Chapter 23
Ava
Instead of staying to party with the team after the podium celebrations, I head back to London with Zaid’s family.
It’s mostly at Mariam’s insistence. The woman literally timed how long I’d been on my feet, and apparently I hit my daily limit hours ago.
I didn’t dare disobey her orders – and to be honest, my back was killing me and my ankles were verging on becoming cankles – so a car ride back to London was the perfect reprieve.
Besides, Zaid still had meetings and debriefs and press to do, and I would have been stuck lingering in some corner otherwise, so waiting for him back at his place feels like the best option.
I spent most of the drive replaying what happened down in parc fermé.
Even now, hours and hours later, after they’ve dropped me off at his house and gone on their merry way, I can’t get his murmured There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Ava out of my head.
It loops on repeat as I try to distract myself with trashy reality TV shows and mindless internet scrolling, and every time I stumble upon something that reminds me of him – or is actually about him – I end up reminiscing about the coolness of his helmet in my hands and the contrasting heat in his eyes.
And it really makes me wish I could take care of the ache between my thighs that the memory inspires.
It’s not as late as I expect it to be when I hear the front door open and shut.
A moment later, Zaid comes around the corner to the kitchen, where I’m distracting myself from not-so-pure thoughts by making a cup of tea.
I flash him a smile as my heart trips over itself, because, oh god, did I accidentally conjure his presence by thinking about him too hard?
‘What are you doing back so early?’ I ask as I finish stirring sugar in my mug. ‘You should be out chugging celebratory champagne. Did they run out of bottles that quickly?’
The corner of his mouth tugs up as he approaches, stopping on the other side of the stove from me and leaning a hip against the counter.
He’s showered and changed since the end of the race, back in jeans and a Mascort shirt that hugs his biceps in an almost obscene way.
His hair is still a little damp, falling in waves across his forehead, just begging for me to comb my fingers through to put it back in place.
I mean, I’m nothing if not helpful, right?
‘There was still plenty of champagne when I left,’ he says. ‘But I was more interested in celebrating with you.’
‘With me?’ I’m flattered, but I don’t quite believe him. ‘Your baby mama who can’t drink alcohol and isn’t even allowed to stand for too long? I mean, if you want to sit on the couch and sip tea with me, you’re more than welcome to, but it doesn’t sound all that entertaining.’
He nods, eyes crinkling at the corners as his smile widens. ‘Sounds like a perfect night, actually.’
I laugh, but it comes out incriminatingly breathy as fireworks explode in my chest. ‘Okay, liar. But I’ll let it slide this time, only because you drove so well today. Winners get to do whatever they want.’
I don’t realize how loaded the statement sounds until he cocks his head to the side, his eyes going heavy with something I’m too nervous to name.
‘Do they?’ he asks, voice low and warm.
The question wraps around me and slinks down my spine, daring me to take back my words and play it safe. And I could. I maybe even should. Things are so good between us, so why take the gamble and chance ruining it?
But there’s a voice in the back of my head that sounds suspiciously like Edith telling me to lean into the words – to lean into him and tug on this thread to see where it leads. Isn’t that what being brave is all about?
‘Whatever they want,’ I repeat, tossing the choice back to him. But judging from the way he’s looking at me, like he’s trying to memorize every line and curve and valley of my face, I’m not the only one who’s ready to lean in.
He’s pushing away from the countertop a moment later, slowly closing the distance between us and reaching out like he’s going to touch me.
My breath catches, waiting for the contact, but all he does is take the steaming mug from my hand, carefully setting it aside.
I almost groan at the letdown, at how silly it was to think he’d push me up against the counter and have his way with me.
But the sound dies in my throat when his hand lifts again and his fingers curve behind my neck.
The possessive touch encourages my head to fall back, leaving me nowhere else to look but up at him. There’s an intensity in his expression that has me both nervous and enraptured as I wait for him to make another move, but I won’t dare predict what’s coming next.
‘What I wanted . . . was to kiss you the second I climbed out of my car,’ he confesses, a rough edge to the words. ‘I wanted to throw my helmet to the ground and show you what I’ve been dying to do for months.’
