11. Chapter 11
Chapter eleven
Jordie
“ J ords!” Jacob slings his arm around my shoulders as I am locking up after myself. I wasn’t expecting all of my friends to be waiting outside my apartment to ambush me tonight. I’m supposed to be meeting Ray for one final last minute cram session before our psych exam and my French midterm. It looks like my friends have other ideas though, since they’re all here.
“Uh, hi?” I shrug out from under Jacob’s arm and lock the door, then turn to face the entire crew. “What’s up?”
“Did you forget you’re coming to my sex toy party?” Jacob demands.
That does ring a bell now that he mentions it. It also explains why Celeste and Pixel weren’t home after class. They must have met right up with the others. Jacob tugs me toward where the rest of our friends are waiting near the building lobby.
“Oh, am I?” I lift a brow at him, but I fall into step with him as we join the others.
I exchange greetings with everyone as we amble outside and toward the student center. It’s the same direction as I need to go to meet up with Ray, anyway.
Abe and Celeste are engrossed in discussing whatever advanced math class they had earlier. Those two are the biggest nerds in our group. Abe got a scholarship for solving some famous math riddle theorem thing. The pair of them are forever competing over their grades.
“Wait, Jacob’s what now?” Lio repeats, scowling between Jacob and Sheila and planting their feet. “You neglected to mention that little detail. I was told this is a fundraiser.”
“It is a fundraiser. I just left out some minor details because you’d have gotten in your head and made up excuses not to come.” Sheila winks so exaggeratedly it’s impossible to miss the double entendre is intentional, even before she adds, “And you deserve to come your brains out, Lio. No pressure though.”
“Ugh, I can’t believe you.” Lio pouts, but their eyes are sparkling with good humor. “I guess if you’re going to twist my arm, I have no other choice.”
“Yay!” Sheila grabs Lio by both shoulders and rocks them from side to side. “It’s fun as hell, you had a late lab for the last one, but this time is going to rock! Is it going to be Jen from Self Serve again? She was great! And she’s queer as fuck too, so you don’t need to be self-conscious about it.”
Jacob laughs. “Yeah, it’s Jen running the show. And we are raising funds for the Boston Alliance of LGBTQ+ Youth, so part of every purchase goes to help at-risk queer youth. I told all of you about this fundraiser ages ago. It’s in one of the event rooms at the student center. A bunch of us spent the afternoon setting up. I know you were on the text chain, and I put up flyers, and posted on the community bulletin.”
“Guess me and Jords missed the memo.” Lio shrugs. “But I’m down for supporting BAGLY.”
Jacob tsks. “I swear it’s like herding cats to keep you all organized. Good thing I caught you in time. I’m expecting decent turnout, but the more the merrier and it’s for a good cause.”
“Uh huh, this has nothing to do with you wanting to pull from the newbies to the LGBT+ club,” Celeste teases Jacob.
“Excuse you, I’m just doing my part. Anything to help the queer youth.” Jacob turns to walk backward, making a show of affronted dignity that only makes Celeste snort and roll her eyes.
“And helping this queer youth to get his rocks off,” Keith interjects with a gleeful smirk. “Self Serve has the best lube!”
“And cock rings.” Jacob winks.
“Ugh, I’m surrounded by pervs,” Lio whines, throwing their hands in the air. But they’re smiling, so I’m pretty sure they aren’t actually upset about it.
“It’s fine. I’ll buy you something nice to make it up to you.” Sheila slings an arm around her bestie. Lio leans into the hug with a contented sigh before separating to keep pace with the rest of us.
“So, you’re coming, right Jordie?” Jacob asks.
I shrug apologetically. “Sorry, I already made plans.”
“With Ray? Invite him too. He might see something he likes.” Jacob flexes, as if he’s the something Ray might enjoy seeing. Which has me scrounging for excuses not to bring Ray to his sex toy party.
I want to keep my sunshine to myself, but that’s probably selfish. Ray could use more friends. I noticed that from the first time I met him. The yearning way he drank in my appearance in class that first day we met. How he watched my every move in class for weeks while we got to know each other.
He readily took to me claiming him as someone to mentor and guide and definitely not to date. Our solo study sessions and shopping trips notwithstanding.
“Oooh!” Sheila, Keith, and Pixel chorus, their ears perked for gossip. Lio leans in closer. Even Abe and Celeste’s conversation trails off, their interest piqued.
I roll my eyes at the lot of them. “Yeah, I’m meeting Ray. To study—nothing else.”
“Oh, the cutie from Pix’s show, who you haven’t shut up about all semester?” Celeste taps her manicured nails against her sharp chin and gives me a knowing smile. “I approve of you keeping him.”
“I mean, he’s my friend, not a puppy I’m considering adopting.” I hunch my shoulders against my friend’s gentle teasing. It’s too on the nose and I’ve had horrendous luck dating since I started presenting as femme as I like.
