Chapter 16 Bode
“Goddamnit,” I curl over in a surge of pain as my bare toe hits the corner of Dot’s kitchen island in the dark. The pain still is not enough to mask the way my heart keeps racing or how far my mind keeps wandering.
Stupidly, I came up the hill because I couldn't sleep. I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes, I see Magnolia.
She had found a way to continue her pestering long after she’d gone home and I can’t tell if I love it or hate it.
But either way, the only thing that is going to fix the confusion is a cookie.
I lift my foot to my hand, rubbing out the shock from my muscle as I lean against the counter and hobble toward the bread box by the windowsill.
Dot’s famous hiding spot.
I wiggle my toes one more time, hoping I didn’t break anything and push up the sliding hatch to reveal a tupperware container of peanut butter cookies.
I groan, leaning over into the moonlight that shines through the window, popping the lid on the container and stealing a few cookies.
Sliding them across the counter, I steal a glass and fill it halfway with milk before settling on a stool to stare down at them like they’re gonna solve my problems.
Get a grip, Bode.
It’s not like Maggie was the first woman I’d ever seen in my life.
But she is the prettiest…
I bite into the first cookie, swallowing it down with a hearty chug of milk as I lean my head back with my eyes closed just praying to whoever is listening. But when I do, her smile from the auction flashes across the darkness and my chest gets all warm.
The loud kicking of a barrel loading echoes through the kitchen and my eyes fly open as my entire body freezes. “Dotty,” I say quietly, hoping to avoid her accidentally blowing my head off.
“Bode Walker, what the hell are you doing in my kitchen at two am?” The sound of shuffling happens from behind me before the light flickers on and Dot comes into my field of view in her nightgown and a sweater.
She shakes her head at me, setting down the shotgun on the island with a scowl on her face.
“You didn’t answer my texts about the cookies…” I say holding one up to show her. She stares at me for a second before turning to the main counter and looking for her phone, that she no doubt left lying around. She hates the damn thing more than Ford hates Logan.
“You know I don’t text,” she grumbles, lighting it up and glaring at the screen. “What does this even mean? You up?”
I chuckle, forgetting that’s what I lead with, my cheeks getting warm under her scrutiny. “Okay, I meant to ask about the cookies but then I got restless.”
“Restless?” Dot sets her phone down, her expression a mixture of soft concern and pure annoyance for the early morning intrusion. “I’ve seen you sleep through tornado sirens, Bode Walker. You don’t get restless.”
“I was hungry?” I try, I really didn’t want to discuss Maggie with her but it’s nearly impossible to hide anything from Dot, and I can instantly tell that my excuse isn’t bulletproof.
“Is this about Levi?” she asks, knowing that any issues I have usually stemmed from my baby brother and his incessant need to get into shit. “He’s a young man, Bode. You gotta let him get all the fire out of his system…”
“It’s not, Levi.” I shake my head.
“This conversation is harder to follow than your cryptic texts,” Dot groans and turns to the stove, swiping the kettle off the burner to fill with water. “Do you want tea?”
I hold up my glass of milk and she gives me a small nod before carrying on with her task absentmindedly.
“If it’s not about my little rodeo rat, what is it?
” Dot asks. It’s been twelve years of her calling him that and not a day goes by that it doesn’t make me chuckle.
“Is it all ranch stuff because don’t you worry about that, Ford’s dealing with it.
He met with Wyatt yesterday, and they’re working things out with the lawyers.
” Dot’s transparency worries me because it’s obvious that they're keeping things from her.
Something I expect out of Wyatt, that rotten to the core money hound steps on the ranch once a year to collect his birthday present before jetting off to handle the business far away from where the business actually takes place.
But if Ford’s lying to her…
Something’s wrong.
“No Dotty, the ranch is fine. Ford’s more than capable.” I assure her but it does nothing to settle the uneasy feeling in my chest. She watches me as the kettle screams at her, almost like she can’t hear it past trying to figure out what’s eating at me.
I want to scream at her, that it’s Maggie-Mae but it’s not her problem and it shouldn’t even be mine but here I am wound up about that sweet as sugar blonde live wire. It’s infuriating and intoxicating all at once.
“Wanda’s a little happier with her new barn mate,” Dot sighs, still watching my every move. “Maggie’s just right proud of herself for that one.”
“She named him Buck,” I say, shoving another cookie in my mouth.
“I heard, it’s fitting.” She reaches across and steals my last cookie with a grin on her face.
“I’m surprised you let her lead the auction, that was reckless of you.
” The comment is pointed, sharp as a knife as she waits for me to spill my heart to her.
I hated how easily she did that, pulled the truth up and out of me.
It’s all a game to this old lady and she plays it better than any of us.
“Yeah well, she smiled at me and for a split second I forgot everything in the room but her and now we own a steer, who’s probably well past his prime but at least she’s happy,” I run my hands through my hair and stare at Dot, hoping she has an answer that will quell the frayed nerves.
“It’s about time you admit it.” Dot sips her tea, watching me over the lip of her mug.
“Why do you always gotta do that?” I shake my head and she cocks an eyebrow at me. “You know what,” I say before she even attempts to defend herself, “you ask us questions, making it seem like we’re leading the conversation and walk us right into the answer…”
“I don’t do anything,” Dot smiles, setting her mug down. “Sometimes it just takes you thick skulled cowboys a second to catch up.”
“Her smile is crippling,” I say after a moment. “It… it’s like she dismantles all my safeguards without even trying. I don’t even think she knows she’s doing it, Dotty,” I sound pathetic but Dot just watches me with a softened expression.
“You don’t sound upset about it, Bode boy,” Dot points out.
“That’s the problem,” I look at her, doing everything I can to keep myself together. “I’m not.”
“So what is your problem?” she asks, getting me another cookie.
“I don’t know anything about her,” I say.
“She’s all fast conversation, pretty smiles, charming jokes…
” I pause. “I want to, but getting a word in when she’s going a hundred miles an hour is impossible.
And it's scary because it’s pretty obvious she’s filling the silence so she can avoid what’s chasing her. ”
“So do something about it,” Dot suggests.
“I don’t think a woman like Magnolia wants a bulldozer like me, I don’t want to barrel into her life and make things worse,” I say.
“Bode Walker, you couldn’t make anything worse if you tried your hardest but the way I see it, you’re not trying at all and that’s not the man I know.
You walked onto this ranch with a smile and the same boots you’re wearing today, you’ve never stopped to think someone might not want your help. You just do it.”
“But what if-”
“I can’t tell you what’s going on in her head, she barely tells me but what I can tell you is that she's begging to be seen. All you gotta do now is quit being thick-headed, and get to know her. The real her, beneath the sunshine, the daisies. Quit plucking at weeds trying to figure out what she is, and dig deeper until you find the roots that grow around her.”
“City plant,” I scoff at Dot when she smiles at me. It's soft and holds a hint of concern for her niece.
“She's not from the city, Bode. She didn’t grow into the woman she is today by choosing to live in a concrete cage. She did it out of survival, the same way you chose to step foot on this ranch.” Dot reminds me.
“For someone else.”
Dot stares at me as I figure it out, Maggie never wanted the life she led.
She had responsibilities she never asked for.
Turns out we’ve been walking the same path long before we came face to face.
Coming up here was supposed to clear my head but instead I’m left with more questions and my resolve only cracking further. What have I gotten myself into?
“Maggie is going to need more than just Ford and me.” Dot leans over the island, covering my hands with hers. “Talk to her.”