46. Harmony
Harmony
Now that Maddock and I have both had a shower and we’re sitting next to each other at the end of his hotel bed, things are getting awkward.
Even though we said we would talk, we walked back to the hotel mostly in silence.
Apart from people stopping Maddock to congratulate him, which he brushed off in his usual way.
I showered for too long as I tried to sort through my thoughts and figure out what I really wanted. I know I want to be his omega, I want to mate and to be a pack with the three of them, but we aren’t going to be able to do that if there isn’t space for us to grow together.
“I think this is the first time we’ve been alone together where we’re not angry at each other,” I say, jokingly. But it doesn’t land. He just sits there with his fingers knotted, staring at the floor, his legs are spread open, and his scent flows through the room.
“Or, at least, I’m not angry,” I say, trying to sound positive, but it doesn’t seem to work.
I reach out, touching his arm, and he flinches like he didn’t expect me to actually want to be near him.
“Maddock, we can't come here to talk and then you don't say anything.”
He sighs heavily and then looks up at me, and I soften instantly. But that’s more because his pheromones seep out of him and brush over me. My omega senses burst to life at being so close to my alpha, especially when his hair’s still wet and he looks so fresh and tasty.
“I still can’t believe I almost lost you,” he says roughly, taking my hand between both of his, lifting my fingers to his lips and kissing me so delicately that I move toward him instantly.
It’s more painful sitting so close to him and not molding my body against his than it is not being in the same room as him.
It’s hard to remember that it’s only been two days since the crash.
Maddock and Jaxx have been so busy with the qualifying races and all of the build up to the Grand Prix, that I was mostly left to myself.
Jacob point blank refused to let us meet with each other so that we didn’t mess up the races, but it means that we haven’t had a chance to clear the air.
“When the car was spinning and I knew I was going to crash, the only thing I could think was that we hadn’t resolved things between us. I just thought that if I’d made time for you, maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much when I woke up.”
He sighs again, releasing my hands to wrap his arms around me and pull me in close.
I ease in next to him, and I might have just curled up against him and fallen asleep with him if we’d been in any other kind of situation.
“I don’t want to live a life without you,” he says, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I can’t bear to think what might happen if we aren’t mates.”
I squeeze my eyes closed. I’ve tried to tell him so many times about what I felt and what happened, both before we broke up, and afterwards. So, is he really going to listen to me this time?
“I need an alpha who can support me, Maddock. I have to be with someone who’s going to have my back no matter what I do.”
“I'm sorry I realized too late that I didn't do that for you before. If I'd just taken more time for us… If I hadn't taken you for granted…”
I lean back from him, looking up at him, searching his face to see if he understands.
“And you assumed I would wait around for you forever.” I sighed. “It’s not that I never felt supported. It’s just that you kept being my teacher even when we fell in love. We were never equals, Maddock. You were always in charge, and you always knew best.”
He pauses, like he's actually considering what I’m saying instead of instantly defending himself.
I need him to listen to me, and to meet me half way.
Because I’ve already admitted my part in it.
I know that I shouldn't have just left that way, and that I hurt him, but our relationship was a two way street.
“You’re right,” he says softly. “I knew you were right back then, but I couldn’t stop myself.” He shakes his head. “I’d seen too many people hurt, and what happened the other day is exactly what I was scared of.”
“That’s why I was so shocked that you didn’t support me leaving racing.
Because I knew that, but it was like you thought I was leaving you or something,” I lift my hand to his cheek, holding him gently, turning his face to me.
“And, I never said that at all. I just didn’t want to be trapped in my family’s lifestyle, and I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t support me.
” My brow furrows along with his. “That’s why I left, Maddock.
It wasn’t just the pressure of the racing, it’s the pressure that you put on me. ”
He reaches up to grip my hand, holding me, his thumb pressing against the bite mark that is almost healed.
“I was an idiot back then. I just assumed I knew everything about you, and I couldn't handle you doing anything out of my control. It was only after you left did I realize how crazy it was.” He kisses my hand as he looks at me.
“The parts of you I love the most are the ones that set you free.
And if you can't be free with me, then I don't deserve to be with you.”
I'm giving in too easily. I still want to be angry or upset with him, to make a point not to forgive him just because I missed him so much, but it's hard when he's actually talking about his feelings.
