with a snort. “Like what?”
“You chased me through the forest for fun,” I say. “You ordered me to sit on the table at Altar for fun.”
“I chased you because you ran. And I let you off easy at Altar. I didn’t touch you at all, remember?”
“For as long as I live, I will never, ever forget a single moment inside that parlor with you.”
“Good,” he says without a tinge of remorse. “Neither will I.”
Heat washes up my neck. Staring from the window, I pray for him to drive even faster, just so the ride can end.
“You’re so prissy,” he says.
“No, I’m not.”
I might be inexperienced with men, but I’m not uptight. It’s Lucan specifically who makes me uncomfortable. He’s the problem.
He lowers his voice. “Are you a virgin?”
“The way you constantly strive to outdo your own creepiness would be impressive, if it weren’t so disgusting.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m a fucking creep,” he says with a sigh. “Answer the question. How many people have you slept with?”
He drastically slows the car as he waits for an answer, prolonging my torture.
“None of your business,” I say.
“Three?”
I’m silent.
“Seven?” he guesses.
I say nothing.
He grins. “Is it… one?”
“Please drive faster,” I beg. “We’re nearly at a crawl.”
He laughs, his pearly teeth bright in the low light. His canines are more pronounced than the average person’s, which seems very fitting, because he’s definitely a carnivore.
“It’s one.” Lucan gives a low whistle. “Can’t have been a good one, if you’re this timid about sex.”
Though I’d never admit it, he’s correct about the number and the quality. The sex with Chace, my high-school boyfriend, was about as awkward and fumbling as I imagine sex could be.
Deep down, I worry it was my fault. That maybe I’m just bad in bed.
I haven’t tried again since, even to kiss someone. It’s not like I’ve had much opportunity.
“I’m not timid,” I say.
Lucan revs the engine, shooting the car forward. “Yeah, I’ll be testing your claim.”
Groaning, I pull my bag into my lap. Maybe using the stun gun on him would shut him up.
“Do you want to know how many women I’ve slept with?” he asks.
“Nope,” I reply.
“Jealous?”
“In your dreams. I just don’t care.”
But the tiniest fraction of annoyance prickles me at the thought of Lucan teasing another girl like this, let alone sleeping with her.
I push the feeling aside in revulsion.
Finally, we reach the towering gates of Darkbloom. The moment the car stops in front of the building, I click my seatbelt.
Juliette and Clara stand by the door, huddled together. They wave uncertainly, peering at the dark car windows. Both wear sweats and messy buns, like they planned to stay in for the rest of the night. Yet here they are.
“What’s going on?” I narrow my eyes at Lucan. “Why are my roommates standing in the cold?”
“They’re walking you back to your dorm,” he says. “Before we left my house, I sent instructions to them through your security system.”
Great. Now he’s sending my friends instructions.
“Don’t do that again,” I say, groaning.
“Would you rather I walk you?” he asks.
“No! I’m fine.”
Lucan exits the car to open my door and offer his hand.
I haul myself from the low seat.
“Thank you for the stun gun,” I say, backing away from him. “And the ride.”
“Anytime.” Lucan closes my door and walks to the driver’s side. “Bye, Sadie. Be seeing you on the cameras.”
My stomach churns with fresh anxiety. He’s not going to watch me all the time, is he?
As far as protectors go, he’s really stressful.
I hurry to my friends. They gather me up the moment I’m within reach, like I might be pulled back into Lucan’s grasp.
“Are you okay?” asks Clara. “I can’t believe you went to his house.”
Juliette watches Lucan’s liquid-black car glide away. “Tell us everything. Did he admit to hunting people?”
We walk to our dorm, my friends peppering me with questions about Lucan’s armory and the estate.
I feel dazed and oddly restless after spending time with him, like he left trace amounts of poison in my blood. My friends are right that I shouldn’t have gone to his house.
Lately I seem to be doing many things I shouldn’t.
Is that an improvement on shutting myself off from the world? Laughing with Clara and Juliette as we climb the stairs to our dorm, I’d have to say yes.
My life might be in danger now, but it was also in danger when I was completely alone, just in a different way. A far bleaker way.
I was in danger of disappearing into nothingness like a ghost.