Ray might be my age, but he’s new to embracing the full extent of his queerness. He’s new to university and the country and basically everything. He hates getting teased about his baby face, but he’s so innocent about so many things. I’d feel bad taking advantage of his puppy love crush on me as the first viable dating option he’s met here.
Jacob smirks. “Just admit you like him.”
Celeste wraps a comforting arm around me. “You don’t have to invite him, but he might enjoy being included.”
“Ugh. Yeah. Probably. They have, like, gender affirming products too, right?” It occurs to me that we still haven’t gotten around to shopping for a packer for him. Tonight could be good for that. Not that I need to be involved in what goes on in his pants. For all I know, he ordered something online already.
“Yep!” Sheila grins. “Falsies and packers and anything else you might need.”
“Got a steal on some cutlets from them.” Keith chirrups, enthusiastically pretending to adjust a chest he only wears to perform his drag act.
Pixel slaps at his hands and I hunch into my bra at the reminder that the falsies filling the cups are cheap knockoffs.
Maybe I should stop putting off that appointment Pix has been bugging me to make at the student health clinic about getting on hormones. I’m just not sure they’re right for me. Mostly because I enjoy using my dick and growing my own boobs might not be worth possibly trading in the ability to fuck the way I’m used to. The way too many of my past partners seem to expect.
I sigh. That is a huge part of the reason I know better than to mess around with baby queers who have less experience with queer sex. Nell always joked that dating me was the best of both worlds, in a way that made me uncomfortable without being able to put my finger on why.
Would Ray be like that? He’s new to being out as trans, but he’s not new to queer spaces. What would it feel like to have him snuggle into my actual flesh and blood bosom when I hug him? The way he felt pressed against my chest the other day when we hugged on his birthday was so nice. I noticed him checking me out, so it’s not outside the realm of possibility that he’d want to take things further. I try to remind myself that I know better, but Ray makes it easy to forget.
“Pretty sure Ray needs the other side of things, right?” Jacob arches a brow at me.
I nod reluctantly. With this group, there’s pretty much no such thing as TMI, but I’m still a little uncomfortable talking about Ray behind his back.
“Yeah. We talked about where to get him a packer, but I’m not sure he’d be into checking out the options with an audience. He’s kind of guarded and private.”
“What’s a little sharing of privates among friends?” Jacob slings his arm around me again. He braces his other hand on my shoulder. This time his forearm goes across my chest, mashing my bra into me. I shudder at the way it feels for my boobs to be all disarranged and moving in ways they shouldn’t. It forces me to confront the ways my body doesn’t quite fit, the dysphoria surging through me in a nauseating wave.
“Quit it!” I shove Jacob off and aggressively fix my flowery blouse.
He holds up his hands like I’m overreacting. “Sorry, geez. Sensitive much?”
“Knock it off,” I snap at him. “I’m not in the mood. Anyway, I promised Ray I’d help him study for a test tonight. So I can’t just ditch him because you decided to throw a party at the last minute and forgot to invite people.”
Jacob sighs, acting all aggrieved. “I knew you weren’t listening! I invited you last week. And again last night when you were doodling hearts all over your notes at dinner and pining because Ray had an evening class and skipped out on joining us.”
I grind my teeth, because he’s not wrong. Now that I’ve introduced Ray to my other friends, I’ve been inviting him around more often. And now I do recall Jacob mentioning it last week and agreeing to hang out tonight.
I just didn’t catch the details about the fundraiser party, so I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal to bail in favor of another study date with Ray.
“Call your guy and invite him to have his horizons expanded,” Sheila suggests.
“Or we can expand other parts of him.” Jacob waggles his eyebrows suggestively. Pixel jabs an elbow into his ribs before I can, and most of the rest of us side eye him. “What? All in good fun,” Jacob says defensively.
“Jacob’s being a pig, but it really will be fun. Ray seemed really chill the other night,” Sheila says, turning her back toward Jacob.
“Yeah, we all want to get to know any guy who can turn your head, Jords,” Celeste says.
I wince at the implication there. It’s not like I’ve never had a crush. I’ve just been focused on other priorities than dating. I’m still focused on those other priorities, but Ray is sweet. And he’s got that swoony accent, and soulful eyes like gazing into the ocean, and he’s not a puppy I can take home, damn it. I pull out my phone to call him, anyway.
Ray picks up on the second ring, all flustered and breathless sounding. “Sorry! Are you waiting for me? I’m running late. Class ran long, but I’m coming.”
I bite my lip. Those words in his breathy voice from jogging across campus have me all kinds of turned on. Bad Jordie.
“It’s fine. I’m just calling to see if you’d want to come hang out with the gang first. Jacob is having a fundraiser party thing, and they all want you to join us. We can still head to the diner afterward to study.”
“Oh, cool. Your friends really want me to come?” He sounds so eager.
“Yeah. Don’t you all want Ray to come tonight?” I hold the phone out to my friends, hitting speaker mode. And immediately regret my phrasing at the lascivious wink Jacob gives me. Most of my friends call out variants on yes, join us and the more the merrier.
