Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
God, she hated this feeling.
Guilt.
It swirled in her stomach and she’d do almost anything to make it disappear.
Maybe you should apologize for causing so many problems.
She couldn’t believe that she’d climbed that tree then panicked. That Jeb had been forced to come and get her.
Mortifying.
She was sitting on the porch swing, wishing she’d brought out Mr. Bear. Wyatt had told her to keep him for the night, but she knew he liked to sleep with the toy, so she’d snuck Mr. Bear into his room before coming down here to think.
A shiver ran through her. It was getting cold and she wished she’d brought out a blanket. The short pajamas she had on weren’t enough to keep her warm.
Why had she climbed that tree? It had been so stupid. Yeah, she’d wanted to make Wyatt happy. But she’d also liked the idea of having a swing. It was ridiculous. She was an adult.
That swing probably wouldn’t have been safe for Wyatt to use. And what if she’d fallen and broken something? How would she have gotten to Santa Barbara and her job?
Totally irresponsible.
Ridiculous.
Childish.
The words swarmed around her head. All of them spoken in her father’s voice.
That bastard.
Right. What she needed to do was prove him wrong. She could do this. All she had to do was keep Wyatt safe and alive and do all the housework. Including cooking.
Casey groaned. God, this seemed impossible.
Suddenly she heard a board creak, and turning, she saw Jeb walking toward her carrying a fluffy grey blanket. He placed the blanket over her lap.
Ooh, that was nice and soft. She wondered if his wife had bought it. Wyatt had told her a few things about his mama. But Jeb had said next to nothing about her. Was he still missing her?
That was a stupid question. Of course he was. He must have been devastated when she died, which is why Casey had no right to think about what it would feel like to kiss him. To have him hold her in his lap and cuddle her close.
That would never happen. But it was a nice dream to have.
“It’s a bit cold to be sitting out here in just pajamas,” he scolded her.
“I didn’t realize how cold it had gotten until just now,” she said as he sat down next to her on the swing.
Jeez. He took up all the room. His legs parted and his shoulders were so wide that she had to shuffle over.
Leaning forward, Jeb placed his elbows on his thighs with a sigh.
“I’m really sorry about today,” she blurted out. “It won’t happen again. I know I was irresponsible. If I’d fallen in front of Wyatt and hurt myself, he would’ve been terrified. He would’ve had nightmares. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“You’re right,” he said. “You shouldn’t have climbed that tree. But not just because of the impact that would’ve had on Wyatt if you’d fallen. But the impact it would’ve had on you.”
“I know. It might’ve stopped me from moving to Santa Barbara.”
“It might’ve stopped you from breathing at all,” he said, finally turning his head to give her a scolding look. “You need to take better care of yourself, Casey.”
She nodded, looking out at the darkness. If she had a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream, she’d be in heaven.
Oh, and if she didn’t have a big man scolding her.
“You are not indestructible. I feel like you don’t put enough thought into your own safety and care.”
“I put plenty of thought into my own safety and care. What does that even mean?” she asked.
“It means that you nearly broke your neck instead of waiting to ask me for help. It means that you slept in your car rather than call someone and be a bother. It means that you weren’t going to go to the doctor after burning yourself.
And it means that you’ve tried all night to hide the fact that you hurt yourself today. ”
Shit.
“How did you know?”
“Because you ate dinner entirely with your left hand,” he said. “And you kept your right hand hidden. So what have you done?”
She sighed. “It’s just a splinter.”
“Then you won’t mind me looking at it, will you?” he asked.
“You can’t see anything in this light,” she protested. “I’ll clean it up soon and it will be as good as gold.”
“Show me, little girl,” he said firmly.
A shiver ran through her and she had to stop herself from leaning into him. Now that she knew he wasn’t calling her little girl due to her height, but because of her Little, well, it changed things.
A lot.
Casey wanted to hear him call her that more. She wanted him to hold her and tell her that he’d protect her. She wanted him to be her Daddy.
But he can’t be.
So there is no point in wishing for something that can’t possibly come true.
Jeb drew out his phone and turned on the flashlight as she held out her hand so he could look at it.
“Ahh, baby. This looks sore,” he said as he gently grasped hold of her hand.
He doesn’t mean anything by that. You are not his baby. It’s just a word.
Jeb sucked in a breath, letting go of her hand and leaning away from her. He put his phone away. “Fuck. Sorry. I shouldn’t have called you baby. I’m not doing very well at being your employer, am I? If you’re uncomfortable, tell me. I can arrange a ride back to the motel for you.”
“What? No! I don’t want to leave. Unless you want me to leave.
I get it if you do. I haven’t done a very good job at this, well, job.
It just doesn’t feel like a job. I know that’s bad.
It’s because I like hanging with Wyatt. I mean the housework stuff is crap.
I’m crap at it. But with him . . . well, I guess I’m just not used to a job being fun, you know?
However, I get it. I’ll leave. I was so stupid today. I don’t know what I was thinking!”
She slapped her hands down on her thighs, letting out a cry of pain as the splinters shifted. “Ow. Ow. Ow.”
“Hey! Stop that!” he ordered, taking gentle hold of her hands. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
“I deserve it.”
“You do not,” he said firmly. “And if anyone is going to punish you for your behavior, it will be me.”
And he just did it again.
Fuck.
He couldn’t stop himself, could he? At this rate, he was going to find himself in trouble for sexual harassment.
Jeb was in a place of authority over her so he needed to ensure that she didn’t feel pressured into doing anything that she didn’t want to do.
“Shit,” he muttered. “I apologize. Again. And again if you feel at all uncomfortable and want me to stop or to leave, tell me. If you want you can just say red.”
