Chapter 14 #2
Realistically, I knew she promised to wear it today, even if I hadn’t seen the proof yet.
I was expecting something bright and flashy, something that might be brushed off as a joke if people commented on it.
But this is subtle and personal, like she’s keeping me close to her without shouting it to the world.
Like I’m secretly hers, and only hers – and that she’s mine in return.
The sight twists something in my chest, squeezing and branding my heart with an Ava-shaped mark that was only etched there before. Now it’s fully burned in.
Ava playfully bats away Sami’s hand, then points back toward the cockpit. ‘Go tell the pilots we’re ready.’
Sami grins and stands, shooting me a look similar to Adnan’s earlier one, just a little more impish.
When he disappears down the aisle, I nod for Ava to come sit next to me in the plush seats on the other side of the plane.
I angle myself toward her as I sit, hands settling on the armrest between us, but she goes so far as to fold her legs underneath her and face me fully.
When her smile fades into a look of concern, my stomach drops at whatever I’m in for.
‘I feel like I should apologize,’ she says. ‘Axel practically tried to take you out today.’
So that’s what this is about – guilt for something that wasn’t remotely her fault. ‘You didn’t make Axel drive like that.’
‘Still.’
I nearly tense when her hands brush over mine, fingertips settling on the backs of my wrists, the warmth of her palms on my knuckles. Her hands are small in comparison to mine, her nails painted a soft pink, and I’m tempted to lace our fingers just to see how perfectly they slot together.
I need to slow down on those thoughts. She’s dealing with an incredible amount of change, and I shouldn’t add to it by constantly mooning over her. Besides, we declared we’d keep things friendly and nothing else.
But there’s something within me that wants more of her – more of her time, her attention, her adoration – and I’m sick of fighting it after all these years. Whether I can do that without overwhelming her remains to be seen, because the last thing I want is to cause her any stress.
Or, you know, to get humiliatingly shot down.
‘You had to drive like hell today,’ she goes on. ‘That was partially on me. I could have picked a better time to tell him than right before the race, but I was scared.’
‘I don’t blame you for anything, princess.’
She nods, accepting that, and then she’s quiet for a long moment before asking, ‘Do you want an ice pack?’
It takes me a minute to understand why she’s inquiring, but it makes sense as her fingers move up and down my wrists, taking care to avoid the raised skin of my scars. ‘Is it that obvious they’re killing me?’
‘It’s on your face,’ she says, lifting a hand and brushing her thumb from the corner of my left eye to my temple. ‘You squint a tiny bit, just on one side. I’ve noticed you do it a few times when you move your hands.’
I almost laugh at the idea that I have a tell, but as usual, the sound sticks in my throat. ‘You’ve been watching me that closely?’
She blushes, and fuck, it’s the prettiest sight I’ve seen since watching her come.
Despite the wash of color across her cheeks, she smiles wryly, secretly pleased to have been caught. ‘What can I say? You’re hard to take my eyes off of.’
The words are bold, and I can see her gearing up to take them back, full lips parting and eyes widening a fraction. But then she stops herself. Her lips press closed again and her chin lifts, forcing herself to sit with what she’s said and its consequences. It’s up to me to decide what those are.
This time, I let myself laugh, and it’s not as hard as I feared it might be. ‘If you’re not careful, my ego’s going to become unmanageable,’ I tease, saving us both from something I’m not sure we should step into yet. ‘But yeah, I will take that ice pack. Thanks.’
She lets out a soft breath that’s followed by another one of those pretty little smiles, relieved that I haven’t taken the bait she accidentally set. ‘Be right back.’
I should be asking if she needs anything, but she stands and moves off toward the galley like I’m the one doing her a favor. Sami wastes no time sliding into her vacated seat and propping his chin on his hand, staring at me with thick eyebrows raised.
‘I don’t think you could have picked a nicer woman to knock up,’ he says, and I nearly groan in reply.
Of course he’s here to share his opinion now that they’ve met.
What more could I have expected? ‘She’s beautiful, funny, has her shit together .
. . You better hope your kid turns out like her, because she’s the full damn package. ’
‘You make me sound like chopped liver.’
‘You’re all right, I suppose.’ He pauses to rub a hand across his jaw, sobering some as he searches my face. ‘Really, Zaid. She’s great. She’s looking forward to being a mother.’
I blow out a heavy breath and let my head fall back against the seat. ‘She’s wanted this for a long time. I’m just sorry she’s stuck with me.’
‘Don’t do that,’ Sami scolds. ‘She told me she’s glad you want to be involved.’
I go still, eyes cutting to him. ‘She did?’
Sami purses his lips, considering his answer before quietly replying. ‘I get the feeling all she wants is for this kid to have as much love and support as possible.’
I want the same. But in order to do that, I have to be present. I can give them everything else they need without being there, but my time and attention are more valuable than anything.
There are plenty of drivers who have spouses and kids and feel like they’re doing just fine on all fronts.
I wish I could have that same mentality, but there’s a reason I’ve gone this long without getting married or having kids – I couldn’t be fearless on-track knowing they’d be waiting for me to come home safely.
I couldn’t be the driver I need to be to win championships.
I couldn’t take the risks required to stay at the top of my game.
Conversely, I couldn’t be the present father I want to be if my thoughts are consumed by racing.
How could I be there for a family that would always come second in my priorities?
But things have shifted, turning my world on its axis and reordering what matters to me.
Racing is no longer the one true love of my life.
It’s starting to feel like a relationship I’ve stayed in for too long, like the breakup has been imminent but I’ve been too afraid to see the handwriting on the wall.
Except I see it clearly now and there’s only one message.
I have to walk away.