Chapter 10 #2
I interrupt the theatrics to grab my phone, covering the mouthpiece with my hand in the hopes that she isn’t going to make any untoward assumptions about the background noise.
‘Heyyy,” I say, because I maybe had a little wine with dinner and now I’m regretting it because my knees are too loose and the lights overhead have gone just a bit fuzzy, and she is absolutely going to judge me.
She huffs. “Really, Dominic?”
“It was one glass!” I protest. I know she has my best interests at heart. Sometimes I think maybe she’s even right: I drink more than I probably should.
I’m also just barely twenty-three at a magical university, watching my life unravel. I think I’m allowed to have a little fun sometimes. Most days, I’m sober.
OK, maybe half. Maybe a little less. But I don’t drink every day, and that counts for something.
Her eye roll is all but audible. “I figured out where I saw your symbol.”
“Holy shit!” I exclaim. Maybe I only had one glass of wine, but it was a very large one, and I’m definitely feeling the effects. “Where?”
“Dom, I’m getting a migraine,” she groans. “Tone it down.”
Next to me, Aleo pokes my shoulder and points at the book. I shake my head, gesture for him to take over my role. He scowls, but leaps into his best imitation of Hot Rob, who apparently sounds like he just gargled with salt water.
This handled, I lower my voice. “Sorry, sorry,” I say. “Do you need anything?”
“I need to tell you before I forget, because it was in kind of a weird place. Listen, OK?”
Collin gestures at me to hurry up, but I shake my head.
“I’m all ears,” I promise Jane.
And I am. I’m desperate to know what she knows. To learn even a tiny bit more about what my mom was up to at Halea, about where I came from.
It hasn’t, unfortunately, escaped my notice that I was probably conceived here, or very nearby. When I pause to think about it, it’s kinda surreal that I’m back. Do most people come full circle like this?
It doesn’t matter. Just one of those weird little thoughts that worms into my brain and digs in hooks, refusing to let go.
“It’s in that old ruin by the cliff. There’s a lot of graffiti on the inside. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it there somewhere.”
“The old ruin?” I demand, sitting bolt upright. Orea and I walked past it when we visited the cliffs. If she told me anything about it, I can’t remember.
But I remember the way the ocean tugged at me. I’m still terrified that I won’t be able to resist it.
Deep down, I already know: the waves will call to me, and I will answer.
Was I ever my own person? Or did I always belong to this land, this haunting sea?
My heart races. I try not to think, to focus instead on Jane’s words, but my fear surges like the tide, and suddenly the world around me has gone staticky like an old television set.
“Yeah. It’s on the cliff,” she says again. “Hey, listen, I can go with you tomorrow, if you want.” She groans. “My head is killing me.”
I glance to the window. It’s not dark yet. If I hurry, I can make it to the cliffs before sunset. “I’ll, um, let you know,” I say. “Feel better!”
I end the call before Jane can talk me out of doing anything stupid.
Every day, I wake up in the wreckage of my old life. My mom is dead. The man I thought I’d marry is with someone else. Socially, I’m struggling. My classes are difficult, and I’m afraid to check my grades.
If things are as bad as I suspect they are, this is my first and only semester at Halea. If I’m going to learn anything about Mom, it has to be now.
I’m not academic, but I’m not stupid, either.
I know how this story is going to end. Jane can’t keep me afloat, no matter how much she pesters me to study with her.
My grasp of magic is extremely fragile (last week, I almost burned down Elarion’s classroom when instructed to produce a simple flame, and I know I’m lucky to be allowed back—once again, I managed to summon a bonfire), I’m constantly fending off headaches, I’m not sleeping well, and I don’t comprehend half of what I read.
I need remedial classes. I need Fae for Beginners. I need to immerse myself in fae culture. I need to understand the difference between courts.
Instead, I’m out to sea, treading water, but my limbs are growing weak. I know I’m going to drown soon.
The sense of failure is crushing.
I thought that in coming here, I’d gain a better sense of myself. Instead, I’m more confused than ever. Everything I thought I knew is being challenged. At Halea, I’m not hot, I’m not smart, I’m not charming, I’m not driven, I’m just lost.
I haven’t even tried to date anyone. This is probably the longest I’ve gone without a relationship since I turned sixteen, when people started noticing me.
Fuck it, I decide. What have I got to lose?
If the sea eats me, only a few people will notice, and I’m not sure if they’d even really mourn me.
Jeremy would probably celebrate. Most of my old friends from college and high school have forgotten about me already.
I suppose Gretchen might be sad, but as supportive as she’s been through Mom’s illness, she doesn’t really know me, so she can’t miss me too much.
And Jane—Jane might feel a bit guilty, I suppose, but she’s too smart to beat herself up.
I’m a runaway train and she knows it’s not her responsibility to singlehandedly push me back onto the tracks.
I pound another glass of wine and stand up. I’m a little wobbly, but that’s probably from the gym this morning. With every step, I feel the burn in my legs from the Stairmaster.
“Hey,” I say to Aleo, who looks increasingly annoyed. “I’ll be right back.”
I stop by the bathroom, then make my way outside.
There’s a proper storm brewing now. Angry, gray clouds have rolled in. The wind picks up around me. Trees tremble, grass flattens, umbrellas turn inside out. Far in the distance, the sea boils and froths.
An image of my scrying marble pops into my head, but I shake it off. I’m terrible at predicting the weather, even with scientific data and tools.