Chapter 2 Donovan
It’s the first day back at college and the Sycamore campus is buzzing. People laughing, students jostling, Campus Drivers thriving. It should feel good. It doesn’t.
This is my fourth year here, and every time I’ve returned to SHU I’ve loved it.
But this time I feel like shit. I just lived through the worst summer of my life.
You’d think I’d finally be able to breathe now that it’s over and I’m about to slip back into my beloved college routine.
But the version of Donovan who used to stride toward the main building like he owned the place?
That guy has gone. The old me has given way to a loser who just realized how badly he fucked up and doesn’t know how to make things right again.
I thought Dad’s heart attack would be the worst thing I would ever have to deal with, but I was wrong. Fuck. Even just thinking about it makes me want to break shit.
I knew my sister coming to stay in July would be a disaster as usual, but things got even worse than expected.
I was hoping to try to figure out why we’d drifted apart.
And what happened instead? A total shit show, that’s what.
I’m so pissed off right now. At my parents, for never bothering to figure out why Amelia hated me so much all these years.
At myself, even more, for letting it get this bad.
“Hey, Donny!”
A girl whose face rings the faintest bell steps in front of me at the staircase, yanking me out of my downward spiral. Since she’s using the nickname all my fangirls use, it doesn’t take a genius to guess why she’s here.
“Hey… you.”
Her name doesn’t even try to surface.
“I wanted to book a ride with my favorite driver ever, but you weren’t free. Which sucks.” She pouts at me. “I wanted a repeat experience.”
I smile helplessly at her.
“Remember? You promised me another epic ride…”
She stares at me meaningfully.
Fuck. Now I get it. I’m staring straight down the barrel of a former booty call.
Her eyes narrow, and yeah—she can definitely tell from my face that I have no fucking clue what she’s talking about.
Normally, I’d bounce back with ease, but she couldn’t have caught me at a worst time.
This conversation is exactly the kind of shit the old me would have got himself into.
Reminder—that guy doesn’t exist anymore.
“You are joking,” she says slowly. “You don’t even know who I am.” She waves a hand in my face. “I’m Lisa!”
Yeah, she’s pissed. Mayday, Mayday!
“Oh, my sweet little Donovan!” Lewis croons as he catapults himself onto my back.
My hero.
He windmills his arms and pinches my cheeks, making baby-voice cooing sounds in my ear. I try to shake him off, but he just clamps on harder and makes a very committed attempt to shove his finger up my nose.
“Jesus—get off!” I yell, laughing at the same time.
Lisa glares at us and turns on her heel.
“Damn. Did I cockblock you, Donny?”
“You’ll pay for that,” I grumble, pretending to be pissed.
Truth is, I’m tempted to thank him for making her run off.
He finally lets go and drops back onto his feet. I haven’t seen him since mid-July. I actually missed this asshole.
“When did you come back from your mountaintop?” I ask, tugging down on my T-shirt.
Lewis spends every summer helping his dad out, building tree houses across the country. Then, he heads off on a two-week break in the treetop pad he made himself in West Virginia. I’ve never been, but apparently, it’s like the ultimate secret man cave.
“Yesterday,” he sighs, raking his hair back. He could do with a haircut. “I’m not feeling it this year, you know.”
Oh, buddy. Tell me about it!
“I mean, just the thought of your dad’s assistant coaching us… I don’t know, it freaks me out.”
“Williams is a good guy. He asked after my dad every week since the heart attack.”
Lewis rolls his eyes. “Whatever, man! I just want Coach back!”
“If everything goes to plan, it should be January.”
“How’s he holding up?”
“He’s the same old pain in the ass he ever was,” I snicker. “He’s got me whipped, and he thinks I’m clueless, too—I know damn well he’s using the court on the sly. You know he even sleeps with his favorite basketball?”
Lewis laughs.
“I’m just glad to be back at our place this weekend,” I add.
“I brought my stuff over to the apartment last night, but you weren’t around.” Lewis squints at me. “You already getting some action?”
I hold up a fist for him to bump. “No point in wasting time.”
Lewis winks at me. He has no idea I’m lying through my teeth. I spent most of the night driving, and it took everything I had not to turn off and head to Washington to confront my sister.
Lewis starts to wave frantically.
“Oh, Loooisss!”
I don’t even need to turn around—I can already picture her cringing at that creepy, high-pitched voice he puts on when he hollers at her. One of these days, he’s going to end up with a hot-pink sneaker up his ass.
Lois dodges a Lewis hug and smiles at me.
“Ready for your last run at the rodeo?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “You’re seniors now—time to start training up the new cohort. It’s the Campus Drivers 2.0 era!”
I shoot her a dirty look. She knows she just hit a nerve.
Lewis, Adam, Lane, and I launched the app right at the start of my sophomore year, and the Campus Drivers were born.
Four drivers to run SHU students around one of the country’s biggest campuses.
It was an amazing idea, and it’s kept us gearheads afloat, that’s for sure.
Geeking out on cars is the one thing we all have in common.
I met Lewis through the varsity basketball team.
He and Adam have been inseparable since birth.
And as for Lane… It took us some time to win him over.
Getting him to drop his guard was one hell of a challenge, but here we are three years later, four best friends, campus legends, and with the best driving rep in town.
Just two semesters to go, and we’ll be out there to fend for ourselves in the wild. Crazy to think about.
“Is it wrong that I’m tempted to tank my finals accidentally on purpose?” Lewis asks.
I scour the crowds. “Where’s Lane?”
“He’s running a ride,” Lois says.
“Blond or brunette?” I tease.
“Both!”
Once they finally made things official, I was worried Lois might get insecure about the parade of girls who usually cycle through her boyfriend’s back seat. I was nervous Lane would have to drop the driving, but the truth is Lois couldn’t care less, and that makes me like her even more.
