Charisma #2
“Why wouldn’t I be? The basis of sex that’s not a crime is having two consenting peers agreeing to the act. I don’t want to so I’m not agreeing. How are you not understanding this? And you’re missing one very tall dark and handsome reason my answer is no.”
“We’ve been together for years!” Trent stood up and started pacing and I watched him carefully.
“We haven’t been together, Trent! This shit was just for show.
A way for you to bide time until you could do what you needed to and it has spiraled out of control.
Who has gotten in your head? You can’t possibly think that I’m going to sit here and let you use me like an experiment.
Because that’s what it would be. An experiment.
You trying to be something that you’re not and using my body in a disgusting way to prove yourself. Why would you even ask me this?”
He stopped pacing and turned to stare at me confused.
“Why? Because none of this was supposed to be this way. I had a plan and you’re fucking it up!
” His voice rose and I was struck at how angry he was.
Nate said that Trent would be the type who would fight to keep his image.
I was believing he was right. How far he would go was beyond me so instead of being a bitch I deescalated the situation.
“Trent. I want you to know I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you feeling how you do.
Being gay doesn’t have the type of broader stigma that it used to.
I hate that you have had to lie about who you are for so long.
Just like I have things I need to talk to my parents about, we can do the same with yours.
You’re their only son and they might not understand your lifestyle but I doubt they would completely turn their backs on you.
They love you too much. Just like I know mine will love me even though my actions disappointed them. ”
“Are you seriously doing this after school special spiel right now, Charisma?” His eyes were narrowed, face tight with annoyance.
“Why the fuck are you being so mean to me when I’m trying to be your friend?” Trent had never been this mean before but it was obvious his anger was going to be directed at me.
“I can’t believe you haven’t figured this shit out yet.” Trent’s tone grew lighter but the humor felt dark.
“Figured out what?”
“That I’m not gay, Charisma! Fuck! You’re almost too damn gullible.” Trent looked at me disgusted that his ability to be a piece of shit had worked so effectively.
“What do you mean you’re not gay? We’ve had an entire conversation about you and wanting conversion therapy and all this other stuff.
What are you talking about? Or is this part of it?
Them teaching you to deny yourself so that you can assimilate or something?
” My brain was reaching for any and every reason Trent wouldn’t be a liar.
It didn’t make sense to pretend to be something he wasn’t for all these years.
All I could hear in my head was Cardi B screaming What was the reason? !
“Char—”
I stepped toward him trying to gentle friend him into being honest with himself. Maybe he was attracted to Nate and wanted to convince himself that he wasn’t. “You don’t have to do this—”
“I’m not gay, Charisma! I’ve never been gay.” He slid one hand in his slacks and stood in front of me. His body language was proud and open, without an ounce of deception in his features.
I stepped back as my body collided with the counter. “What the hell are you talking about? You said your parents—”
He ran a hand down his waves seemingly unmoved by how his confession was effecting me. There was no remorse, definitely no sympathy. In fact, he seemed happy to have finally gotten the truth off his chest.
“I lied. I lied. About it all. My parents were on my back about settling down and wanted me to stop hoin’ around.
I wasn’t about to do that because I was too damn young.
My dick had far too many people that it needed to be introduced to so I told them you were my girl.
” He shrugged as though his actions had caused me to put so much of myself on hold because I thought I was being a good friend.
“That I was—wait I don’t understand. What if you would’ve met someone else? If one of your flings would’ve ended up in you falling in love? Then what?”
“How would that have looked for them to think I was a cheater?”
My face balled up so tight I felt the muscles cramp from the effort. “So you chose to be a liar instead? How does that make sense?”
“Because no one got hurt.” He spoke so assuredly that I knew he truly wasn’t thinking about the harm his actions had caused.
“No one got hurt? Are you serious? I got hurt! I got hurt because you lied to me! And when I told you that I was interested in Nate you threatened to go to my parents about my past. And you’re telling me you only had that leverage because you pretended to be my friend?