“You’re giving me a safeword?” she whispered.
“Yeah. If that’s easier for you. I know that sometimes it can feel intimidating to tell someone older than you, or in a position of power exactly what you need or want. To tell them no. I want you to know you can always say no to me. Or ‘red’ if that’s easier.”
Casey was silent for a long moment. “You seem to think I’m scared of you. Or maybe intimidated.”
“You aren’t?”
She shrugged. “No, I don’t know. I guess maybe I should be? But I’ve lived with someone scary. He liked to yell a lot and throw things. He would stomp through the house and you’d want to run away. Sometimes I would hide, but that would make him more mad.”
“What the fuck? Who was that?” he snapped. “Your fiancé?”
“What? Oh no. Derick was nothing like that. I mean, I never lived with him. But he was always nice to me when we were together.”
“So who were you talking about?” He was a bit confused. She sounded very unconcerned when she spoke of her fiancé. As though he hadn’t meant much to her.
How had their relationship ended?
“Oh, my father. But I don’t want to talk about him.
My point was that you don’t do anything like that.
Sure, you get mad sometimes, but mostly when you’re worried or concerned.
You don’t yell. Although you are very bossy.
Yes, if I had to offer some feedback it would be that you could tone down the bossiness. ”
“I don’t believe I asked for feedback.”
She shrugged and patted his hand. “Consider it a bonus.”
A bonus?
Jeb shook his head. “I’m not going to be less bossy. In fact, you need bossy. You need someone to give you some rules and enforce them in order to keep you safe.”
“That’s rude,” she grumbled. “I don’t think I need that at all. I think I’m doing very well at taking care of myself. I got myself all the way from Connecticut to here without any incidents. I think it’s this place. It seems to bring something out in me.”
Or maybe it wasn’t the place.
Perhaps it was him.
“Not sure I agree with that. I’m shocked that your family let you travel across the country on your own.” There was disapproval in his voice.
“They didn’t want me to. But they couldn’t really argue with me.”
“Why not?” he asked curiously.
“Because I didn’t tell them that I was leaving,” she said.
“What?” He gaped at her. “You didn’t tell your family that you were going?”
“No. It was hard to keep my plans a secret too, since I lived with them all. I have four older brothers and they all live at home with my father.”
“Why didn’t you tell them?” he asked.
“Uh, because they would have argued. And my father would have found a way to stop me.”
“He sounds like a controlling asshole,” he muttered.
“Yeah, he is.”
“What about your fiancé? You were already broken up?”
“Uh, I called him as I left. I know that wasn’t a good way to break things off. But he really sounded relieved. I mean, it wasn’t like we were in love or anything.”
“You weren’t? Why were you engaged to him, then?”
“My father arranged it.”
“Wait. Your father arranged your engagement? Did you have a choice?”
“Oh no. I never have a choice when it comes to my father. It’s his way or the highway. And God help anyone who disobeys him.” She shuddered.
“Did he hurt you?” he asked.
“He never hit me. He didn’t have to. Not when he could yell and snarl and smash things up. He has a huge temper. Things set him off very easily and I learned to just give him what he wanted. Then sneak around and do what I liked.”
Right.
That explained a lot.
Her experience of discipline was abuse. And likely her father’s rules had been about controlling her rather than protecting her.
Which meant he had to tread carefully. Especially when he didn’t want her to grow too attached to him.
“That explains why you’re so reckless with your safety. He probably had lots of rules that constricted you rather than protected you.”
“My father didn’t care about protecting me. He’ll be mad that I left because he can’t control me now. I hope he didn’t take his anger out on my brothers.”
“He abuses them as well?” he asked.
“He doesn’t treat them the same as he does me. They’re useful to him. I’m just a waste of space.”
Jeb growled and she startled.
“Sorry. That wasn’t aimed at you. And you are most definitely not a waste of space, understand? I don’t want to hear you say that again.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “All right. I won’t say that again. I know it’s not true. I’m great at lots of things. Just not working for my father . . . I hated it.”
“Then you never have to do it again. In fact, I forbid you from having anything to do with him. I’m not even sure if you should have anything to do with your brothers if they did nothing to protect you.”
“They did what they could. But no one really goes against my father. He’s the big man in the area where we live. Everyone does what he says. The sheriff. The mayor. Everyone.”
“I don’t care. You no longer have to do what he says. And if he tries to boss you around, then you tell me and I’ll take care of it.”
He was crazy.
Forbid her? Who did he think he was?
Saying that he’d take her father on was also nuts. It was basically financial and reputational suicide.
But he wouldn’t know that since he had no clue who her father was.
Still, the fact that he was willing to wade in to protect her meant a lot.
Even if she wasn’t going to let him go around forbidding her.
“While I want nothing to do with my father and would love to let you take care of any interactions with him, that can’t happen. It’s not your problem, it’s mine.”
“While you’re here, your problems are mine.”
Right. Of course. Because he probably didn’t want her distracted or upset while she was meant to be looking after Wyatt.
However, he was getting a bit out of control. She’d considered him bossy before, but saying that she was forbidden from doing something?
That was going a touch too far.
“I won’t be telling my father where I am, trust me. And I don’t think he’ll send anyone after me. As he liked to tell me, I was a constant headache to him.”
“Good. If he tries to contact you, then you will tell me immediately. You’ll promise me that.”
Right. It was time they got a few things straight.
“You know that you can’t make me promise that. And you definitely cannot forbid me from doing anything. You can’t make any rules beyond what is necessary to take care of Wyatt. And you cannot keep bossing me around.”
“I disagree. The fact that I’m going to be your Daddy while you’re here means that I can do all of that and more.”