35 ~ Longing Kiss
Chahat's POV.
I kept looking at the scar even after Kartik's fingers closed gently around my hand, stopping me from tracing it any further.
It was difficult not to wonder what kind of moment could have left such a brutal mark across his upper chest, especially when the rest of him carried himself with such effortless control.
He hadn't looked embarrassed, nor had he seemed as though he was trying to hide it from me. It simply felt like there was a part of his past he didn't want to touch again, and somehow I understood that without him having to say it.
Maybe it was connected to his mother. Maybe something else had happened when he was younger, something tragic enough to leave both a mark on his body and something much deeper behind his eyes. Whatever it was, I didn't want to force him to remember it.
So I let the question die between us, and eventually, with his hand still wrapped around mine, we settled down together.
I don't remember exactly when sleep took over. I only remembered waking the next morning with warmth surrounding me.
For a few seconds, I remained still, my eyes adjusting to the soft morning light, until I realized that I was lying in his arms.
His chest was against my back, one arm resting securely around my waist, his breathing slow and peaceful behind me. I stared at the wall ahead, and then everything came rushing back; the hospital, Samaira, the photograph, all the assumptions I had made, all the things I had believed about him.
Guilt settled heavily inside me.
I thought he was cheating on me. I thought I was justified in getting close to him because I believed I was simply playing my part, following the plan that had once seemed like my only way out.
I had convinced myself that every smile, every touch, every kiss was another step toward freedom but now I knew the truth.
And that was what made it hurt because somewhere along the way, none of it had remained a plan.
The time when I had kissed him, I could have blamed the deal. The closeness after that, I could have blamed the circumstances. But I couldn't lie to myself anymore.
I had wanted those moments. I had wanted his arms around me. I had wanted his attention. I had wanted the warmth of his hand in mine and the way he looked at me as though I was the only person in the room.
I didn't want to go near him now because every time I did, a small voice inside me reminded me of the person I had once been when I thought he was guilty.
But another, much louder part of me knew that I wasn't doing any of that anymore.
I wasn't following the deal. I wasn't trying to seduce him for my freedom. I wasn't plotting anything against him.
So why did I still feel guilty?
Perhaps because I had misunderstood the man who had been slowly showing me a side of himself I had never expected to see.
I felt him stir behind me.
Before I could move, his arm tightened around my waist, pulling me closer.
I gasped softly.
"Morning love," he murmured, his voice still rough with sleep.
I turned my head slightly, only to feel his lips brush against my neck.
"Let go, I need to shower. I have college."
"Five minutes." He buried his face against my neck, inhaling my scent before placing another gentle kiss there. My eyes closed despite myself, and for those few seconds, everything inside me went quiet.
And then the guilt returned.
It always returned whenever he came close.
I hated that.
I hated that something so beautiful could make me feel so undeserving.
I wanted to tell him.
I wanted to tell him everything his father had said to me, everything that had been demanded of me, everything I had once agreed to because I thought there was no other way out. But the moment I imagined Kartik hearing it, I imagined what it would do to his relationship with his father.
I knew how much he respected that man. I knew how much his family meant to him.
And yet...why should I carry something so wrong simply to protect someone else's relationship?
If his father ever spoke to me about it, if he ever pressured me again, I would tell him everything. I wasn't going to quietly accept something that was degrading and completely unacceptable just because he was Kartik's father.
But until then, I wouldn't bring it into the middle of what Kartik and I had built.
Because what we had now felt real.
I had not thought about the deal in days. I hadn't tried to manipulate him. I hadn't planned what I would say or how I would behave around him. I had simply been myself with him.
I felt his lips brush my neck again before he noticed my silence.
"What is it?"
I shook my head. "Nothing."
He was quiet for a moment.
I knew he didn't believe me but he didn't force me to speak.
That was one of the things about him that confused me the most.
He was everything I had once believed I would never want in a man. He was arrogant, controlling in his presence, intimidating, stubborn, and far too sure of himself. Yet he had never forced his beliefs onto me.
He had preferences, opinions, expectations even, but he had never demanded that I become someone else just to fit into his life.
He let me be me and somewhere along the way, that had become precious to me.
I turned around in his arms and buried my face against his chest, hugging him tightly.
For a moment, I didn't care about the past.
