Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
MONROE
I’m suffocating…
My whole life, I’ve been forced into a box filled with rules and expectations, and when they weren’t adhered to, punishment ensued.
I’ve never shared the instances of beatings and starvation with anyone.
None of it. And now that they're out there, I can’t take them back, and my breath is being ripped from my lungs again.
My tragic life has been exposed, and all the dirty secrets I’ve kept hidden from the world will come to light.
I’m hyperventilating. The constrictor that so often rests around my throat tightens with every new breath I take. Shaw pulls me into his lap as I claw at my neck, trying to free myself from the invisible force stealing air from my lungs.
“Hey… hey… You’ve got to calm down, Monroe. Concentrate on my voice, listen to my heartbeat. Close your eyes and count.” His hand presses my head to his chest, and the thudding beat of his robust heart rhythm forces me to focus on something else.
Slowly, I begin to feel myself breathing in sync with his inhalations. With each one comes a steady thump of his heart, and I’m finally under control again. Panic attack averted, but embarrassment…full steam ahead.
“I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about, darlin’.”
Closing my eyes, I relax into Shaw’s hold, and it’s easy to accept that he won’t let anything bad happen to me. Trusting in myself and exploring who I want to be is harder.
“I’m going to ask you something, Monroe. I only want you to answer if you can be completely honest with me.”
I tilt my head up to look at him, his heartbeat still keeping me calm as I agree.
“If given the choice to break free of your life in California, would you want that? To start over somewhere new, where everything is completely of your choosing?” The steadfast look in his gaze says he’ll make it happen if I say yes.
Closing my eyes, I concentrate on my breathing before responding, “Yes.” Because that’s precisely what I want.
I would rather not return home. I’m not a Barbie, and I’m tired of that life.
Have been for years. But every time I tried to express my displeasure, I was punished.
Then this stalker showed up, and over the last year, the threats have gotten worse, so I haven't had much choice.
Shaw’s mouth brushes a kiss along my head, and I’m reminded of how he made me feel this morning, how my body buzzed with anticipation. A feeling I never thought I’d experience again. One I want to repeat over and over. With him.
“You’re safe here, Monroe.” His fingers tilt up my chin, and before I can open my eyes, his lips claim mine again, and everything floats away. The worry and panic are gone, replaced with lust and desire.
For the first time in my life, I want to explore my body with a man. I want to find out what the big deal is that makes all the girls lose their minds over boys.
The trouble with Shaw is, he’s more liable to steal my heart.
Before jumping headfirst into the first choice I get to make in my life, I must figure out if it’ll be possible to continue on without him once he’s no longer protecting me.
“Stop thinking so hard.” I can feel his smile against my lips.
“Could we do this more?” I barely breathe the words past my lips, terrified of rejection.
So when he says, “We can do it as often as you like,” I sigh with relief and melt further into him.
For the rest of the morning, we sit with Marilyn, so she’s not lonely. Shaw asks me questions about my life and who I think would want to hurt me, and we kiss until we’re both breathless.
By the time a vehicle can be heard rumbling into the driveway, I’m so relaxed that when panic over it being my mother or a stalker bombards me, I pass out with the swiftness of my fear.