“And I didn’t know where our lives were going from there,” he says.
“I mean, you know what kind of lifestyle we have. I was sure if you became an actress, you’d be more interested in filming movies, and you’d never have time for me.
Why would you want to be with someone who can’t even spend a weekend with you because I’m always training or racing? ”
I’m already edging closer to him. I can’t say it’s completely unconscious, because my omega senses are telling me to bury myself in my alpha’s chest so I can drown in his scent.
Before I know it, I’m already rubbing myself against him, softening the pain for me as I dive into these things I kept bottled up for so long.
“All the stuff I said to you when we were arguing was just built up tension. It’s not that you were the main problem.
I could have tried harder to talk to you about it.
If you really do want to try something with me now, then we both need to find a way to change or adapt.
There’s things you did that I don’t want to follow us into the future. And there are ways I have to change.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, bowing his head, pressing his forehead against my hands. “I really am so sorry. And I want to try this. I want to be with you, Harmony…” he trails off, but I can feel the hurt swelling in his voice, and I lean into him. I don’t want anything to keep us apart anymore.
“I didn’t realize how hard life would be without you,” Maddock continues. “I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so much until you were gone. It was like I was living with your ghost. I just felt you and saw you all the time, but there was no way to actually reach you.”
“It wasn’t easy for me, either. But you never tried to get in touch. And I knew that you still went to all the family dinners and parties and things like that. You didn’t need me to be a member of my family. It was kind of like I was just an extra you got when I presented.”
“No!” His hands tighten around my back as he gasps, pulling back to look at me with shock.
“It was never that way. Please, Harmony. Do you really think I would feel like this if I thought you were some kind of bonus? You were everything to me, you still are. I’ll do whatever you want.
Just tell me what I need to do to be your alpha again. ”
Maybe he lifts me, maybe I move myself, but I’m buried in his lap, his thighs open, my ass nestling between them as he pulls me into a hug.
He sighs against my chest, and I soften into him, bathing in his scent as his breath shudders.
“Harmony…” The way he says my name makes my heart stop.
“Even if you decide again that you don’t want to be my omega, or even if you reject me, I’m never going to stop loving you.
You’re everything that I want in life.” He brushes his lips over mine, and we both draw closer every second.
“What I can do to make it up with you. Show me how you want me to be with you, and I’ll do it.
Even if it means forming a pack with fucking Jaxx, I’ll find some way not to strangle him if I see him touching you. ”
I bite my lip, trying to find the best way to say it without hurting him.
I don’t know how to break it to him easily. Even though I’m his omega, and I’ll always be his omega, I’m Jaxx’s and Everest’s, too.
“There’s something special there between each of us.
Not just Jaxx and me, but Everest and me, and our relationship.
” I thread my fingers through his. “But, I don’t want alphas who aren’t going to let me live my life.
And I don't want an alpha who thinks he needs my Dad's approval. I'm the one who decides who I mate with. If we’re really going to try this, then I want to make sure we both know what we’re getting into.”
I'd lift myself on my knees, caging his thighs, my hair falling around my shoulders as I look down at him. His hands slide from my waist to my hips, and he gently tugs me.
I fall forward, my hands landing on his shoulders, my face drawing even closer to his.
“So, you do want to try something? You aren’t pushing me away?”
The hope in his voice aches more than his anger, and the way my scent curls from me and how I bend under his touch shows him what I mean.
“I never stopped loving you, Maddock, even for a second. But I want to make sure that we both know what we want.”
His hands squeeze my hips and I smile, because, from the way his scent has changed as we talk, and how his pheromones have spread over me, I can sense something else he wants along with my heart.
“I promise, I’ll do anything to make sure you keep loving me,” he groans as I bend towards him.
“I want to work together for this,” I say as I brush his lips with mine.
“I want to be your partner, not your student.” Another kiss, and a groan trembles from Maddock.
“And I want you to be my alpha,” I say before I fall into him, kissing him with everything I’ve been holding back since we saw each other again.
A low growl rumbles through him that goes straight to my pussy as he drags me closer.
His hands slide down, clenching my thighs just high enough that he presses under my ass.
I purr with pleasure, wrapping my arms around my alpha, finally returning to my home.