Chapter 26 #2
Dev presses a hand to his chest like Axel’s stabbed him straight through the heart. I know there’s no love lost between those two, and the glint in Dev’s eye tells me the bad blood is still pumping strong.
‘What crawled up his ass and died?’ Dev asks, eyes swinging back to me. ‘Did you two get into it or something?’
‘Or something,’ I mumble, grabbing my helmet and standing up as well. ‘Let’s go.’
I catch the door right before it can slam in my face, stepping out into the sunshine and the breeze coming off the ocean.
Dev’s and my respective press officers and trainers are waiting for us, ready to escort us back to the pit lane and double-check that we’re all right – but it’s Omid who’s waiting for Axel.
It’s not often you see a team principal come to retrieve their wayward driver, unless they want to be the first to yell at them after making sure they’re alive.
I doubt he’d be here if he still had a driver in the race, but since both are out, I guess he decided to make the trek down here.
Omid looks like he’s ready to launch into a furious lecture, but stops short when he catches Dev staring, nosy little shit that he is.
When his eyes drift over to me, his jaw goes tight and the enigmatic team principal facade is back in place.
Only Axel looks relieved by the standoff happening, his reaming put on the back burner and allowing him to silently slink away.
‘You both all right?’ Omid stiltedly asks Dev and me, dark eyes going from one to the other and back again until they settle on my teammate, pointedly avoiding me.
Dev nods and thanks Omid for asking, but I don’t deign to answer. When the silence grows awkward, Dev takes a big step backward and flings up finger guns. ‘I’m gonna let you two talk,’ he drawls, ever so American. ‘Catch you in the media pen, my guy.’
He bounds off, leaving his trainer and press officer to run after him – and leaving me to wait and see if Omid will dare look me in the eye.
It’s the first time I’ve seen him up close since Ava broke the news of her pregnancy, and I get the sense that he’s been careful to avoid me, just like Axel has.
I haven’t sought him out either, mostly at Ava’s insistence, but now that he’s standing in front of me – and now that he’s finally met my gaze – I’m just going to have to ask for her forgiveness later.
‘Ava is going to be furious that one of your drivers crashed me out,’ I say, trying to tamp down the anger slowly creeping up my neck over Omid’s treatment of his daughter.
Not just recently, though that would have been more than enough to justify it, but for practically her entire life.
She deserved a better father than what she got, especially since he seems to have plenty of time for a driver he has no relation to.
Omid winces almost imperceptibly, either at the reminder that Raphael has been a waste of time and money so far or that I’m with his daughter. Whichever it is, or maybe it’s both, I take a sick sense of pleasure from it.
‘I don’t need an apology,’ I go on, shifting to make sure he can’t avoid my gaze when he tries to look away. ‘But she deserves one.’
He’s a smart enough man to read between the lines, understanding that it’s an apology for not only putting her through the stress of watching me climb out of a ruined car, but for everything else he needs to atone for.
A beat passes before he sighs, some of the fight flooding out of him, and I get a glimpse of an exhausted father who knows he’s done wrong too many times in too many ways.
‘What I said to her . . .’ He trails off, taking a cautious moment to find the words he wants to say. ‘I – I made a mistake. When she came to me, I should have been supportive. I should have been happy for her. But I wasn’t. And I can’t take that back.’
‘No, you can’t,’ I agree. ‘But you can do better now.’ I take a step closer and lower my voice, not wanting to be overheard but willing to say this so that Ava can have back the family she desperately wants.
‘Just talk to her. Make a fucking effort for her like you do for your team. She deserves it, and you know that.’
Omid stays quiet this time. I can’t begin to guess what’s going on in his head, but he softens some when I quietly tell him, ‘She misses you. She wants you in her life – in our child’s life. Don’t punish them just because you have your own grudges.’
He swallows hard, and for a moment I have hope that he might finally come around to what I’m saying.
But then a camera flashes and the mask is back in place.
I’m no longer talking to Ava’s father, but the boss of a rival team, a man who has faced the same racism and doubts that I have over the years and has developed plenty of defense mechanisms to handle them.
‘Rumors are going to start that you’re coming to Specter next year,’ he murmurs, eyes flicking disdainfully to the photographer a few feet away. ‘Might as well ask if you’re interested in being Marchand’s replacement. It looks like I’m in the market for another driver.’
Irritating as it is to have lost the thread of our conversation, I can’t blame him for changing the subject. These are things we can’t talk about out in the open and he knows it. Still, I hope some of what I’ve said has slipped through the cracks in his armor for Ava’s sake.
‘Only if I’m the number-one driver,’ I toss back. ‘And Axel will never be anyone’s second.’
Omid lifts his chin, and I swear there’s a hint of disappointment behind his eyes, though it’s gone when he blinks. ‘I suppose I have my answer, then.’
When more photographers descend on us, it’s time to go. I nod goodbye before turning back to my trainer and press officer, ready to head back to the pit lane – ready to see Ava.
She’s waiting for me in the back of the garage when I arrive, and she doesn’t hesitate to slide her arms around my waist and rest her ear above my heart.
‘You’re okay?’ she asks.
‘I’m okay,’ I promise. Because this time, I am. I just hope it stays that way.