Chapter 6 Donovan #2
“Carrie booked a ride with a Campus Driver?” Becca bursts out laughing. “Yeah, that never happened. She would rather crawl over broken glass.”
“Her bike broke down and she was running late for class…”
“Oh, that makes sense. Somebody needs to throw that thing in a dumpster and set it on fire, it’s a tetanus shot waiting to happen.”
“Any idea where she is?” I press.
Becca frowns. “She messaged Friday night to say she was heading to her mom’s.”
“She live far?”
“No clue. Did you try going to our room? Maybe she’s back now.”
“What’s the dorm?”
She stabs at her phone, and a few seconds later, I have the building and room number.
“Let me message her and let her know you’re looking for her.”
“Just give me her number—keep it simple,” I try, as casually as I can.
“Eww, Don. No. That’s not how this works.” She eyeballs me. “Just give me her stuff, I’ll take it to her.”
“Yeah, fine, worst case I’ll do that,” I say, brushing her off.
We split up, and I head to the dorm of the obsessive reader herself to try my luck there.
Once again, the mission is a total failure—I knock, and knock, and knock. But the door stays firmly shut.
But then, as I’m wandering past a campus park, a messy bun catches my eye.
Gotcha!
I trot over to the picnic table she’s sitting at.
She doesn’t notice me coming, and I stop in my tracks.
Since that book club night, I’ve had plenty of time to get used to her vibe, and though I’m a little ways off from her now, something about her seems different.
She looks tense. Tired, even. I shift on my feet, suddenly unsure. Come on, buddy. Quit overthinking.
Without saying a word, I settle myself across the table from her, letting out a contented sigh. I pull out a baseball cap, a water bottle, and my lunch bag, and I glance up at her. She’s resting her head on her hand, gazing off into the distance. Just as I’m about to speak, she sighs impatiently.
There she is.
I feel my muscles relax. “So! You—”
“Now’s not a good time, Donovan.”
My chest tightens for a second. She used my name.
“I don’t even know what’s weirder,” I start. “The fact you just spoke to me, or the fact you said my first name. I thought you might have forgotten it.”
“How could I possibly forget?” She glares at me.
She’s really not looking like herself today, and I’m wondering why she seems so freaked out. Is she sick? I push the idea away. Whatever it is, it’s got nothing to do with me.
The atmosphere is thick and heavy, and I can’t figure out how to break the ice.
“I didn’t see you around campus yesterday. You skip class?”
She shrugs. I’m expecting her to look at me, but she’s clearly somewhere else. I try a fresh angle.
“So, I started reading one of the books on your list, and—”
“I told you—now’s not a good time,” she snaps.
“Jeez, it’s all good, man! Take it easy!”
“No, it’s not ‘all good.’ It’s actually pretty bad.
” Her brown eyes flash with rage. “What part of ‘now’s not a good fucking time’ don’t you get?
It’s never a good time when it comes to you, to be honest—but especially not now.
” She sweeps her arm through the air. “I came here for some alone time. And for a damn good reason!”
“Reason being…?”
The second I catch her eyes misting up, my voice softens. Something is definitely wrong here. I’m surprised to find I care.
“Did something happen?”
“What happened is I am so sick and tired of seeing you wherever I go,” she snarls.
“Leave me alone, okay? I don’t want to have to repeat myself over and over, but here it is one last time.
I’m not interested in hanging with you, and yeah—I get that you’re used to everyone giving you exactly what you want, when you want it. But I’m not everyone.”
Ouch.
Just when I think she’s done, she delivers the final blow.
“It’s called harassment, Donovan.”
Harassment? My blood runs cold.
I get that I was a little pushy maybe, but I have not been harassing her.
Have I? No way. That’s not what this is.
Sure, Carrie has told me to get lost more times than I can count, but never this aggressively.
Up until now, I kind of got a kick out of it.
I thought for sure that the vibe between us was playful.
Not this time, though. This time, it stings like a slap to the face.
Fuck, I feel like the biggest asshole ever. And just like that, I start to spiral.
Harassment.
I scoop up my lunch things and toss them in my bag, pulling my cap low to hide my face. I don’t say a word. There’s nothing for me to say.
When I get to my feet, I can sense her relief that I’m finally leaving her alone.
She wins. I’m officially giving up.
I cancel my workout with Lewis and head straight back to the apartment. The way I’m feeling right now, I could hurt someone—or myself. The anger and regret is overwhelming.
By the time I make it to my room, I feel like putting my fist through the wall. Falling back onto my bed, I press hard on my temples. I feel so powerless and lame.
Jesus Christ. Harassment. The word plays over in my mind on a loop.
I had managed to forget the conversation I had with my sister this summer—the fateful conversation that changed everything. I had decided to focus on my plan to be better, instead. Now, though, everything Amelia said to me back in July is crashing into focus.
MOM INSISTED MY SISTER FLY back instead of getting the bus. And insisted I drop her off at the airport. Great! I had dreaded spending time with her in a big house. Now I’m stuck with her in a small car, too.
