Chapter 30
Paige~
I t was a good thing that winter was upon us, making me able to kill two birds with one stone. As the fire crackled in the fireplace, I didn’t feel one ounce of regret as what was left of Harding’s things burned to ash. If these things had meant anything to him, then he would have taken them the day that he’d come over and had taken the rest of his stuff.
I’d also done a picture cleanse of all my social media accounts and phone. After Kirk had finally texted me back this morning, I had called into work, then had spent the entire day removing every photo of Harding from this house, along with everything that he’d left here. I wasn’t about to disrespect Kirk by making him have to endure Harding’s ghost when Harding was a non-factor now.
There was also the fact that Kirk wasn’t fooling anyone with his excuses about work and whatever. No guy wanted to have to worry about the man that had come before him, and so I was doing my best to reassure Kirk that I was committed to him and only him. The next time that he walked into this house, he was going to see that it was ready for him to move in. He was going to see that my heart was his, and that we could finally move forward.
Kirk and I were also going to have to talk about how he took his time replying to my texts. While I understood that he had a job to do, he could still take two minutes out of his day to respond whenever I reached out to him. His family and friends were just going to have to learn how to wait now that I was in his life. Of course, I had no doubt that Kirk would eventually see things my way, it was just going to take a little time for us to find a routine that worked.
I tossed another shirt into the fire, careful not to burn anything that could blow up the house. Whatever I couldn’t burn was going to go into the trash, even if I had to rent a larger trash bin for the occasion. I wanted to erase Harding from my new life with Kirk, and while the kind thing would have been to call Harding to come get the rest of his stuff, he didn’t deserve my kindness anymore. In fact, he hadn’t ever deserved my kindness.
There was also the fact that my friendship with Heady was at an impasse. When I’d called her to tell her about Kirk, she hadn’t sounded at all happy for me. She had accused me of moving too fast and using Kirk as a rebound for the hurt that Harding had caused me. Suddenly, she’d gotten a PH.D in relationships, and instead of being excited for me, she had tried to kill my hope, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to forgive her for that. Now, while I did my best to follow the teachings of the church to the letter, forgiveness didn’t necessarily mean that we had to remain friends. I could still find a way to forgive her without letting her toxic viewpoint steal my happiness.
As I threw a few of Harding’s boxers into the fire, I thought about how Kirk had insisted on not meeting my kids or parents yet. At first, I’d been upset that he would refuse such an honor, but when he explained how he hadn’t wanted to meet them under the dark umbrella of my divorce, I relented. While my feelings had been hurt a bit, I could still appreciate how he wanted everything to be perfect between us, and my divorce from Harding was definitely a dark cloud that we both needed to get out from under.
Watching everything burn, my phone rang, and my heart sank when I saw that it was Heady calling me and not Kirk. He had promised to call me later, and I was holding him to that promise.
Nevertheless, I answered because that’s what Jesus would do, and I would always work hard at being the better person in any situation. “Hello?”
Heady let out a deep sigh over the phone. “I’m glad that you answered, Paige. I’ve been thinking about you since our last conversation.”
“Oh, you mean the one when you told me that I shouldn’t be with Kirk,” I retorted tartly.
“I never said that, and you know it,” she replied evenly. “I just asked the questions that any good friend would ask.”
“You tried to get me to stop seeing him,” I snapped, correcting her.
“No, I did not, Paige,” she lied, and it bothered me that she sounded so calm about it all. “I was just warning you against rushing into something too quickly.”
“And what makes you think that you’re qualified to give anyone any relationship advice?” I shot back. “You’re still with the first man that you ever married. What do you know about heartbreak and divorce?”
“A person doesn’t need to experience divorce in order for their relationship advice to be valid, Paige,” she fired back. “Besides, I’ve known you for years, and so my advice always comes from a good place and from how well I know you.”
“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” I asked, ignoring her babble, which she was only saying to make her feel good about herself. Honestly, some people were terrified of holding that mirror to their face, for fear of what they’d really see.
“I am happy that you’ve found someone else,” she lied again. “I just want you to be careful about moving too fast, Paige. Everyone knows that rebound relationships never work.”
“Kirk is not a rebound relationship,” I snapped as I threw more of Harding’s things into the fire. “He’s the angel that God sent to me in my time of need.”
Heady was quiet for a second before she asked, “And what of his intentions? How can you be so sure that his feelings are genuine when you’ve only just met the man?”
“Because you can’t fake our night together, Heady,” I answered. “What we shared on Sunday night was the real deal.”
“Yet, even by your own admission, he hasn’t been back to see you since that night,” she replied, and it was clear that this friendship was at its end. “If that night was so special, why haven’t you seen him since then?”
“Because he works, Heady,” I bit out. “Because we both work and have lives. Not everyone can be a stay-at-home-trophy-wife.”
She let out another heavy sigh before saying, “I’m sorry that you’re mistaking my concern for criticism, and I really do hope everything works out well for you.”
Before I could remark on her fakeness, she hung up, pissing me off more. She was famous for always wanting to get the last word in, and she’d just succeeded, not allowing me to tell her what I really thought of her fake concern. Now, while I should feel saddened, I needed to preserve my happiness more. Self-care was a real thing these days, and I was a huge fan of putting myself first because others couldn’t be counted on to do that for me.
Grabbing the last of Harding’s pictures, I tossed them in the fire, feeling the weight on my shoulders lifting, slowly but surely. I felt like it was New Year’s Eve; out with the old, in with the new. I felt like a clean break was on the horizon with each item that I tossed into the fire.
As more items burned, I grabbed my phone off the end table in the den, then pulled up my most popular social media account to let everyone know how betrayal didn’t always come from your significant other.
There is nothing wrong with choosing yourself. So many times, we put up with what we don’t deserve out of timidness or misplaced loyalty, and we need to erase that terrible habit. We also need to acknowledge that romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that can be toxic. Friendships can also become toxic, and so can family relationships. Do not let your sense of loyalty turn you into someone’s punching bag, especially when that loyalty isn’t returned.
The good news is that we all have the power to walk away from the negative energy in our lives. Life is all about choices, and once you recognize that, your life will become a beacon of hope that will inspire others. While we will never be perfect or have perfect lives, that doesn’t mean that we should stop striving for perfection. Happiness should always be the goal, and that is all that I want for all of you. Love each other, and always choose your peace of mind before the consideration of others.
After I posted my latest words of inspiration, I pulled up Kirk’s account, and I couldn’t lie and say that it didn’t bother me that he hadn’t posted anything in over three weeks. Apparently, he wasn’t overly concerned with his social media presence, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. How else was everyone supposed to know how in love with me he was? How else were people going to be able to see how in love we were? How else could everyone see how happy we were together?
Switching back over to my profile, I debated whether I should change my relationship status yet or not. However, as I tossed more of Harding’s stuff in the fire, I realized that it’d look bad if I changed my status while Kirk didn’t, so we were going to need to do it together as soon as I spoke with him about it.
As the fire crackled loudly, I took a seat back down on the couch, then stared into the beautiful flames of freedom. They sounded like a symphony of peace, and my ears welcomed the calming sensation that they were creating. In many cultures, fire was considered a cleansing agent for the mind and soul, and I could see why they believed that. As the heat enveloped me, I understood exactly why fire could be both the end and beginning of something.
In fact, it was my new favorite thing.