Lydia
He can’t be in rut for me. Deus was mated and his mate died. It’s the defining thing about Deus. Everything he’s done, he’s done because he lost his mate.
“Are you…sure?” I say, although my voice is incredibly weak.
Deus puts his hand to his head.
“It has been a long time since I was in rut,” he says. “The last time was for my Dylia.” His voice stutters.
“Maybe you’re feeling something else,” I say, as her name spears into my heart. “Perhaps a reaction to something.”
Dylia. That was her name.
My stomach feels like it’s been gouged out. When his lost mate was nameless, it seemed like she didn’t exist. But she has a name, and he had a life with her.
And Sarkarnii don’t rut twice. They don’t get a second chance. It’s the reason Deus lost it, his mind, his sector, his leadership. It’s the reason we’re here in the first place.
“I don’t…” Deus gazes down at me. “I don’t know. But I feel it.” He bunches up his fist. “In here.” He presses it to his stomach. “And here.” He touches his neck. “The mix, the mating mix.”
But there was Dylia.
I am not Dylia.
I can never be Dylia. The mate he lost everything for. The mate he would do anything for, even turn on his brother.
“Maybe we should just wait a while,” I say quietly. “It’s been quite a few days.”
“Is there another male?” Deus growls.
“What?” I’m surprised out of myself by his demand. “No. No! Never.”
And now I’m surprised at the force by which I let my feelings show.
“I don’t want that,” I add quietly. “It never served me well.”
I find myself lifted from my position as Deus drops to my eye level. His long hair hangs round his face, a little like the first time we met, only this time his scent is even stronger, smoke and musk.
“Who hurt you?” he rumbles, deep and low, his eyes dangerous.
“No one on Vorostor,” I snap. “And it was a long time ago. My business.” I get to my feet and clamber out of the sleeping pit. “My business,” I fire over my shoulder. “Not yours.”
I go to the food dispenser and, stabbing at the console, manage to order the hot drink the Sarkarnii pretend not to like. I might have warmed up a little, but my core is still cold.
Standing, I take the drink and sip at it, staring ahead at the dispenser, its dark, shiny cover reflecting an image of myself. I look like I’ve been dragged to hell and back.
It wouldn’t be the first time.
Deus appears next to me, his face confused in the reflection.
“Is that fee?” he asks.
“Yes. I don’t drink the ale-wine.”
“Very sensible,” Deus says. “It is not good for you.” He smacks his lips.
“You want some?” I ask, unable to help myself. I am supposed to be mad at him.
Mirror Deus nods.
I turn around, hand him my cup before I request another for myself.
Deus stands close to me, sipping at his fee in a more delicate fashion than you’d expect from such a huge beast.
“Did Dylia like fee?”
“Nev no!” Deus splutters. “She couldn’t stand it.” He blinks at his drink, raises his head, and blinks at me.
I look away from him. It’s as if I want to crush my heart, but at the same time, why even kid myself that Deus can possibly have feelings for me?
And I can’t have feelings for him either. He kidnapped me. He’s held me prisoner here.
He saved me from the tree-osaurus.
I take my fee and sit down, staring straight ahead at the lights outside the cabin. Deus remains next to the food dispenser. He shuffles his feet awkwardly as he drinks and casts the occasional glance at me.
“Perhaps one of my fellow warlords might know about the rut,” he says eventually.
“If you go back, they’ll imprison you again,” I say. “After all, they were coming here for you.”
“They were coming for you,” Deus says. “I told Darax you were my captive and his mate was not pleased.”
“Kerra wouldn’t be.” I sigh, thinking about the text. “Wait!” I put down my cup and grab my bag, pulling it onto my lap.
Deus tenses.
“Don’t worry, I don’t have any weapons in here.” I glower at him.
“I wasn’t worried.” He squares his shoulders. “I can shift now.”
As if to prove the point, his tail appears, curling around his feet like a cat.
I pull out my comm.
“You’ve had that all this time.” Deus reaches for it and I hold it back from him.
“Of course I have. That’s how I told my friends I was okay.” I look down at it and back up at him. “I guess it didn’t work.”
Deus lets out a long stream of smoke, along with a couple of sparks.
“They’d have come anyway. I told them you were mine.” He wrinkles his nose up and does one of his big blinks. “I guess they didn’t believe me either.” He snorts.
I look down at my comm. There are a lot of messages.
“I’m not sure what to say. You can’t give yourself up voluntarily.”
“If I don’t, they will come again,” Deus rumbles. “And again. There will be no peace.”
I sigh, thinking of the quiet solitude outside of the cabin. Of what I felt in that moment before I ran. I don’t want Deus locked up, and I don’t want him to never be sure if he’ll be left alone again.
“I’ll vouch for you,” I say with a confidence I don’t feel. “I’ll tell them not to harm you or imprison you.”
“Forgive me, little ember,” Deus rumbles. “But what makes you think Sarkarnii warlords are going to listen to you?”
“Not me.” I grin at him. “But they’ll listen to their mates. And their mates are my best friends.”