You can’t tell me that’s what you’re actually saying right now, Trent.
” I was rarely a person who got away from my happy zen shit but right now I wanted blood. His.
“I don’t get any credit for being honest right now?”
I stared at him realizing for the first time that there was no way this nigga was gay.
This type of gaslighting was some heterosexual, alpha male, narcissistic, chauvinistic shit.
Not that gay men couldn’t be some of those, but this type of gaslighting came from years of lying to women in order to get them to do what you want.
His blasé attitude indicated a misogynist who had no issue with using me as a stepping stone to achieve his goal.
“You lied to me for literal years. And then threatened me. No, you don’t get credit.
There’s no credit for being honest after the fact.
Credit is given when you’re forthright. In letting the chips fall where they may.
Credit isn’t given when you’re using someone and their hurt against them just so that you can have what you want.
Why would you do that? To me of all people?
I thought at a minimum we were friends. I’ve tried my hardest to be supportive of you.
We’ve done so much together—oh my god! Is this why you didn’t want to go to Renaissance with me? ”
I’d tried not to be the stereotypical straight friend but I thought for sure that Trent would be eager to see Beyonce in all her glory during ACT I.
When he turned this nose up I thought I was being an asshole assuming he would love the album just because it was house music.
That was a fight that came out of nowhere and I hadn’t understood why he was so angry. Now I did.
“I don’t like her because I’m a fucking man. Would I fuck her? Hell yeah. Am I gonna sit here and belt out her fucking music like I’m the independent woman? Hell no,” He was back looking at me as though my believing his lies frustrated him.
It’s time for him to go.
“You’ve honestly lost your mind.”
“I haven’t lost my mind; I’m being honest with you for once.” Trent walked toward me and I moved deeper into the kitchen, which made him stop. The fact that he looked offended that I didn’t want him around me wasn’t lost on me.
“Right, for once. Because everything else has been a lie. Trenton, I don’t even know what to say.” My voice grew tight and I felt the tears threatening.
“It doesn’t matter. Like I said, we can still be a couple.
” This nigga had the nerve to smile as though our being together was set in stone.
As though the last twenty minutes of his confession hadn’t happened.
Like we weren’t standing on the family land of a man I was already in a relationship with.
“A couple?!”
“I’m not gay. And we had a great friendship. You’ve said that yourself. I don’t see the problem with making it a reality.” He slipped his hands back into his pockets affecting that unbothered, in control look he usually wore.
“The problem is that you lied. Our relationship was built on lies you told and me thinking I was protecting you. And now I see that’s not the case at all. That’s not a phenomenal relationship, that’s a gotdamn hostage situation!”
“I never thought you’d be such a bitch about learning the truth.
I’d have kept lying like I planned to. Say something crazy like my therapist suggested I try not to be gay and you were the only woman I would trust to share that special moment with.
Instead, you up and moved and fucked everything up by finding and fucking a hillbilly!
You left Florida like a brat and I had to cover for you. You owe me, Charisma.”
He was dead ass and that was when I knew I’d had enough.
Nate never spoke to me like he did. Hell, nobody did here.
My parents would tease that I was a child with hyperbole infused into every part of my spirit but they did it out of love.
He always did it out of spite even when I thought we were friends.
“Get out. Just please get out. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to look at you. As a matter of fact, you can hop on the first flight you can find out of here because this visit is over. Get out of my house.”
“This ain’t your house. This that nigga’s shit who thinks he’s going to take my place after all the work I put in all these years.
This is my spot. You think I’ll let it go this easily?
I been waiting on you for years and you up and give my pussy away to some other nigga?
” He slapped his hand against his chest angrily before he stood up and walked toward me.
It was only then, when I saw the look on his face that I understood I was in a truly bad situation. This man wasn’t gay and he seemed hell bent on getting his way. Which meant my ass was in danger.
That was confirmed when he walked toward me with a look of lust on his face.
“What are you doing?”
“Maybe I can show you how good we can be together. And then you’ll get past all of this shit.”