Chapter 1
Harding~
T he television was on, but only so that the silence didn’t drive me crazy. Yeah, my phone was going off with calls and text messages, but I wasn’t ready to speak to anyone just yet. My emotions were still riding high, and I just didn’t want to say anything that could get misconstrued, making this situation worse than it already was. I also didn’t want to add to the gossip mill, considering that her family and friends were probably assassinating my character at this very moment.
When I’d told Paige to leave the groceries alone, she had immediately begun to argue with me about not having any time to waste on dinner. She had committed herself to helping a friend afterwards, so whatever I’d had to say could wait. However, instead of catering to her wants as had been the norm in our marriage, I had put my foot down, forcing her to listen to me.
The scene had been one that was never going to leave my mind, but I could only chalk that up as part of my penance. When I’d first met Paige, as we’d gotten to know each other, she’d been open and vulnerable about her first marriage, so I’d known how I’d been about to add to her already damaged baggage. Of course, looking back, I only knew what she’d told me, and it sucked that I was questioning the validity of everything that she’d ever said now.
Nonetheless, the look on Paige’s face when I’d whispered my confession was one that should never be put on a woman’s face. I had hurt her terribly, though she hadn’t seemed surprised by my horrible announcement. Pain and resignation had appeared in her dark brown eyes at first, but then they’d been quickly masked by anger as the details had come pouring out.
I also hadn’t lied about any of it; I’d told her who, when, where, and why. Trying my hardest to take responsibility for what I’d done, I hadn’t wanted her plagued by unanswered questions, so I’d done my best to tell her everything that she might want to know. Of course, when I’d told Trista that I was going to finally confess to Paige, I had warned her that I’d be revealing her name, which might cause issues for her later. Luckily, Trista was also about taking responsibility for what we’d done to my wife, so she’d been fine with my plans to confess everything.
Reaching over towards the nightstand, I grabbed one of the complimentary waters that had come with the suite, cracked it open, then drank most of it in one swallow. Hours later, my hands were still unsteady as my new reality sunk in. I’d thought the hardest part was going to be in admitting that I had cheated on Paige, but it hadn’t been. The hardest part had been when Paige had suggested church and counseling to get us past this hurdle, knowing that I couldn’t let her believe in that hope. I’d had to admit that my feelings for Trista weren’t a passing thing, and that I couldn’t see us moving past my infidelity because there was so much more wrong with our marriage than just what I’d done.
That’s when anger had finally made its appearance, and while I’d been expecting it, I hadn’t expected her to immediately lock herself in our bedroom, then go on social media to announce my transgressions. I had expected her to scream at me, throw things at me, and even throw a few punches. I had expected us to fight an ugly fight, hearing her call me every name in the book. I’d been expecting tears of pain and rage, and her possibly taking a bat to everything that I owned. In fact, I’d been prepared for the destruction and had also been ready to take it as part of my punishment. However, I hadn’t expected her to take this public so quickly. I had expected some private heartbreak before letting the entire internet in on our drama.
Still, it was hard to fault her for how she was choosing to work through her pain. While posting things on social media wasn’t my choice in how to handle things, I knew that I had to step back from this and allow her to deal with her pain in whichever way she needed. Again, I wasn’t the victim here, and so far, her posts were nothing but vague references to something emotionally upsetting.
It also wasn’t going to matter after it was all said and done. Our marriage was over, and it wasn’t going to be long before all our family and friends knew about it. Even if Paige was willing to forgive me, there was no going back for me now. She wasn’t the person that I’d said my vows to, and while I wasn’t sure whose fault that was, that didn’t change that I was no longer in love with her.
Or who I’d thought she’d been.
When I’d first met Paige, I’d been enchanted. I’d met her quite by chance, but her kindness and consideration had blown me away in a world where so many people were about themselves. Her enthusiasm for helping people had been enough to stop me in my tracks, wondering where this incredible creature had come from. Humans were no longer geared to help others first, so she had really stood out among everyone else at the facility.
My company had been contracted for some electrical repairs at Serenity Manor, a retirement community in the city of Wakefield, CA. While we’d been working, I had noticed Paige keeping company with one of the residents, and her interaction with him had been enough to distract me. She’d been caring, engaging, and had really seemed interested in the man’s stories and concerns. While the other employees had merely been present, Paige hadn’t come across that way.
So, for two weeks, I had watched her treat the residents with the utmost respect, treating them like she would treat her own grandparents. In those two weeks, I hadn’t ever seen her lose her patience with anyone, nor had her smile ever faltered. Two weeks later, I had finally asked her out, convinced that she was one in a million.
Our first date had also gone as expected. She’d spoken happily about her family, friends, interests, and getting to know her had felt so effortless. She’d been talkative, and everything that she’d spoken of, she’d spoken of as if it’d been the most interesting thing in the world. She’d been full of excitement and animation, and it’d been such a breath of fresh air in a world full of technology addicts.
Of course, she’d also been excited to learn all about me and my life, and it’d been easy to share with her, something that wasn’t always possible with everyone else. Paige had come across as if she hadn’t one judgmental bone in her body, and it’d felt liberating.
At any rate, after a few months of dating, we had moved in together, and I’d felt like a fairytale hero the day that she had agreed to marry me; I’d felt as if life couldn’t get any better. After one failed marriage under my belt, I’d been convinced that Paige had been my chance to finally get it right. I’d been convinced that my happily-ever-after had been possible, because believe it or not, men wanted their chance at happiness also.
It hadn’t been until three years ago that my eyes had finally started to see a bit clearer. Three years ago, those love-colored glasses had begun to crack a bit. Three years ago, I’d started to notice things that shouldn’t have involved my perfect wife. Three years ago, I’d had no choice but to question the little things that hadn’t made sense anymore.
Finishing off the rest of the water, I glanced around the hotel room, wondering how long I was going to be able to hide out here, because that’s what I was doing. I was close with my family, so I knew that I could easily room with any one of them if I wanted to, but I needed this bit of space. I needed to gather my thoughts and plan out my next move, which admittedly depended on what Paige’s next move was.
While I didn’t need a shower, I needed to do something. Luckily, I had the weekend off before I’d have to go back to work, so I wasn’t going to have to worry about that right now. The last thing that I needed was to accidentally electrocute myself because I was distracted. Granted, that would be the answer to all of Paige’s prayers, but while I was willing to pay for my sins, I wasn’t willing to pay for them with my own death.
Just as I started unpacking my suitcase, my phone chimed with a message that I couldn’t ignore. It was tactless and insensitive to be more worried about the ‘wrong’ woman, but I couldn’t help it.
Trista: R u ok?
Me: Not really, but it’s ok
Trista: Call me if u need me
Me: Thank u
I stared at the exchange, and while it seemed impersonal, it really wasn’t. Trista knew me well enough not to take my distance in this moment personally. Despite being at fault, and despite being the villain in this story, this wasn’t easy on me. My regret for all parties involved was real, and it was weighing heavily with every breath that I took right now.
As I got undressed to go take a shower, I thought about all the phone calls that I was going to have to make tomorrow, starting with my parents. They deserved to hear the details from me, especially since they were the type of parents that were going to help me pick up the pieces, even if I did deserve to suffer for my sins.
Christ, what a fucking mess.