I didn't care about the deal.
I didn't care about the secrets waiting somewhere ahead of us.
I only held him as tightly as I could.
Because despite everything, I had become attached to this man in a way I had never expected.
And the terrifying part was that I didn't want to lose him.
.
.
.
I sat between Ina and Ishika during the lecture, my notebook open in front of me, but my mind kept wandering back to everything that had happened over the past few weeks.
The picture. Samaira. The way I had looked at Kartik and believed the worst without even giving him a chance to explain himself.
There had never been anything between them.
And somehow, I had spent days believing that my husband was capable of betraying me.
I swallowed hard and finally decided that if I kept carrying the guilt silently, it would only become heavier.
During the short break between lectures, I turned towards Ina and Ishika.
"Mujhe tum dono se kuch baat karni hai."
(I need to tell you two something.)
Both of them immediately looked at me.
"Kya hua?" Ishika asked.
(What happened?)
I lowered my voice. "Samaira ko lekar jo kuch bhi tha na... woh sab ek galatfehmi thi."
(Everything that happened regarding Samaira... it was all a misunderstanding.)
Ina's eyebrows lifted. "Matlab?"
(What do you mean?)
I looked down at my fingers for a moment before admitting everything. I told them how I had interpreted it, how I had thought Kartik was involved with Samaira, how I had allowed that misunderstanding to affect the way I behaved with him.
I told them how Samaira had drugged him. There had never been an affair.
And the worst part was that Kartik had been trying to protect his reputation from the beginning while I had been silently judging him for something he had never done.
When I finished, neither of them spoke for a few seconds.
Then Ishika sighed and placed her hand over mine.
"Ab to tumhe sab pata chal gaya hai na. To bhool jao wo sab."
(Now you know everything, don't you? So forget all that.)
"Mujhe pata hai, par..."
("I know, but...")
"Nahi." She shook her head. "Tumse galti hui thi. Tumne jo dekha, uska galat matlab nikaal liya. Ab jab sach tumhare saamne hai, toh usi baat ko pakad ke mat baitho."
(No. You just made one mistake. You misunderstood what you saw. Now that you know the truth, don't keep holding on to it.)
Ina nodded.
"Exactly. Aur apni shaadi ko bhi is sabse affect mat hone do. Agar Kartik ne sab bhula diya hai, toh tumhe bhi bhool jaana chahiye."
(Exactly. And don't let all of this affect your marriage either. If Kartik has moved past it, you should too.)
I looked at them quietly.
It sounded simple when they said it.
Maybe it really was.
I nodded. "Main koshish karungi."
(I'll try.)
And perhaps that was what I needed to hear.
Because somewhere along the way, I had stopped looking at Kartik through the lens of suspicion and started seeing him as my husband.
Not the man I had been forced to marry.
Not the man I had once thought I needed to escape from.
I pushed those thoughts aside when the professor entered the classroom.
The rest of the day passed in lectures, notes, assignments and an alarming reminder that my exams were approaching much faster than I wanted them to.
By the time I finished copying the last few points from the board, I was already exhausted.
I stared at the pages of my notebook. There was so much to study.
With everything that had happened, the wedding, the mess with Samaira, my misunderstanding of Kartik, the emotional chaos that had followed. I had completely pushed my studies into the background.
I had barely revised anything properly.
"Great," I muttered under my breath. "I'm doomed."
Ina laughed beside me.
"Ab yaad aa raha hai ki exams bhi hain?"
(Now you're remembering that you have exams too?)
I sighed.
By the time I reached home, my head was already filled with chapters, formulas, unfinished notes and the growing panic of a student who had successfully ignored her syllabus until it became a mountain.
I stepped into the mansion expecting to find some peace.
Instead, I found Dadi looking unusually restless.
She was standing near the hallway, speaking to one of the servants.
"Achhe se dekha? Kahin aur toh nahi rakh diya?"
(Did you check properly? Maybe it was kept somewhere else?)
"Ji, Maine poora storeroom dekh liya, par mil nahi raha."
(Yes, I checked the entire storeroom, but I can't find it.)
Dadi frowned.
"Mujhe woh box abhi chahiye. Bahut zaroori hai."
(I need the box right now. It's very important.)
The servant looked helpless.
"Main ek baar phir se dekh leta hoon."