Charisma #2
“You talking foolish. You have no idea what my type is.” He laughed me off in a way that felt mocking and it reminded me yet again that our friendship wasn’t equal. He knew the worst things about me but despite how I was sticking my neck out for him, he still kept me in the dark.
“I know. In all these years you’ve never introduced me to anyone.
I thought we were better than that. You don’t trust me?
” I was pressing the issue since it didn’t make sense for me to be a party to a lie and not have all the information.
I toyed with one of the few throw pillows on the tufted sofa that made the room design decidedly feminine.
“Just because I like to keep both sides of my life separate doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. You’re the only person I can talk to about things and I like for you to stay unbiased and unaffected by some stuff. You mean well but you might slip up at some point.”
And there it was. His thought that I couldn’t keep his secrets the way he kept mine.
That I was too flighty or too immature even after all these years to truly be his confidant.
Few people saw me as capable. As an adult.
Everyone, including my parents, were always trying to baby me and it frustrated me to no end.
I might have been whimsical but it didn’t mean I wasn’t responsible.
Maybe that was why Nate was so attractive to me.
He saw me. He listened to me. Nate didn’t let the purple tips or the jovial nature make him think my ideas were stupid.
That was something I’d been waiting for my whole life and he gave it to me.
“While I get that, I hope you know I’m not judging you.”
Trent scoffed and I wondered why my talking about Nate had irritated him so much. “And why would you?”
Bringing up the past might trigger him so I hesitated. I didn’t want to open wounds that he was carrying but I still wanted to assert my position and let him know how I felt.
“Well, you’re doing all of this because you’re worried about your parents and what they might say or feel. I just wanted to reiterate that I wouldn’t be like that and I’d be happy to meet anyone that you were falling for.”
I felt conflicted because although my words were true I had an ulterior motive for saying them.
I wanted someone to talk to about Nate and since everyone in my life was connected to my parents who assumed I was with Trent, I couldn’t talk to them about him.
I looked at a blank spot on the wall and wondered if Mrs. Maureen would mind me painting a mural on it.
“Charisma, I’ve told you plenty of times that shit ain’t ever gonna happen.
You act like you’re not one to blurt shit out.
You’d make a mistake or try to be coy and ask me about them in front of my people.
That would lead to questions that I don’t have a good story to answer.
Now, back to this so called sweet man you met.
Who the fuck is it?” His tone was harsh, words slathered in disgust with a hint of disrespect.
He made it seem like my meeting someone was breaking the rules despite him having his special someone.
I was in a completely different state so there was little chance word would get back to folks back in Florida.
And I wasn’t even sure that Nate and I would be a thing.
So his hostility at my simple observation was fucking with me.
“Why are you being so hostile?” I put the call on speaker because I didn’t want to hold the phone any longer. I could almost feel his negativity through the phone and I wanted it as far away from me as possible.
“Because you’re over here trying to blow all this up over some dick! I knew it was a bad idea for you to move down there but my mama said to let you go.” He sucked his teeth like he’d been waiting on me to fuck up and prove that no one could trust me. But his choice of words pissed me off.
“Let me? If my own mama couldn’t stop me what makes you think you could?”
“You know what I mean, Charisma.”
“No, I heard what you said. Big difference, Trent.”
I could hear him sucking his teeth on the phone, his annoyance at me standing up for myself obvious. “You’re being too damn sensitive as usual. You’ve got to grow out of this at some point.”
“Says who?”
“Who is this man, Charisma?”
I felt like I was talking to my damn daddy instead of my friend but if I were honest he hadn’t been a friend in a long time.
“His name is Nate and he’s the one who helped me get a job.”
“Oh, so you’re just infatuated because he helped you out? You could’ve asked me for money and avoided all of this.”