CHAPTER 9 #2
“I know who sacrificed. I know what you lost. I lost too. He was my father. And no, he didn’t want me to race. I know that. I know you argued with him over it.”
I hold up the journal.
“The day he died, he wrote a passage about how he knew he wasn’t going to be there for me as I grew up. He knew what was happening, but he had no clue he would die. He just suspected it.”
“Give me that.” My mother reaches for the book again.
“Honey, it’s hers,” Jon pipes in.
“But don’t I get to read it?” Mom’s voice is shaky, like she’s on the verge of tears.
“No.” I don’t give her the choice.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
I remember the argument from the night before.
I can’t recall him hiding the journal in my bedroom, but when I woke up, Mom was in the kitchen, wiping her eyes, upset that Daddy had taken off for his morning ride without kissing her goodbye. It was because of me.
“I know. I know everything.” I hold up the book so she understands.
For a moment, she just stares at me, confused, and then understanding hits.
“For years you made me race because you said it was what he wanted. But it wasn’t.
He wanted me to do whatever I wanted. He said he wanted me to grow up to be a veterinarian or to work with animals, but he didn’t want me beholden to this.
” I swing my arms wide. “To this fucking ranch. I hate this place.”
She stands there for only a moment.
“Go to your room. We’ll discuss this in the morning, after you’ve slept on it and realize what is best.”
Reaching back into the truck, I give her the respect she’s due as I grab my backpack.
As I walk past her, she tries to reach for me to hug, but I can’t do that right now.
I don’t want what she wants, and I’ll stick to my guns.
If I ever get back on a horse, it won’t be to race. It will be just to ride.
Walking past Jon, he nods at me as he walks toward my mother, and I step into the house I grew up in.
It’s still decorated the way my grandmother did years ago, in a dark western style with heavy materials and wood, not the soft country blues my mother prefers.
My mother says it’s out of respect for the true lady of the ranch, but I think it’s just her way of not rocking the boat with my grandmother.
My grandma is the toughest, most opinionated woman I know. For the longest time, she and my mother didn’t get along. I wonder if they ever will truly be close. The only thing they ever agreed on was me racing.
Coming to the large staircase that ascends to the upper level, I see Tiffany standing at the top of the stairs.
She was barely a toddler when our father died.
She doesn’t have very many memories of him.
Now, at thirteen, she’s wild and pushes the limits all the time.
I worry she’s going to hurt herself. She’s already been caught skipping school and trying to get onto the local university campus to go to parties.
“Hello.” She smiles, and I notice she’s dyed her hair an almost black shade.
“Hey yourself. Trying out for a grunge band?”
“It’s better than being the perfect daughter, except you’re now the one wanted by the cops. You trying to be me?”
“Never. I missed you, little turd.” I yank her into my body and hold her tight. She needs our mother to focus on her and not just indulge her.
“Missed you too, princess.” Her arms wrap around me. “Sorry to hear about your counselor.”
“Me too. She was a nice lady.”
As she pulls away, I see the smirk on her face. “So, an MC party?”
“It wasn’t like that.”
I think about what to say. I don’t want to share anything about Callum. I’m not ready for that breakdown. I’ll just keep acting like my life didn’t just fall apart. That my heart isn’t broken.
“Wow, does he know you loved him?” She catches on and grabs my hand.
I shake my head and walk past her toward my room, my hand slipping from hers.
As soon as I step into my room, I’m overwhelmed by everything.
The walls are lined with posters of barrel racing.
Some of me, some of my idols, and some just cool images.
There are awards all over the shelves—ribbons, trophies, and belt buckles.
The amount of horse statues or figures is ungodly.
Everyone would get them for me, thinking I was happy, when it was all a cover.
I hated it. I was just trying to make my mother happy.
I slam the door closed and drop my backpack. I can’t stop myself. The anger over my counselor’s death, the pain of leaving Callum and Ria, and the complete stupidity of someone stalking me and wanting me dead all clash inside me. My room becomes the victim of the latest crime.
I’m like a whirlwind as I rip, yank, tear, throw, and destroy everything in sight. I scream and no one comes to stop me. Tears roll down my face until I’m holding the final figurine in my hand, a girl hugging a horse as she pets its flank.
I cradle it as I fall to the floor amid the destruction. I know what I need to do. I’m not staying here. I place the figurine, unbroken, onto the bed and turn back to my bag. I stop and look at the wreckage I’ve left behind.
It’s done.
Walking out of my room and heading out of the house I never felt was a home, I hear my mother and Jon arguing. He’s defending me, and it shocks me.
“Pen, you’re going to push her away for good if you don’t stop. She almost gave her life for that sport. Are you willing to do either of those things?” He raises his voice.
“No, but…”
“Sweetheart, if you want to race yourself, we’ll figure it out. But we aren’t going to lose our daughter over it.”
