Chapter 13 #4
I’m not sure if I can blame my sudden nausea on morning sickness as he firmly guides me across the paddock toward the Specter Energy motorhome, not stopping until we’re in his driver room with the door shut behind us.
I appreciate that he wants privacy for the conversation we’re clearly about to have, but I can only imagine what anyone who just saw that scene will say.
‘What the hell is going on?’ he demands, hands on his hips as he stares me down. ‘Omid won’t talk to me about it.’
I’d love to handle this with a little more delicacy than when I told my dad, but with how Axel’s pushing, he’s not making it easy.
‘Before I tell you anything,’ I preface, ‘I just want you to know that I’m really happy, and I would love if you could be happy for me too. This is something I wanted.’
‘No promises,’ he shoots back without consideration. ‘Now tell me.’
Well, then, to hell with it. Here we go. ‘I’m pregnant.’
Axel freezes, eyes darting as he searches my face for any sign that I’m lying or playing some kind of practical joke on him. When he doesn’t find any sign of my duplicity, he takes a small, staggering step back and blinks at me.
‘Oh, fuck,’ he exhales. His eyes go wide when he catches himself, backtracking on his horrified realization.
‘No, I mean . . . I just wasn’t . . . shit.
’ He pauses to draw in a breath and fights to find the right words.
‘I wasn’t expecting you to say that. I mean, I knew you wanted to be a mom one day, but I didn’t think it would happen anytime soon.
I didn’t even know you were with someone. ’
I figured Axel would react better than my father to the general news of my pregnancy, but we’re veering closer to what I know is going to set him off.
‘I’m not with anyone,’ I tell him, which isn’t quite a lie, but I’m not ready to get to the truth yet.
‘Oh,’ he says again, taking a moment to process, color creeping into his pale cheeks. ‘Did you do, like . . . IVF or something?’
‘I was going through a fertility clinic at first.’ I swallow past the growing lump in my throat, internally kicking myself for not just coming out and saying it.
Would have been nice to save us both the mortification of this conversation.
‘Look, you don’t have to be happy for me, but what I truly need you to promise me is that you won’t do anything rash when I tell you this next part. ’
He levels me with a droll stare. ‘I would never.’
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. God, why did my father have to take in this little shit? ‘It’s about the baby’s father,’ I say, trying to keep my voice level. I take a deep breath before admitting, ‘It’s Zaid.’
Axel goes so still that I think he may have stopped breathing. A few long seconds pass before he snaps back to himself, expression twisting from disgust to disbelief to plain hurt.
‘You lied to me about never being involved with him, didn’t you?’
The accusation hits me hard in the chest. ‘What? No. Axel, no, I never lied to you.’ I take a step forward to close the widening gap between us, but he takes one back, nearly at the door again. ‘Zaid and I barely knew each other back then. This is . . . this is a new thing.’
He scoffs and shakes his head, looking anywhere but at me, fingers curling and flexing at his sides like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. ‘Fucking hell, Ava. Of all the people—’
‘I know,’ I interrupt, because my heart can’t take another blow like this. ‘I know how this looks. I know it looks bad for the team and for you, and I’ve already gotten shit from my dad about it. I don’t need it from you too.’
He keeps shaking his head, like he’s trying to fight off accepting what I’m telling him.
‘I don’t think your dad is upset for the same reasons I am,’ he says, jaw tight.
‘Unlike him, I actually paid attention to what you went through last time with Zaid. I saw how you were treated by everyone. I watched you keep trying to pretend that everything would be okay. I even helped you pick up the pieces with your little McMorris friend when Zaid didn’t do shit past putting out some bland statement.
’ He stops himself to draw in a shuddering breath, dipping his head so he can look me hard in the eyes.
‘Is he actually going to do more this time? Is he going to help and protect you? Be there for you?’
‘He wants to,’ I confess, the words coming out as little more than a whisper. ‘It’s just up to me to let him.’
‘Then let him, Ava. Because being tied to him nearly ruined you once, and I won’t sit by and let it happen again.’
A hot tear slides down my cheek before I can swipe it away. Axel watches its path, throat bobbing as he swallows hard, and even though he doesn’t move to comfort me, his gaze loses some of its defensiveness.
‘Look,’ he says, quiet and firm. ‘You’re practically my sister and I love you, but this is – this is too much. I want to be happy for you. I really do. But I need some time to wrap my head around it, all right?’
‘Okay.’ I somehow choke out the word, quiet until I can force myself to say more. ‘I understand. Just . . . please don’t kill Zaid on-track today.’
Axel tosses me a dark look and grasps the door handle, a declaration that this conversation is over. ‘I can’t promise that either.’