Chapter 32
BECKETT
The girls have made their way into the kitchen with Mom, and the whole place is covered in flour and baking powder.
Not a single one of them can keep the kitchen organized while they’re cooking, yet they know exactly where things are, even if something is on top of what they need.
“It’s a mess, but it’s my mess,” Mom always says.
I get it now. Clover is a mess, but she’s my mess. I just have to figure out how to make sure she knows this time. I lean against the door frame separating the dining room from the kitchen, watching them work together.
“Lovey, why did that lady seem so mad at you and Daddy?” I hear Lennon ask. My mom’s eyes fly to meet mine, and she raises an eyebrow curiously.
“Sometimes people are just mad, baby,” Clover says calmly, not missing a beat. “Remember when I told you sometimes, people make mistakes, and they have to work hard to try to make it right?” Lennon nods at her.
“There’s gonna be a time when you make a mistake, and you won’t know it was your own fault until it’s too late.
What’s important is that you are able to admit when you’re wrong, even if it’s been a long time.
The lady at the store made a really big mistake and she’s mad because she doesn’t think she did anything bad. ”
“What did she do?” Lennon responds.
I tense up. I know I can’t keep this from her forever; there’s about to be a lot of talk about it, and it’s not fair to her to leave her out of the loop.
“Hey, kiddo,” I speak up. “Let’s not worry about that right now.
We are with Gram and Papa. You got Lovey and me here, and Aunt Bee is on her way over.
Let’s just focus on the happy people right now, okay?
The people we love are all in one house. ”
She nods at me. “Okay, Daddy,” she agrees before going back to cooking pancakes. Clover leans in to help her crack an egg and they start giggling, Lennon standing on her step stool and Clover behind her. Mom startles me when I realize she’s right next to me.
“Would it be easy for me to guess who the angry lady at the store was?” She asks. I exhale and nod.
“Yeah,” I grumble. “The woman who gave Lennon a cookie called Clover her mom, and Lennon didn’t correct her. Apparently, Hannah overheard and lost her shit when Lennon walked away. Thankfully, she waited that long,” I say, actually grateful.
“How did Clover handle the whole situation with being called Mom?”
I can’t help but smile at that. “Didn’t even flinch,” I respond. “Lennon told her that sometimes she pretends Clover is her mom, and Clover just told her how special it made her feel.”
Mom reaches over and squeezes my arm.
“You gonna let her go again, Beckett?” Her question hits harder than I think she intends. Not just because she’s calling me on my shit, but because I didn’t know she knew.
“How do you know about all this stuff, Mom? Did Clover tell you?”
Mom scoffs. “She sure as hell didn’t. I’m not blind, Beck.
There was a point where y’all became more.
After her birthday that year, the bickering died down.
You looked at each other differently. I’d catch you holding hands for the briefest second, stealing quick kisses when you thought no one could see you. ”
My face heats up. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
She shrugs. “I thought it would come out eventually, and besides, it was just natural. When she got the news about the job, and you changed, I knew you had fucked up.”
Now it’s my turn to scoff. “What makes you think it was my fault?” I ask, offended.
She levels me with a stare. “Beckett, I’ve known you your entire life, and Clover damn near hers. I saw the light leave your eyes the moment she was offered the job. You changed that day, and when Clover came in a few days later with red eyes and anger in her, I knew you cut her loose.”
I go to interrupt her and let her know that it’s not for the reasons she thinks, but she stops me.
“I know you didn’t want to hold her back, and I know you weren’t ready to leave Ashstone yet,” she says.
“I wish you had figured out a different way to do it, but I get it, honey, I really do. We got one of the best things out of it, though.” We both look back at Lennon and Clover.
“That girl is our family, too,” she states. “You really have a chance to get the life both you and Lennon deserve.” She looks up at me. “Don’t fuck it up again.”
The door flies open and Brynn makes her way in, the whirlwind she is. “Alright,” she announces. “The party has officially begun! Move, old man,” she bosses, stepping in between our mom and me to hug her.
I feel my phone vibrate and pull it out of my pocket, glancing at the screen. Taylor Law Firm.
The court set the first supervised visitation. Tomorrow at 5 pm. Meet at the therapist’s office. You’ll stay for 30 minutes, then Hannah will stay with the therapist and Lennon for an hour. You’ll pick her up after.
Got it.
* * *
After too much sweet tea, pancakes, and some viciously competitive rounds of Go Fish, we said our goodbyes.
Lennon loves staying at Mom’s house, but tonight she seemed a little reluctant.
I chalked it up to Purrlock not being with her, but with the way she kept checking in with Clover, I don’t think Purrlock is the only thing making her second-guess staying.
When we get home, Clover kicks her shoes off and goes straight upstairs.
“Okay then,” I say, not wanting to read too much into it.
I mope around for a bit, change into some sweats, and start cleaning up the mess from this morning.
It’s a hell of a mental battle to decide whether to go upstairs and knock on her door or not.
I decide not to, though. I imagine she’s drained from everything that went on today.
Getting accosted by Hannah and then spending the day with my family was overstimulating for me, so I can’t imagine being in her shoes.
I set my mind on straightening up and when I finish, I head out to the porch.
I lower myself into a rocking chair and fiddle with the pop top on my drink.
The quiet is allowing the weight of all the shit going on to settle right on my chest. “Fuck it,” I say out loud. I go to the garage and rummage around until I find what I’m looking for, carry it outside, turn around, and head back in.
Right up to her door.