Charisma #4
“You crazy if you think I’d let anyone bigger than you run up on you with the idea of laying hands on you.”
“I can fight.”
He looked me up and down and his eyes screamed I was wrong. “You don’t look like you can and that’s okay.”
“I can fight!”
“Yeah okay. Maybe them bitches from Missouri or wherever you’re from but the ones round here are used to roping cattle. You too pretty to have your face looking like you lost a few rounds in Mike Tyson’s Punch Out.”
“Nate, how did we even get here?”
He blinked like even he was confused before throwing his hands up. “I don’t know, this is your conversation!”
“I feel like you took it over at some point and I don’t know how to get it back to where we were.”
“You told him about me. He threatened you, I told you I was gonna whoop his ass. You said I couldn’t cause he was gay. I told you it didn’t matter cause he still a man with a dick and he can get his ass fucked up playing with you.” Nate started to tick off every point on his fingers as he spoke.
“That was a damn good recap.”
“Concise right? I’m good at shit. Multi-talented. Now, am I hopping a flight to whoop his ass or have you cut communication with him?” His arms folded over his chest as he waited for my answer.
“The latter.”
His nod was crisp as he dropped his arms and relaxed. “Cool. Don’t talk to that nigga again while you on this property.”
“You can’t tell me what to do with my phone.”
“The fuck I can’t when that payment is auto-debited out of my account every month.”
My eyes widened because this was news to me. “Wait a minute, what do you mean you pay the bill?”
“Your bill was added to the household plan.” He spoke as though this was something I should’ve known but again, how would he have gotten the information for my phone.
“For what?” I tried to keep my tone even because I wasn’t mad, just confused.
“So that you had one less thing to worry about.”
My tension softened because damn that was sweet as hell. “And you didn’t think you needed to talk to me about it?”
He rolled his eyes as those arms folded back across his chest. He looked down at me like I was adorably annoying him. “Why? So we could be having this same conversation where you tried to talk me out of doing what the fuck I was gonna do anyway?”
“I mean…yeah. How did you do that anyway?”
“You so damn old school you were still getting paper bills. It was easy to get that shit switched up and put on my account for auto pay.” He shrugged like he hadn’t committed at least one federal crime by opening up my mail.
“I do that so that I can budget. Keep track of my money.”
“Yeah well I took off that line item so now you don’t have to worry about surprises.
I know how it feels to have too much money at the end of the month.
You think shit is sweet and then you spend too much, putting yourself in a bind.
Besides, it ain’t do you any good since you hadn’t realized you hadn’t paid a phone bill in almost two months. ”
I was shamed because he was right. If I didn’t see it, I didn’t think about it.
Nate moved closer to me but stopped himself before he made contact. “What do your people think?”
He’d switched topics again and I had to realize he was back to speaking on Trent. “His thinks I’m a good Christian girl. They keep hinting at a proposal and marriage and babies.”
Nate’s huff was filled with aggravation and sarcasm as he shook his head.
“And you think that he’s gonna what, not propose?
That he’s gonna suddenly grow a set of balls that makes him man the fuckup and be honest versus proposing to you and forcing you to keep living a lie?
He won’t. He will drag you down this path right along with him.
And he will do it in a way that you’re beholden to him.
To not embarrass him. I’m telling you, this won’t play out the way you think.
Making a clean break is the only way you get freedom.
You’re the only one sacrificing anything by doing this, Charmy. ”
I was frustrated because I knew that Nate wasn’t wrong. Every word he’d said had almost come true. This had started out as something that was supposed to be temporary. But years had passed and I hadn’t wanted to hurt Trent but had hurt myself in the process. “How?”
“That abortion secret was over a decade ago. Anyone guilting you for that or about that is a piece of shit. Are you going to let it run your life forever?” Nate’s hand was on the side of my face stroking my cheek like he was willing me to be strong enough to take this leap.
“I’ve tried to make moves to do other things and to become more independent it just hasn’t worked out the way I planned yet.
” Part of my move to Texas had been so that I could break away from where I grew up.
The idea of being pigeon-holed the rest of my life, held stagnant by other people’s expectations, was too much for me.
“What are you trying to do?”
I didn’t hesitate to tell him because I knew he wouldn’t judge me or my dreams. “My art. I want to do that full time. It takes time and money. It takes a lot to get on people’s lists. It takes resources that I don’t have without their help.”
“What resources?”
“Why are you asking me all these questions? Like you’re about to make something happen.”
“And if I were?”
“Who are you, my fairy godfather?”
“Trying to be ya nigga but I see you aren’t well versed in how that’s supposed to look.”
My brow arched and he simply stared back at me arrogantly. “You assume?”
“Nah, I’m knowing. You had a nigga knock you up who apparently didn’t do the proper aftercare with you so that you didn’t have to rely on your so-called friend. And that nigga is blackmailing you so yeah, a good man ain’t want you’re used to seeing.”
Damn he was really trying to hurt my feelings and show me what I’d been missing in one. But he wasn’t wrong. My first ever boyfriend had shown me that women being bitter had valid reasons. I still wasn’t over that hurt. “I’m already beholden to one man, Nate.”
“And I’m not saying I would do any of this to have you beholden to me. I’m trying to show you how a man is supposed to fill in the gaps when his woman is in need no matter what it is. Haven’t I done that so far?”
He used his nose to nuzzle mine, the intimacy of his flesh against mine in a comforting way bringing tears to my eyes. “Yes.”
“Have I asked anything of you because of it?”
“No.”
“The reason why he doesn’t help you or allow you access to his resources is because he knows that your independence means an end to his deception.
Getting you a showing or having his people or his finance folks talk about your work means he loses control.
I can’t fault him for wanting to keep his business his business.
But when he’s putting you in the position that he is, that’s where I draw the line with my empathy and gotta treat him like the fuck boy he is. ”
Nate’s face hadn’t relaxed the entire time we’d been out here and I knew the whole purpose was for us to relax so I felt bad. “That was a lot.”