“Oh, well, I guess we can—” Ray starts to agree to the change of plans and remorse for putting him on the spot floods my veins. I should take him off speaker, right? Before I can, Jacob pipes in again. Damn the man.
“Excellent. We’d love nothing more than for you to come ,” Jacob drawls. “That’s half the point of a sex toy party.”
“Geez, Jacob, you’re such a horny twat tonight.” Celeste swats at his shoulder.
“Not cool.” Pixel scowls.
“Dude!” Keith scolds Jacob.
“Behave, man,” Abe admonishes with a shake of his head.
“A what now?” Ray squeaks.
I toggle off speaker mode and mash the phone back to my ear, mortified. “I’m sorry. Yeah. It is a sex toy party. But it’s not like we’re going to be actually using the products. It’s more like, you know those boring MLM parties where a company representative suckers someone into inviting all their friends to push tupperware? Or like, pitching makeup and vitamins and kitchen gear, to them? It’s like that. Except instead of crap no one needs, it’s things to enhance your bedroom time.”
“Or anywhere else where the fancy strikes.” Jacob winks at me.
“Damn. You are extra thirsty today, Jacob. Where’s Kale?” Celeste makes a show of looking for him, even though he isn’t with us. “He’d gladly help you work out all that brimming libido if you gave him a second glance. Fuck only knows why.”
“I didn’t invite Kale. He’s been getting clingy,” Jacob says, shrugging it off like it’s nothing. I can see past that facade.
I don’t have the energy or inclination to worry about what exactly I missed between the two of them. They’ve been on and off fuck buddies as long as I’ve known them both. I’m much more invested in Ray’s response to my invite than analyzing Jacob’s boundary pushing tonight.
I get he’s stressed over arranging the fundraiser. If he and Kale had a falling out, that explains why his fuckboy ways seem more pronounced lately. His flirting always nudges up against the line of acceptable behavior when he’s upset or struggling with life. It’s like he needs us to reel him in and show him someone cares. Blah. Not my job. But I can’t quite bring myself to turn my back on the guy completely either.
“Oh. Um. I’ve never, uh, heard of something like that. Is it, uh, going to be super, um, like gendered?” Ray asks.
“No. Jacob’s making it weird, but we did one last year and it was really fun.” I shoot Jacob a warning look. He rolls his eyes at me.
“Okay. If you want to go and you’re sure I won’t be intruding, I’ll be there,” Ray says. The trust he’s putting in me wraps around my heart and won’t let go.
“Great!” I don’t try to hide my enthusiasm. I’m excited to see him, no sense hiding that. “Meet us at the student center as soon as you’re ready. I’ll text you the room number.”
“Um. Can I just come from class? I have to walk by there on my way back to the dorms anyway, and unless I need to change, I might as well save myself the extra walk.”
“Sure, whatever you’re wearing is fine. See you soon, sunshine.”
“See you soon, Jordie.”
I shiver at my name in his softly accented purr and then I hang up. I tuck my phone away and notice my friends giving me questioning looks.
“Well?” Celeste asks.
“He’s meeting us there.” I grin as Celeste and Pixel offer me fist bumps.
“Nice!” Sheila’s already bouncy stride gets more animated.
“You all better be cool to him.” I jab an accusatory finger at Jacob. If he needs guardrails, then I can give him something.
“Scout’s honor,” Jacob vows, hand held in front of his chest, thumb to his pinkie with three fingers raised in a scouting salute.
“What honor?” Celeste ribs him. Jacob sticks out his tongue at her.
“Whatever, I can behave.” He pouts.
“Prove it,” I taunt as we approach the student center. I’m only half-joking. I really want Ray to have a good time. Jacob, even at his worst, probably won’t scare Ray away, but that’s only part of the point. “You know the party will raise more money if you aren’t so over-the-top that you make people uncomfortable, right?”
“Yeah. Got it. Thanks.” Jacob snaps. Then he sighs and rubs at his temples. “Sorry. It’s been a rough week. I’ll tone it down.”
“Good,” I bump his shoulder. Jacob forces a pained smile.
“We’re going to raise a ton for the youth,” Sheila declares, nudging him from the other side. “So quit stressing out and let’s make sure everyone has a pleasant time, yeah?”
I know she’s concerned about making the evening feel safe for Lio to step out of their comfort zone because I have the same protective instincts about Ray. I want tonight to go well. So Ray will continue spending more time with my other friends.
“Yeah,” Jacob agrees. “I want it to be fun for everyone.”
“It will be. Jen is the best!” Shiela says with a skip in her step as she scurries to catch up with Lio and loops their arms together at the elbow again.
Jacob watches her with a bemused little smile. One of his rare genuine expressions, maybe he really will give the outrageous flirting a rest for the evening. I can always hope.
The more comfortable Ray is around the entire crew, the more we can hang out as a group. And maybe I’ll be less tempted to cross any lines when we aren’t alone together. As if that stopped me from lusting after him the other night at the club. Inviting him tonight is either Celeste’s best idea ever, or her worst.