“I need to go find Becca. Are you guys doing your meeting at the apartment tonight?”
A girl catches Lewis’s eye, and he starts backing away from us. “Yeah! I’ll bring beer.”
“And I’ll pick up pizza,” I add.
“Nice! See you later.” Lois smiles. “Happy first day, everyone!”
For a split second there, I’ve got this urge to run after her and tell her what’s been on my mind this summer.
There’s no way I can talk to the guys about this, but maybe I could open up to Lois.
She’s the only girl in our gang, and Lane says she’s got brothers.
Maybe she could give me a sister’s perspective on Amelia.
A wave of shame ripples over me, and I stand there like a total fucking loser, watching the students head to class.
Jesus. I need to shake myself out of this, and fast.
I’M SLUMPED ON LANE’S COUCH, and the good vibes are rolling. Not for me, though. All I can do is scroll through old memories over and over, searching for the missing piece of the puzzle. That one thing I missed.
“You good, Don?”
Good old Adam, ever aware of people’s moods and vibe shifts. He eyes me across the table.
“Yup. Why?”
“You’re usually way more hyped than this. So, what’s up?” He nods at my bottle. “You’ve barely said a word, and you haven’t even started on your beer.”
I look down and take a swig. Warm. Ugh.
He frowns. “Everything’s okay with your dad now, right?”
“Yeah, he’s doing great. He’s getting stronger.”
I seriously need to get out of my own damn head. People are starting to notice, and I hate that. Plus, wasting time and energy on the past is pointless. I can’t change what happened back then. I can’t repair what can’t be fixed.
“I’m going to grab another drink,” I say, jumping to my feet. “Want one?”
“I’m good.”
I make a beeline for the kitchen and pluck a beer out of the fridge. Becca hands me a bottle opener, mid-conversation with Lois.
“Still gushing over your boyfriends?” I quip.
“Well, if you must know, we were talking about Lane’s birthday party last year.” Becca smiles. “It’s been a year since I got with Carter.”
Lois bursts out laughing. “It’s insane to think you were originally planning on spending the night with Don.”
I widen my eyes. “Oh my God, yes! Now I remember! That asshole stole my girl!”
I had totally forgotten that part, but yeah—I was the one who invited Becca to that party, but she ended up crushing on Lane’s childhood friend instead.
Not that I ever gave a shit which particular girl I spent the night with, as long as I had one.
My stomach churns. Which is exactly how I ended up with the problem I’m dealing with now.
“Actually, why did you pick him over me?” I ask.
She looks at me as if I’ve just contracted the plague, and while I get that it’s kind of a weird question, I suddenly have this urge to understand how girls see me.
It’s not like I’ve ever had any complaints, or anything, but my sister’s accusations are making me question everything I thought I knew.
“I mean, I had the choice between a guy who was really into me, or… you.”
I frown.
“No hard feelings, or anything!” she adds. “You’re a great guy, it’s just—”
“Just what?”
She elbows her friend. “Lois, help a girl out.”
Lois sighs. “What Becca is trying—and failing—to tell you is that you and Carter are from two different planets, that’s all.”
“Meaning?”
I watch her struggle for the words.
“He’s boyfriend material. You’re more like… a vagina vortex, if you will.”
“Are you kidding me?” I yell. “Carter was like the ultimate man-whore.”
“Wow! Excuse me?” Carter calls out from the couch.
Becca blows him a kiss. “Don’t sweat the small stuff, baby.”
This was supposed to be a chill conversation, and it’s suddenly gone all weird. Like, it’s kind of hurtful, and it’s shining a light on a part of myself I suddenly don’t know what to do with.
“Wait. Do women think I’m a dick?” I hear myself ask.
Lois scrunches her nose. “We never said that. It’s more like… You keep things light, you know?”
Oh great. Amazing. Love that for me. People think I’m basically like the shallow end of the pool. Which is pretty much word for word what Amelia said. Oh my fucking God, I might barf.
“What’s up, Donny? Since when do you care?”
Since I started trying to figure out where I went wrong.
“Maybe I just want to be a good guy, you know?”
Becca’s mouth falls open. “Are you saying you want a girlfriend? Did you meet someone?”
“No, but…”
My head is so all over the place, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.
I just want to feel a little less like a loser right now.
I’ve been a shitty brother, and I’m suddenly terrified that maybe I’d make a shitty boyfriend, too.
That’s where I’m going with all this—I can’t treat girls the way I once did. I can’t be that guy anymore.
“So, suppose I want to become the perfect boyfriend,” I start. “How would I do that?”
The girls exchange glances.
Lois throws her hands up. “I’m not answering that question. First, because coming from you, it’s just so weird. And second, because my boyfriend isn’t exactly normal.” She points over at Lane. “Which would make my advice kind of screwy.”
I glance over at my friend. She has a point.
I turn to look at Becca, and she dead-eyes me.
“Don’t look at me! When my guy isn’t writing porn movies, he’s watching them. I’d bet my left ovary that isn’t ‘normal’ behavior. You need to ask Carrie; she’s the expert.”
“Who?”
“Carrie. My roomie.”
I rack my brain, but I can’t picture a face.
I turn back to Becca. “What makes you think she could help?”
“She has this big-ass collection of books. She basically spends her whole life reading romances—if anyone can help you figure this out, it’s her.” She snickers. “Plus, she’s probably the only girl on campus to not get a hard-on for you Campus Drivers guys.”
“And that helps me how?”
Becca is doing her best to stifle a laugh. I frown. She thinks it’s all one big joke. But what Becca doesn’t know is that tomorrow I literally plan on hunting down her roomie for a crash course in becoming the perfect boyfriend.