My heart clenches that he called me his daughter.
I continue to the kitchen and leave a note for them.
Then I head out to get everything ready.
I’m exhausted, but I can stay in my trailer for the night once I hit the road.
Besides, I know if I close my eyes now, all I’ll see is Callum.
Part of me hoped he would show up and stop me, but he hasn’t.
He said he’d chase after me, and now he hasn’t.
By the time I have my trailer hooked up to my truck, I expect everyone to be asleep.
“Hey, kiddo. Where are you taking off to?” Uncle Ethan’s deep voice startles me.
“Jeez, oh Pete, Uncle Ethan, you scared the piss out of me.” I hold a hand to my chest.
In the lights of the large barn, I see he’s dressed in his typical fare. Mom says Uncle Ethan hasn’t met a sleeve he likes. His dark jeans hug his big body. There was a time when every man I saw, I compared to Ethan. I thought he was handsome. Now, that’s only Callum.
Uncle Ethan’s cowboy hat sits low on his head, hiding his eyes. His T-shirt, with the sleeves cut off, barely contains his muscles. He doesn’t ranch full time anymore, and I know he must dress up for his security job, but this is how I know him.
“If you weren’t running away in the dark, you wouldn’t have been scared.” His voice breaks me from my thoughts.
“I need to get out of here. She’s never going to listen to me.”
I walk back through the stable where I was getting Red ready to go. I have all his tack and enough feed to cover him for the drive to Oklahoma.
“But is running away the answer? Is that what an adult does?” Ethan leans against the door with his arms crossed over his chest. “Want to talk about the guy who’s searching for you?”
My heart skips a beat. Callum is searching for me? That’s good, right?
“His name is Callum, or Cowboy. He’s part of the club with Striker.”
“He’s former military and also pretty secretive about his past.”
“And you aren’t?” I quip back before I walk to Red’s stall.
I open the door and slip the lead over his head, then guide him out to the trailer.
“You’ve gotten sassier in your mature age. I could suggest that Cowboy give you a spanking. I know your aunt needs them occasionally.”
“Yuck, Uncle Ethan. I don’t want to know about your sex life.”
His dark chuckle calms my nerves.
“Look, yes, it’s not mature, but I need to, even see if I can get back on Raine’s back. Or any horse’s for that matter before I completely tell her what my plan is. She won’t listen until I try this.”
“She’ll listen.” Jon’s voice breaks through the darkness as he walks up. “Saw your note. Kid, you do what you need to do. I’m here to support you. Your mama loves you, but she’s just scared. The police, the accident, and now the murder.”
Turning to Jon, I take in what he’s saying.
“You’re right. It’s a lot to process. That’s what I’m going to go do. I’ll be at Ty’s. You can reach me there. I’ll text, but I’m going to keep my phone off most of the time.”
“Hiding from Cowboy?” Ethan asks.
“Who’s Cowboy?” Jon looks confused.
I secure Red in the slanted horse stall before responding.
“I’m not ready for him to chase after me. We need to make sure whoever is stalking me can’t get to him or his niece.” I turn to Jon. “He’s sort of my boyfriend.”
Uncle Ethan chuckles. “There ain’t no sort of with a man like him.
Your aunt and I will be heading back home tomorrow if you aren’t staying.
Love you, kiddo.” Ethan pulls me into his chest, and I hold on for only a moment.
If I let myself feel the comfort, I’ll break apart, and I’m not ready to do that.
He walks off toward the cabins they stay in when they’re here.
I turn my attention to Jon. “Take care of her and Tiffy. Make sure she pays attention to Tiffy, because she’s struggling.”
“I know. We need to find the thing that Tiffany likes so she can focus on that instead of her anger and emotions.”
“If I stay in Oklahoma for a bit, I’ll send for her.
She can come down there and help with the rehab horses.
” I bite my lip as I contemplate how I want to say the next part.
“Thank you for always being there for me while I was growing up. I really appreciate that you came in and weren’t afraid to help with us.
Could you make sure she knows I love her, but I need some time? ”
Jon does the same thing Ethan did and pulls me into his body.
“Andi, when I got with your mom, I knew it was going to include you and your sister too. There was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted to be with you all. She knows you love her. She’s just lost right now too, like you.
She’s had nightmares since your accident. ”
“I wish she had told me that. I have too.” I hug him back and then pull away. “If Callum shows up, don’t go too easy on him.”
I laugh and climb into my truck. It’s a good thing I learned to pull trailers as soon as I learned to drive.
Pulling out onto the highway, I head out on the over eleven-hour drive.
I’ll need to stop for Red a couple of times, and I need to sleep, so I figure I’ll get there by early evening tomorrow, unless I decide to stay two nights on the road.
I keep my phone off, only turning it on when I bed down for the night to let Jon and Ethan know I’m safe.