Chapter 30
BECKETT
Ipull two cold waters from the fridge and dig around in the pantry for the pack of sour gummy worms I got at the store the other day. It’s a risk, I don’t know if she still likes them or not, but. She needs sugar. I had to hide them at Lennon’s request, though. I smile, thinking about earlier.
Then I feel a tightness in my chest and I freeze.
Is this a panic attack? It doesn’t feel like one.
I just had what is hands down the best sex in my entire life with the one person I never got over.
I’ve never really thought about emotions after sex.
Yeah, it feels good. Great. The level of intimacy just now, though?
The way I felt like my body was specifically created for her and her alone? Unreal.
I lean against the fridge for a second, letting the cold steel cool me off while I try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me.
I need to get some sleep soon. I told Mom I’d bring the girls by her house in the morning.
My chest tightens again at the image of all of us in my truck, going to Mom’s.
I run my hands over my face when I realize it’s not anxiety or a heart attack or anything wild.
It’s hope. It’s fucking hope.
When I get back up to the room, Clover is still in my bed.
Her breathing is steady, and she’s got my favorite pillow clenched in her fist like it owes her money, pulled right up to her.
I watch her for a second and wonder what her life’s been like.
Why did she never get married? Why did she come back to Ashstone Ridge instead of just pivoting where she was?
She mentioned kids, but why doesn’t she have at least one in tow by now?
She’d make a great mom, I’ve known that since we were kids.
I have so many questions, but instead, I lean in to gently wake her up.
Her eyelashes are wet. She was crying while I was gone.
My Lucky girl, how can I make you feel the joy you give me?
When I touch her, she opens her eyes slowly and focuses on me. She gives me the purest, warmest smile, and it breaks me.
There has never been, and never will be, a person that can fill the space in my heart that Clover Jane Kerrington exists in, and I don’t know what to fucking do with that knowledge.
* * *
When I come back from getting everyone set up for the day and checking on the brooder full of new chicks that Clover and Lennon insisted they would die without, the girls are up and ready.
Well, mostly. Lennon is sitting on one of the tall stools at the counter and Clover is carefully braiding the wild mane in front of her into two braids.
“Lovey says this will keep the hair out of my eyes and I won’t get as sweaty,” Lennon says, noticing me.
“Hey Beetlebug,” I say, smiling widely. “It looks amazing.”
“All done,” Clover says proudly, spritzing some glittery stuff in a spray bottle over Lennon’s hair, then leaning down to plant a kiss on top of her head. “Go get your stuff so you can stay at your Gram’s tonight.”
Lennon’s eyes light up. “A sleepover?!” She cheers and runs off upstairs. I look cautiously to make sure she’s out of view before I wrap my arms around Clover, pick her up and spin her in a giant hug. She tries not to giggle, but it escapes anyway.
“Good morning to you, too, Sir,” she says in a hushed, teasing voice.
“Good morning, indeed,” I respond, checking one more time for Lennon before I cup her face with my hands and kiss her. Her face is beet red when I let her go, and she is actually acting bashful.
“Sorry, I fell asleep in your bed last night,” she says. “I was a little exhausted.”
I shake my head. “No apology needed. And . . . ” I drag out. “It seems a sleepover has been arranged, so maybe we should have one, too?” I suggest, raising my eyebrow.
Clover pretends to mull it over. “Mayhaps,” she says in a horrible accent. I’m not even sure which one she’s going for. I laugh and kiss her again, pulling her to me. I feel like I can’t get enough.
I hear little feet running across the floor above us, so I retreat a little bit, rummaging in the fridge for a yogurt.
“Don’t spoil your appetite!” Lennon chastises as she runs in, sounding like a miniature version of my mother. I put the yogurt back and hold my hands up in surrender.
“Fine, fine. Go get your jacket on, kiddo,” I tell her.
Lennon grabs her flannel from the cubby near the door and brings Clover one of mine.
The ones that Mom got Lennon and I last year, that match.
They both finish getting dressed in their own synchronized little way and I can’t help but smile.
Them matching might be one of the cutest things I’ve witnessed.
“Earth to Bucket,” I hear Clover saying, and I grumble in her direction.
“What was that, Love?” I ask, not meaning to. I meant to call her Lovey, like Brynn and Lennon do. Clover watches me for a second, but Lennon catches it.
“It’s Loveyyy, Daddy,” she corrects, exaggerating the ‘y’ like I’m learning for the first time. I smile at her.
“You’re right. Thanks, Beetle,” I tell her.
Clover recovers. “I was saying we have to stop by the store. Your mom needs more strawberries and creamer.”
I nod. “Sure, yeah. Let’s head out.” Lennon goes first, Clover follows her, and I take the duty of closing the door.
I definitely smack Clover’s ass.