Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
We end up at a sandwich shop on the edge of town, sitting at a bar height table, swapping dipping sauces and arguing about divination techniques. The smells of sizzling meat and baking bread fill the air.
“I can’t believe you guys are still using marbles,” he says, stealing a slice of bell pepper from my napkin. “Professor Galvin had us move on to crystal balls after a week.”
“I figured the budget was low.” I reach over, lift his sandwich, and take a bite.
He gawks at me. “Did I say you could have that?”
I smirk, wipe my mouth with a napkin, and hand the sub back to him. “After you kissed me like that?”
“Fine,” he pouts, but he looks secretly delighted, staring at the spot I bit off like there’s some kind of significance to it.
“And I’m still confused,” I add. Things feel a little lighter now, but I’m determined not to spend the next few days wondering what’s between us. “You never gave me a clear answer.”
“I didn’t?” Gray eyes meet mine, daring me to respond.
“I need some clarification.”
Glaring down at his sandwich, he says, “It’s—It’s complicated.”
God damn it. “OK,” I say. Does he have an ex? A girlfriend back home? Do werewolves have arranged marriages? “That clears up absolutely nothing.”
“I know,” he sighs, pressing his face into his hands, like he’s just as frustrated as I am.
Behind us, the door swings open. Cold air filters in.
I’m startled to see Jordan standing there beside a much shorter, stockier man.
Jordan’s wearing a scarf and heavy black boots.
Judging by the mud on his boots, he just got back from a hike.
The scowl on his face suggests it went poorly. The shorter man looks equally annoyed.
They have the same nose. I squint. Are they brothers? Cousins? I’ve never seen the other guy around Halea before. Maybe he’s visiting.
Doesn’t matter. I turn back to Duncan, determined not to give Jordan any thought whatsoever outside of class. Fucking asshole. “Is there someone else?”
“No,” he says, looking up at me, suddenly grim, maybe even a little bit sad. “No, that’s not the problem. I… I wasn’t lying when I said I couldn’t do casual.” His voice lowers. “Not with you.”
I cross my arms. “I’m not looking for casual. I’m bad at casual.”
He tips his head back to stare at the ceiling. Is there something up there? Did he even hear me? “Dating a wolf is hard. We’re not—we don’t really do things halfway.”
I vaguely recall hearing that wolves mate for life. I’m not surprised that werewolves are similar.
With no idea how to respond to that, the joke tumbles out of my mouth. “I guess it would be unconventional to start with marriage, but my mom’s not around to be ashamed of me anymore, so—”
Duncan bursts into laughter. “Fucking hell, Dominic, I’m not asking you to marry me.”
“I mean, it kinda sounds like it,” I ague, leaning back in my chair. “OK, so not casual, but maybe I’m not quite ready to commit yet.”
I would, though. If he asked, I’d go along with it. I know better, but I suck at overcoming temptation—I love diving headfirst into inadvisable relationships, being the center of someone’s world for a few months or so, until things inevitably implode.
I know better than to think things will be any different with Duncan.
He steeples his fingers and nods, like he’s considering a business proposal. Maybe this isn’t that far off. “That’s entirely reasonable,” he says. And then he doesn’t say anything else.
“So how does this normally go?” I ask, stealing his dipping sauce. It’s something that tastes like a mix of hot sauce and teriyaki. It shouldn’t pair well with my sandwich, but I’m pleasantly surprised. “I really like you. I can work with whatever you need.”
Within reason, I don’t add. If I’m ever going to have a better dating experience, I need to set boundaries. But I can’t do that until I know what I’m working with.
“Are you sure?”
“That I like you? Yeah, even though you’re not answering any of my questions and you’re kind of driving me insane right now.”
A slow smile. “Fine,” he says. “Like I said. We don’t do casual.
Relationships are usually pretty serious right off the bat.
They’re not like human relationships, where people just fuck around.
We don’t get married right away or anything, but we’re usually exclusive pretty much immediately.
” He shrugs. “Things escalate quickly. If they’re going to end, they end sooner rather than later. ”
Jordan’s watching us from his place in line, a little too intent for comfort. Briefly, I wonder if we should leave, but we’re keeping our voices low, maintaining a respectable distance. There’s no way he can easily guess what’s really going on here, right?
Then he looks away, and I can finally relax.
I tap the toes of my boots together under the table and twist the edge of a napkin between my fingers. “Badly?”
Duncan’s quick to shake his head. “Not usually. Our relationships don’t usually get as messy as human ones do.”