Amelia spends the whole journey sighing, and my mind is in overdrive. Her attitude isn’t new, but it’s bothering me more since Dad’s heart attack.
I’ve been trying to get her to open up to me all week. But nada. She can be such a brat sometimes.
I pull over and turn in my seat. She checks the time on her phone.
“Why did you stop?”
“If you’ve got something to say, now’s your chance.”
I leave it there. I can tell from the look on her face that she knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“I’m going to miss my flight.”
“Better start talking, then.”
She glares at me. “Just drive.”
I shake my head. “What is going on with you, Amelia? I’m done with it. Grow up and talk to me like an actual adult.”
“Grow up?” she hisses. “Me? Go fuck yourself.”
“Wow.” I slow-clap. “So amazingly constructive. You know you’ve been acting all shady with me, and you don’t even have the balls to tell me why.”
I watch as her cheeks flush. I know exactly how to push her buttons.
“You want to talk balls?” she yells. “You, of all people? You’re such a selfish dick, Donovan. News flash—I tried to tell you what my deal is, and guess what? You didn’t give a fuck.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“And now all of a sudden, you’re all interested and shit?” She’s shaking with rage. “Un-fucking-believable. You’re three years too late, you asshole.”
Okay. This is spinning out of control now. I have no clue what she’s talking about.
“What’s the matter, Donny? Cat got your tongue?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“Remember your amazing friend Cooper?”
“From high school?”
I had almost forgotten that guy. He was on the basketball team, too.
“Yeah. Him.” She shakes her head. “Remember what I told you back then? All the times I used to bitch about how he would get all up in my face whenever you brought him home? All those times I flat out told you I didn’t like the guy and I didn’t want to be around him anymore?
And you didn’t fucking listen, did you? In fact, you thought it was funny. ”
Where is she going with this? What does Cooper have to do with anything? Sure, he teased her. And yeah, I laughed along. But he was my friend—he was just messing around, the way kids do.
“You used to send him to pick me up from school instead of you. You used to make fun of me when he banged on the bathroom door to try to get me to hurry up.”
She takes a deep breath in. I’m still kind of confused here, but a tendril of unease is unwinding down the length of my spine.
“And that’s why you’ve been giving me attitude all these years? Because of some kid stuff?”
“You want to know about the kind of kid stuff Cooper did, while you were busy in your own little world?” She narrows her eyes at me.
“He used to call me at night. He sent me shitloads of photos of his dick; he kept changing numbers. And then he used to corner me in the kitchen and breathe down my neck. You always sent him to pick me up from school, and I was terrified. One day, he was supposed to bring me home, and he didn’t.
He took me downtown instead. Once I realized we were driving the wrong way, I got so scared.
I thought he was going to…” She swallows hard.
“And he just dumped me there—he left me in some alleyway. He was laughing. By the time I got home it was pitch-black. You yelled at me.”
My mind is racing. My stomach has turned to Jell-O. I remember it like it was yesterday. Cooper told me Amelia wasn’t there when he went to pick her up. He told me one of her friends said she had wandered off with some guy. I had yelled at her because I was supposed to be looking after her.
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“It went on for months, and you weren’t there to save me.”
“Did he…”
The words won’t come. I clench my jaw.
“Did he rape me?” she spits. “No. He got off on terrorizing me.”
The car feels tiny all of a sudden. I need to get out of here. Right now.
I fling open the door and pace up and down, pure, unfiltered rage flowing through each cell in my body. I love my car, I really do. But I can’t help myself. I kick at the tires before slipping back behind the wheel.
I need to drive. I need to clear my head.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me straightaway?” I beat at the steering wheel. “It’s been three years, Amelia. Three fucking years!”
“Oh, no way.” She shakes her head. “No way, Donovan. You don’t get to guilt-trip me. It’s not my fault you were so self-obsessed you didn’t even stop to wonder why things turned to shit between us.”
“How the fuck was I supposed to know?” A thought occurs to me. “Do Mom and Dad know?”
“Don’t you dare say a word to them. Once I realized I couldn’t count on you, I decided to handle things myself. Then you went off with Dad, Cooper went to college, and that was that.”
By the time we reach the airport, my hands are cold and clammy.
“I want to fix this.”
She holds up a hand. “Just stop, Donovan. That little sister you knew, the one who idolized you? She’s gone.
She doesn’t exist anymore. And by the way, I know what you’re like.
Despite the distance, I know just how you treat girls.
Like they’re your little playthings. And I can’t stand that my own brother acts like that.
Honestly? It makes me glad things are fucked between us. ”
She pulls her bag off the back seat and steps out of the car, and as I watch her march toward the terminal, there’s a knife twist in my gut. So this is how people see me?
Everything I thought I knew has been flipped upside down. Worst of all, my sister was never a spoiled brat. She was hurting. And the one person who was supposed to be there for her left her to deal with it alone.
And I don’t even think I apologized.