It’s getting harder to breathe, my chest brushing his with every deep inhale I force myself to take. I swipe my tongue across my bottom lip and Zaid’s eyes follow the motion, lingering there. ‘Then why didn’t you?’ I ask.
‘I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.’ His thumb strokes the nape of my neck as his eyes hold mine. ‘We agreed to keep things friendly, and that would have been the furthest thing from it. But more than anything, I didn’t want anyone else witnessing that moment. I didn’t want them watching.’
‘What, you didn’t want to show me off?’ I tease. I sound bolder than I feel.
‘I always want to show you off, Ava,’ he says, refusing to abide my jokes. The way his grip tightens on me makes any humor flood from my body, desire taking its place. ‘But this? I needed it to be just for us.’
When his fingers sink into my hair and his mouth slants over mine, I don’t doubt that he means it.
This is a kiss meant to claim, to bind us in a way that the rest of the world has no business witnessing.
He’s a man whom millions of people take pieces of every day, but he’s giving me a part of him that’s only mine to possess.
He’s made sure that no one else can touch this moment, that no one can ruin or intrude on it like they have in the past, and that’s a gift in itself.
I don’t want this to belong to anyone but us either.
I lift my hands to the hard plane of his stomach and curl my fingers into his shirt, grounding myself in him before melting into his touch.
His tongue brushes against mine and I taste the lingering sweetness of champagne, of victory.
It’s a heady, exhilarating reminder of not only what he’s accomplished on-track today, but my own wins too – because out of all the places Zaid could be right now, he’s come back to me.
There’s no denying that our daughter has united us, but this pregnancy isn’t the only reason he’s kissing me like he’s been yearning for this.
That lingering, mutual crush never truly went away, not really, and all the time we’ve spent together lately has built it up, brick by brick.
We’ve laid the foundation for more. And I’m ready to build a home with him.
I gasp against his mouth when he wraps an arm around my waist and lifts me onto the counter, bumping my knees apart so he can stand between them. My arms twine around his neck, keeping him close even when his lips leave mine to trail a burning path of kisses from my jaw up to my ear.
‘I love the way I feel when I’m with you,’ he murmurs against my skin.
‘You make everything else fall away. You’re the only one who gets me out of my head, who can make me see there’s always a light to follow.
’ He places more kisses down my jaw, working his way back to my lips until we’re sharing the same breath. ‘You’re that light for me, Ava.’
My head spins as his confession seeps into me.
I never imagined I could be a light for someone, even though I’ve always tried to be one for myself.
So to be that for him? To be the reason he can see the sun when he’s lingering in the dark?
It fills me with a power that I’ve only ever dreamed of having.
‘I’ve never felt like this with anyone else,’ I whisper, our lips brushing with every word. I feel desired with him. Understood. Breakable in the best way, yet strong enough to be exactly what he needs. ‘You’re a light for me too.’
It’s both freeing and overwhelming to finally admit this to each other, like the floodgates have opened and everything we’ve kept in is washing over us.
No matter how scared I am of drowning in these uncharted waters, of being steered off course and into a storm that could rip apart everything we’ve established, I’m ready to take the risk.
The chance of discovering a beautiful destination together is worth it.
Zaid’s hand slips from my hair so he can cup my jaw, pulling back just enough to look into my eyes. ‘I’ve been waiting to do this ever since I walked away from you months ago. I thought about you every single day we were apart.’
I look up at him through my lashes, surprised. ‘You did?’
‘God, Ava, I couldn’t get you out of my head,’ he says on a pained exhale of a laugh, like he’s reliving the suffering of it. ‘I still can’t, and I don’t think I ever will. You coming back into my life after that was the best thing that could have happened to me.’
My cheeks heat, and I’m sure he can feel the warmth against his palm. ‘When I sent you that note in Miami . . . I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me again. We agreed to one night and I thought—’
‘I never wanted it to just be one night,’ he interrupts.
‘I went along with it because that’s what you said was best. I wanted more, even then.
I’ve just been waiting for you to tell me you wanted the same, but I was never going to push you.
’ He brushes his thumb reverently across my cheekbone.
‘I can’t get enough of you. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me. ’