“OK, so you won’t key my car or anything if we break up?”
A startled glance. “What? No. Why would you—Did someone key your car?”
I don’t want to talk about it. “It wasn’t my car,” I say finally.
Before he can ask anything else, I add, “OK, so I shouldn’t date anyone else if I’m dating you.
I can do that.” Other than my humiliating (and completely irrelevant) crush on Elarion, there’s no one I’m remotely interested in. “What else?”
“Like I said. We usually dive in headfirst.”
“Well, lucky for you, that’s how I usually do things, too.”
“The way you say that, I feel like I should be concerned.”
“It’s called serial monogamy, and I already told you I was a Libra.”
Too late, I realize I never actually mentioned this outside my dream. Fuck.
He doesn’t even comment on this. Just stares me down as he laces his fingers together on the tabletop. “Are you sure? I—This is a big deal to me. More than I can explain.”
“As long as you don’t start stalking me or anything.”
“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “But if you need to set boundaries—”
“Trust me, I will.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, I’m sorry. This is the unsexiest negotiation of all time.”
I shrug, praying it comes across as nonchalant, that it covers up the surge of longing in my chest. “So is this a date?”
Perfect, full lips draw back into a grin. “You know what? Sure.”
“So is sex off the table?” I ask, when we’re back in his car and the heat is blasting on us. I know I probably sound like I’m obsessed, but I need to know where things stand so I don’t fuck anything up.
Duncan jolts in his seat and looks at me. “Uh, no,” he manages. “Not exactly.” His voice is strained.
I’m going to have to do some research on wolf shifters. Something is wrong here, and he either can’t or won’t articulate it. That’s probably a red flag, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. For now, anyway.
“I’m still confused,” I tell him.
We roll up to a stop sign, then onto the main road. “I know,” he says. “I’m sorry.”
“So you’re not like, I dunno, promised to someone or anything, right?”
A short laugh. When he takes his eyes off the road to look at me, his expression is warm, almost fond. Something inside of me lights up. I have to squash it down before I get my hopes up. “No. Nothing like that. I told you. Dating is just… hard for my kind. In certain situations.”
I groan internally. “Which kinds of situations?”
He just shakes his head, looking solemn. The more I stare at him, the more I think he’s going to throw up. “I’ll tell you,” he promises eventually. “Just… not right now.”
“You know that’s weird, right?”
“I do. I’m sorry.”
I want to scoff at that, but he actually sounds sorry.
Maybe there’s some sort of code he has to follow. Some reason he can’t tell me anything.
I cross my arms and stare out the window. What the fuck am I doing with my life? This is too weird. I should go back to my dorm, erase his number from my phone, and never talk to him again.
I already know I’m not going to do that. Something keeps drawing me back to Duncan. Whatever’s going on, I want to find out what it is.
But I’m definitely going to be petulant while I wait.
When we arrive at Halea, neither one of us says anything. This is it, I think, abruptly nervous. He’s never going to speak to me again.
The ignition dies. We’re in the student parking lot. A quarter moon hangs in the sky. The stars are out, brighter than I’ve ever seen them back home, scattered across the sky like a handful of crystals.
I undo my seatbelt, but neither one of us makes a move to open our door. A heaviness settles over me, but when I look back at him, he’s watching me with such intensity that I’m immediately, against my better judgment, intrigued. His gray eyes are locked on me, and I—
“You can make a move, you know,” I say softly, and then he’s over the center console, one hand on my door, the other gripping my thigh, but not before he bonks the steering wheel with his ass, setting off the horn.
I laugh, but I’m also reeling because holy shit, nobody has ever wanted me like this before.
This kiss is just as desperate as the previous, maybe a little bit more, since the car creates an illusion of privacy.
Duncan has practically climbed into my lap, but that’s mostly because I dragged him there, because that’s exactly where I want him, goddammit.
He gasps, but doesn’t withdraw, just winds his fingers into my hair and kisses me like he can’t get enough, like he’d siphon the soul out of me if he could.
I hang on for dear life, searching along the bottom of the seat with my fingers until I find the button that scoots it back.
Now I can stop worrying about whether Duncan’s going to get bruises on his spine from bumping against the dashboard with wild abandon.
He’s heavier and stronger than he looks. I’m definitely trapped, but I’m right where I want to be, rolling my hips very much on purpose so that he can’t mistake my enthusiasm. When he groans, it reverberates in my jaw.